Chapter 15 #2
I watch as he gets up and pads to the bathroom. I can hear the sound of running water and a cupboard opening, and I must have dozed off because his hands on me startle me awake.
“What?” I ask blearily and he smiles.
“Nothing, sweetheart. I’m just cleaning you up. Go back to sleep.”
Instead, I stare at him as he works, cleaning my cock and balls gently and removing the lube and sweat from my arse. His expression is soft, and I’d say it was unguarded and almost hesitant if it was anyone other than Niall, and I’m fascinated.
He’s been almost gentle this week since we got back from skiing.
Gone is the wild frenzy that marked our early sex.
Now, it’s languid and lasts a long time because Niall has edging down to a dark art.
But it’s not just that. He touches me more outside the bedroom.
When we walk, he’ll throw his arm around me or touch my hand.
He’s quick to brush my hair back or touch my mouth, and when he does that, his expression is always the same as the one he’s wearing now. Soft and almost content.
I frown because I can’t parse the emotion in him, used as I am to his lively sarcasm and cheerfulness. He seems almost meditative, as if he’s come to a conclusion over something that’s been bothering him and is content to stay there in that position for a bit.
He looks up, and when he catches my gaze, he stills for a second as we look at each other. His eyes are dark and mysterious and almost fierce for a second, and then he wipes them clean of expression and smiles happily before leaning forward and kissing my forehead.
“There. All done,” he says tenderly and roots his nose into my hairline and inhales as if taking my scent into him.
I blink and he’s gone, pacing back to the bathroom and throwing the towel in. He turns at the door. “I’m going to get a drink. What shall I bring you?”
“Tea,” I say in a heartfelt voice and he grins suddenly. It’s wide and white in his face and the lines elongate along his eyes.
“Of course. You’re like the anti-Ernest Hemingway.”
“I’d be glad of that,” I shout after him. “Given his fondness for guns and whisky.”
His laughter grows faint as he walks away, and I roll onto my back and look up at the ceiling before exhaling slowly.
I don’t know what to do with this feeling that wells inside me every time I’m near him, like a helium balloon is expanding inside me.
Since Gideon made me admit that I have feelings, they seem to have kept growing until they’re out of control now.
I think about Niall constantly, often smiling like an idiot at something he’s said.
I bring his name into everything to the extent that Oz had challenged me to go five minutes without mentioning his name.
The penalty had been to stand in the garden for ten minutes.
It had been cold out there, but Oz had lent me his coat.
I scrub my hands down my face and groan.
What the fuck ? One fling, I wanted. One measly fling with the man of my dreams. No ties, and then I’d be off to find the real man I’d end up with.
Someone quiet and steady, who would give me quiet, unassuming love and contentment and no switch-streams of emotion that would leave me fumbling like an idiot.
Instead, I’ve fallen for the one man I shouldn’t, and I’m caught in a whirlwind of emotions every time I’m with him.
I’m fascinated with him and almost bespelled because every day he shows me more of the real him.
I’ve learnt that he has an unexpected sweet tooth and adores rose and violet creams, to the extent that he can devour a whole bag in one sitting.
I know that he’s too busy or too tired at night to read but he has an addiction to audiobooks and always has one on the go in his car.
His feet are always cold but he can’t bear to wear anything in bed.
I’ve seen the quiet him who’s content to lie with me, despite Gideon’s depiction.
And the part of him that’s at home outside like it’s his natural habitat but who still wants me alongside him as we tramp across fields out in the open air, laughing and talking.
Then there’s the man who dares me to do things outside my comfort zone that I immediately do because I feel safe with him and I know he won’t let me come to any harm.
Like the other night when he’d dared me to fuck him in a club.
I’d done it, relishing the dark thrill that anyone could walk in at any point and see me fucking this gorgeous man.
But later I’d found out that he’d paid a bouncer a hundred quid to say the toilet was out of order so I’d be safe and wouldn’t regret it.
I still. But surely it’s my responsibility to make sure I’m safe.
Not his. I frown. I’ve always felt like I’ve coasted along in life like a piece of driftwood on the tide, letting others make my decisions.
I never even managed to save myself from Thomas.
That was Niall. And that makes me feel weak.
I don’t want to rely on someone to rescue me or be responsible for my happiness. I should do all that myself.
I hear his footsteps and clear my expression. I’m no nearer knowing what to do. All I know is that I’m falling for him so fast that it scares me and exhilarates me at the same time. Like a rollercoaster that hopefully isn’t going to make me chuck up my dinner on the person in front. I snort.
