38. Lev
The following morning, I take large strides along the hospital corridor on my way to Igor’s room. Half an hour ago, I got the phone call to say that he was awake and sitting up, and I left for the hospital the moment I ended the call.
When I reach his hospital room, the relief I feel when I see him propped up against the pillows and eating the ice cream Enya is feeding him is more immense than I can describe. It’s like a part of me can goddamn breathe again.
They’ve removed a lot of his bandages, and the color has returned to his face. Apart from a few scrapes and bruises, he’s looking good.
I hover in the doorway.
He sees me, and when our eyes meet, I wonder how the hell I am ever going to make any of this up to him.
Enya sees me and puts down the ice cream. “Look, pakhan, he’s awake, and look how strong he is.”
Igor gestures me over to him, and when I reach the bed, he holds his hand up for a goddamn fist bump.
So I goddamn fist bump him. “You look good, my friend.”
He manages a small smile. “The doctors say I will get out of here within a week.”
“Then I’ll make certain you have everything you need when you do.”
I know his rehabilitation is going to take some time. But I will put everything in place to ensure he receives the best treatment.
He turns to Enya, who is smiling brightly. Her eyes have finally lost the sheen of worry, and I can see the love and affection in them when he takes her hand. “When I get out of here, we’re moving in together,” he says.
Well, I’ll be damned. My giant friend has finally found his queen. It makes me happy, and I’ll make sure they want for nothing. “That sounds like a very good idea.”
The door opens, and Brooke walks in carrying a tray of coffees. I haven’t seen her since she stormed out of my office yesterday afternoon. She stalls when she sees me and then quickly moves toward Igor and Enya where she makes a point of handing out the coffees.
Last night, during those dark hours when everything seems so much worse, I was tempted to visit her in her room. To apologize for being an ass. To beg her to tell me she didn’t rat me out to the feds. To tell me she didn’t leave because she doesn’t love me. Because I’m fucking in love with her and damn if it’s the hardest thing to stop doing, especially in the middle of the night when I want her next to me in my bed.
But I didn’t, because some things are best left unsaid.
“You should get some rest,” I say to Igor. “I’ll come by tomorrow.”
I give Enya a wink but avoid making eye contact with Brooke as I leave the room.
But if I thought I was getting out of there without speaking to her, then I was mistaken. As I head toward the elevators, she calls out my name. I turn around and watch her walk down the corridor toward me.
“Is there something you need, Brooke?”
“About yesterday afternoon—”
“You were right to walk out.”
She looks surprised that I am being so agreeable. “I was?”
“It complicated things.”
She nods. “It did.”
An awkward silence falls between us, full of all the things we want to say but don’t because we are too damn stubborn.
Or proud.
“Is everything okay with the baby?” I ask. “I got your message about the doctor’s appointment next week. I’ll drive you.”
“You don’t have to.”
I step closer and put my hands on her belly. “I’m going to be with you every step of the way through this pregnancy.”
When I look into her big brown eyes I feel an ache in my chest. I mean it. I will be there through all of it.
I don’t remove my hands. Because being this close to her and my baby is the only way to tame the pain I feel when I think of a future without her in it.
“Do you need anything?” I ask.
“I’m fine. And no, I don’t need anything, other than…”
“Other than what?”
“For you to stop being angry at me for something I didn’t do.”
I want that too. Because after days of aching for her, I’ve decided I want to believe her. I want to trust her. Because I’m in love with her. Deeply. But I was programed from a young age not to trust so easily, and this need for caution is ingrained deep in my soul. Trust has to be earned, and when all the evidence points to betrayal…well, here we are.
But that doesn’t stop me from wanting to put this behind us. I just have to figure out how.
“We’ll talk, just not right now. I’ve got something I have to do.”
Surprising us both, I pull her closer and plant a kiss on her head, savoring the scent and closeness of her, before taking a step back and walking away.
When I reach the hospital parking lot, I call Feliks.
“Call Olivia in the FBI and set up a meeting right away. I don’t care what you have to do to make it happen. Sell her a goddamn kidney if you have to, but make it fucking happen.”