17. Ryder
Chapter 17
Ryder
I hadn’t had sex again with Finn and Knox since last week, but we’d definitely fooled around the other day. While I wanted more sex, I also loved that it wasn’t just about fucking. It was about the entire experience. They went into it with their full hearts, pulling me closer and closer to them, to the point I craved their touch and nearness.
I had to work tonight, but by two in the afternoon, I was still in bed, playing a stupid, addicting game on my phone. The depression was quickly settling in as the days grew closer to the anniversary of the day that changed my life forever. It was heavy and suffocating. I didn’t want to think about it, but it was all I could do.
Five more days.
Five more days before I relived that hell again.
Her long brown hair waved in the wind as we drove with the windows rolled down. Fall was almost there, but the day was warm. She laughed at one of my stupid jokes, throwing her head back against the headrest of her seat, her eyes gleaming in humor—humor that vanished the next day forever.
That visual would never leave me for the rest of my life. It was the last happy memory I had of her.
With excruciating pain and a strength I didn’t know I had left in me, I swallowed the growing lump in my throat and sat up.
My heart suddenly leaped, forcing a startled cry when someone pounded on my door.
“Ryder! Dude, you’ve been in there all day. Are you okay? You sick?” Atlas said on the other side of my door.
“I’m fine… just… tired. I’ll be out in a minute.”
He left without another word as her face flashed in my memories again. Shoving it down into the recesses of my mind, I got out of bed and picked out what I wanted to wear tonight for work.
I selected a pair of black slacks and a black, short-sleeved button-up that was covered in small holes, looking like it was crocheted. It was another thing Finn had bought for me.
I laid them on my bed, then headed to the kitchen for a bite to eat before I took a shower.
It was Saturday, so all my roommates were home. They all looked at me with concern, but I waved them off. “I’m not sick,” I said before they could question me.
I opened the fridge and pulled out some salami, cheddar cheese, lettuce, mustard, and pickles. In the pantry, I grabbed some whole wheat bread. It wasn’t much, especially since I wouldn’t eat again until I got home at three in the morning, but I couldn’t stomach much else.
Atlas came bounding over, shirtless, wearing only a pair of joggers. He sat at the table we all shared in the kitchen—his curly dark hair still damp from a shower.
“Guess what?”
“Uhm, you’re suddenly straight.”
He gasped and feigned shock. “Ew. I would never .”
Emma and Luna cracked up, busy with their own projects. Emma with her knitting, and Luna engaged in something on her laptop.
I put on a smile I didn’t feel as I spread mustard over the bread slices. “Well, I give up then.”
He ran his spread hands over the wooden table and gleamed with dark brown eyes. “I got the job!”
“You mean with… Cross Corp, right?”
“Yep! Even better? My bosses, Mr. Cross and Mr. Pierce, are dreamy ! I haven’t started working yet since I had to give the coffee shop and restaurant my two-week notices, but I got to meet them!” He threaded his fingers together, pressed them against his cheek, and batted his eyelashes, making me chuckle. “Hugh and Linden are adorable and sexy and… Oh, I cannot wait to work for them.”
I laid two slices of salami, a slice of cheddar, and some lettuce onto the bread and closed the sandwich. Then I grabbed a pickle slice and put it on my plate before taking a large bite of my meager meal. “Don’t fuck them, Atlas,” I said with my mouth full. “Or if you do, just… be careful.”
Then I thought about my own situation, how quickly on board I was about being with my boss and his stepson.
“Don’t encourage him,” Emma scolded me. “He’s going to lose his job before it even begins.”
Atlas huffed. “You’re no fun, Emma-boo. I’m the king of being discreet.”
Luna snorted a laugh and shook her head. “Sure you are. About as discreet as an elephant in a china shop.”
He waved a dismissive hand. “Ignore the sourpuss. I’m not going to fuck them, but a boy can dream, right?”
I wanted to tell him about my boss, but I wasn’t allowed, so I took another bite of my sandwich. “Just be careful, Atlas.”
“But of course!”
My mood hadn’t improved by the time I walked into Legends for work and to get my station ready for the night. The club had barbacks to fill ice bins and cut fruit, but I double-checked to make sure I had all that I needed for the night. Then I went through and took inventory of all the liquor.
Each of the bartenders had their own station, and at each station was a little refrigerator, which held fruit and other garnishes. I pulled out the cleaned basil and mint, having them ready.
All the beer kegs were full already, but there were some nearly empty liquor bottles, so I headed to the storage room and grabbed replacement bottles. You didn’t want to leave when it was busy with drink lines just to go to the storage. It was a bad look, especially for clubs like Legends. There could be no mistakes, and everything had to run smoothly and efficiently.
Private tables and rooms had their servers, so that cut down on the drink lines.
Usually, I was quick to set up, but I kept getting distracted, forcing myself to focus again. And when that crushing weight settled around my heart, I would compartmentalize and try to think about other things.
I’d been so busy doing my checklist for opening the bar, with music playing quietly in the background, that I hadn’t noticed Knox heading my way and sitting down on one of the stools.
“Oh!” I said. “Sorry, I didn’t see you… sir.”
“That’s a lot of frowning you’ve been doing.”
Because the day is almost here , I nearly said.
“Yeah, it’s been a rough day. I’m sorry. I promise I’ll be all smiles for the patrons tonight.”
Knox hopped off the stool and wiggled a finger at me. “Come back to my office.”
“But…”
“Now.”
I sighed, stepped out from behind the bar, and followed him.
When he closed his office door behind us, he waved a hand at the chair in front of his desk. “Sit.”
I sat down and picked at some imaginary lint on my slacks, trying not to look at him because I knew he would try to see into my soul. He’d know what happened and what I’d done.
