24. Hayden
Maddox’s tears were a knife to the heart. This strong, brave man finally breaking under the pressure he’d been under for over a decade. I moved then; I couldn’t help it. I climbed onto his lap and wrapped myself around him.
His shoulders shook as he let himself fall apart. Just for a moment. But I didn’t let go, even as Maddox struggled to pull himself together.
His face was pressed to the crook of my neck. “Her parents blamed me. It’s why I ended up leaving my horde.”
I stiffened, my hold on him tightening. I understood that Niecy’s parents must’ve been in the throes of terrible grief, but to place fault on Maddox, who had done nothing wrong? “It was their grief talking. They weren’t in their right minds.”
“It wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t been so hell-bent on going to college.”
I pulled back, framing Maddox’s face in my hands. “And that makes you a monster? Wanting to learn? Then I’m a monster, too. Lock me up and stone me.”
Maddox glowered. “Don’t talk like that.”
“Then don’t you talk about yourself like that either.”
His hand lifted, fingers tracing the side of my face. “I’m going to hurt you. I already have.”
I steeled myself, staring into those amber eyes that had hypnotized me from the first moment I’d seen them. “Yes. And I’ll hurt you. What matters is that we do our best to make it right when it happens.”
Maddox shook his head, black hair moving in artful disarray. “It’s more, and you know it.”
I gripped his face harder, forcing his gaze to mine. “You want to know what hurts the most?”
He stared at me for a long moment. “Yes.” The word was barely audible. As if he was terrified to know the answer yet needed it just the same.
“You hiding yourself from me. Not letting me in. I’m not saying that I have a right to all your secrets, but I want to know you, Mad. Please.”
Under normal circumstances, I would’ve been embarrassed at my pleading tone. But I was past that. I needed to break down these walls between us, and if begging was what it took, then I’d get down on my knees.
Maddox searched my face, looking for something. “I don’t know if I can. It’s been a long time since I’ve let a partner in. I don’t know if I’m equipped.”
Because if he didn’t let his partners truly mean something to him, then they couldn’t be a weakness.
My thumbs swept back and forth across his cheeks. “You already are. You did it tonight.”
Fear struck through those amber eyes.
“Don’t,” I whispered. “Don’t run from me.”
A battle played out across Maddox’s expression. “We put you at horrible risk.”
“Maybe,” I admitted. “But how much more risk would I be at if you hadn’t found me? What if another horde had? What if the Corbetts had?”
I couldn’t help the shiver that ran through me at the thought. I never would’ve survived their plans for me.
Maddox let out a low growl as his arms came around me, and he crushed me to his chest.
I hated putting those images in his mind, but he needed to know that there were so many worse fates than ending up with five people who cared about me. It might be to varying degrees, but they weren’t trying to hurt me or force me to do anything against my will.
Maddox nuzzled my neck. “I need you safe, Mo Ghràidh.”
“I am,” I whispered.
The door to the study opened, and Nolan strode inside, glaring at us. “There is still an event going on, and Hayden’s presence is required.”
Another growl built in Maddox’s throat. But I squeezed his shoulder hard as I climbed off his lap. “Nolan’s right. Let’s get the idiot games over with.”
“Watch it,” Nolan snarled.
Maddox rose, baring his teeth. “As far as I know, speaking the truth isn’t a punishable offense. Unless you’re planning a military state I don’t know about.”
Nolan’s jaw clenched. “Just get in there.”
Without another word, he stormed out.
“Well, that was fun,” I mumbled. “His face always looks like he just sat on a porcupine.”
Maddox choked on a laugh. “That’s certainly an image.”
“Poor porcupine.”
“Poor porcupine, indeed,” Maddox agreed.
As we started for the door, Maddox slid his hand into mine. My gaze jerked up to his face.
He glanced down at me. “I’ll mess this up. But if you want, I’ll try. I can only be your friend while you’re my student. But I’ll try.”
Hope blazed through my chest, extinguishing the flickers of disappointment at the word friend. “I’d like that.”
Maddox squeezed my hand and led me down the hall.
The moment we reached the party, we were surrounded by the guys, each of them peppering us with questions. But Cillian was silent, his focus zeroing in on our joined hands. The corners of his mouth tipped up, trying to pull into a smile, but the movement looked rusty.
Maddox glanced over his shoulder, and I followed his line of sight to the Corbetts. Hal was glowering at us while Dexter angrily whispered something into another man’s ear.
Maddox turned back to our group. “Dexter cornered Hayden in the hallway.”
Low growls and snarls filtered through the air around us. Smoke curled out of Cáel’s nostrils, and, as if he couldn’t take it anymore, he hauled me against his chest. “Okay. You’re okay.” He whispered the words over and over again.
My chest squeezed, and I hugged him hard. “I’m fine.”
Knox and Easton sent a worried look our way as I pulled Cáel’s shirt free and slipped in a hand to give him skin-to-skin contact.
Maddox lowered his voice, pitching it in Cillian’s direction. “We’re going to have to get creative finding a way home. I’d guess they have traps waiting.”