Chapter 10
MADDOX
"Sorry I got carried away." I'd suggested we practice kissing, but I hadn't expected her to agree so quickly.
When she'd stood between my legs, the blood had drained from my head, and I wasn't thinking logically. That was the only explanation I had for touching the back of her legs, prodding her to straddle my lap.
I lost all sense of reality. I hadn't been with a woman in a long time, and I'd forgotten that this was supposed to be pretend. I shouldn't be hot for my pretend girlfriend.
I thought I could handle this. That the arrangement would help me get promoted. But what if it turned into something more? Was I ready for that?
She smoothed her hands over her leggings as if she were brushing fuzzies off them. "That's a good thing, right? People will believe this is real, that we're attracted to each other."
I looked away from her, my throat tight. "I am attracted to you. But acting on it isn't a good idea."
"Right. Of course." Her words were stilted as she looked around for her phone. "It's late. I should probably get going."
I stood, my blood still pumping hard. It was better that she leave now before I did something I'd regret later. This arrangement was supposed to satisfy Frank and the town council's concerns about my ability to do my job. I wasn't supposed to get involved with her for real.
Sofia probably wasn't ready for me to date again. At least that's what I kept telling myself.
It was easier to repeat that mantra than to sit down and consider what I wanted. There were too many societal pressures and rules about dating after the death of a spouse. It felt like a danger zone.
"Thanks for coming over." Thanks for straddling my lap and kissing me. For letting me forget that I was a widower or even a single dad. It felt good. But I couldn't tell her any of that. It wouldn't be wise.
Eve nodded, her professional mask on. "Of course.”
I opened the door for her.
She turned to face me. "You know, I'm happy to help you and Sofia. I like you."
I couldn't do much more than incline my head in response because the words were bottled up in my throat.
She stepped outside into the cold, and I waited for her to get inside her car and turn on the engine. Only after she backed out did I close the door and let out the breath I'd been holding. I ran a hand through my hair and headed back to the room to clean up our mugs.
That was close. Too close.
I'd almost lost my head entirely. I had been a few seconds away from pressing her back onto the couch cushions and having my way with her.
There was no question I wanted Eve. It made sense. I hadn't been with a woman in a long time. I hadn't bothered to date after Marla died. First, I was mired in grief, then weighed down by the pressure of being a single parent.
I'd never felt ready or met anyone that would make me reconsider my position. Then there was everyone else's opinions on the right time to move on after a spouse died. It was enough to drive me crazy.
I didn't want to do anything to hurt Sofia or tarnish the memory of her mother. I wanted to be respectful of the situation.
But it felt good to let go, even for a few seconds.
When I invited Eve over here, I wanted to see her. but I hadn't planned to kiss her. The idea popped into my head when we were discussing logistics.
If we were going to pretend to be dating, then people would expect us to kiss. It was better to tackle it in the privacy of my home than on the sidewalks of Christmas Town.
I just hadn't expected it to be so hot or that I would lose control so quickly. Maybe I'd neglected my needs for too long.
Could I give into my desires and not screw everything up? My dick was running the show at the moment, and I couldn't be sure that was wise.
I rinsed the mugs in the sink, leaving them for the next day. Then I headed to bed. Once I'd brushed my teeth and got under the covers, I pulled out my phone.
Maddox: Let me know when you're home okay.
My eyes got heavy while I waited. I didn't want her to get into an accident from coming over to my house late at night. It was reckless to ask her to do that for me. But I couldn't feel guilty about that kiss.
A few minutes later, she responded.
Eve: I'm home.
Maddox: Thanks for tonight.
For that kiss and for agreeing to be my fake girl for the foreseeable future. Was that something that you thanked someone for?
Eve: You're a good man. You deserve that promotion.
I was overwhelmed by her praise. Right now, I didn't feel like a good man. I felt like someone who was taking advantage of a nice girl who wanted to help. She probably pitied me because I was a widower and a single dad.
But I hadn’t felt pity emanating off her when she was straddling my lap.
Maddox: I want to be that guy.
Eve: You already are.
I dropped the phone on the spare pillow, my eyes drifting shut. I felt warm and content. I liked having her in my life, and I was relieved that we'd come up with a way to keep her there for a little while longer.
