Chapter Twenty-Two
Indie
Mimic stepped back, letting his arms fall away from me. He perched his ass against the dresser and let his chin fall to his chest. The room was silent except for the beating of my heart. He didn’t really want me after all. The moment I gave in, submitted to him, he stepped away.
Had I given in too quickly the other day? Had he wanted me to fight more? Wanted me to push him away instead of pulling him closer?
There were too many options. So many of the men I had been with wanted different things.
When a new client came to the Trick Pony, it was hard to decipher how to meet their needs.
Did they want the scared child who cried for their mother?
Or the seasoned pro who did all the work, letting them lie there and enjoy themselves, while giving nothing back.
“You’re the first woman I’ve ever been attracted to.”
I sat on the bed and waited for him to continue.
It was so hard not to ask him what he meant by that.
How was that possible? He was twenty-one years old.
I knew enough about what I had been through to know the body’s reaction could be physiological; you could be aroused without being attracted to someone.
It was simply the body’s response to stimuli.
You could have sex without being attracted to the person; Lord knows I had done it many times.
Not much different from feeling pain from stubbing your toe, or a shiver from being cold.
But attraction? Didn’t guys start wanting tits and ass from the time they hit puberty?
Was he bisexual? Had he only ever been with men?
Was that the issue? Was that why he walked away the other night? Had I just been a hole he could fuck?
“You know Rose I were separated, but do you know why?”
He still hadn’t looked at me. “No, I’ve heard a few rumors, but you know how rumors are.” I kept my voice soft, wanting him to feel comfortable enough to share a piece of himself with me.
And will you share a piece of yourself with him?
Shut up, bitch! We aren’t talking about me.
“Rose and I never knew our father. Never knew anything about him. All we had was our mother until she was taken away from us. We were ten years old when we started living on the street, then one day I was caught by a sadistic asshole and his father.”
I couldn’t stop it; my breath froze in my chest, and my mind immediately went to Daniel Scott and his father, Devlin. Had Mimic been at the Trick Pony? Had he endured the same abuse I had? Had he been trained the way I had been? Always serving and never receiving?
There had been men I found attractive at the Trick Pony. I was aroused by their bodies. Sometimes their faces. Never their personality, though. No, the fact that they had come to the Trick Pony, their sole purpose to have sex with children, was a turnoff.
Mimic lifted his head and stared into my soul. “No one knows the shit I’ve been through except my sister, and even she doesn’t know all of it. But I knew you were mine the first day I met you.”
“The first... but you thought—”
“Yea, you can’t imagine how much that fucked me up.
” He ran his hands over his face. “When I found Rose, and if you ever tell her this, I will fucking deny it.” I smiled at him.
His protective instinct toward his sister was such a turn-on.
“The day I found her, my first thought was thank fuck she wasn’t you. ”
I stood up from the bed and walked to him. He made space for me between his legs, and I leaned into him. When I tried to kiss him, he held me back. Something flitted across his face, something that said I wouldn’t like what I was about to hear.
“There’s more.”
My hands ran over his chest as I stared into his eyes. “You can tell me anything.”
But you’ll tell him nothing.
He rolled his lips between his teeth and looked at the ceiling. I could tell that whatever he wanted to say was hard for him. A thousand things ran through my mind of what he wanted to confess to me. But what he said wasn’t one of them.
“I’ve never had sex before.”
I took a step back. “What? How is that possible?”
He shrugged, and his ears turned pink. “I was sixteen when I left my prison and found the Silver Shadows. I’ve been here ever since.”
“But the club girls. You haven’t?” I wasn’t sure I believed him.
It didn’t make sense for him to lie. I was here, ready to have sex with him.
I thought I’d been clear about that. Sure, I was pissed the other day, by the way he left me hanging, but I’d already forgiven him for that.
He didn’t need to lie to get me into his bed.
But then I thought about how quickly he’d come down my throat.
“You’re the first woman I’ve been attracted to. I know what to do. That asshole made sure I watched every time he fucked a woman. I’ve just never actually done it.”
“But you want to? With me?”
“There is nothing I want more than to slide my dick into your hot, wet pussy. I fucking dream about it.”
My smile grew as my face heated. I squeezed my thighs together, trying to relieve the ache his words had started.
I’d never had anyone want me this much. Sure, the sick bastards at the Trick Pony wanted me, but I was one of many available options; they didn’t care that I didn’t want them.
Even the ones who made it good for us, they didn’t really care about us.
If they did, they wouldn’t have raped us.
And it was always rape. There was not a single one of us who was over the age of sixteen, let alone eighteen.
None of us were capable of giving legal consent.
