9. Lev
After I leave my uncle and cousins, I head to the hospital to check in on Igor.
The nurse is changing his bandages when I arrive, so I stand at the viewing window, my body tense with anger. It hurts to see my friend lying there.
I feel a person next to me, and when I look, it’s Agent Michaels.
“The doctor says it’s a miracle he survived,” Michaels says.
I feel the hairs on the back of my neck curl. Being this close to my shadow is like standing next to a toxic cloud of radioactive matter. “Are you intimidating medical staff to give you information now?”
“I’m a federal agent, Zarkov. You’d be surprised what a flash of credentials will get me.”
I look away from him to focus on Igor and tell myself that a hospital ward is not the place to shoot a federal agent.
“There’s going to be a thorough investigation into the explosion. A lot of rocks are going to be turned over. Every nook and cranny will be looked into. Things are going to get quite difficult for you and your men.”
I don’t take the bait and keep staring straight ahead.
“The bureau won’t stop until they get answers, Zarkov.”
Again, I don’t take the bait. I ignore him and keep my eyes focused ahead. In my experience, the easiest way to ensure no one trips you up in conversation is to not say anything at all.
“Your fiancée is quite lovely,” he says.
But then he goes and says that.
So I take the bait, because Michaels needs to know that he can fuck with all the other areas of my life—I have enough men and power that it will never worry me. But when it comes to Brooke, she is completely off limits.
I turn to look at him. “You stay away from her.”
He smirks. “Afraid your relationship is shaky enough that she might say something she shouldn’t?”
Surprising him, I grab him by the collar and shove him up against the wall.
“Go ahead, Zarkov. I’m a federal agent. Keep giving me cause to arrest you. It will be my pleasure to bring you in and file charges against you.”
His threat isn’t enough to make me let go. I pull him a little bit closer so we’re eye to eye, our faces inches from each other. “You listen to me, you ambitious little fuck. You can poke around all you want into my life. You wanna waste your time, go for it. But you go anywhere near Brooke again, and all bets are off. Those FBI credentials will not be able to protect you from me.”
I let him go, and he straightens his collar. At least he has the good sense to look rattled, even if he’s trying hard not to show it.
“That’s your one and only warning,” I growl.
I walk away before I do something stupid. Like put a bullet in his head.
Although, he makes a compelling argument for me to do it.
I want to get home to Brooke, but as I pass the waiting room, I see Enya curled up in a chair, biting her thumbnail, her eyes red from crying.
When she sees me walk in, she uncurls her legs and stands up. “Pakhan—
I gesture for her to sit down. “You look tired. Have you been here all night?”
“Yes, the nurses told me to go home to get some sleep, but I can’t leave him here. He’s so alone.”
She looks exhausted. “Have you eaten?”
“They keep the vending machine well stocked.”
“Come back to the house with me. You need a hot meal and some rest.”
“No, I can’t leave him.”
Her sweet features are marred by fear and sadness. “You really care about him, don’t you?”
She forces a smile just as more tears spill out of her eyes. “I’ve had a crush on him for years. I didn’t think anything would ever happen. It wasn’t until Brooke came along that everything fell into place.” She sobs. “Now it doesn’t look like he’s going to make it, and all I can think about is all the time we wasted. All the things we haven’t done. All the things we could’ve done but never did. Because we were both afraid to say how we truly feel.”
I get it.
We take time for granted. But when time begins to run out, it becomes the most important thing in the world.
I think of Brooke waiting for me at home, and I’m overcome with an intense need to see her.
“He’s going to make it, Enya. And you’ll get all your futures with him.”
She nods, but it’s the weary nod of a loved one who has been pacing the hospital waiting room and halls for days.
“I wish I had your confidence,” she says.
I scoff silently. If only my confidence were real.
I drive home too fast, my thoughts heavy after seeing Igor.
But the moment I step into my room and find Brooke waiting for me in my bed, my tension eases a little.
I fall into bed beside her and let my sweet bratva lullaby soothe my aching heart.
I wake up in a cold sweat and with a racing heart. Instinctively, I reach for Brooke in the darkness, needing her comforting touch. She stirs and twists her body around to face me.
“Lev?” she murmurs sleepily.
“It’s okay, zayka, I’m sorry I woke you.”
She nestles closer to me and runs her fingers softly along my jaw. “Did you have a nightmare?”
I did, and its rattled me. A cold shiver snakes its way down my back. I had dreamed about a car bomb and then about a world without Brooke in it, and my heart had obliterated when I realized I would never see her, or get to touch her, or hold her, or make love to her again.
I pull her closer and secure her in my arms.
