21. Raleigh
Raleigh
21
My whole body stiffens as I take him in. He doesn’t lift his head, but I know he senses that I’ve seen him. He could always tell wherever I was in a room, but when my eyes were on him, it was as though something inside him came alive.
My heart races wildly, and I put my empty champagne glass down beside the ice bucket, sensing that whatever happens next, I’m going to want to avoid having something in my hand that could potentially be thrown at his stupidly gorgeous face.
“You left,” his deep voice rumbles through the big room, and the sound is still capable of affecting me in every physical way.
I scoff, wishing he could have chosen to fight with me about this tomorrow after I was done indulging in this amazing pool. “What did you expect? That I’d hang around to watch skank one and skank two try to figure out the size of your dick with their fake asses?”
He lifts his head and looks at me, the fire in his eyes physically branding me and keeping me pinned. “That’s what this is about?” he demands, getting to his feet. “You’re jealous of them? Surely after everything, you know they mean nothing to me. They’re props for the show.”
“Oh, I see how it is. I should submit myself to having to watch that bullshit just because you needed me there. Okay, sure,” I scoff, letting him hear the thick sarcasm in my tone as I nod along. “But what about what I need? Because that sure as fuck wasn’t it. You didn’t even warn me, not a single mention about it because all you’ve wanted to do since I got here was hurt me. Well congratulations, you did it. Again, and again, and again.”
Suddenly I don’t think I’m referring to the past couple of days anymore, and I know he senses that, but as he stares back at me, he doesn’t pull me up on it. Instead, he stands and starts unbuttoning his shirt.
“You were jealous,” he repeats.
Oh no. This isn’t good.
His eyes don’t leave mine, and not a moment later, his shirt is on the ground.
“Of those two? No.”
His shoes come off, and he slowly strides to the edge of the pool, stepping down into it and letting the water soak through his ripped black jeans. A small smile lingers on his lips, and suddenly all I can think about is that kiss that ended way too soon. “Some things never change,” he says fondly, only those words are like a shot straight to the chest.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I demand, the tension thickening in the pool with every step he takes toward me. Tears burn the backs of my eyes, and I feel the very second I lose control. “Everything changes. Everything did change. I was in love with you, and then you left, and Axel died. And I . . . fuck.”
I reach for the neck of the bottle. Fuck the glass. I need the whole thing.
I lift it to my lips and take a deep drink, only as I lower the bottle, I realize how much closer he’s gotten. “Was?” he questions with agony in his eyes. “Past tense.”
I swallow over the lump in my throat as he steals the bottle out of my hand and drinks, needing it just as much. If I open my mouth now, I’m terrified the truth might spill out—that no matter how hard I’ve tried, I’ve never been able to stop loving him. I have been wholeheartedly his since the very day I met him, and nothing has ever changed.
He creeps closer as he reaches past me, putting the bottle back on the edge of the pool, but the movement brings him way too close for comfort. “Don’t,” I warn him, knowing neither of us will be able to resist if that gap closes.
“Why the hell not?” he challenges.
I scoff, gaping at him as though I’m staring at a complete stranger. “Are you kidding me? How could this possibly be a good idea? No amount of history between us changes the facts. You killed me, Ezra. You left me behind and destroyed everything good that was in me, and then after Axel . . . Don’t think for one second that I’m not blatantly aware of the fact that you still haven’t given me the answers I deserve.”
A coldness comes over him, and suddenly I feel as though I’m standing in an ice bath, not a heated pool. “There’s nothing to say,” he snaps.
“That’s fucking bullshit, and you know it,” I throw back at him, shoving my hand against the water so it splashes up over him. “Tell me. It’s been two years, Ezra. I deserve to know exactly how my brother died. Hell, there are a lot of things regarding Axel’s death I deserved that I never got.”
“Like what?” he demands.