“You didn’t have to tell me this. You could have just fucked me and never said a word.”
“I wanted you to know because if we’re going to do this, if you let me fuck you. There is a good fucking chance I’ll blow the moment I’m inside you. Just like last time.”
“And here I thought I was just that fucking good.” I laughed, and Mimic groaned as he pulled me against him.
“You were that fucking good.”
His lips met mine, and this time he kept it slow. He wasn’t rushed like last time. There was no urgency in his movements. His hands cradled my face, holding my head still as his tongue explored my mouth, and it was the hottest fucking kiss I’d ever had in my life.
My panties were wet with his confession; my body roared with need. But I wouldn’t rush him. I’d let him take his time. Let him do whatever the fuck he wanted to do to me as long as he didn’t stop kissing me.
I pulled his shirt out of his waistband; I needed to feel the heat of his skin. My hands roamed over the grooves of his six-pack before sliding north over his pecs and around to his back. I held him pressed against me while he learned what he liked and what he didn’t.
His head moved from side to side as he kissed me from different angles, searching for just the right one.
Then his lips moved to the corner of my mouth, and his tongue slipped along my cheek to my ear, finding the outer shell.
Making his way down, he caught my earlobe between his teeth and bit hard, causing me to hiss.
“Was that too much?”
The concern in his eyes was endearing. I didn’t know how to tell him it wasn’t enough. My body had been conditioned to accept so much more. He had free rein to use me. Use my body for his pleasure.
“No, it was perfect.”
His shy smile had my heart racing. This man, this gorgeous MC enforcer, was so innocent in some ways that I wondered, yet again, what he would think about me if he learned the truth.
His lips made a path down my neck, alternating between kisses and licks and nips.
His hands moved from my shoulders to my back.
They slid down and cupped my ass as he pulled me against him, so I could feel how hard he was.
How much he wanted me. For a man who’d never had sex, he was doing more to prepare my body than the thousands of men I had been with over the years.
Oh God, I’d been with thousands of men and I was barely twenty years old.
I took a step back out of his embrace. I didn’t deserve him.
I didn’t deserve his innocence. He deserved someone better.
Someone who wasn’t broken like me. Someone who would love him the way he needed to be loved.
I wasn’t even sure I was capable of love.
Passion, yes. I had plenty of passion, and maybe it was my ego talking, but I could rock his fucking world.
But what he had, what he was offering me, wasn’t mine. It didn’t belong to me.
I turned away as his mouth dipped into a frown. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No.” I shook my head. I didn’t know how to say this. How could I tell him I couldn’t be his first? “I can’t do this, Mimic, I’m sorry.”
“Because I don’t have the experience? You think I can’t fucking please you?” His words were angry. The switch inside him flipped so fast.
“That’s not it.” I tried to appease him, but the whole ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ argument never worked.
“Bullshit.”
I spun around, and the fire in his eyes was so intense. So arousing. This was the Mimic I wanted. Not the sweet boy who’d never been kissed. I wanted the man who took what he wanted.
Like the other day.
I wanted him to push me to my knees. I wanted him to shove his cock in my mouth and force me to be his. I couldn’t handle the romance. The sweet gesture of making love. That wasn’t for me.
“You should go.”
“Fuck you, Indie.”
We glared at each other, and I pleaded with him in my head, begged him with words I couldn’t say out loud. Words he wouldn’t understand. He’d never fucked a woman before. He’d never lost control and taken her from behind, grunting as he shoved inside her without any thought to what she might want.
But that was what I was used to. I couldn’t be his first. I had to tell him that. I had to be honest.
“I can’t be your first, Mimic.”
He winced as if I’d slapped him. His eyes turned dark with an emotion I couldn’t decipher. I’d seen it before, on other men. Some were angry, some so filled with lust they took their anger out on me.
That was comfortable.
That was familiar.
That was what I craved.
Years of conditioning had turned me into a whore. It was their goal. The Trick Pony stole children and trained them to become whores. Whores they expected to train other children.
I couldn’t be with Mimic, because I would never be able to tell him my secrets. I couldn’t share my childhood with him. He wouldn’t understand it. He would look at me the way the others did. The police and the foster families. The pity and disgust were always there.
Never mind that we were children. Never mind that we were innocent. We didn’t ask for what happened to us. We didn’t want it. But we learned to accept it. We learned to enjoy it and to do it well.
It was what they’d wanted.
It was how we survived.
“You should go.”
“I didn’t want you to be my first, Indie. I wanted you to be my fucking only.”
His words crashed over me as he slammed the door behind him. I threw myself on the bed, and for the first time in my life, I cried for what I wanted. I cried for what I could never have.