Chapter One
Romy
Present
M y dreams are horrible and cruel. In this one, I was stripped down, pinned to the bed, and unable to stop a brutal rape. Sure, it’d hurt, physically, but it was the sorrow echoing in all my bones that felt worse.
Then a dark angel swooped in and removed the monster. He killed him swiftly and without remorse. I’d watched with a mixture of horror and awe as he tossed him into the icy depths of a lake, removing him completely from my sight.
And then the dark angel held me in his tight, warm cocoon embrace, chasing away the lasting shadows and torment plaguing me.
Someone squeezes my thigh and I blink away my daze. I’m groggy and slightly confused. My dreams blur with reality. Where am I?
With a yawn so big my jaw pops and my eyes water, I take note of my surroundings. My recliner vibrates beneath me. I soon recognize the interior of a private jet. Beside me, with his hand on my leg, is the always stoic Caius Crowne.
My pretend boyfriend and father of my pretend baby.
“We’ll be landing soon,” he murmurs, slightly distracted by whoever he’s texting with. His other hand holds his phone near his face and his thumb flies over the screen with impressive speed. “Buckle up.”
I draw my gaze from him to my lap. I’m dressed in jeans and a sweater I have no recollection of putting on. My hands tremble as I buckle my seat belt. I’m still piecing together my fragmented mind.
Where are we going?
Home.
The thought comes out of nowhere and oddly reassures me. Home is with Caius. My pretend boyfriend. Pretend, right? Or did I dream that?
His palm rests in an easy, comfortable way on my upper thigh. I don’t hate his touch. Maybe we’re more than pretend.
Flashes of a memory of me and him in a dark hallway, his fingers sliding in and out of me, has me breaking into a sweat. Heat creeps up my neck and no doubt paints my cheeks crimson.
That memory feels real.
And from what I remember, I enjoyed every second of it.
Is that why I’m sore all over? My head hurts, a raw bruising pain on one side of my scalp. There are aches all over my body. Between my thighs—where he had his wicked fingers—it burns.
Did we have sex?
Memories flood back all at once. A man on top of me, taking, taking, taking, and I can’t stop him.
Gareth.
Gareth raped me.
A low, horrified moan crawls out of me. I jerk my head to the right, searching for the man who hurt me. Caius’s tight squeeze on my thigh draws my attention back to him. With watery eyes, I stare at the man who was supposed to protect me.
Why didn’t he protect me?
He must see the accusation in my eyes, but he doesn’t flinch. The only tell that he’s impacted by my broken heart is a slight flaring of his pupils. Other than that, he’s a statue, not moving a muscle.
A hot tear streaks down my face. His dark eyes track it quickly. He sets down his phone to swipe it away with his thumb.
“What’s wrong, love?” he asks, voice low and concerned.
It’s fake.
He really is a fake.
“I…I…” I stammer, fumbling over my words and thoughts, unable to grasp onto any of them. “He…”
His eyebrows furl and he looks away. “Missing. You remember.”
Missing?
My dream dances on the edge of my consciousness. He didn’t go missing. Gareth was thrown overboard into Lake Erie—after Caius effortlessly broke the neck of a man much larger than him.
“You…killed…” I swallow down a ball of emotion as I’m hit with an onslaught of the rest of my memories.
Gareth’s cologne infiltrating my nostrils, making me gag.
Gareth’s brute strength rendering me completely immobile.
Gareth’s rage and hatred toward a woman he barely knew.
Caius’s fingers grip my jaw and he leans forward until his nose brushes mine. “He’s missing,” he says, voice cold. “The police are looking for his body in the lake. He’d been drinking and the decks were covered with ice. There’s only one possible conclusion, and it’s one that will crush our family.”
Crush his family?
His emotionless, apathetic features deny that claim. He doesn’t care.
Question is, why do I care?
Because Gareth was a person. A human being. A father, brother, son. Now he’s dead.
But. He. Raped. You.
Fear of it happening again is squashed. I find comfort in knowing he’s dead. I hate that I do. Murder is worse than rape, right?
Try telling that to a victim of the latter.
Caius’s lips press to mine, cold and firm, and yet I find comfort in the chaste kiss. I want nothing more than to unbuckle and crawl into his lap so he’ll hold me. The ache for him is intense and all-consuming.
“He most likely fell,” Caius murmurs against my lips. “There’s no surviving those temperatures. It’s devastating. I know he was your friend. It’s okay to be sad, love.”
I burst into tears because I am sad, but not because of the lie he’s feeding me. Because of the truth. I was violated in the worst way. Everything is confusing and I’m way out of my depth. I’m a captive in this family, and yet, I find solace in the monster beside me.
