43. 43
Three glorious days and then—goodbye.
I replay my goodbye with Delaney in my head. She”ll be gone a week, maybe longer. I don’t know. She kissed me when she left, but she was so happy to be going. And I can”t fault her for that. I don”t want to, and I”m not trying to.
But dating—err, being married to—a rock star is strange, though. I like her more than I should—and it’s doing weird things to my brain.
I know this has been her dream, her goal, for a long time, even before she voiced it. So many things have gotten in the way, and now it’s time to record.
I’m happy for her.
And yet I don’t feel all that happy.
The blank canvas in front of me has yet to paint itself. Instead, I’m replaying the morning and looking up things on the Internet. Things I never look up. Gossip. Will the gossip pages tell me when she’s landed? Or will she call and tell me? Or will I just wonder forever?
The glass door of the studio opens, and Coco’s voice calls out in the open space. “Miles?” She’s got Lula on her hip and Princess, the golden retriever, on a leash.
I step out from behind my blank page. “Hey. What are you three doing here?”
“We were in the neighborhood and thought we’d check in on Uncle Miles.” She bounces the baby. “Hey,” she says with a big smile on her face. “Watch this.” She sets Lula down on her own two feet, holding her by the tips of her fingers, and then slowly letting go, allowing the little girl to balance for herself.
“Is she—” I start as Lula takes one step forward, then two and three. I laugh and run a hand over my head. “She’s walking.”
“Yeah. She started yesterday with both of her grandmas there. It was almost perfect.”
“Almost?” I say—that sounds pretty perfect.
“Yeah, don’t tell Jude. He was gone, and I want to surprise him. Besides, it’s completely okay with me if he thinks she took her first steps toward him.”
I shake my head and laugh. “He’ll be fine knowing she took them toward one of your mothers too.”
Coco gathers her little girl up before she can reach the row of standing easels. “I know. But give him this. He’s been working hard, and he misses the girls when he’s gone.”
“I’m not going to say anything, but does Alice know?”
Coco’s look tells me that she does indeed know about Lula’s steps. Yeah—Coco isn’t going to get away with anything. She realizes it too, now. “So, are you missing your wife yet?”
I swallow. No need to lie. “Yeah. I am. I’ve gotten used to her being around every day.”
“I mean, you could work in California while she’s there and she could work here when she can.”
I give a curt nod. It’s a good plan—for an actual married couple. But this relationship is pretty new for Delaney and me. I’m not sure she’d appreciate me following her around like a lost puppy. Not to mention—my dreams are happening over here too. I’m not sure I’m ready to leave the studio yet. Or my students.
“Well,” she says, a hand on my shoulder. “I actually came because we’ve never set a date for your reception, and I was hoping to nail one down.”
I clear my throat. “I’m not sure about a reception,” I say, praying Coco will drop the whole topic. “I mean, Delaney is super busy and—it’s not like we need anything.”
“It’s not about the gifts, Miles. It’s about celebrating. You took your wedding away from our mother; don’t take this too.”
“Ouch,” I say, running a hand over the back of my neck. “Low blow.”
“Exactly on-target blow, actually. That’s what happened and you know it.” Coco has got bluntness down. “When will Delaney get back?”
“Honestly.” I swallow. She didn’t say, and I was too afraid to ask. “I’m not sure.” Again—dating a rock star here people. I’m feeling a little self-conscious. It was easier to ignore the fame when I didn’t have actual feelings for her. When I was sure she could never feel anything real for me.
“You don’t know when your wife will be home?”
“No.”
“She is coming home, right?” She huffs, frustrated with me.
I get it. I’m a little frustrated myself.
“I don’t know,” I say. “This isn’t her home.” It’s more impatient than I’ve ever spoken in my life—and to my sister, of all people. I wipe a hand down my face. “I’m sorry.”
She rolls her head back. “Miles, what is up with you? You don’t want a reception, you don’t know when Delaney will be back, and now you’re denying she even has a home with you. What’s wrong?”
I stand from my stool, run both hands through my hair, and blow all the air from my lungs. I might be the guy who doesn’t talk much, but right now I have a whole lot to say. “I like her, okay? This was a whole lot easier when I didn’t have any feelings, and now I have feelings galore. I might even love her.” I pace in front of my easel. “And that’s certifiably insane, Coco!”
Coco’s brows lower. She wraps Princess’s leash around a closet door handle and sets Lula on the floor before walking over and standing right in front of me, arms crossed. “All right, little brother, spill.”
Secrets are easier kept when they don’t mean anything. But now, Delaney means everything. If I thought it was difficult keeping this from my family before, it’s impossible in this second.
So I talk. I tell my sister everything.
And when I finish, Coco’s mouth is on the ground. Her hands and arms splay out on the table we sit at and she stares at me. The woman hasn’t blinked in a minute and a half. “So, you aren’t really married.”
“Oh no, it’s legit.” I hold up my left hand. “This is real. Our certificate, real.”
“But you don’t actually love her.”
I stir in my seat. “Actually, I’m pretty sure I do.”
Coco sighs and sits a little straighter. “But she doesn’t love you back?”
“Um, love.” I shrug, “I don’t know. But she likes me. She told me she has feelings—strong, real feelings.”
“Miles, I’m so confused. Is your marriage fake or not?”
I peer at her, all my words gone because I’m not really sure anymore.