I gape at him. “Oh, you really want to get into it? I deserved to know before the fucking media. I deserved to not have to find out by my best friend barging into my room in the middle of the night. I deserved to not have my number blocked by your whole fucking team when I was begging for answers. I deserved to at least have a say in how he was buried, and where. I deser—”
“Okay, shit, Rae. I get it,” he says, firing back at me, just as worked up as I am. “I fucked up. Every chance I’ve ever had with both you and Axel, I have fucked it up, and you punish me for it every fucking chance you get. You’ve made it crystal clear that I’ve let you down.” He takes a breath, running his hand through his thick, dark hair. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to have to live with that guilt every fucking day? To live with the fact that the only person I’ve ever wanted despises me for living my dream.”
I simply stare at him. “That’s what you think?” I scoff.
He opens his arms out wide. “What the fuck am I supposed to think, Rae? You’re not exactly known for being honest anymore.”
“Pray tell,” I groan, getting more frustrated with him by the second. “I’m an open book, Ezra. I’ve been up-front with you since the moment I got here. What the hell have I lied about?”
He steps closer, his eyes brimming with fire. “Why are you so fucking sick at the idea of going back home?”
His words are like a slap to the face, and I hastily back away from him, my heart racing with fear at just the mention of home. “Don’t,” I say, grabbing the bottle and turning away, desperate to conceal the fear in my eyes, knowing he will sense it without even trying.
I wade through the water until I’m back outside, needing the air, and I hear him moving through the water behind me without missing a beat.
“Rae,” he murmurs.
“No,” I whisper, moving right to the edge and staring out at the view that doesn’t quite seem so incredible anymore. “We’re not doing this.”
I feel him move in behind me, his body so close and yet not an inch of his skin brushes mine, not until I feel his fingers at the top of my spine. His touch is like a shot of electricity pulsing right through my skin. “What the hell is this?” he murmurs, tracing the lines of my tattoo that I’d so foolishly forgotten about.
Fuck.
“It’s nothing.”
I close my eyes as his fingers continue moving across the petals of the finely lined rose tattooed at the very top of my spine. A chill sweeps through me as he follows the stem lower to the words that read, “Hypothetically Yours.”
“When?” he murmurs, inching closer until his other hand grasps my waist.
“I was sixteen,” I tell him, feeling the weight of that particular day like a bullet right through the heart. “I got it as a surprise. I was planning on showing you, but . . . you broke my heart instead.”
“Rae.”
“Don’t,” I whisper, trying to shrug him off, feeling my body trembling under his touch.
I go to lift the bottle to my lips, but he reaches around me, takes it from my hands, and places it back on the edge of the pool. When his hand returns to my waist, he slowly turns me until those dark eyes are locked on mine.
He holds my stare as his fingers tighten on my waist, both of us breathing heavily as the tension around us becomes unbearable. “Ezra,” I whisper, as the pendants around his neck catch in the soft moonlight, illuminating the ‘R’ that rests right by his chest and making my heart long for something it shouldn’t want.
My gaze drops to his mouth with anticipation, and just as I suck in a deep breath, his lips crash down on mine.
A million fireworks go off in my head as I instantly sink into his kiss. My lips furiously move against his with a longing that’s been building for far too long. Our kiss from earlier at the show was barely a taste, but this is hunger. This is fire, lust, and desperation, and it’s everything I’ve needed.
His arm locks around my waist, pulling me hard against his warm body as he presses me against the edge of the pool, my back flattening against the tiles. My hand scoops around the back of his neck, holding him to me as his tongue dips into my mouth, exploring what’s always been his, what we never should have waited to do.
He grabs my ass, lifting me into his arms, and my legs instantly lock around his waist as the hunger grows more intense within me. His lips drop to my neck, working their way to the sensitive spot below my ear, and I tip my head back in ecstasy as the pleasure rocks through my body.
“God, Ezra,” I groan, clinging onto him as my fingers knot into his hair, but as I feel him grind against me and feel his sheer size hidden within his wet jeans, the desperation morphs into pure animalistic need.
