Chapter Seven
Indie
Walking into the clubhouse, I was nervous. I had only been here once before when the old ladies threw a baby shower for Beck. I didn’t know them all well, but I had met them a while back when Haizley invited me out to the Queen’s Diamond with them.
It was odd, because every brother was there. I knew they had their own bar here at the clubhouse, but that night they had chosen to surround the bar in town. I knew they were possessive of their women, but I didn’t realize just how possessive.
There were only a few brothers milling around the room. Keys was behind the bar. I had met him a few times when he came in for a tattoo, and he had picked up Kytten yesterday.
“Hey, Indie, I’m so sorry about what happened. Thorne didn’t tell me you weren’t supposed to be alone, or I would have waited until you locked up.” Kytten looked upset, but it wasn’t her fault.
“You have nothing to apologize for. I am a grown woman and don’t need a babysitter. Gunner just gets a little over-the-top.”
“They all do.” She chuckled. “So what are you doing here? Cash loved the tattoo, by the way!” She wiggled her eyebrows up and down, letting me know just how much he loved it.
“I’m glad. I need to talk to Gunner. The bastard canceled all my appointments today.”
“Damn right I did,” Gunner hollered as he pushed through the double doors that led to church.
Cash came up behind Kytten and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her away amid her protests.
“You had no right to do that. I don’t work for you! I rent a chair. You have no fucking say over my hours, you big, stupid giant!”
Gunner folded his arms over his chest and stared at me. I knew the others had followed him out, but I wasn’t paying attention to any of them. My focus was solely on the man who thought he had some say over my life.
“My shop, my rules.”
“Ugh!” I threw my hands in the air and turned around, ready to stomp out, when he caught my arm.
“Indie, listen.” Now it was my turn to cross my arms. I glared at him, and I was sure that to him, I must have looked like a teenager throwing a tantrum. “I am not trying to tell you what to do—”
“Really? ’Cause you sent Mimic to babysit me yesterday. Today you canceled my appointments. You aren’t my father, Gunner.”
The pained look on his face didn’t make any sense.
He barely knew me. I refused to believe this shit had anything to do with me.
This was just more of their alpha-male bullshit.
I had learned enough about the Silver Shadows since I had been in town to know they all thought they knew better because they were men. And Gunner was the worst of them all.
The way he stalked Haizley for weeks and then forced her and Aspen to stay in the clubhouse. Aspen still hadn’t left. I wondered whether she even had the option of leaving.
Gunner took a step forward and leaned down so he was right in front of my face. “No, I’m not your father. He isn’t fucking here, so someone has to take care of you.”
“I am twenty-six years old—”
“Don’t give me that bullshit.”
My mouth snapped closed, and I gawked at him before turning to glower at Mimic. “What the fuck did you tell him?”
“The truth,” he answered.
“You don’t know anything about me. None of you do. Leave me the fuck alone.”
I turned and stormed outside before Gunner could stop me. When I got to the gate, I told the prospect to open it. He looked over my shoulder and then opened the gate. When I turned, King was standing there watching me with a look on his face I couldn’t decipher.
Did he know who I was? Did he know where I had been before coming to Diamond Creek? Would he tell my real father I was here?
Without a word, I turned and walked out of the compound. I would walk back to town if I had to. And given that no one else had followed me out, I guessed that was my only option.
Well, they could all go fuck themselves. I didn’t need them. I had enough money saved that I could pack up and leave. Find another small town, maybe one that didn’t have a tattoo shop, and I could open my own.
That was what I would do. I wasn’t bound to this place, to these people. I thought I would be safe here. Thought maybe I had found a place I could stay. Live my life in peace. Alone.
’Cause that was what I was—alone. I would always be alone. I would miss Haizley, and the others. But I hadn’t really belonged here anyway. I didn’t belong anywhere.
There were times I wished I’d never left the Trick Pony. At least there, people wanted me. Sure, they wanted my body, wanted to use me for their sick, twisted fetishes. But men and women wanted me.
They might not have respected me, but neither did anyone here. At least there, I didn’t have to support myself. I didn’t have to feed myself or clothe myself.
Tears slipped down my cheeks as I realized what I was thinking. When had living at the Trick Pony become something I compared my freedom to? Freedom wasn’t something you willingly gave up just because life was hard sometimes.
