Chapter 23
“Welcome to our very first Unsinkable Melodies,” Millie cheerfully greeted the audience. “Karaoke improv among cruising friends at its finest. Without further ado, I turn the show over to Donovan Sweeney, Siren of the Seas’ purser and improv extraordinaire.”
A polite round of applause ensued. Millie and Donovan passed each other exiting and entering the stage. He welcomed the crowd and gave a brief explanation before introducing the musicians.
The ship’s band queued up a crescendo of creepy music, reminiscent of impending doom that grew louder.
The curtain glided open, revealing the team of contestants: the Garden Girls, a family of four adults and a couple who had hit Millie’s radar during the interviews, an interesting duo with rich southern accents and sporting casual clothing, even by cruise ship standards, which may have been an understatement.
The man wore a pair of denim bib overalls, a sleeveless fire-engine red T-shirt, and a pair of scuffed brown cowboy boots.
His companion, whom Millie discovered was his young wife, wore tight-fitting cutoff shorts, a modest blouse and matching boots, struck her as being the most outgoing of the two.
Donovan introduced the contestants to the audience and briefly explained the simple rules. “These clever passengers, with the help of the house band, will be given a theme and a set amount of time to come up with song lyrics, to which the band will add music.”
Microphone in hand, he turned to the group. “Do you have any questions?”
Jolene, the young wife’s hand shot up. “Clean or questionable?”
“Clean or questionable what?”
“Lyrics.”
“This is a family-friendly audience. You’ll need to save the R-rated version for another time.”
Danielle nudged Millie. “What is she doing?”
“I have no idea.” Millie watched as Jolene leaned back in her chair, relaxing her legs in an unladylike manner with her thighs spread apart.
“Is she trying to flash the audience?”
“I hope not.”
Danielle tilted her head. “She has some sort of tattoo on her upper thigh.”
“What is it?” Millie craned her neck.
Donovan strode across the stage in front of them. “The theme of your song is about our darling cruise director, Millie and / or Siren of the Seas.”
“Got it,” Ruth said. “I already have a few lines in mind.”
“Perfect.” Donovan motioned to the family. “Are you ready to tap into your creative muse?”
“Raring to go and ready to roll.”
“What about you, my lovely newlyweds?”
Skeeter, Jolene’s husband, tapped the side of his forehead, his breath whistling through the gaping hole in his mouth. “Been workin’ on ‘em since the moment you picked us.”
Donovan turned to address the audience. “While the contestants brainstorm, our ventriloquist, Mervin, and his sidekick will offer thoughts on what they think makes a great song.”
The curtain swung shut. Millie hurried over. “Well?”
Donovan lowered his voice, glancing toward the teams who sat huddled together. “What’s up with Jolene?”
“She’s striking some interesting poses.” Millie rubbed her forehead. “I hope I didn’t make a mistake by picking them.”
“As long as they keep it clean, we should be okay.”
Long moments passed with Millie and Donovan checking in on the teams, reminding them the clock was ticking. At the fifteen-minute mark, the curtains opened. Mervin and Flash exited, and the house band began to play.
The family of four took their place at the center stage, belting out a ditty about chogs, commonly known as chair hogs, cramming into crowded elevators and teasing Millie about hosting tons of trivia.
“Well done. Bravo.” Donovan clapped his hands. “Let’s move on to the Garden Girls. Please join me at the front of the stage to sing your song.”
The band began playing again, this time a more upbeat tempo with traces of tropical tunes, while Ruth, Dot, Liz, Margaret and Lucy stepped up to the microphones.
Liz snapped her fingers and tapped her foot. We’re sailing on the high seas with my cousin named Millie; she’s the best cruise director with a husband so dreamy.
Margaret picked up. They’ve got a teacup pup, cute as can be, Scout’s got ‘em wrapped around his paw pinky.
Having fun in the sun, got our toes in the sand, listening to the rhythm of the steel drum band, Ruth crooned. “Take it away Dot.”