I have to have him, and I have to have him now. I’ve waited too long. I need to have his hands on my body, his lips on mine as I feel the way he pushes that thick cock inside of me. I need to feel the way he works me, the way he stretches me, and fuck, I need to feel the way I come alive beneath his skilled touch.
Lowering my legs from his waist, I reach for the front of his pants, and he pauses, pulling back just an inch. “Are you sure, Rae? I can stop—”
I release the button of his jeans and pull him back in. “If you even think about stopping, I’ll kill you,” I warn as his lips crash back to mine. “I’ve waited too long for this.”
A new determination creeps in, and our kisses become a reckless, needy surrender to every desire we’ve stifled through the years.
His hands roam over my bare skin, learning the way my body has changed, committing every new curve to memory, and when his hand trails high on my thigh, I suck in a breath, more than ready.
Instead of hesitating like he would have when we were younger, he gives me exactly what I want. His hand closes over my pussy, grinding his palm against my clit as a low groan rumbles through my chest.
I get his wet jeans undone, and I don’t waste a moment, reaching in and curling my hand around his sheer size. My fingers barely close, and as my hand trails up and down his long length, feeling the piercing at the top, he shudders and drops his forehead to my shoulder. “Fuck, Rae,” he grumbles, shifting his hand until it slips inside my thong, his fingers finally against my bare skin.
I explore every inch of him, learning his body just as he does to me, and when my desperation becomes all too much, I start pulling at my thong, desperate to get it off.
Ezra helps me so that I don’t have to release him, and the moment it’s gone and discarded at the bottom of the pool, his fingers are right back at it. He finds my clit, rolling tight circles with his thumb as his fingers explore further. He pushes one inside of me, and as I tremble, he adds another.
His lips brush across the rim of my ear, and it sends a shiver shooting down my spine. “You like that, Rae?”
“Mmmm, God, yes,” I groan, rolling my thumb over his tip before making my way back down to his base and committing him to memory—every angry vein, the feel of his piercing beneath my thumb, and his sheer size.
There’s no way he’ll fit, but I’m not walking away from this until we’re done. There’s no stopping us now. We’ve waited too long.
Ezra works my cunt, curving his fingers and pushing back inside of me. His fingers split massaging deep inside of me until my hips are jolting with undeniable pleasure. “More,” I breathe as his other hand moves behind me, unclasping my wet bra and letting it fall away.
“Fuck, Rae,” he murmurs as his gaze sails over my naked body. He reaches up and cups my breast, brushing his thumb over my pebbled nipple and sending hot pulses shooting right to my core. “You’re so fucking gorgeous.”
“Don’t stop,” I beg.
His thumb keeps moving over my nipple and my whole body shudders, never having realized just how sensitive they were. “Never.”
The more he touches me, the more worked up I become, and as he continues working my clit, I feel the familiar pull from inside me, something I’ve only ever been able to achieve on my own. “Oh God,” I gasp, tightening my grasp on his thick cock. “I need to have you.”
“You sure, baby?” he asks, and there is a deep pain in his voice at the thought of having to stop. “If you’re not ready—”
“Fucking hell, Ezra,” I mutter, barely able to string a full sentence together. I pull him closer, and without skipping a beat, I lock my legs around his waist again, feeling his velvety cock pressed right up against my core. The move forces both of our hands out of the way, but I don’t care because I’ll take what’s coming next a million times over. “Don’t make me beg for it. I’ve wanted you like this since I was sixteen. Don’t make me wait any longer.”
He groans, and as though my desperate pleas are music to his ears, he reaches between us, takes his thick cock, and guides it to my entrance. Then just as I feel his piercing against me, he leans in and captures my lips in his.
As he kisses me slowly, I feel him start to push, instantly stretching me.
We both tremble, but he doesn’t dare stop, taking me inch by inch. “Fuck, Rae,” he groans against my lips.
“Don’t stop,” I whisper, closing my eyes as the undeniable pleasure courses through my veins.