I was stronger than that.
Are you?
I wasn’t sure anymore. Maybe this life wasn’t worth having me in it. Maybe I was better off dead.
I made it back to my apartment without incident. I’d slammed the door, twisted the lock, and fallen into bed and cried the rest of the night.
It wasn’t often that I cried anymore. I’d decided when we left the Trick Pony that no one would see my tears ever again. No one was entitled to my pain.
But in my small apartment, who would see it?
There was no one here to take advantage of my weaknesses. No one to laugh at me, no one to poke at my emotions until I broke and gave in. No one to hurt me when I didn’t do what they wanted. And they all wanted something different.
Some of them wanted to see us cry—they got off on our pain and fear. Others wanted us to fight. They wanted us to scratch and punch as they overpowered us.
Then there were the ones who wanted our full submission. They wanted us to enjoy ourselves, even if we had to pretend. They’d expected us to thank them for raping us. For degrading us until there was nothing left of ourselves.
Nothing left for anyone else.
They were the worst. They were sick fucks who convinced themselves they were doing nothing wrong. If we didn’t fight or cry, it was because we wanted them. We wanted what they were doing to us.
They’d convinced themselves they were loving us. Giving us something only they could.
A soft knock on my door the next morning interrupted my thoughts. I stared at it for a moment before Haizley called out, “Indie, it’s me.”
With a deep breath, I made my way to the door and opened it.
“Are you okay?”
“No, I’m not okay.” I threw myself on my couch as Haizley closed the door and made her way over to sit next to me.
“Do you want to talk?”
“Why, so you can go back to Gunner and tell him you fixed it?”
“That’s not fair, Indie—”
“Fair?” I asked, leaping from the couch. “How is any of this fair? I get punched in the face and knocked out, and Gunner cancels my appointments. I feel like I’m being punished for something that has nothing to do with me.”
I leaned against the window and stared at the street below. Diamond Creek was a great little town. A quiet town that I thought was perfect. A place where I could put down roots, make some friends, have a career and just live. Something I hadn’t ever done.
Moving around after Alice and I ran away from the foster home filled me with constant stress. There was never enough to eat. We were always looking over our shoulders. Then, one day, Alice decided to stay put.
And I moved on alone.
It wasn’t until I met Apollo in Texas that my life began to change. He’d seen me in the park one day. I sat on a bench eating my meager lunch. I’d spent more money on supplies than food, hoping to sell portraits I’d drawn of people.
He asked me to draw a picture of him, and when I was done, he asked if I’d ever thought about doing tattoos. It wasn’t something I had ever considered. Not because I didn’t like tattoos, but because I had no idea how one even became a tattoo artist.
Apollo dragged me to his shop and gave me my first tattoo.
I watched him as he ran the gun over my skin.
The constant jabbing of the small needle was cathartic in a way.
When he was done, he’d asked me to draw a simple image of a bow and arrow, no bigger than two inches, and then he’d asked me to tattoo it on him.
He’d taken a chance on a young girl in the park.
He’d created an identity for me. I’d never asked him how, and he never asked me who I was.
He’d never pried into my past. I felt bad that I’d left the way I did, but Daniel had found me.
I’d left everything behind except my tattoo and piercing equipment and snuck away in the night.
Apollo never came looking for me, and I’d wondered if he’d expected me to run.
Either that or he’d assumed I wouldn’t still use the name he gave me.
“Indie, I know you don’t understand what is going on, but I need you to trust me. Trust Gunner. We care about you, and we want you to be safe. Let us help you.”
“I don’t need help. I have been on my own for a long time. I can take care of myself.”
“You know, I said that same shit to Gunner. He didn’t believe me then, and I don’t believe you now. No one chooses to be alone, Indie.”
“I did. Alone was better than being surrounded by people who didn’t give a fuck about what happened to you and how they hurt you,” I muttered without thinking.
“Indie—”
“Please just go, Haizley.” I continued to stare out the window until I heard the door softly close. Another tear slipped from my eye as I watched her do exactly what I’d asked her to do. I told myself it was what I wanted.
I just didn’t understand why getting what you wanted had to hurt so much.