“Ryder, I’m not worried about my guests. I’m worried about you . I can see it. Each day, it looks like you get more and more lost. You try to hide it, but we’ve all gotten really close very fast. Talk to me.”
“I… I…” The words wanted to tumble out and tell him everything, but my mouth refused to cooperate. “Give me time. Please.”
Knox came to stand in front of me, and to my surprise, he squatted, grabbing one of my hands and holding it in his larger one.
“Do I need to remind you that you agreed to be communicative? We all need to be open and honest with each other if this is going to work.”
But you don’t want me permanently. It’s only temporary, as is my fucking sanity. I thought the words but didn’t say them out loud. I could feel myself about to crumble into little shards of glass. Yet, they did tell me they wanted our time together to continue for longer.
“And I will. Just give me… I need a couple more weeks.” If I could even survive it. “Then I’ll tell you everything.”
Knox sighed, let go of my hand, and stood. “Very well.”
He dragged his fingers across my face before dropping his hand. “We enjoy you so much, Ryder. I hope you know that.”
“I really enjoy you, too.”
So much , I said in my head. Knox and Finn were my beautiful distraction.
“I have something for you,” he said, moving around behind his desk and opening a drawer. He pulled out a box and came back to stand in front of me. “Finn and I talked, and we think you’re ready for the next level.”
“Yes. Anything.”
He smiled, the crinkles around his eyes more pronounced. I found myself constantly drawn to them, like his inner strength and life were held in those lines around his eyes. Knox was someone I could fall on if I needed to. I wasn’t trying to keep secrets from him and Finn, but I just couldn’t open my mouth to say the words. It was too painful. I figured that when the first anniversary passed, I could tell them. Hopefully. If it didn’t destroy me first.
“I always love your eagerness,” he chuckled affectionately.
“Finn and I want to take you to The Backdoor Lifestyle Club. It’s a sex club for the LGBTQ+. We quite enjoy it there because it allows Finn to be his expressive and exhibitionist self. He loves to be watched, which is why he’s such a good model. Usually, we enjoy using a room that is open to anyone who wants to watch us. But we’ll leave the choice up to you. Some rooms are closed off to the public, so you can experience a sex club without the intrusiveness of others watching. If you choose to be in an open room, we all wear masks to hide our identities. It allows us to express ourselves freely without fear of discovery. What do you think about that?”
“I’m still new to this, but I’ve said I want to experience all of it, and I meant it. But if we do this, I would definitely like to wear a mask.”
Knox smiled broadly. “Finn will be so excited.”
He thrust the box into my hand. “This is for you.”
I took the proffered black velvet box and opened it to find a gleaming butt plug, casting my reflection back at me. It looked larger than the toys he’d previously used on me, and the end had a large ring for easy removal.
“It’s stainless steel. It won’t be flexible, but it should be comfortable. I want you to wear it a couple of times a day for a few hours, getting used to a thicker intrusion. It’s not the smallest one, but it’s not the largest either. It will be big enough for you to feel, but not be uncomfortable. You can even wear it tonight if you’re so inclined. Your slacks should hide any hard-on you may get.”
My face heated, but I was also eager to use it. “I don’t have any lube.”
His grin turned crooked. “I always have bottles readily available. Do you want me to put it in for you?”
“What about Finn?”
“I will have him watch it live on my phone. He’s expecting my call.”
“Okay, and when is the sex club thing?”
“I have reservations for Tuesday night when you’re off work.”
“That sounds good.”
Perfect, even , I thought. It would be two days before the anniversary and a perfect distraction.
“Drop your slacks, Sweet Boy,” Knox said as he dialed Finn’s number.
“Hello, hello. Did our Rye-baby accept his gift?” Finn asked.
Knox chuckled. “He sure did, and he’s joining us on Tuesday, out in the open, too.”
“Oh, my god! You’re going to have so much fun, Rye.”
“We’re about to put in his gift now if you’d like to watch, baby.”
“Yes, please!”
Knox nodded at me. “Drop your pants.”
As I undid my belt buckle and unzipped my slacks, I pulled them down along with my underwear, letting them pool around my ankles.
“Bend over, hands on the desk,” Knox ordered, propping up his phone so Finn could watch it all.
I did as I was told, but I looked behind me, a little worried. “You’re just going to put it in?”
“Yes, but slowly and with a lot of lube. If it gets uncomfortable at any time, you can come in here and use my private restroom to remove it. Then clean it before you head back to the bar.”
I faced away from him as he swiped lube around my crease and hole, fingering me a little to get some inside. The cold metal tip of the plug was eased in, making me shiver. “It will warm up quickly,” he explained.
I said nothing, getting used to the intrusion and trying to bear down. It burned as it stretched me open, my body wanting to expel it rather than accept it, but I breathed through the sting, wanting this to work.
“This is so sexy,” Finn said over the phone. “Look at your hole, trying to gobble it up. I knew your body would love it. Just wait until you get it all in there. It’s tilted, so it will hit your prostate whenever you move. You’re going to have a perpetual boner throughout work.” His laugh was loud as he imagined my aroused discomfort.
Suddenly, it was in, and the tilted tip instantly hit my prostate. I groaned, and my cock swelled. I wasn’t sure how long I could keep it inside me, but I’d try my best.
“Two hours. No more. Then come back here to remove it. Oh, and no coming tonight. Not until you get home.”
I pulled up my underwear and slacks, zipping them and latching on the buckle. “Yes, sir, but it seems rather cruel.”
Knox stood toe-to-toe with me, looking down at my face. “You’ll be rewarded for your efforts. That’s a promise.”
I barely lasted an hour before I had to remove it. The desperation to come was unbearable, which distracted me from work, but fuck, it had been fun and kept me away from intrusive thoughts.