I didn't know what I wanted when it came to relationships, but like Frank said, she made me less grumpy. A few months ago, I wouldn't have thought that was possible.
But Eve had given me hope. Maybe I could come out of this grief and live a little. Maybe life wasn't so bad after all.
Over the next week, I attempted to be less grumpy. I listened to the guys' concerns without dismissing them. I was more patient when I interacted with anyone in the community.
In my free time, I answered Eve's questions about the fire department's participation in the parade, promising to wear the big guy's suit on one of the fire trucks.
Eve wanted us to be in position early in the parade in case there was a call. We did our best to fulfill our commitments, but we couldn't predict if we'd be needed for a call.
I scheduled more people to be on call during that time, but we still needed the trucks to do our job. I hoped for Eve's sake that the morning was quiet.
The holidays were always a little rough for Sofia and me. I had a hard time enjoying the day because thoughts of what Sofia had lost were never far from my mind.
On Thanksgiving morning, I worked with several guys from the department at a local mission, preparing food and serving it. Sofia wasn't old enough yet to volunteer, so she spent the morning with my parents. The plan was that I'd be home in time for dinner.
Eve mentioned that she and her sister served a meal at the inn at lunchtime. I wondered what her plans were for Thanksgiving dinner.
The Palmer women suffered a more recent loss, and it was their first Thanksgiving without their parents. I was positive Eve was feeling a swirl of emotions that she wasn't ready to discuss.
I wasn't going to press her on Thanksgiving though. It had to be a tough day for her. I hadn't heard much from her in the morning since she was busy at the inn.
We were serving a late lunch at the mission when I saw Eve standing at the end of the counter, balancing a few small bakery boxes.
I motioned for my coworker Nathan to take my spot, then moved over to her. "What are you doing here?"
Eve lifted the boxes. "We had pies left over. Would you be able to serve these?"
"Of course. We can offer them at the dessert counter." We worked together to put slices on plates.
"How was lunch at the inn?" I asked her when the counter was filled with pie plates.
Eve leaned a hip against the counter, watching the families move down the line, choosing their food. "It was good. Some people don't have anyone to share the day with, you know?"
"Did you want to come by my family's place for dinner? That's where I'm headed after I'm done here."
"I promised Natasha I'd spend the day with her. I thought we'd do our own thing, but then the Sterlings invited her over. She dated Ford back in high school, so she's close with them still." She shrugged, falling silent.
I replenished the pies as everyone reached for a slice. "I'm glad you'll be spending it with your sister."
"Natasha thought it would be easier if we spent the day with the Sterlings. I don't think she could handle being alone today, and I want to do whatever's easiest for her."
I looked over at her. "What about what you want?"
She pursed her lips. "I think it would be better to make new traditions. It would keep my mind off everything we're missing."
"Why don't you stop by my parents after the Sterlings for dessert? We'll be there for a while, playing games and eating leftovers."
She let out a breath. "You know, that would be nice. I'll text you when I'm on my way."
A warmth spread through my chest, and it had nothing to do with the ovens we'd used to reheat the food.
Eve took a step back. "I should get going. I told Natasha I'd be over as soon as I dropped off the desserts."
I smiled at her, the action feeling a little rusty. "Thanks for bringing the pies."
She looked around, probably noting the other firefighters who were present. Then she moved closer to me. "Should I give you a proper goodbye? You know, because we're supposed to be dating now?"
I lowered my voice, enjoying her standing so close. "Maybe just a quick peck. We are serving food in a kitchen, after all."
Her lips twitched, but she went up on tiptoes and kissed me.
I didn't reach out to touch her. I was afraid that I'd lose control, even in this kitchen with people surrounding us.
It was a quick peck before she was flat on her feet again and moving away with a wave. "See you later."
I winked at her, ignoring the guys who were singing some song from childhood about kissing in a tree.
I was used to the constant ribbing, but it hadn't been directed at me in a while.
It was worth it to get the promotion I wanted.
If the lines had been blurred last night, it was my fault.
I needed to keep a cool head and stay focused on the goal and not on the gorgeous woman who served meals on Thanksgiving and dropped off pies to missions.