Chapter 14
SARAH
Slut! | Taylor Swift
Why did he have to be at the party? And why did he have to look so good?
With his stupid legs clad in stupid dark denim and stupid white sneakers on his stupid feet and his stupid tattooed arms on display where they poked out the stupid rolled sleeves on his stupid forest green shirt. And with the stupid purple and white lights illuminating the club looking so pretty flashing across his stupid golden hair.
She wanted to scream.
‘Zo, you need to have a word with your bouncers. He was not on the list.’
Zoe followed her eyes to where Alex stood at the bar, head turning as if he was looking for something over the mass of bodies. Or…some one ? Not that she had any right to hope it might be her. Not that she hoped it was her at all.
‘Oh, honey, when you look like that, the list becomes more of a suggestion. And I remind you I have nothing to do logistics. My job was making her incomprehensible drivel readable. And that is over now, thank god.’
It was possible Zoe was still speaking, but Sarah heard nothing more after it became clear Alex had spotted her standing on the balcony. His lip curled up, and he downed the finger of whiskey that had been in his glass. And then…nothing. He turned back to the bartender, obtained a refill, and leaned comfortably on the bar, engaging two girls in conversation. They immediately began giggling.
Sarah scowled. She should probably warn them that he would flirt with anything that moved. That the bright eyes and annoyingly cute smirk didn’t mean much when they were always on duty.
‘Come on.’ Zoe began tugging her towards their booth. Sarah had been to Neon a dozen times, but never in one of the semi-private alcoves that, due to some miracle of architecture, made the club’s loud music fade enough that it was possible to hold a conversation. It was a significant perk of being friends with the editor of the book being launched. ‘I’m so glad I’m done with this book. I know the sales are going to be great, but she’s the worst,’ Zoe groaned.
Her author was a wellness influencer who had made her name preaching balance. She baked her own bread and made her own hummus, ate clean and did yoga every day, but she wasn’t averse to a night out to blow off steam, provided the alcohol on offer was organic and vegan. Earlier that day, her first book event had been at a farmers’ market. But according to the stories Zoe had broken her NDA to tell Sarah, she’d started most of their meetings with a cheap beef burger from a fast food chain. And minutes before, they’d seen her publicist furiously dragging her out of a bathroom, suspicious white powder smudged under her nose.
Sarah raised her eyebrows when they found Abby and Erik already in their booth, the former relaxed on her fiancé’s lap, head nestled against his chest.
Abby shrugged. ‘There aren’t enough seats for everyone.’
Sitting on one of the limited spots, Sarah threw back a glass of champagne. Bless all the sponsors desperate to be associated with this event, she thought. ‘There would have been if you hadn’t brought Alex.’ She tried, she really did, to keep the irritation out of her voice.
‘That’s my fault.’ Erik winced. Clearly she had failed. ‘He needs some fun.’
Men like Aleksander Larsson did not need their quiet, self-possessed little brothers finding fun for them. He was doing just fine finding his own fun at the bar.
Abby snorted. ‘What he needs is to get laid.’
Sarah studiously avoided looking in Zoe’s direction, who had received a full rundown of their tryst over happy hour the night before.
‘I haven’t seen him wound this tight…ever?’ Abby continued, still looking at Erik. ‘He didn’t even laugh at the hickey you gave me on Wednesday.’
Again, Sarah fought to control her features, knowing exactly why Alex might have been distracted on Wednesday night.
‘Anyway’—Abby moved her attention back to Sarah—‘I texted Zoe before we left, and she said it was fine.’
When Sarah turned to glare at the offending party, she flashed a brilliant smile before muttering something about caterers and dashing away. Nothing to do with logistics, hey?
Abby lifted herself out of Erik’s arms at the same time and asked him to grab a round of drinks.
When they were alone, she said, ‘You really don’t like Alex, do you?’
‘I don’t really know Alex,’ Sarah replied carefully. It wasn’t a lie, not fully. She didn’t know much past what he did for a living and what he looked like naked.
And that he was surprisingly sweet with his dog.
And obscenely good with his tongue.
But somehow, I don’t like your almost brother-in-law felt better than I’ve screwed your almost brother-in-law twice , so…
‘You know I’ve never been great with the whole cocky, lad’s lad vibe. He’s actually down there flirting with two different girls right now, and at least one of them is going to go home devastated—’
‘Not necessarily.’ Abby smirked, and Sarah was glad her friend had become less shy on the topic of sex, but it really wasn’t the time.
‘We’re just very different people.’
The truth was, she fundamentally didn’t trust men who were that pretty. And after Gregg, it was particularly difficult to watch someone seemingly that okay with hurting women’s feelings.
Discerning green eyes met Sarah’s.
‘What?’ she said to Abby, suddenly self-conscious. Suddenly overly aware that they’d lived together for seven years, and Abby could read her like a book.
‘Have you considered that you could use some fun? I know the idea of dating hasn’t thrilled you recently, but it doesn’t have to be that. This room is full of some of the most attractive twenty and thirty-somethings in the city. Find someone hot. Have a repeat of the last time you were here.’
If only Abby knew how accurate a repeat it could be.
But what the hell. Maybe it was time. She left their alcove and immediately locked eyes with a tall brunette with immaculate winged liner. Sarah had noticed her eyes on her every time they’d passed each other.
‘Do you want to dance?’
Half an hour later, the woman’s hands had drifted over every part of Sarah’s body she could reasonably touch in a public setting—even one as sexually charged as this.
And despite her best efforts to get out of her head—to get him out of her head—Sarah had absolutely no desire to go any further. There was no desire in her, period. Maybe she was in her luteal phase. She’d check the app when she got home.
