Chapter 37
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
Mina
The air stirs in the dead of night with the prickling of awareness that I’m not alone.
It can’t be Mom or Dad creeping down the hall when I can hear them both snoring. They’ve barely spoken to me since I begged them to let me move back in a week ago, promising that I’ve cut all ties with Leo and that they were right about everything.
The quiet shifts, and a scent drifts over me that causes a familiar ache to rise in my chest. I could pick out his smell anywhere. The in-between state of consciousness doesn’t make it hurt any less. He’s featured in every single one of my dreams in the rare moments that sleep manages to find me.
“Mina.”
I jerk awake, and my eyes snap open, blinking against the darkness. The sudden flash of light pierces my brain all the way to the back of my skull. A large figure hovers near the end of the bed, and I scramble for my glasses, shoving them on and moving to the opposite end of the bed.
It takes several blinks to get my vision to focus, and when it does, my breath leaves me in a rush.
Leo.
Then the panic sets in. He shouldn’t be here. Mom will kick me out if she discovers he was here—and my blackmailer will ruin both of our lives.
Memories of Leo have been haunting me ever since I tore both of our hearts out.
I’ve been punishing myself by watching his games and keeping a close eye on his social media.
And the guilt tastes like acid seeing him stand in front of me with bags under his eyes and his disheveled hair standing at odd angles.
It’s my fault he looks like that. He’s been in a fight almost every game this week because of what I did—up until his team lost the season.
It doesn’t change the fact that he’s risking both of our lives by being here.
“What is this?”
I flinch when he throws a pile of paperwork at my feet. I don’t need to look at it to know it’s the university applications I’ve completed—none of which are in this state.
My gaze shifts to the empty space between us. I can’t look at him. We’ve been through all of this already; there’s no point rehashing the heartbreak when we’ll end up in the same place.
“Leo—” I choke at the wave of tears. “You can’t be here.” There’s no point questioning how he got in, or why he’s broken into my parents’ house.
“You were planning on leaving me?” The raw betrayal in his voice guts me.
Staying here means living with my parents, being reminded of Leo, and avoiding Joyce, who I’ve been ignoring since I suddenly upped and moved out.
Not to mention the career I’ve given up.
Putting thousands of miles between me and the person blackmailing me won’t fix things, but maybe this way I’ll at least have a fighting chance of surviving this.
“I-I already broke up with you.” I’ve already left you, Leo. Please don’t make me say it all again. “I can—”
“I don’t accept.”
My eyes snap up to see the hurt in his. I can taste his fury in the back of my throat, and I wish I was never stupid enough to look at him. “Leo—”
“Tell me why you did it,” he demands. “Look me in the eyes and tell me it’s because you don’t want this. That you feel nothing for me. That this was all a passing phase for you.”
I shake my head, glasses fogging up from the tears. “Please.”
“Tell me.”
“I-I don’t want this.” The words feel like razors tearing through my throat.
“You don’t even sound convincing,” he scoffs. His anger still lingers, but behind it is something soft and vulnerable. “So it has nothing to do with this?”
Leo comes around the bed to my side, unlocking a phone as he does. He thrusts the device out for me to see the screen loaded on the message threads between me and my blackmailer.
My stomach twists at the reminder. I haven’t heard from him today, and yesterday he made me change the bank account to his for one of the distribution companies that I receive my royalties from.
Last night, he left me a text saying his next set of demands would be coming, but I haven’t heard from him since. I have no doubt he’ll be back soon, wanting something else.
Nausea has me curling my arms around myself. I’m not sure whether it’s from shame, hurt, or exhaustion.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, dropping my gaze.
In my periphery, he kneels beside the bed and cups my cheek. He pulls me closer to rest my forehead against his. That’s what breaks me.
The dam opens, and the tears pour in a never-ending stream. Sobs rack my frame as I clutch onto his hoodie. I take my glasses off and bury my head into the crook of his shoulder to muffle the sounds, but it feels like I’m suffocating under the weight of the world.
It’s too much. I’ll never escape, no matter what I do.
I’ll have to live knowing I’ve let everyone down.
I don’t know how much longer I can keep living like this and running from someone who will always be right in front of me as a constant reminder that whatever I build, however far I get, he can make everything crumble.
Leo pulls me into his arms and sets me on his lap, so I’m practically straddling him. The comforting circles he rubs over my back do nothing to calm the tears because once I stop crying, he’s going to leave, and I’m going to be left dealing with all of this by myself.
I’m not sure how long I sit on him, crying into his shoulder, saturating his shirt with my tears. This is the first and last time I’ll be able to do this, and that knowledge kills me.
My sobs finally dull into sniffles, and he cups my nape, so I look up at him. “Don’t think for a second that I’m upset at you for trying to protect me. We’re a team, alright? We handle things together.”
Does he realize how badly I want that? With him? He doesn’t understand the severity of the shit we’re in.
“He— I put a tracker on your car, Leo. You saw those texts from him. He has what he needs to send you to prison.” My voice cracks, but I push forward.
“It also means he’ll be able to see that you’re here with me, and that I’ve gone back on my word that I wouldn’t see you, so he’s going to send the email—”
“He’s been arrested.” He cuts my panic off.
“What?”
No, that— No, he can’t be. He texted me last night asking for more money.
Leo pushes aside the hair sticking to my wet face. “His name is Jeremy Holstead. The police charged him earlier today and found evidence that he’s been blackmailing his victims.”