“What’s so funny?” he asks from the doorway, and I turn to smile at him.
“Nothing,” I say quickly. “Come back to bed. I’m getting my second wind.”
“Milo, I swear you’ve got a problem. You get your wind up quicker than a kite.”
I laugh as he slides into bed, pulling the covers over us and lifting one arm so I can take my now customary position curled into his side, my head tucked into his shoulder and his hand pushing my hair back because he complains that it goes up his nose.
We lie silent for a long second until he stirs, shifting his legs about. When he does it again, I look up at him curiously. “You alright?”
“I’m fine, why?”
I raise my eyebrow at the slightly defensive note in his voice. “Nothing. It’s just that after sex you normally pass out quicker than Oliver Reed after a dinner party.”
He huffs but doesn’t dispute it, which is good because he can’t.
Finally, he speaks. “I was just thinking that maybe we should go out for a meal or something rather than just have sex.”
I pull away and come up on one elbow so I can see him properly. “Like on a date ?” I ask incredulously and watch as his face flushes. I bite my lip to stop myself kissing him because I love him when he’s unsure. It touches me deeply.
“Not exactly a date,” he says quickly. “Maybe look on it as two people just taking a breather before someone’s cock gets inserted into an orifice.” He pauses. “And maybe the two people should eat dinner at a restaurant because it refuels them and they could talk while they’re doing that.”
He falters, and I grin at him. “That’s a date, Niall,” I say with a smirk.
“I realise that in your legions of meaningless sexual encounters that you might not have come across this concept before, but here in this realm we think that the times when a couple come together to eat, drink, and talk are called dates.”
“Fuck off,” he mutters, pulling the pillow over his eyes. I’m so charmed by this, I can’t say. I pull the pillow away and look down at him, loving every sulky line of his face.
“Why?” I ask.
He tosses the pillow to one side and bites his lip, looking unsure. “I just want to do something that doesn’t involve come for a bit.” He looks at me and adds hastily, “Not for long obviously, because that’s amazing. But I just want to get to know each other.”
I smile calmly down at him. If it were anyone else I’d let them off the hook for being so adorable, but it’s Niall, who once rubbed gravy on the bottom of my jeans to the avid delight of the dogs, so I won’t.
“I do know you,” I say calmly. “I know that you take your tea so sugared that the spoon practically stands up in the cup and that you have atrocious taste in music. That you won’t see a foreign film because the subtitles are too much work and make your eyes hurt.
I know that your bedroom is so cold that even Scott of the Antarctic would have asked for a hot water bottle.
That you spend loads of money on clothes online but won’t take the time from your day to go off the estate to go shopping.
Which is also, incidentally, why you insist on cutting your own hair. ”
“I sound like a prize. I’m not sure why you’re even sleeping with me,” he says coolly and I swoop down and kiss his nose affectionately, making him give a sound of disgust.
“Beats me,” I say cheerfully. “I must be a sucker for hopeless causes.” He glares at me and I wink.
“However, I also know that when Barb’s husband was made redundant you actually told her that employment laws were forcing you to give her a pay rise.
I know that when Phil hurt his back and Silas couldn’t afford another worker, you did your own and Phil’s job so he didn’t feel guilty.
I also know that you worked for free for years.
Silas may have given you this house, but it was derelict when you took it on and you then felt honour bound to renovate it because otherwise, he’d feel like you didn’t value the gesture and then it wouldn’t make it right and equal between the two of you. ”
“How do you know this?” he asks darkly.
I sit up and come over him, straddling him and smiling down into his face.
“Your staff are very fond of you even with all your faults, more faults, and even more faults.” He glares and I smile placidly.
“Given any opportunity, they’ll wax lyrical about you and it’s why you have very little turnover of staff, in case you’re wondering. ”
“I wasn’t,” he says sulkily and I kiss him, loving the way he chases my mouth when I sit back.
“You’re a good friend and a wonderful man, Niall,” I say calmly. “So, that’s why I’d love to go on a date with you.”
For a second he looks confused and almost embarrassed. Then he comes up on his elbows. “You were always going on a date with me?” he says accusingly.
I shrug. “Of course.”
“Then what was all that about?”
I smile evilly at him. “Do you remember the gravy and how I had to lock myself in the bathroom to get away from Chewwy and Boris?”
He considers it and sighs. “You have a very long memory.”
“I’m hung like an elephant,” I say modestly. “But perhaps you’d be better off concentrating on the fact that I have a memory like one.”
He shakes his head. “Lo, there’s more than a touch of the minx about you.”