My walls stretch and contract around him as I’m thrown into a world of pure bliss, and once he’s fully seated inside of me, his fingers tighten on my skin, both of us just as affected as the other.
“Baby, I need to move,” he says.
“Do it,” I gasp. “Fuck me, Ezra.”
Not needing to be told twice, he draws back, and this time when he thrusts into me, there’s no hesitation. He doesn’t take it slow, and he sure as fuck doesn’t hold back. He gives me everything, his cock slamming deep inside of me as the water crashes around us.
My arm hooks around the back of his neck, holding on as I get used to the feel of him inside of me, and it’s like nothing I’ve ever felt before. It’s everything. Intoxicating. Hypnotic. Incredible.
I’ve never felt so alive.
He works me in a way I never realized I needed, touching me in places I’ve never been touched, and as he rolls his hips and reaches that spot deep inside of me, I cry out in the sweetest pleasure, never knowing it could be this good.
“Oh fuck, Ezra,” I grunt, clutching on to him with everything I have.
“That’s right, baby. Just like that,” he grunts, doing it again and again before dropping his thumb to my clit and rolling tight circles again, driving me to the edge of insanity. “You like that?”
“Yes! God, Yes!”
Ezra gives me everything I need and more, and as I feel my orgasm creeping up on me, I do what I can to hold on to it. “Fuck, I’m gonna come,” I warn him, feeling as I’m pushed closer and closer to the edge, the intensity already driving me insane.
“Give it to me, baby,” he rumbles, his fingers digging into my skin and warning me that he’s right there with me. “Let me feel the way you squeeze my cock.”
His words are my undoing, and I come hard, letting my orgasm explode from within. I shatter like glass, wildly convulsing around his thick cock as my high rocks through my body. My toes curl as I throw my head back, the pure satisfaction like nothing I’ve ever felt.
Ezra doesn’t stop fucking me, letting me ride out my orgasm on his cock as his thumb continues working my clit, and fuck, it’s delicious. I pant and gasp, desperately trying to catch my breath when he grabs the back of my neck and kisses me again, and as he thrusts deeply into me again, I feel as he finishes, shooting hot spurts of cum deep inside my cunt.
I feel like a goddess, my whole body trembling as we reach our high together.
He rocks back and forth, one hand on my ass, the other wrapped around my waist, holding me to him as he breaks our kiss and drops his forehead to mine, both of us slowly catching our breath. “You have no idea how long I’ve wondered just how tight your sweet little cunt could squeeze me.”
My cheeks flame, and instead of being embarrassed, I lift my chin and own it. “Is that all you’ve wondered about?”
He shakes his head, his eyes dancing with the darkest desire. “You might think you know, but I promise you, Rae, you’ve got no fucking idea the vile things I want to do to you.”
Hunger drums inside of me, and he leans back in, closing the gap as his lips brush against mine. I capture them and kiss him deeper before pulling back and locking my arms around his neck. As I hold him, the weight of our situation dawns on me, and despite how incredible this was, it can’t magically erase all the pain and resentment.
He lets out a heavy sigh, holding me just as tightly as I hold him, sensing the change within me. “I don’t want to walk away from this, Rae,” he murmurs, his lips brushing across my neck as his fingers dance across my skin. “The second I get out of this pool, I know you’re going to act like this never happened, and I can’t bear to pretend like that.”
“I can’t just come walking straight back into your life as though everything isn’t different now. Too much has happened. There’s too much I have to work through first.”
He nods, knowing it just as well as I do. “When you’re ready—”
“I know,” I whisper.
A moment of torturous silence passes between us when he pulls back and takes my chin between his thumb and finger, his dark gaze staring into mine. “Do you want me to go?”
I shake my head. “No,” I say, trembling. “Can we just . . . stay like this for a little while longer?”
“Yeah, Rae,” he murmurs, dropping a kiss to my temple, just like he used to when I was a teenager. “We can stay as long as you need.”