Chapter 35
Thirty-Five
Aweek passes before I’m allowed to leave the hospital, though a nurse will come see me at the manor every day to ensure that I’m progressing well. The next week will be spent mostly in bed, except for the daily exercises they want me to do. That just consists of getting out of bed and walking ten or twenty feet. It still hurts when I move, and Nero insists on putting me in a wheelchair and pushing me when we arrive at Midnight Manor.
He’s been by my side the entire week, only leaving the hospital in search of food or a shower and always promptly returning. We haven’t discussed the breakup or what it means that he’s stayed with me and mentioned love. It seems like an unspoken agreement that we won’t broach the subject until life has returned somewhat to normal.
But I’m tired of waiting. In many ways, the not knowing feels worse than knowing he may have forgiven me, but he still doesn’t want to be with me. Maybe he was just freaked out when I almost died, and with every day that passes, he realizes that his feelings aren’t as strong as he thought they were.
He pushes the wheelchair into my room first, not his, and my heart sinks. I’ll sleep alone, and I’m back where I started when I moved here—in my own room.
I try not to let my disappointment show. He’s already done so much more for me than he had to, and I’m grateful. I’m not going to guilt him into wanting to be with me.
He helps me up from the wheelchair, and I wince.
“You okay?” he asks.
I nod. “Yeah. Just give me a sec.” I take a few deep breaths and nod that I’m good to get into the bed. He helps me get in, then stuffs pillows behind me so I’m sitting up on an angle. “Thank you.”
He meets my gaze. “Of course.” He stands awkwardly, shifting his weight. “Guess I’ll let you get some rest. You must be tired and sore from the trip home. I’ll put your phone on the bedside table.” He pulls it out of his pocket and sets it down. “If you need anything, just text or call me, okay?”
I press my lips together and nod, trying to keep the words in my mouth that want to spill like jelly beans out of a jar.
He nods and turns to leave the room.
But as soon as he’s crossed the threshold, I call out for him. “Nero. Wait!”
He must hear something in my voice because he turns right around and rushes back to the bed. “What’s wrong?” His eyes skate over me from head to toe, assessing.
“I need to know what’s going on with us. This limbo stuff is killing me.”
His shoulders sag. “I think you should heal some more before we have this conversation.”
There it is. We’re not getting back together.
“Because I’m not going to like the outcome?” My eyebrows raise.
“Because the most important thing is that you get better. That should be your focus.”
I shake my head before he’s done speaking. “No. I’ll get better whether we have this conversation or not. I need to know if you forgive me.”
He sits on the side of the bed and takes my hand. “I do forgive you. I do. And I have my own apology to make. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. Yes, I had a right to be upset, but to completely cut you off like that and not consider how you were feeling wasn’t right. But for you to understand why I reacted the way I did, there’s something I have to tell you.”
He makes it sound ominous, and I brace myself for whatever he’s about to say. My stomach bubbles with nerves. “Okay…”
Nero sighs and pushes his free hand through his hair. “I found out something when I was younger. The day my dad died actually. Something that everyone in my family had been keeping from me my entire life.”
I squeeze his hand. “What was it?”
“Ramsey Voss was not my biological father.”
I gasp, and my free hand flies up to my mouth. “He wasn’t?”
He shakes his head. “No. Apparently my biological father was the man my mother had a long-time affair with. The one who killed her.”
“Oh, Nero.” I squeeze his hand harder, wishing I could sit up and pull him to me. “How did you find out?”
“My father—the only one I ever knew anyway—threw it in my face that day as a barb. Apparently, my brothers knew the whole time and had tried to protect me from it. They were always trying to protect me. But Ramsey was cruel and liked nothing more than to inflict pain, both physical and emotional, so he used that knowledge to hurt me. Knowing him, he was probably salivating for years, waiting until the truth would have its greatest impact.”
“How did you feel when you found out?”
“At first, I was angry at my brothers for hiding the truth from me. I was angry with my mom, too, though that feeling was more complicated because she had already passed away. Eventually, I realized it didn’t make a difference who my biological father was. Both he and the father who had raised me were dead, as was my mother. And my brothers never treated me any differently than they treat each other. It’s not like I think I could’ve lived a better life had I known earlier and spent time with my real dad. He murdered my mom. He wasn’t a good person either.”
“I’m sorry you had to find out that way.”
He nods. “You can probably understand why I don’t like surprises based on lies. It takes me back, dredges all that shit up again.” He frowns. “So when I found out that you’d lied and kept from me who Maude was to you…” He squeezes the bridge of his nose then meets my gaze. “I should have let you explain, been more understanding.”
I shake my head. “No, you had every right to be upset with me.”
“I know, I know. But I just cut you off at the knees. Ended things. Wouldn’t hear you out or even speak to you, and that wasn’t right. I’m sorry.” His gaze is full of remorse, and I attempt to touch his cheek but cringe when a sharp pain pierces my side.
“Thank you for telling me. I understand better now why you reacted the way you did.”
“If I could take it back, I would. In a second.” He brings the hand he’s holding up to his lips and kisses my knuckles.
“I have to apologize too.”
He shakes his head as if he’s not going to let me.
“No, Nero. Let me say this.”
With a deep sigh, he nods.
“I was wrong for not telling you that Maude was my stepsister. The moment I knew I was falling for you, I should have come clean. Even if I was scared. Even if I thought you might end our relationship because of it. I should have trusted that what we had would be strong enough to survive.”
He leans forward and places a chaste kiss on my lips. “You’re forgiven, princess.”
The weight of the world lifts off my shoulders, and tears pool in the corners of my eyes in relief.
“I’m still so pissed at myself that it took you almost dying for me to come to my senses. When I saw you bleeding…” He squeezes his eyes shut. “I’ve never been more terrified in my life. The idea of you no longer being on this earth was unfathomable. I don’t know how I would have been able to go on.”
His words remind me of something I’ve been wondering about. “How did you know Freddie had ambushed me?”
Embarrassment colors his cheeks for a beat, and he glances down at the comforter. “I was still watching you. I swear, Cinder, when I saw him with his fucking hands on you, I thought I was going to have a heart attack and keel over. I have never felt more desperate than that night.”
“You were watching me?” I ask softly. I’d assumed all of that had stopped after the night Louise and Maude confronted me.
“Yeah.” His voice is rough. “I was able to stop for about a week, then I couldn’t stand it anymore. Even though I was still processing it all, I needed to have my eyes on you.”
“Thank you for saving me,” I whisper, not wanting to imagine what the alternative would have been if he hadn’t shown up.
“Princess, you’re the one who saved me. In more ways than one.” He rests his forehead against mine. When he pulls away, he looks in my eyes with conviction. “I love you. More than I’ve ever loved anyone else in my life. I need you with me forever, and I refuse to let anything, or anyone, ever tear us apart again. You have my commitment that I will love you until the end of my days with all that I have. My life means nothing if I don’t have you in it. I haven’t felt unconditional love like this since I was a child from my mom. Thank you for loving me the way you do.”
A tear races down my cheek. Nero loves me. My eyes drift closed for a beat because I never thought I’d hear those words from him. Thought I’d ruined my chance to ever hear them.
I know exactly what he means, though. I’m an orphan too, and if you’re not one, it’s hard to understand how much you crave being loved again once you’ve lost it.
“I love you too. So much.”
He kisses me gently then pulls away. “Don’t ever leave me.”
I shake my head. “Never.”
“I’ll never leave you,” he says.
And though they’re not wedding vows, they’re a vow just the same. One we both intend to keep.