A world without her in it would be cold and unforgiving and—
Fuck. I let out a rough breath. It was just a nightmare, for fuck’s sake.
But no matter how much I try to shake it off, the eerie feeling sticks to me like an unseen cobweb.
Brooke’s arm snakes around my waist, and she buries her face into my chest, and the comfort it brings is unmeasurable.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she murmurs, her lips brushing against my skin.
“No,” I rasp, as her hand trails down my abs to brush against my cock.
She starts to softly stroke her fingertips along the heavy shaft, and a sweet pleasure begins to unfurl.
“Tell me what your dream was about,” she murmurs.
I roll her onto her back. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want her to know the level of fear I feel when I think of a world without her. I want to fuck it out of my head and then some.
I climb over her and settle between her legs. But Brooke places her hands on my chest and pushes me back. She’s wide awake now, looking up at me. “Lev—”
My cock is ready, and I inch it toward her pussy. “It’s nothing.”
But Brooke isn’t having it. “It’s not nothing.”
I take my cock by the base, but Brooke shakes her head.
“Stop.” Her big eyes search my face. “Talk to me, Lev.”
With a dissatisfied grunt, I roll off her and slump back into the pillows. I lie on my back and look up at the ceiling for what seems like the millionth fucking time tonight. It’s the first time she’s denied me, and I don’t love it.
She leans up on her elbow and gently caresses my chest with featherlike fingertips, which is soothing to both my mood and the unease left behind by my nightmare.
“What was the dream about?” she asks.
Another fractured image of her dying in an explosion and me having to hold her in my arms as she dies quietly guts me. It’s like my stomach is twisting in on itself, and the pain is excruciating.
“It was nothing.” I try brushing it off. “I don’t even remember it.”
Of course, she knows I’m lying. But I’m not going to scare her with a crazy dream about her perishing and me falling apart because of it.
“Let me in,” she says quietly, her big eyes soft and full of concern. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”
“Fucking you into tomorrow, which, incidentally, I was about to do.”
She lifts an eyebrow and gives me a very pointed look. “You know what I mean.”
I let out a rough exhale and drag my fingers down my face. I know that look. Neither of us is going back to sleep until she’s satisfied I’m not keeping anything from her. I rub both my eyes with my fingers and concede I might as well give her something so we can both go back to sleep.
“You left me and never came back,” I say, struggling over the words. “You and the baby were gone.”
She puts her palms on either side of my face and looks into my eyes. “Me and the baby are right here, Lev. You can’t get rid of us that easily.”
She kisses me, deep and so sweet like she is drawing my pain from inside me and drinking it from my lips. And she keeps kissing me, even when I roll onto her and push inside her parted thighs and stroke deep into her body. And when my hips begin to thrust harder and faster, still she keeps kissing me, drawing my pain from me like she’s vanquishing a demon from my body.
I try to come. Need to come. But I can’t. And finally, my frustration peaks, and I let out a frustrated roar.
She looks up at me, and our eyes connect, and out of nowhere, my wild thrusts soften into excruciatingly slow, deep strokes. Our eyes lock and stay with one another as I rock into her body.
I don’t know what is happening. All I know is that in this moment, nothing outside of us exists. It’s just her and me wrapped up in our own little world, and all that I care about is making her moan and seeing her eyes flutter and roll to the back of her head as she cries out my name.
God, fucking has never felt as good as this. Being inside her and making her writhe beneath me has fast become an addiction I’m not ready to quit anytime soon. I plan on making my zayka moan and cry my name and come on my cock over and over and over again.
My balls tighten. Fuck, my body has never felt this good. This hard. This fucking drunk on another human being.
What the fuck is happening to me?
What is she doing to me?
I shift my hips to grind slowly into her, and it’s her undoing. Her eyes lose focus, and her mouth parts, and a low, desperate moan falls from between her lips. Her pussy convulses around me, tight flutters that signal her release.
I slide my tongue along her damp neck as she arches it with a cry, then slam my mouth to hers and kiss her through her orgasm. And before I know it, I’m releasing into her body with a roar.
Fuck me.
Mind.
Blown.
I collapse beside her and pull her onto my chest.
She smiles against my skin and relaxes against me, and I feel her racing pulse calm and become even. “Sweet dreams, Lev,” she whispers.
I press a kiss to the crown of her head and let the heady hit of dopamine soften my muscles and ease my own pounding heart.
It’s probably selfish. Damn, I know it is. But I want to be the man for her. I want to love her. Protect her. Be the man she deserves. The man she wants.
Because I want her. I can’t let her go. And any fears of becoming vulnerable because of my feelings for her pale in comparison to the fear of losing her.
I want this.
I want us.
I want forever with her.