Epilogue
ALEX - 1 month later
Sweet Nothing | Taylor Swift
‘How the fuck are you pregnant ?’
Alex’s head jolted up from his laptop to find his girlfriend walking through his kitchen door, a tote bag filled with groceries over each shoulder and her phone pressed to her ear. He’d mock her for that later. Geriatric behaviour, indeed.
Abby? he mouthed, already reaching for his phone to check on Erik.
Sarah shook her head, leaning in to kiss his cheek as she passed him. Muffled words came through the tinny speaker.
‘Yes, of course. I’ll be there in half an hour.’ Her voice was astonishingly calm, given the state on the other end of the phone. But her hands betrayed her, shaking slightly as she cradled the phone between her ear and shoulder before attempting to shove vegetables, wine, and cheese into the fridge.
Alex touched her waist gently, moving her aside so he could take over. He supposed date night was cancelled. They’d planned to cook together—a carbonara, with chocolate and raspberry puddings after—before she introduced him to something called 90 Day Fiancé . But everything she’d bought would keep until tomorrow, including the fresh pasta.
When she’d ended the call, now looking shell-shocked in the middle of his kitchen, he went to wrap his arms around her. If not Abby, there was only one other person who would call her to share that kind of news.
‘Zoe’s pregnant,’ she confirmed, voice muffled against his chest. ‘I’m sorry. I know we had plans, but—’
‘Your concerning taste in entertainment can wait another night. Want me to drive you?’ From the moment she’d walked in, pregnant exclaimed in a harsh tone, he’d known she’d be turning right back around. His personal plans, like the food, could wait.
Sandalwood floated around them as Sarah shook her head, tightened her arms. ‘I’ll get the train.’
‘Okay.’ Alex kissed her hair. ‘Text me when you’re ready to come home though, yeah?’ It was an intentional slip, one he’d been dropping into conversation for a while, waiting to see if she’d respond, correct him. She hadn’t yet.
‘She’s meeting us at the Ealing flat.’
He’d noticed that phrasing more in the last week too, when referring to the flat she shared, at least on paper, with Abby. Not my flat . But the Ealing flat . A level of detachment that made him hopeful.
‘I’ll be home, technically.’ Her last word was spoken softly, almost as an afterthought. And it was a technicality at this point. She was at his place most nights. After that first week post-wedding, when she’d stayed with him to avoid the claustrophobic newlywed bliss, he’d kept encouraging her to stay. When he left for work in the mornings, she took the train back to Ealing and spent the day painting. Then they’d meet for dinner—her place, his place, or out—and inevitably spend the night together. And because he was both too old for flatmates and too tall to comfortably sleep in Sarah’s bed, he normally tried to steer them back towards Holland Park. In practice, her bedroom had been reduced to a studio space. By contrast, his pillows smelled like her, even when the sheets had just come out the wash.
‘I won’t, though,’ he said, grateful her face was pressed to his chest. It still went against his nature, sometimes, to be so open. To let her see that he needed her. ‘Not till you’re back.’ But he tried. And it became a little easier each day.
‘Are you ever going to let me sleep in my own bed again?’ Sarah’s voice was muffled against his chest.
Alex thought of the changes he’d made to his third bedroom, his desk and the box inside. ‘Not if I have my way.’
‘How is she?’ Alex asked, pulling away from Sarah’s building—or Abby and Erik’s building, as he was already calling it in his mind.
‘Weirdly good,’ Sarah said, curling her feet up onto the seat. Abby had once done the same, and Alex had refused to drive her anywhere for a month. He slipped his hand onto Sarah’s thigh, holding her position. ‘The situation is…less than ideal. She’s been looking for a new job, which, let’s be honest, there’s no point doing now. It’ll be tough. But she’s always wanted kids. She says she can’t imagine not keeping it.’
‘Do you want kids?’ Alex asked, as they stopped outside his house. They hadn’t discussed anything that far into the future. Up until now, he had still been trying to play at some level of normality, so she might not see how desperately all in he was.
‘I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it much. But seeing Abby and Zoe talk in there… They really want kids. I don’t think I’m prepared to take that step unless I’m as eager as they are. What about you?’
He’d never been desperate either way. And being the cool uncle admittedly felt more his speed. ‘I think Abby and Erik, and maybe Zoe, are going to pop out so many kids, we’ll be able to borrow one for a test drive.’
Sarah snorted, bending to kiss the top of Celine’s head when she met them at the door. Seeing her warm to his dog over the past month had been one of his favourite parts of their relationship. Although Celine was close to liking Sarah more than she liked him.
He followed her up the stairs, but before Sarah could venture too far down the hall, Alex pulled her back by her belt loops. ‘I know it’s late, but can I show you something before bed?’
She shivered at the feel of his breath on her neck, one hand still on her hips as he reached around her to unlock his office door.
‘You know I had some work done to upgrade my office space?’
Sarah nodded.
He had mere days left at his firm, finalising one small merger, before he started working for himself. Partly thanks to the knowledge that someone was waiting for him at home, and partly because what were they going to do, fire him? , he’d left work at exactly five o’clock every night of his notice period, including leaving Pete to run one of the late meetings. He’d botched it, of course, and Alex hadn’t needed to care one bit.
‘ Office space isn’t exactly the spec I gave them.’
