Chapter 2
MADDOX
Iclenched my teeth when Frank walked out with Eve.
Steve grinned triumphantly at me, which irritated me more.
"Why are you so hell-bent on being in her Christmas parade?" I growled, wishing I could wipe that grin off his face.
Eve Palmer had waltzed into the firehouse in a red dress and stilettos with baked goods.
No man could resist her. But I was annoyed that Steve had gotten to her first. He was single and easygoing.
He didn't have any baggage or a deceased spouse in his background.
He'd be the ideal choice for a woman like her.
Steve sighed. "I'm not sure why you're against it.
As the future chief, you know how important community interaction is for the department.
The more we can connect with people, the easier our message gets through.
If one person remembers to change out their alarm batteries, purchases a fire extinguisher for their kitchen, or a fire ladder for their bedroom, then we've done our job. "
Everything Steve was saying was reasonable. But I couldn't get the image of his hand on Eve's lower back out of my head. I was positive every firefighter was wondering if she was single.
I was still grieving my wife's death and trying to survive fatherhood as a single parent. It wasn't easy, and I didn't want or need a date to the holiday party. "Why did he insist she go as my date?"
Steve stood up and leaned a hip against the heavy wood desk. "We understand why you're grumpy, but you can't be like that with other people. If you want to be the chief, you need to be affable."
I growled at his suggestion. I didn't want to be affable. I just wanted to be left alone. Why couldn't I hole myself up in this office and bury myself in paperwork?
"You're the best man for the job, or at least you were before Marla died.
Everyone understands that you're grieving, but if you want the job, you have to act the part.
The public needs to feel comfortable approaching the chief and asking for things.
Otherwise, why are we here?" He threw up his hands.
"But why a date specifically? No one expects me to have moved on yet."
Steve looked at me with sympathy in his eyes. "It's been two years."
I wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean.
He looked away from me. "I think Frank likes Eve, and what's not to like? She's beautiful—"
"You shouldn't be flirting with people in the community."
"I was being nice? What you're supposed to be? We welcome people to the firehouse, not scare them off." Steve shook his head and walked out, leaving me alone.
He was correct about my demeanor. I couldn't bring myself to be nice at the moment.
Not when everything felt so difficult; getting Sofia out the door in the morning for school was like climbing a mountain in thin air.
I felt like I'd never get to the top. Then I had to do the whole thing over again the next day.
I was merely surviving, and that wasn't good enough. But I wasn't ready for anything else.
Franked walked in. "Good. You're still here."
I wasn't sure I wanted to stick around for a lecture, but Frank stood in the door, blocking my exit. "This will be good for you."
"I don't see how." I was desperate to get out of the holiday party. I wanted to stay home and watch princess movies. That was how badly I didn't want to interact with the guys in the department or anyone else for that matter. Why couldn't I just hide out at home forever?
Frank stepped inside and closed the door. "Have a seat."
I sat down, waiting for the well-meaning lecture which was sure to come.
Frank stood at his desk with his hands in his pockets. "I'm sorry about Marla. It sucks that she died so young, leaving you to raise Sofia alone. But I'm wondering if you've given yourself permission to feel better."
My brows furrowed. "I don't understand."
"It's like you're punishing yourself. You have to be miserable or you're not honoring her."
I shook my head. "I don't think that's what I'm doing."
Frank sat with a sigh. "I'm sure you don't know either. But I want you to talk to someone."
As soon as I opened my mouth, he held up his hand. "It's not a request. If you want to stay on active duty, you'll talk to a therapist. I'll send you a referral."
"Are you saying you'll fire me?" I asked, incredulous that it had come to this.
"I'm saying I'll put you on leave if you don't do something about your mental health. You're jeopardizing your relationship with the other guys and your promotion."
The pressure on my chest intensified.
"This isn't a punishment. I'm trying to help you." He typed something on his keyboard.
"Is Eve being my date the punishment then?" I couldn't help but ask.
Frank's entire demeanor softened. She'd charmed him somehow. "I like Eve, and I think she'll be good for you and Sofia."
"How can you possibly know that?" I bit out.
"I can sense things about people. It's what makes me a good fire chief. And I want you to have this job when I retire. But the way you are now, it's not going to happen."