Sunrise to sunset, making sweet memories we’ll never forget. From ship to shore, there’s food galore. I’m already stuffed, but I’m hungry for more, she sang.
Lucy added a little tap dance to her line. I got busted when they found my diving knife, they said they’re gonna keep it, ‘til I need it, so it’s all right.
Margaret wrapped it up. Searching high and searching low, where did all the suspects go? Oh, that’s right. There’s no mystery to solve…or at least not tonight.
An enthusiastic round of applause ensued as the Garden Girls returned to their seats.
“Very clever ladies,” Donovan said. “Skeeter and Jolene have their work cut out for them.”
Jolene sprinted to the front of the stage, posing with her hands on her hips, turning her leg so the tattoo on her thigh was clearly visible.
Donovan strode over. “I’m sure I’m not the only person who noticed you seem to want to show off the tattoo on your thigh.”
“Sure do.” Balancing on one foot, Jolene lifted her leg. “Skeeter and I have a moonshine distillery up in the hills of Tennessee. Skeeter’s Hillbilly Moonshine.”
“Skeeter’s.” Donovan leaned in. “Your tattoo looks like a…”
“QR code,” Skeeter said. “Jolene is a walking-talking billboard.”
A rumble of laughter echoed.
Unfazed by the laughter, she ran a light hand over the tattoo. “Scan this gem and it’ll take you right to our website.”
“So many questions,” Donovan said. “Out of curiosity, how did you two meet?”
“At a moonshine convention in the Florida Panhandle. It was love at first sight.” Jolene bounced on the tips of her toes and kissed Skeeter’s bearded cheek. “We haven’t spent a day apart since.”
“You’ve been together since the day you met?” Donovan appeared impressed.
“For three years now. I met the man of my dreams.”
“I can’t wait to hear your song.”
Jolene cast her husband a sly side glance. “Skeeter does the singin’. A word of warning…we may have gotten off track a bit.”
“Off track?” Donovan waved dismissively. “Let’s see what you’ve come up with.”
Skeeter hummed the introduction. My baby used to drink sweet red wine, now she’s in love with my hillbilly moonshine.
It’s 80 proof, yeah thru the roof, goes down smooth, she likes it all the time.
Folks in our town see me drivin’ around, one hand on the wheel and one on the hound. They wonder what she’s doin’ with me. Love is blind…why can’t they see.
He ended the ditty by humming a few more bars and then took a bow.
A moment of you-could-hear-a-pin-drop silence ensued, quickly followed by hoots of laughter.
Donovan set the microphone in the holder and lifted each of their arms in the air. “Ladies and gents, they may have disqualified themselves from the improv but I have no doubt Skeeter and Jolene are our most entertaining contestants.”
With a swagger in their steps, the couple strolled back to their seats.
“We’ve heard all three songs. Unfortunately, one team has automatically been disqualified. Skeeter and Jolene failed to follow the rules and stick to the cruise ship theme.” Donovan shook his head. “Sorry, guys.”
“It’s okay. We got a chance to ad-ver-tise Skeeter’s Hillbilly Moonshine.” Jolene flashed her QR code, aka thigh, again.
“There you have it folks. If you’re hankering for a swig of moonshine, check out Skeeters,” Donovan said.
Jolene darted across the stage and grabbed his microphone. “Skeeter’s in Hickory Holler, Tennessee.”
Donovan snatched the microphone from her hand and shot Jolene a warning look. “By applause, you, the audience, will vote for the improv champs.” He ushered the Garden Girls and family of four to the stage.
“Are the Garden Girls our Unsinkable Melodies champs?”
Loud applause ensued.
“Or is it our family of four?”
More applause.
“It’s close. Let’s try again.” Donovan asked for a second round of applause before calling it a tie. “We have some talented passengers on board.”
Skeeter and Jolene joined them for a final bow before the curtain call.
Meanwhile, Millie stood in the back, clapping right along with them. Skeeter and Jolene were pure gold entertainment, but not in the way she’d envisioned…not by a longshot.