Chapter 20 #3
Another nagging doubt seeps into my mind. “What about the ship? Whether bosses abuse it or not, keeping Morphia contained aboard is making it dangerous. We still don’t know how Elayne died.”
The room grows quiet until Ivander clears his throat.
“I don’t think we should contain it at all.
Raw Morphia has made this ship like a living monster that feeds on us.
It’s greedy. We’ve only made it this long because the ship’s absorbing the raw Morphia donated each night, so it doesn’t need to consume us all.
But the more power the bosses extract from us, the more it craves.
You’ve seen the attacks increasing. My grandfather thought we should release raw Morphia in Tamarynth.
He said it’s more natural that way.” Although I’m shocked Ivander said it aloud, the staff member from my deathmare had wondered the same.
“Not saying we’d introduce that idea right away. It’s sort of a multitiered plan.”
Niko nods slowly. “In Nashorne, many in our province still respect the origin of Morphia in Tamarynth. After all, it was raw Morphia that brought people of all backgrounds to this realm almost five hundred years ago. Daring families came from other lands to attempt to live in this uncharted realm for the gifts raw magic would bring. But the Morphia proved more dangerous than they anticipated and most of the native plants, animals, and objects were destroyed. The magic slowly died out over time. But there are those who believe it should still be here. In Nashorne, we honor the creatures of old with decorative statues.” Niko’s fingers drift to a bronze bangle engraved with a dragon Zora made for him for the ball.
It’s clear Ivander wasn’t the only one with rebellion on his mind.
The gravity of what they’re suggesting weighs on my shoulders like Leith’s heavy Hawk coat that I tried on as a little girl.
Despite the giddy, lightheaded wonder of realizing we might have the power to make a real difference here, I can’t help the nerves twisting my gut.
If I agree to talk to my father, I’ll be openly defying everything my family set out to build.
I’m waving a huge red flag in his face that says I think I know better than my ancestors, than the council, than him.
If only I could talk to a Damarcus. I’d take any old Damarcus spirit at this point. But that’s not an option. Right now, my friends are waiting for my answer.
I take a deep breath and sit up. This doesn’t seem like the kind of commitment that can be made slouching on Alana’s bottom bunk.
I stare straight into Ivander’s eyes, holding his gaze.
“When I pass my retrial, I’ll do everything I can to make changes to the Celestial, the trials, and how Morphics are treated in Tamarynth.
No more extractions.” I take a breath. “If we Morphics ever decide to be dangerous, it’ll be on our terms.”
Niko whoops and Zora and Isla hang down from the top bunk to pat my shoulders. Alana squeezes my hand, and I squeeze back. Ivander raises a plain strawberry in my honor. “To Lady Damarcus.”
“To Lady Damarcus,” my friends echo.
I try to relax my face and look confident, but Ivander must read the uncertainty in my expression.
He pushes off the wall and steps toward me.
Strawberry juice stains his lips bright red.
His eyes bore into mine, and I have to crane my neck to look up at him.
The others are quiet as they watch the two of us, holding their breath.
I can’t blame them. I’m holding mine too.
“Will you come with me?” he asks.
His voice is low, and I swipe my tongue over my lips as I prepare to answer.
He follows the movement, gaze dropping to my mouth.
Now my breath is firmly lodged in my throat, but I realize he doesn’t want an answer.
He wants me to trust him. I look to Alana, waiting for her to warn me against going out again tonight.
“I’ll keep the light burning until you get back,” she says, a small smile on her lips. No one admonishes us or warns us to stay inside. It’s as if they know how badly I need this after everything that happened tonight.
With a flicker of hope nestled in my chest, I follow him.
Without a word to me, Ivander strides down the aisle and climbs the steps to the stage.
Now that I’m here, watching his muscular form in the stage lights, the hesitation creeps back in.
The lights illuminate his deep emerald vest and long black pants threaded with shining green light, as if he sewed glowing strands into the fabric.
Ivander pulls on the silks and turns his face toward me, full lips pursed and angular jaw set as he waits for me to decide.
Decide if I’m ready to act on this changing current between us.
The first thing I do is rip off my heels and throw them behind me. Ivander laughs and points to the side of the stage. “I didn’t set anything out, but there should be options for you.”
With each step I take, I become more certain.
Tonight is my escape. It’s my reminder that I can find something beautiful hidden in this disaster of a night.
The belief we have in each other, in our friends, is enough.
I choose a dance costume that fades from the deep purple of amethyst to light purple droplets cascading down my shoulder blades.
Its V-neck bodice is dappled with deep purple stones that might be actual amethyst—not highly expensive but heavy all the same.
The waist cinches in, but it’s flexible as I move.
With my bare legs exposed, my skin prickles.
When I emerge from the wings, twisting part of my hair into a crown braid on my head, Ivander stops moving on his midnight-blue silks.
I watch his chest rise and fall faster. Watch his lips move with words he does not speak aloud.
Neither of us knows how we got here. We’ve each taken down pieces of the barrier between us, and tonight is our sign to let it crumble.
Ivander clears his throat. “I—I’m supposed to teach you how to impress your family.” He coughs and tries again. “I want to make it certain you’ll get a retrial.”
I take slow steps as I approach him. “You’re supposed to teach me?” I chuckle. “You mean the famous Ivander’s skill with the guests can be taught?”
