Chapter 39
SARAH
PILLOWTALK | ZAYN
Alex was going to drop her. They still had a hundred metres of hallway before they got to his room, and his arm under her ass, keeping her hoisted half over his shoulder, couldn’t possibly last the final stretch.
Of course, she was wrong.
Her feet only touched the floor when he’d got them through the door, which he then pressed her against, fisting the satin of her dress in both hands.
‘This fucking dress,’ he groaned. ‘Remind me to send the bride a thank you note.’
‘Aleksander.’ Her voice was barely a rasp of its normal self. ‘Appreciate that you love the dress. But the situation underneath is not sexy. Let me get undressed in the bathroom.’
‘If you think you’re going to deny me the pleasure of taking you out of this, I’d think again.’ His words were muffled, vibrating into her skin.
‘You don’t understand,’ she said, but her resolve weakened with each flick of his tongue against the pulse point below her jaw. ‘There’s some intense shapewear going on.’
A deep sigh blew across her neck before he stepped backwards, cupping her face firmly. ‘No, you don’t understand. You are the situation under this dress, so fuck yes, it’s sexy. Besides, if I’m seeing you in your underwear for more than thirty seconds, I’m doing something wrong. Now can I get back to making you feel good?’
Yes. Because every moment with him proved to make her feel incredible, as her skin ignited under his touch. But she wanted to feel him too. Wanted more of his warmth pressed against her. Wanted to see the ridges of muscle she’d once mocked him for. So when he stepped in to kiss her again, pushing his knee between her legs in the way he now knew she adored, she squeezed her hands between them to unbutton his shirt.
‘Uh-uh,’ he breathed into her mouth. ‘Ruin it.’
Her thighs clenched at the memory of the last time he’d said that to her, and his responding laugh—low, raw, her Aleksander, through and through—was like honey pouring into her mouth. She wanted to gorge herself on it, a magical treat that was decadently sweet but she’d never be sick from.
‘I’ve missed that, Princess.’ His hands fisted in her hair as she continued to work her way down his chest. The trousers had been bad enough; she wasn’t about to destroy what was surely another obscenely expensive piece of clothing. Especially when she considered how good he looked in it. ‘I’ve missed you. Your hair and your skin and your smile and the way you give me shit and how you’re so fucking stubborn you won’t rip my shirt off me.’
‘It didn’t even take long, calm—’ She broke off, an astonished, garbled inhale taking over as Alex shrugged the shirt off, his chest appearing in full. There, embellishing the skin directly on top of his heart, was his new tattoo—a spread of the wildflowers depicted in the painting he’d bought. The same species he’d given her the night he’d picked her up before the gallery. She hadn’t connected them at the time, too focussed on controlling her own heart. Stopping herself from falling too fast and too hard. Reminding herself it was all an act. ‘It’s… That’s…’
Tenderness softened his face as he reached for her hand, pulling it to his chest. ‘I told you I love your work,’ he whispered.
Love, she thought. That was the word. The answer to the all-consuming throb of him that filled her body, her thoughts, her soul . She’d almost said it outside, the word bubbling up to burst out her throat.
‘When I got this,’ Alex went on, dimple popping on the side of his soft smile, ‘it was with the hope that we’d become more, but even after I gave up on that, I was glad some tangible part of you would be with me forever.’
‘Alex, you can’t just say things like that when we’re halfway through taking each other’s clothes off,’ she breathed, emotion tugging at her insides.
He hummed, nuzzling into her chest before continuing his journey down her body, fingers trailing achingly slowly over her sides. ‘I don’t think you’re quite grasping what you mean to me.’ When he reached the hem of her dress, his hands dipped underneath the fabric before he reversed his path, pushing the soft satin over her skin. ‘This isn’t mindless fucking anymore.’ That smile turned feral as he interpreted her parted lips, on the cusp of correcting him. ‘Not just that, anyway. If we’re together, you’ll need to get used to me adoring you all the time, Princess.’
‘I don’t think it’s been that for a while,’ she murmured, her very soul pinned in place by his eyes, much like his hands pinning her hips to the door. ‘Not for me.’
Then that breathtaking smile was pressed into her thigh as he kissed a path up her legs. ‘I’m never going to stop wanting you,’ he whispered against her, a confession breathed in the language they’d been speaking for six weeks, the one he knew wouldn’t send her running. The language of desire, of need, of desperation.
But never .
That held a promise, a key translating his words into the real thing he’d asked for in the garden. A promise that had her blurting, ‘I love you,’ and hoping to hell she hadn’t misread things the second her brain caught up to her mouth.
Cold air whipped across her damp skin as Alex drew back, eyes now sparkling up at her. ‘You what?’
She could have lied to save face. But he deserved the truth. Deserved to know he’d become her favourite person. Deserved the confirmation that this was as real as it could be. ‘I love you.’ Her voice was steady, her words slow.
‘You thought a good time to tell me this was when I was about to go down on you?’
