Chapter Fourteen #2
For some reason, it makes me feel better that he realizes that.
He could have said this was all fake, and so it shouldn’t have had an impact like that on me.
But he understands that even though it’s not real, I still have feelings for him.
I’m human, and because we’ve kissed and we’re in this strange No Man’s Land between having a relationship and not having a relationship, Sabrina’s actions have affected me.
Me: Thank you
Him: You know I’d never knowingly hurt you
Me: I know
Him: Good I’m glad you realize that
Me: What are you going to do? About Sabrina, I mean?
Him: There’s nothing I can do except ignore her and deny any accusations she makes
Me: It’ll be a scandal, though
Him: Yeah
Me: Do you think she’ll still tell the press even though we didn’t announce the engagement tonight?
Him: I don’t know. I suspect not. I think she only did it to stop us announcing, and it had the desired effect, so…
I unscrew the lid from my bottle of water, have a few mouthfuls, and replace the lid. I sit there for a moment in the semi-darkness, thinking about what he said.
Thirty seconds later, the phone buzzes again.
Him: You okay?
Me: Yeah, just thinking
Him: She’s not pregnant. And if she is, it’s not mine
Me: You can’t be sure of that
Him: I am sure. The condoms were mine, and new. I never used an oil-based lubricant. And the sex wasn’t energetic enough to break any of them
I bite my lip to stop myself smiling. It’s not a smiling matter.
Him: The breakage rate is 1-3%
Me: 1-3% means it happens to someone
Him: I get that. But I suspect it covers those people who don’t use it properly and don’t admit it. I know how to use a condom
I glare at my phone.
Me: I’m sure you do
Him: Ouch
I blow out a breath.
He’s quiet for a while, and then a long message comes through.
Him: I’m just saying, I know it didn’t break.
Look, I have several colleagues who are trying to get pregnant, and it’s not as easy as it seems. Technically yeah, of course it could happen anytime you have sex, and it can happen the first time.
But it’s extremely unlikely while wearing a condom and using it right, with no breaks, no slippage etc.
If there was any obvious issue we’d have discussed using the morning after pill.
I’m convinced I couldn’t have made her pregnant. I was very, very careful about it.
The message is carefully typed and punctuated. He’s trying hard.
Tears prick my eyes. I want to believe him.
But am I just being na?ve? He’s trying to convince me, and himself probably, that he couldn’t possibly have done it, but when you have sex, whether or not you use a condom or any other form of protection, if a man comes inside you, there is a risk of pregnancy.
Him: I don’t want to lose you over this
I frown at the phone.
Me: You mean lose the job at the Foundation?
Him: No. I mean lose you
Me: You mean lose my friendship?
There’s a pause, and I imagine him looking out of the window, thinking.
Him: That as well
Me: I don’t know what that means
Him: Me neither
Jesus, this is painful. Why can’t men just say what’s in their hearts?
Him: All I know is that I’ve really enjoyed seeing you over the past couple of weeks. And I’m gutted about what happened tonight.
I think he has feelings for me. But he has no idea what to do with them.
If that’s the case, I’m sure he’s genuinely really upset and frustrated about what Sabrina’s done.
No guy wants an unplanned pregnancy forced on them at the best of times, and certainly not accompanied by the intent to blackmail.
It’s pointless to go into it now. I’ve had too much to drink, and I’m sure he has too, as he and Orson were drinking whisky all the time I was there.
That makes me wonder what happened at the club tonight.
Me: Did Orson and Scarlett announce their engagement?
Him: No. Scarlett said to postpone and Orson agreed. She didn’t want to do it without you
Me: Oh no I feel bad about that
Him: It wasn’t your fault at all
I run a hand over my face.
Me: All right, don’t worry about it. We’ll talk about it tomorrow, maybe
Him: Are you okay?
Me: Yeah, just tired and a bit tipsy
Him: Me too. You looked so good in that dress tonight
My lips curve up.
Me: Well thank you
Him: I mean it. You were the most beautiful woman there. The bell of the ball
Me: I think it’s belle
Him: I dunno, you looked very a-peal-ing
That makes me laugh.
Me: That’s very sweet
Him: Oh, I’m not thinking sweet thoughts, believe me
My heart skips a beat.
Me: What do you mean?
Him: Aaaaah, I probably shouldn’t have said that. Blame the alcohol
Me: No, come on, what did you mean?
Him: You know what I mean. You looked super hot
My face flushes, and I slide down the pillows a little, pulling my PJ top up to my nose. I feel a tad pathetic at being thrilled, but I can’t help it. He’s a gorgeous, young, wealthy guy. It’s Kingi Davis. I’ve been in love with him since I was six. And he’s saying he finds me attractive.
Me: You really think so?
Him: I do. You have amazing boobs
I giggle.
Me: I’m not sending you a pic of them, if that’s what you’re asking. That’s not in the contract
Him: I should have put a clause in
Me: Compulsory boob shots
Him: I would have if I thought you’d have signed it
Me: Hehe
Him: I’d offer to respond but I’m guessing the last thing you want is an unsolicited dick pic
My heart skips a beat at the thought of seeing Kingi in all his glory.
Me: OMG!
Him: You only have to ask
Me: OMG!!
Him: LOL
Me: I feel a bit faint
Him: Want some mouth to mouth?
Me: OMG!!!
Him: Hehe
Me: You’re such a terrible flirt
Him: You started it
Me: Are you sure about that?
Him: Hmm, no, LOL
I chuckle. I like him flirting. Tucked here in bed, under the duvet, nice and warm, I feel safe and secure and… loved? Is that too strong a term? Maybe not. He does make me feel loved, as a friend.
Him: Can I ask you a question?
Me: Of course
I wait for him to ask something about our next public engagement together.
Him: What color are your nipples?
Shocked, I give a short laugh.
Me: Kingi!
Him: What?
Me: Jeez
Him: I’m curious
Me: I’m sure you are
Him: So? What’s the answer?
I feel a surge of naughtiness, born no doubt out of the champagne and wine.
Me: They’re very, very light pink
Him: Fuuuuuck
Me: Does that meet with your approval?
Him: Now I have a hard on
I inhale, my heart banging. Kingi Davis with an erection…
over me… oh my God. This conversation has taken a distinct turn.
I should bring it to an end right now, before it degenerates into something I regret in the morning.
I’m not blind drunk, but I know I’m tipsy enough to erase some of the concerns that I’d otherwise be having right now.
Oh, fuck it. Tamati wasn’t a great texter, and it’s nice to message someone who has good spelling and grammar, and is sexy and has a sense of humor. What a great combination.