I search his eyes for the lie or deception, but find nothing there. “So it’s over?”
This would mean . . . I’m free. I won’t have to move across the country, or end things with Leo, or quit being a writer.
A voice at the back of my head pulls back enough to make me think logically. “Are you sure it was him?”
There’s a note of unease on his face that squashes my hope. “It’s a risk I’m willing to take.”
I suck in a sharp breath, sitting straighter.
That’s not good enough. “He could destroy both of us with the evidence he has, Leo. He’s hacked into my computer and gained access to all of my accounts.
There’s no way to know for certain if he has evidence of where you were that night, but I couldn’t live with myself knowing something happened to you because of me. ”
His forehead wrinkles as he studies me, running his hand up and down my thigh. “Do you want this? Do you want to make this work?”
The tears start up again. “What I want doesn’t matter.”
“It always matters.”
“Not with this, it doesn’t.” He needs to stop reminding me how powerless I am.
“How many people will you let dictate your life? Him, your mother—”
“You,” I add for him. “You keep pushing me to do things.”
“Someone has to convince you that you’re allowed to do the things you want.” He says it so seriously, I could almost delude myself into thinking he’s right. “So I’m asking you again: do you want this?”
“Yes, more than anything. But—”
“No buts,” he stops me. “My question was a simple yes or no, with no caveats or exceptions. The man who did that to you is likely going to prison. You’re at an all-time high in your career.
You have the power to free yourself from your family.
I want this with you, Mina. I’ve wanted it with you since the moment you first messaged me. ”
“What if the police have the wrong guy?” I’m not trying to make excuses. I worry Leo doesn’t understand the severity of the repercussions if he ends up being wrong about the police catching the guy who’s doing this.
His hand finds mine, and he threads our fingers together. “We take it as it comes. Together.”
I stare at where we’re linked. He means what he says—I believe this to be true, with every fiber of my being.
Is it wrong of me to want to fall into the illusion of safety with someone who seems so infallible in my eyes? To give myself a real chance at happiness and live without anyone to hold me back? To want stability with him and to not be so alone? To be able to finally catch my fucking breath?
Does it make me selfish?
Even as I think the last question, I can’t fool myself into believing that I care about what’s right and wrong when I’ve been skating between both lines for months.
If he means it, if he truly swears it, that we’ll take it as it comes, and any risk we’ll deal with together . . . Then I want him.
I want to be free.
“Okay.”
Leo’s hand curves around the base of my spine to tug me closer to him, and I don’t think twice; I press my lips to his because I have been dying to feel them again. He doesn’t hesitate. His mouth moves against mine, slow, reverent, gentle, like he’s afraid I might break.
A whimper threatens to break past my lips when he pulls away to say, “I have to go to Chicago tomorrow to film a commercial for one of my sponsors. Come with me.”
The foreboding sense of dread comes back at the reminder that this isn’t a make-believe world where my problems will vanish with a couple of words and true love’s kiss.
Even though half of my things are still in the apartment I shared with Joyce, I’m living with my parents.
I still have to see Mom’s scathing glances and listen to her snide comments.
But I won’t be subjected to either of those things if I’m not here. Like Leo said, we face things together now. Except . . .
“I have an interview for a virtual administration position.” I frown at myself. Why am I still holding back?
“Is that what you want? To quit writing and go back to school?”
I have to think about my answer because even though my latest release is going well, my blackmailer’s claws are still in me. It could all be ripped from me with a press of a button.
Still . . .
“No.” Not even slightly.
“Then don’t.”
“But—”
“Mina. You never have to work again for a single day in your life if you don’t want to. If you want to write, I’ll support you. If you want to study, then I’ll be right there. If you’re looking for permission to do what makes you happy, this is it.”
A lump lodges in my throat, and I swallow it down. I know he’s right, and I know what I need to do to get what I want—and that’s freedom.
“Okay,” I say once more. “I’ll come with you.”
The universe’s wrath can hold off for another day. For now, it’s just me, Leo, and the promise I won’t sink alone.
“I’ve requested to be traded.” A vein in Leo’s forehead throbs. “I can’t fucking be here around Jack anymore.”
“I’ll come with you—move, I mean. I’ll move with you.”
His hazel eyes brighten beneath the low light. “Yeah?”
Yeah. I’m certain.
“I can’t very well stalk you if I’m in another city. That’d be too expensive for me.” My voice is cracked and croaked, but it doesn’t stop the edges of both our mouths from tipping up.
“Likewise.” His thumb skates over my cheeks, wiping away the evidence of my tears. “I much prefer watching you in real life than through the cameras.”
“If we move in together—”
“When,” he corrects.
I start again, grinning softly as I play with his fingers and measure the size of his hand against mine. “When we move in together, will you still have cameras up everywhere?”
“Obviously.”
“In our bedroom?”
His muscles start to unwind with every word, and I find myself melting into his touch. “That’s where I’ll have the most.”
“For security reasons?”
“For security reasons,” he confirms.
“But none in the bathroom.”
He tips his head, considering. “I could be convinced. You’d have to send pictures before getting into the shower.”
“Even if you’re there?”
“Then I can hold the camera.”
I smile softly to myself and ease my head to settle against his chest. I trace the seam of his hoodie and force myself to keep my eyes open and not succumb to the comfort his touch brings.
“Thank you,” I whisper. “For coming back for me.”
“I told you, nothing you do will ever make me leave you.”
I hold up my hand. “Pinky promise?”
He hooks his finger around mine. “Pinky promise.”