And Alex… Alex was always beautiful. But just then, on his knees, looking up at her with the wide, unrestrained smile she was sure only she got to see, he was devastating .
The heart-aching mix of amusement and softness in his face had her falling right into their usual rapport, suddenly desperate to escape the vulnerability of the moment. ‘Literally couldn’t think of a better time.’
‘Is this a drunk confession?’
Would it matter if it was? For her—and she’d assumed for him—those had been nothing more than excuses to share her truest self without fear of judgement.
‘If that’s what you need to believe. But I wasn’t the one about to deep throat a bottle of champagne.’
Alex stood, and if it was an attempt to get closer to her, it didn’t work—their height difference stayed the same, merely reversed.
‘Say it again, Princess.’ His hand trailed over her cheekbone and came to rest on the back of her neck, lifting her head to look at him.
‘I love you,’ she whispered, fingers trailing over the floral outlines on his chest, still floored by seeing her work on his skin. ‘I didn’t mean to.’
Alex snorted, a sound so normal, so human , that it felt wrong coming out of that godlike face. ‘Thanks.’
‘But you broke down my defences with every secret meeting. With your stupid smirk and your snarky comments and your drunk confessions. With the meanings behind your tattoos.’ Now that she’d started, it snowballed, reasons escaping her. ‘With the way you love your dog. Your absurd loyalty to Michelangelo. And every other time you let me see a little bit of you behind the bluster.’
As she was speaking, Alex pulled her towards the bed, unzipping her dress and easing the straps over her shoulders, letting the fabric fall to her waist. He worked it over her hips, and as promised, quickly divested her of the shapewear underneath until she was in front of him in only the simple black thong she’d worn to avoid the panty lines inexplicably still visible through the thick layer of lycra on top of them.
‘Is this comfortable?’ Alex asked. One hand hooked into the waistband while the other reached behind her to palm at and squeeze as much of her bare skin as possible.
‘Yes.’ Her voice rasped through her throat as he scraped his blunt nails across her ass.
‘Good. I’m buying you more. Because you look fucking spectacular in this.’
‘They’re three for nine pounds at Asda,’ Sarah supplied helpfully, breathing heavily while her heart ached a little at his simple consideration. He’d undressed her enough to know that comfort was a far more important factor than aesthetics when it came to choosing her underwear. As much as he’d seemed to love the lacy lingerie, he’d always been equally wild when faced with the simple pieces she favoured.
Alex flopped onto the bed, stopping her musings.
‘Is that it?’ Sarah popped a hip, attitude filling her voice. ‘I tell you I love you, and I don’t get eaten out?’
‘No. You tell me you love me, and you get an upgrade. Up you get, gorgeous.’
Not happening. She’d tried it once and—
No.
A one-off with a woman from a dating app wasn’t going to ruin the night for her. Not exactly as safe a space as Alex, but still. They weren’t doing that.
‘I’ll crush you.’
‘What a way to go.’ He pointed to his mouth. ‘Up.’
‘Alex.’
Their stare down lasted thirty seconds before Alex’s brows furrowed. ‘Sarah, sit on my fucking face.’
‘Why?’
‘Because I love you, and if I don’t get my mouth on you in the next ten seconds, I might die. Sorry, was that not obvious?’ he asked, when Sarah’s lips parted. ‘What with the tattoo, and the way I look at you, and just generally adore you and have for weeks now?’ Uncharacteristically serious eyes met hers, slightly at odds with his sardonic tone.
Even so, affection streamed from his face, and Sarah’s heart fluttered at the sight. ‘You thought a good time to tell me that was when you’re about to go down on me?’
His smile spread, becoming the beautiful one from before. ‘Literally couldn’t think of a better time. That mean you’re getting up here?’
Alex had always been unnaturally talented with his tongue, but the angle change when he pressed his fingers into her thighs and pulled her fully onto him was heavenly. She was going to hide his razor next time she found herself near his bathroom, because the scrape of his stubble heightened each sensation until it was just the right side of unbearable. Then there was the way he whimpered when she accidentally squeezed her legs closer to his head. And when she tried to reverse course and restore his breathing room, his hand shifted to hold her leg in place. It was a heady, electrifying feeling, to be reminded how much he wanted her. How much she affected the deity beneath her.
She came quickly, a keening cry escaping her lips, and when Alex finally released his death grip on her legs, she lifted herself shakily, crawling back until she could sit on his chest. It was awkward and clumsy, and Alex—mouth wet and eyes glassy—was looking at her like she was the unclaimed wonder of the world.
‘I have been dying to do that,’ he rasped.
Sarah smiled, bending to kiss him. ‘You know you’re keeping this, right?’ she asked, scraping her nails across the hair on his jaw.
A slight frown pulled Alex’s eyebrows together. ‘It’s messy,’ he said, after a moment.
With a twist of her hand, Sarah moved her fingers to the small furrow, smoothing the puckered skin. ‘I think the messy parts of you are my favourite.’ Even after all the times they’d had sex, this—tenderness, softness, in the middle of it all—was new. And she loved it.