‘Alex,’ Sarah breathed, when he flipped the light switch, illuminating rows of shelving filled with paints, brushes, pencils, and canvases. An easel stood in one corner, next to the large bay window. The area would be bathed in natural light come morning. ‘What is this?’
‘Your new studio.’ He shrugged, brushing off the nerves that sparked at the shock on her face. ‘If you want it. The shelving is all modular, so you can adjust it to your needs.’
‘It’s beautiful. It’s perfect . How—’ Her voice was strangled.
‘Abby supplied access to some Pinterest boards. I know you were planning to turn their room into a studio when they moved out, but since that doesn’t seem likely to happen soon, I thought…’
‘This is supposed to be your office.’ Her voice was slightly hollow as she ran one finger over the dark wooden ledge lining the wall.
Alex walked towards the double desk in the corner facing them. ‘It comes with strings attached. For one thing, you’ll let me work in here and watch you paint. For another, at some point I am going to insist you paint me nude. And I’m definitely interested in making one of those sex paint—’
‘I can’t accept this.’ He might have believed her, if she hadn’t begun fondling a set of new brushes.
‘It’s done. If you don’t use it, I’m just going to have a room filled with highly inconvenient cabinetry.’ Alex took advantage of her turned back to pull a small box out of his drawer before crossing back to her. ‘I thought it might be nice for you to have a space that’s yours . Organise your stuff the way you want. Have a place to put canvases to dry instead of waiting days before you can start a new piece. And I thought’—he swallowed hard, reaching his hand and the box it contained towards her—‘I thought you might like not having to move between places all the time.’
Sarah’s lips parted when she turned and saw the small box. ‘Aleksander, I swear, if you’re about to propose to me after a month, I—’
‘It’s been at least six months since we first kissed, actually, but…’ He opened the box to reveal a key he knew she would recognise. A copy sat on her keyring already. ‘I’m asking you to move in with me.’
He’d never seen her so still. ‘That’s still a big step,’ she said finally.
But he knew her. He could see the hunger in her eyes, the same way she looked hungry whenever he opened up with her. She wanted this.
‘Come on. You spend the night here all the time anyway. Move in with me.’
‘I cannot afford to live here.’
‘What’s to afford? The bond’s paid off. We can discuss a contribution to utilities if that’ll make you feel better. Move in with me.’
‘I have a lease,’ she said weakly.
‘Mhm, and isn’t it lucky you have two very willing flatmates desperate for their own space?’
‘You’ve already spoken to them about this, haven’t you?’
A week before, when he’d met them both for lunch near his office. ‘You haven’t noticed Erik avoiding you for the last few days? Just in case he let something slip? They’re delighted, by the way. Move in with me. ’
Sarah chewed on her lip.
‘This is starting to feel alarmingly like begging, Princess. And I hate begging.’
‘No, you don’t.’ A small smile tweaked her lips. They both knew she was right. Whether he was begging her to let him make her come one more time or begging to come himself, he fucking loved it.
‘No, I don’t,’ Alex agreed. ‘But it’s cruel to make me do it clothed. Wouldn’t it be nice if you didn’t have to hunt for your favourite jumper three times a week, only to discover you left it on the other side of the city? Wouldn’t it be nice if the next time you have to pack an overnight bag is because we’re going to Paris for the weekend?’
‘Are we going to Paris?’ she asked innocently, as if there was a square mile on the globe he wouldn’t take her if she wanted it.
‘I’ll take you to Paris. Move in with me.’
He’d stayed deliberately just out of touching range so he could focus, so when Sarah stepped closer, he felt his control begin to fray. He held on just long enough for her to make first contact. ‘You’re sure?’ she asked, arms sliding around his waist.
Winding his fingers through the hair at the nape of her neck, Alex whispered, ‘I’m sure,’ before he kissed her.
‘You know I have a key, right?’ she asked, when he broke away to kiss her cheeks, her forehead, her chin. Wherever he could access.
‘You have the spare key. This is your key.’ It had her initials engraved in his handwriting. Because what was the point in a small gesture? ‘It would have been hellishly awkward if there had been a ring in there.’
‘I know you’re too smart for that,’ she said.
Alex laughed against her mouth, quiet, but full and happy. ‘I love you.’ Saying it had become an addiction. When he woke up next to her, when she handed him a mug of tea, when she passed him while he held a door open for her. In the middle of the night when she was fast asleep, just because he could.
‘I love you.’ She kissed him again, and he lost himself in the rhythm of her lips and the press of her body against his. All too quickly, she had pulled away again. ‘I’m going to get that obscenely expensive champagne you were saving for a special occasion’—perhaps he should tell her this was the special occasion—‘while you switch on the hot tub I still can’t believe you hid from me for six weeks.’
One more kiss, pulling her hips in flush against his. A wink as they broke apart. ‘Girlfriend privileges.’
He let her reach the door before he spoke again, sliding his hands into his pockets, as if that would make him appear any more casual. ‘Sarah.’
She turned, eyebrows raised—he would guess both at his serious tone and the rare use of her first name.
‘One day.’
Because dammit, he knew a month was too soon, but he also knew she was all he wanted. All he would ever want. He’d wait a respectable amount of time, but as soon as she gave a hint of being ready, he was buying her a ring.
It seemed to take a moment for his words to filter through. When she parsed his meaning, her face softened, glowing in the golden light of the hallway.
Then a brilliant smile consumed her face. ‘One day,’ she agreed.