Ivander swallows hard. “Well, yes.” He busies himself with tugging on my set of silks, tonight a rich aquamarine. “I can show you the shortcuts that ensure you’ll arrive everywhere before the Stallards.”
I take a fistful of the silks from him. “Is that all?”
Ivander pauses, taking in my bare shoulders and determinedly looking away from my cleavage.
“You take every opportunity to make them feel special. Secure them a table right beside the pool. A dessert that’s just been invented.
A unique experience from your Morphia that they cannot get elsewhere.
Any mistake becomes an opportunity to make up for it.
Make whatever they asked for vanish from their mind in favor of what you provide next. ”
“Vanish from their mind?” I ask breathlessly. We’re so close to each other now, and I can’t decide if I want to feel his skin on mine. “How would you suggest I make that happen?”
My skin tingles all over, and my abdomen heats.
Ivander leans into me with one hand on his set of silks.
He’s careful not to touch my skin, but with the closeness of his body to mine, I can imagine the contact.
Now I’m the one blushing as he toys with me.
“Hmmm,” he murmurs. “Perhaps an example would help. What would you do to distract me?”
My heart gallops in my chest. He offers a sly smile but does not wait for my answer.
He lifts his arms over his head and pulls himself up on the silks.
He wraps his foot and takes a step after each pull.
He’s taught me this basic climb and I mirror him, careful to keep the fabric from bunching beneath me.
My muscles tremble less than they used to, but it still takes effort.
We’re high in the air together and I’m breathless, but I’m not sure it’s only from the physical exertion.
There’s something so freeing about being up here, suspended on a strip of fabric, when it feels like the rest of the ship is crumbling beneath us. I couldn’t save Elayne and I almost lost my magic, but here, I’m free.
Ivander wraps each of his legs twice and settles into a double foot lock.
It takes me a few tries of holding myself up while my legs flap wildly before settling into the double foot lock myself.
Ivander sinks into a perfect split in the air.
I bite my lip, knowing the pain I’d be in if I tried that.
“Show-off,” I mutter as sweat slides down my back.
Ivander laughs. I’m struck by its ease. I don’t often hear it from him. This is the first night in this room that he hasn’t spent a second scolding me.
Ivander rises from the split and stands in the air, facing me. Sweat glistens on his chest. The laugh lines fade, and his expression turns serious. “I saw your face after the ball. How afraid you were when I brought Asralyn to the brig. The fear in your eyes—I never want to see it again.”
My cheeks warm, and I busy myself by looking down to ensure my feet are wrapped correctly.
“It’s just a lot of pressure. Ever since I was a little girl, I had the special Morphia.
The kind no one else had. I was teased. People were scared of me.
But I think I dealt with that by reveling in it.
I chose to love being the rare resurrector. ”
Ivander lets go of the silks with one hand and trails his fingers down my silks until his hand rests over mine. He’s careful to keep a layer of silk between our skin. “It is not a crime to come to love your armor.”
It’s then that I decide I no longer want the thin layer of fabric between us.
I crave touch in a way I never have before.
My fingers slip over the edges of the fabric and caress the bare skin of his hand.
It’s soft and warm against my cold fingertips.
An electric current of energy passes between us, and I want more.
Using both my feet to balance, I let go of the silks and reach out with both arms. His brow furrows as he watches me start to lean toward him.
“You’ll fall,” he warns.
“Not if you catch me.” My stomach swoops as I keep leaning forward and feel myself falling.
It occurs to me in a harsh dose of reality that I could send us both tumbling to the stage floor, but somehow, I know we won’t.
His strong arms grab both of mine and wrap them around his neck.
Both of our feet are still secured in our own silks, but with my arms around him, we’re pressed against each other.
My exposed skin tingles as our bodies meet.
The sensation of electric heat shoots through my abdomen and into my extremities. I feel it everywhere.
I gasp, overwhelmed by the feeling of skin against mine and not wanting to scream. He feels nothing like the hands reaching for me in deathmares. He’s so alive and unapologetically real.
“Are you all right?” he asks.
“Yes,” I breathe against his neck.
He spins us gently, curving his body slightly against mine to get us moving. We’re laughing as we swing back and forth. Him, a graceful bird, and me, a swaying stone just happy to be close to him.
As we touch down onto the stage floor, his head dips close to mine. “I couldn’t save my mother, but I can help you and Alana. It will be the two of you this time. I can feel it.”
The warmth of his breath heats my neck, but somehow, I shiver. “You should save yourself too,” I whisper back.
“I am.” His lips pull into a sly grin. “The guests will remember me when I leave here. Do you realize how many prominent citizens of Aryndar know my name now? I’m getting closer to the board members for Aryndar’s schools with every few charters.
Maybe one more year, and I can give Adrionna the chance I didn’t have.
She’ll be taught to use her shifter magic safely. ”
His niece. He’s fighting for himself and his family every day. “You could have done this without me,” I tell him.
He tilts my chin up and his eyes hold mine. “Perhaps, but I prefer doing it with you.”
I don’t want this to end. I wish we could stay here in our cocoon of freedom and joy. But I made a promise in my bunk room to work harder than I ever have before to earn a chance to save more than just myself. And I intend to keep that promise.