‘Every part of you is my favourite.’ Alex’s hands returned to her legs, caressing the skin of her thighs. ‘I want to fu— Shit. ’ The frown was back, clouding those bright, clear eyes. ‘I don’t have condoms.’
‘How do you not have condoms? You’re a fucking boy scout, Alex.’ They could do other things, she supposed, but sitting on his stomach, naked, her pulse pounding through all the places their skin touched, was making her increasingly desperate for him.
‘I wasn’t expecting this. You. Us. And I wasn’t exactly planning on doing this with anyone else.’
Sarah chewed on her lip. Twisted it one way, then the other. ‘I have, but they’re in my room. Zoe is also in my room, and unlikely to let me go without a considerable delay of chat.’ Teasing was the word, really. Sarah went quiet for a moment. She trusted him. Maybe they could— ‘Do we need one? I’m on the pill. You’re the only person I’ve been with since I tested last.’
‘I tested after our first time. It’s only been you since.’
‘A whole six weeks with just one woman? You must be in love, Aleksander.’ Even if they’d never discussed exclusivity, the possessive part of her was undeniably happy he’d been hers all along.
‘No.’ Alex shook his head, golden strands of hair tangling against the white pillow. ‘The first time. Even before it was this, you were all I wanted for months.’
All those lonely nights in a cold bed thinking about the guy she’d bagged in the bathroom… She couldn’t have imagined this would be where they’d end up.
‘Then have me.’
‘I want you on top,’ Alex said roughly. ‘And I want— I want to be bound. I know we don’t have cuffs… My tie, maybe?’
The power he gave her would be the death of her. Sitting astride him, watching his forearms flex as she fastened his bowtie around his wrists, caused a heady rush. And his eyes, soft with affection, had her heart beating ever faster when she lowered herself onto him, reaching above his head to lace the fingers of one hand through his. After so long hiding her heart from him—after hiding her feelings from herself, really—it felt strange to let go. To let him see how much being vulnerable with him meant to her. How much it meant that he did the same, when he was so guarded with the world.
The last time they’d done this, she’d taken it slow to start. But the first time he lifted his hips to meet hers, she let go, grinding hard against him.
He started struggling against his binding after her first orgasm. ‘Let me out, Princess.’
Sarah could still feel herself pulsing around him as she said, ‘You have a safe word.’
‘I don’t want to safe out. I don’t want to stop. I just need to touch you. Please.’ He sounded needy. She wanted him needier. And if he didn’t want to stop…
Sarah rolled her hips again, and Alex hissed. Good. ‘I think you can wait a little longer.’
Another slow circle. This time, Alex swore. When she moved again, he said, ‘I know you don’t think you can overpower me, even when I’m like this. Let. Me. Out.’
She tortured him for a further thirty seconds before tugging on the end of the bowtie to set him free. He had them flipped in seconds, sliding back into her from behind. Stretching out over her back, he murmured in her ear, ‘I let you come once, as a courtesy. Now I’m going to make you wait, like you just made me wait to be released. Like you made me wait while you figured out I’m perfect for you.’
Anticipation shot through her body. Alex had edged her a few times, and it was always worth it, but fuck , she needed him to move. Asking wouldn’t help though. If anything, he’d make her wait longer.
Then, sweet relief as he pulled out and thrust back in.
‘You’re so good at that,’ Sarah slurred, when he kept hitting the perfect spot deep inside her. It was a mistake.
Alex’s laugh was low and dark as he switched to shallow movements. ‘You think you’re going to compliment me into letting you come?’
She had, actually.
Every few thrusts, he went deep again, just enough to make her gasp. Just enough to make her increasingly desperate.
And when she was wriggling under him, pushing her hips back in desperation, a string of whispered please s tumbling out, he showed mercy.
After turning her onto her back, Alex shuddered when he filled her again. That was always her favourite part. When he decided to let her finish because he couldn’t hold out anymore. She’d mused on his immaculate control earlier. It made it all the more satisfying when he lost it.
‘Okay, Princess,’ he panted. ‘Need to see you come. Need to see your pretty face all flushed and pink for me. Need to hear your voice go tight with how much you want this. Need you to squeeze me. Just, fuck , need you.’
His words unlocked something. She didn’t even need the finger he was brushing between her legs. If he carried on speaking, he could talk her into an orgasm at this rate.
‘Tell me again.’
And she knew. Knew there was only one thing he could be asking for. ‘I love you.’
‘You gonna come for the man who loves you now?’
Instead of answering, Sarah moaned, pleasure washing through her. Alex followed immediately, collapsing over her.
Later, when they’d crawled back into bed after cleaning up, Alex reached for her hand. ‘Princess, do you want to be my friend yet?’
Sarah rolled onto her side, looking at his strong, beautiful profile. ‘Aleksander, I want to be your best friend.’