Chapter 4
Four
I’ve spent the last week in a blur, either being drunk or high most of the time, neglecting my duties at Voss Enterprises. I don’t care. Let Asher scream at me. He’d be doing me a favor. Calling off my wedding because my fiancée is a cheating bitch put me in a “don’t give a shit” mood.
The weird part is that while I’ve been sullen, moody, and wallowing, it’s not really because of Maude. It’s that I thought I had someone who loved me—finally—after so many years without love, and it was all a lie.
The same way my father’s love was a lie, though he only ever tried to make it seem like he loved us when he was parading us around in public. From the few fragments I can remember, my mother’s love wasn’t a lie, but I’ll never really know since I was six when she died. My whole life, I’ve just wanted someone to truly love me.
The spark on the lighter flares next to me as Kol lights a joint. We’re out by the pond where he likes to hang out whenever he’s brooding. Since he’s in as shitty a mood these days as I am, when he invited me to join him, I accepted.
Today is a shit day for more reasons than just my failed relationship.
Kol takes a pull and holds the smoke in his lungs for a beat before exhaling a puff.
“Pass it over,” I say.
He takes another hit before passing it over. God knows he has more to forget than I do today.
“You wanna talk about it?” he asks.
I shake my head. “No.”
“Fair enough.”
The last thing I want to hear from any of my brothers is “I told you so,” even if they have every right to say it. They were all skeptical of Maude when I first started dating her, but I insisted they were wrong. I’ve had a lifetime of them protecting me, as if they knew what was best for me. I’m surprised Asher didn’t already tell both Kol and Sid what his PI found.
I offer Kol the joint, and we sit in silence. I’m sure we’re both thinking about the women wreaking havoc in our lives—Maude for me and his ex-fiancée who he just kidnapped for him. But then there’s what happened twenty years ago that’s weighing on us.
Never wanting to talk about that, I instead dare to ask him, “What’s your plan for Rapsody?”
He takes a hit and passes the joint back to me. “No plan.”
I scoff, take a drag, then toss it on the grass and crush it with the heel of my boot. “Bullshit, brother. You always have a plan.”
“Whatever.” He picks up the bottle of whiskey and takes a swig.
“I don’t know if it’s a special forces thing or if it’s just you, but you always have a plan. So what is it?”
He’s quiet for a minute, but eventually he answers. “I don’t know what went down with you and Maude, but if I had to guess, I’d say you might have some idea now how I felt four years ago when Rapsody up and left me.”
My jaw clenches, and I put out my hand for him to pass me the bottle.
“So you do have a plan.” I tip back the bottle.
“Of course I do.”
I chuckle and take another swig.
“I’m going to make her fall for me again. Make her think all is forgiven and that I’m the same man she met back in Atlanta. Show her how wonderful our life together could be. Ruin her, in all the ways that count, and leave her the same way she did me.”
I pass the bottle back to him, and he sets it in the grass.
“You think you can do that without falling for her?” I ask.
“Of course I can.” He glares at me.
He’s lying to himself. “She’s the only woman I’ve ever seen you give a shit about. More than that—you were going to marry her, Kol. You’ve never even bothered to really date anyone before her. You fuck them for a bit and then move on, never even talk about the women with any of us.”
“We can’t all be Prince Charming, kid.” He ruffles my hair like he used to when we were younger. It pisses me off now just as much as it did then.
“Fuck off.” I shove his hand away. “And nice try distracting me, but it’s not gonna work.”
“I made the mistake of falling for her once. I won’t do it again.” His voice is hard.
I shake my head and fall back in the grass. “For the record, I think your plan is shit.”
“I didn’t ask for your fucking opinion.”
I stare at the sky as the sun slips behind a cloud, and my high kicks in, keeping my thoughts and my limbs nice and fuzzy feeling. Neither of us speaks for a time until the words I often wonder about press against my lips, pushing themselves out.
“Do you think we’re cursed?” I ask.
“What do you mean?”
I prop myself up on my elbows. “This family. This manor. Do you think it’s cursed, and that’s why we’ve gone through all the shit we have, or do you think it’s karma for all the bad shit or something?”
Kol pulls at a blade of grass. “Most people would say we’re lucky to have been born into a billionaire’s family.”
I give him a cutting look. “They obviously didn’t know our father.”
Mentioning him brings back the stark reminder of what went down the day he died all those years ago. From the look on Kol’s face, I’m guessing it’s the same for him.
“I think some people are just evil, and we happened to be the sons of one of those people. But then we had Mom, and she was… she was everything.” He reaches for the whiskey and slugs back another mouthful. “Maybe karma is what balances the scales. We had Mom, and we were born into money, so it gave us Dad. I dunno.” He passes me the bottle, and I sit up to drink some, then wipe my mouth with the back of my hand.
Internally, I chuckle. If only dear old dad could see me now. I’d have a black eye from being so improper as to wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. Bastard.
“What happened that day?—”
His head whips in my direction. “We agreed not to talk about it. Ever.” He narrows his eyes.
I look away from him, knowing he’s right and also knowing it’s for the best. Then I spot Rapsody standing in the distance, and I smirk. “Hey, Rapsody,” I call, waving. “Why don’t you join us?”
Kol stiffens and looks at me as though he’d like to slit my throat.
She hesitates, holding a small canvas and paint. But she sits beside me, which I’m sure will piss off my brother, arranging her dress so the fabric covers her bare legs.
I eye the paints. “You’re a painter?”
Her cheeks pinken. “I don’t know if I’d call myself a painter, but I enjoy it. I find it relaxing. Helps to clear my head.”
Kol scoffs.
“What?” she snipes, her voice full of attitude. Who would have thought she had it in her to challenge my brother? She’s so sweet and innocent.
“Own it. You’re a talented painter,” Kol says.
Her forehead creases. “How would you know?”
“I was in the conservatory this morning and saw your paintings.”
I laugh and shake my head. “I love being right.”
Rapsody turns to me. “What do you mean?”
“Ignore him. He’s drunk. And high,” Kol says.
Her eyes focus on the bottle of booze in the grass. “Are you guys celebrating something?”
A caustic laugh leaves my mouth. “Certainly not. It’s a shit day for us Vosses, second only to the day that our mother was murdered. And today…” I lean in and look her in the eye. “Today is especially shitty for me.”
“What happened?” Sweet thing. She appears genuinely concerned.
“Called off my wedding.” I rest a hand on her knee for the sole purpose of pissing off Kol.
“I’m sorry.” She places her hand over mine and squeezes.
“You could help me feel better, Rapsody. I can think of some ways you could help me forget all the?—”
“Cut it out, kid.” Kol’s voice has the bite of a whip across bare skin.
I laugh. My work here is done. I remove my hand from under hers, reach into my pocket, and pull out a joint. “Want some?” I ask her.
She shakes her head. “No thanks.”
“Suit yourself.” I hold out my hand out to Kol, who places a lighter in my palm, and I light the end of the joint.
I inhale, then exhale and offer it to Kol, who waves me off.
“You two are no fun. I’m gonna go see if I can find some trouble. Get my mind off things.” I get up off the grass and wobble before finding my equilibrium. “See you two lov—see you two later.”
I stumble up the hill then over the rest of the grounds. By the time I reach the manor, I decide that I’m going to have the driver take me to Tits Tassels, the closest strip club. I haven’t been there since I was a teenager with a fake ID. Maybe more drinks and some naked flesh will get my mind off the wasteland that is my life.