Regardless, she didn’t need to waste this girl’s time any more than she already had. The night was still young, and Sarah was sure she could easily be replaced by someone less preoccupied. So she disentangled herself, said she needed a drink, and went to wait at the bar.
A familiar voice brushing her ear made her start, her skin already prickling into goosebumps despite the oppressive heat of the club.
‘Evening, Princess. Want to make some new memories in the bathroom?’
Although his voice was cool as ever, Alex’s usually precise words were, not quite slurred, but soft around the edges. When she turned, she found his eyes even brighter than normal.
‘Are you drunk ?’ she asked.
‘Just enough to take the edge off. You made me watch while someone else got to touch you.’
‘Jealous, Aleksander?’
‘ Absolutely. ’ It was almost a moan.
She wondered how much of it was genuine. How much was fuelled by the artisanal, small-batch whiskey (yes, it was also vegan and organic) brand acting as one of the night’s sponsors.
But then Alex’s hands came to rest on the counter, one on either side of her, caging her against the bar. ‘I have a confession.’ He leaned in close, lips almost grazing her cheek. ‘One time wasn’t enough for me. Did Wednesday help you get me out of your system? Because all it did was make me want you more.’
He was right, of course. She’d been thinking about it near incessantly, immortalising every visual.
‘You could have anyone in here tonight with minimal effort. Why are you so intent on me?’
‘Maybe I enjoy putting in the effort. Maybe I find it fun that you don’t like me, but we both know you want me.’
So it wasn’t her. It was the thrill of—for probably the first time in his life—needing to work for it.
‘If you’re so desperate for me, why did you immediately start flirting with the first women you saw?’
She realised her mistake the second the words passed her lips.
‘So you were watching.’ His smirk was impossibly wide, dimples popping on both cheeks. She had the frustrating urge to lick them.
Because he was right. Wednesday had done nothing to make the tension between them go away. Instead, she’d spent two days reliving the way his hips had thrust up from below her. The groans in her ear as she scratched his back. His soft hair threading through her fingers as he lapped at her. The gentle but insistent touch of his mouth on her neck.
A greatest hits reel played on repeat while she wore out her vibrator.
When Alex stepped closer, curling his fingers over her hips, she wasn’t as strong as she might have hoped. He was staring into her eyes now, pupils wide. With alcohol, sure, but if the hard length pressing into her leg was anything to go by, a bit with lust, too. He nudged his nose against hers. ‘Answer me.’
She couldn’t. Not with words. Couldn’t say out loud that every moment she spent with him had her resolve crumbling a fraction more. So, like she had in the pub, in his car, she kissed him. Let all the soft parts of her melt against the hard planes of his.
Not her luteal phase then. Just her body being very, very clear about what and who it wanted, she thought, as warmth bloomed below her stomach.
They finally pulled apart when a loud voice cut through the music. ‘Can you two do that somewhere it’s not a health hazard?’
Alex laughed and brushed his lips up her cheek on the path to her ear. ‘So is this happening in the bathroom again, or are you going to let me take you home so we can fuck in a bed I actually fit in?’
Sarah bit her lip. ‘What if they go back to your place tonight?’
With a hefty sigh, Alex pulled out his phone and showed her the screen as he tapped out a message to Erik.
Alex: Can you go to Abby’s flat tonight? Taking someone home.
Erik’s response came through while they waited for their Uber, and Alex showed her the screen with a triumphant, ‘Done.’
Erik: Okay. Don’t do anything stupid.
‘That’s a weird thing for him to say,’ Sarah started. ‘You don’t think—’
‘I think you’re paranoid.’ Alex rolled his eyes. ‘You’d swear you were sixteen and trying to hide someone from your parents.’
‘You didn’t see me at sixteen. There was no one to hide from my parents.’
‘I struggle to believe that.’
His voice was soft as he opened the door for her.
Although the slight chill of the night air had sobered him up enough to return the crisp edges to his words, that comment, disarmingly sincere, had to be a by-product of imbibing.
She didn’t know what to do with it otherwise.
‘Why are you so concerned with them finding out?’ Alex kept his face turned firmly towards the window. ‘We’re two consenting adults. And if they have a problem with it—which they really have no right to—I have no doubt I’m the one they’ll take it out on.’
How could she begin to explain to Alex, who was so close to his brother, how lonely it had been to grow up an only child? How for eighteen years, she’d wished fora sister to confide in, then been blessed with a girl who had slotted so perfectly into her life, it was as if she’d always been there. If platonic soulmates were a thing, she’d found hers.
Thankfully, he had given her an out.
‘Why would they be upset with you specifically?’ she asked.
He was silent for a moment, still staring pointedly away from her. ‘You heard Abby before their party. My, uh, for want of a better word, dating history is…long.’
‘We’re not dating. We’re not even friends. We’re two people who’ve fucked a few times.’
‘Are we two people who are going to keep fucking?’ He dropped his voice, leaning towards her ear, lips almost brushing her neck.‘Or are you going to pretend it’s the last time every time this happens?’
‘This needs to be the last time,’ Sarah whispered, trying desperately to hold on to her self-restraint.
‘Be serious, Princess.’
She couldn’t understand why her body was so attuned to his. Why his voice burrowed under her skin, igniting every nerve ending. Why, when he did press his lips to her, ever so briefly, it felt like a brand that would never heal.
This was undoubtedly going to blow up spectacularly in her face. But she needed more before that happened. Wanted to indulge in the first thing that had made her feel this good in a long time. So even as her brain screamed that it was a terrible idea, she relented. ‘Until the wedding. Then we go our separate ways, except for when we’re absolutely forced together.’
Something twisted in his face as he pulled back from her, gone so quickly she thought she must have imagined it. ‘Yeah. Great. We’ll do that.’
Somehow, it felt like she’d given the wrong answer.