"I'll do better."
His gaze moved from his screen to me. "Words are meaningless unless something changes."
"I understand that." But I didn't. Being grumpy kept the guys from talking to me or asking me to hang out with them. I could be by myself, which was what I wanted. It was just me and Sofia from now on. I had to get used to it.
He folded his hands on the desk. "We're here for you. I just wished you'd understand that and accept our help."
I swallowed down my usual refrain that I was fine and nodded. "Thanks, Frank."
He nodded too. "I'll text you the name of a therapist that's helped a few other men who've been in traumatic situations before. And before you tell me that you haven't been in a traumatic situation, watching your wife die was hard."
I nodded again, over the lump in my throat, because it was the worst thing I'd ever been through.
He gentled his voice. "I believe in you. I know you can come out of this stronger."
No one understood that there wasn't anything to come out of. My wife was gone, and it felt like the future we planned was too. What was there to feel good about? Sofia didn't have a mother, and the person who I thought would be by my side forever was gone.
"You be nice to Eve. I don't want to hear that you were a jerk to her."
I cleared my throat. "You can count on me."
"I know I can. You're going to come out of this. I'm rooting for you. Hell, all the guys are."
Rooting for what? Me to move on with another woman? Me to be happy again? It seemed impossible.
Success was taking care of Sofia and filling her mother's shoes, even if it was impossible. I wanted her to feel loved. Thank God, I had my family around. I wouldn't know what I'd do without them. "I have dinner tonight with my family."
Frank smiled, pleased. "Good. Tell Sofia I said hi."
"Will do." I got up and left Frank's office, wondering if it would ever be mine. Did I even want the job anymore? Wouldn't it be easier to fade into the background, taking care of Sofia but just surviving otherwise?
I gathered my things and headed home. My parents and siblings took turns watching Sofia for my twenty-four-hour shifts. Without them, I probably would have had to find a different job, one that was a typical nine-to-five. I would have hated that even more.
I drove to Mom and Dad's house where Sofia went after school today. As soon as I opened the door to their house, Sofia came running. "Daddy!"
I caught her in my arms, holding her close.
I knew she was worried that something would happen to me too.
A firefighter's job was dangerous, and she was aware that I might not come home.
That was another reason to get the chief position.
I'd be at a desk all day instead of fighting fires.
She was the reason I was working so hard for the promotion.
And I'd endure a holiday party, a therapist, and a date with a gorgeous, pushy woman to get it.
I breathed in her scent, strawberries and graham crackers, most likely her afternoon snack, as Mom came into the foyer. "She missed you."
"It's a long twenty-four hours," I said as I set her down, ruffling her hair. It was hard for her losing her mother and then me being gone. At least as fire chief, my hours would be during the day, and I wouldn't be gone overnight. I'd still be on call, but it wouldn't be as bad as it was now.
"Sofia, help me with the carrots," Dad called from the kitchen.
Sofia's eyes lit up. "Can I cut them?"
"You sure can," Dad said.
When she ran into the kitchen, Mom asked, "How are you doing?"
"Frank wants me to talk to someone. He thinks I'm too grumpy, and it might hurt my chances of getting the promotion."
"I know how much you want that promotion. The hours are better for you and Sofia."
"I don't think I need to talk to anyone."
"I don't see how it could hurt. Sofia has a therapist, and you're always saying what a lifesaver she is."
I sighed, because I had said that. "I don't think I need help. I'm an adult. I should be able to process Marla's absence and move on."
"Everyone needs help sometimes."
I blinked away the sting in my eyes at that suggestion. "Frank wants me to have a date to the holiday party too. The owner of Christmas Town wants us to drive our trucks in the Christmas parade."
Mom nodded. "The Palmer girls. Which one was it?"
The one who looked hot in a red dress. "Eve."
"The younger one. They came home because their parents died. She might know a thing or two about grief."
Frank had mentioned there was an accident, but I didn't remember that. "Maybe."
"I've heard that they've taken over the town. Everyone is happy it wasn't closed down."
"I don't know anything about it."
Mom patted my shoulder. "I have a feeling you will."
How awkward would it be to be on a date with a woman I didn't know and my daughter?
"You're doing it for work. I'm sure Sofia will understand."