He pulls me to him, hugging me tight. His large hands rub circles over my back as if to urge me to cry out all the pain and hurt. I do just that. I’m sure there are others around witnessing my breakdown, but right now, I don’t care.
I need to release this pain.
My tears soak Caius’s suit jacket on the shoulder. I’m pretty sure I’m getting snot all over him. For as put together as this man is, he doesn’t seem worried in the least. If anything, he appears to crave comforting me every bit as much as I need him to do it.
“Do you want something to take the edge off?” he asks, voice tickling the hair on my head.
And to forget everything again?
To drift through another confusing fog?
“Yes,” I find myself murmuring even though I know it’s the wrong answer.
He pulls away long enough to place two bitter pills on my tongue and then offers me a bottle of water. I swallow them down and sink back into his embrace. As promised, within moments, my bruises don’t hurt, my head doesn’t spin, and my heart doesn’t feel like exploding. All thoughts in my throbbing head turn numb.
Yes, this is better.
Much better.
It’s been a few days and I’ve hardly left my spot on the comfy chaise by the fireplace. Caius has been virtually nonexistent, taking care of family matters.
The two pills he left me sit untouched on the table beside my phone. I’m tempted to swallow them down and go to sleep, but I know it’s long past time I wake up from this fog I’m in.
What happened with Gareth can’t be drugged away.
The truth is a much harder pill to swallow. Gareth hurt me and took something from me. Sex was something I wanted when I found someone I had chemistry with—someone I loved. I’d waited for that. In fact, I’d even toyed with the idea of giving that part of myself to Caius.
Gareth never gave me the chance.
He’s dead, though. And it’s been confirmed. Caius texted me earlier to inform me the police located Gareth’s body. They think he fell, broke his neck, and then slid into the water. He didn’t suffer, they’d said. We can at least find comfort in that.
A part of me wishes he’d suffered.
Caius quickly snapping his neck was a gift he didn’t deserve.
Tears threaten again and I have a sudden burst of anger. I’m tired of obsessing over Gareth.
My phone pings, giving me a much-needed distraction. I lean over, retrieve it, and discover a text from Theo.
Theo: He’s being cremated. Dad doesn’t want to have a service for him. I think he wants to pretend he’s just away on a trip. Not sure he’s come to terms with his death yet.
Theo doesn’t know what really happened. That Gareth hurt me and Caius saved me. Or how Caius covered up Gareth’s true manner of death. Because of what Caius did, I feel a sense of loyalty to him. He’s been doing his best to brainwash me into believing the same story he told his brother and father. I remember the truth, but his secret is safe with me.
Me: I’m sorry.
Not sorry Gareth is no longer a threat, but I do feel badly for Theo.
Theo: I just worry about Dad and Kaitlyn.
Kaitlyn.
My chest aches at the thought of the little girl playing with her dolls in his cabin. Now she’s all alone. With her nanny.
A spike of adrenaline courses through me, making me feel more alive than I have since before I met the Crowne family.
Me: Are you with her? Is she okay?
Theo: Yeah. Been hanging out in his cabin. I told her he died and she shrugged. Probably need to get her counseling or something.
Bile creeps up my throat. I need to eat something, shower, move. I’m in this stupid haze and I want out of its clutches.
Me: Bring her here. I can play with her. We can do puzzles. Please.
Theo: We have a nanny for all that.
Me: Give her a break. Please, Theo. Let me help. You need a break.
Theo: Okay, sure. We’ll get ready and head that way.
I toss my phone down and race through showering and dressing. I’m just stuffing my face with a bowl of cereal when Theo and Kaitlyn show up. They’re both bundled up, dusted in snow. Kaitlyn holds a small pink backpack in her grip, standing close to her uncle. I’m thankful to see it’s just the two of them.
Theo doesn’t remove his coat. When our eyes lock, his features fall. The heartache on his face is a punch to my gut. I rush over to him and hug him tightly. He sniffles, squeezing me to him. The breath is sucked from my lungs. Just when I think I might struggle to breathe, he releases me. I don’t miss the way he quickly swipes away a rogue tear.
His brother is dead.
Because of me.
Shame and guilt have me tearing my gaze from Theo, instead fixating on Kaitlyn. She stares at me, scowling. Apprehension shines in her gaze. I make her nervous. Understandably so.
“I’m Romy,” I say to her, offering my hand. “You must be Kaitlyn. So nice to meet you.”
Kaitlyn inspects my hand, studying my fingernails intently. I grimace, knowing exactly how she feels. Once she realizes I have short, unpainted nails, she gingerly takes my hand to shake it. I quickly let her go, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable.
“Is Uncle Caius here?” she asks, casting her gaze past me.
“No, he’s, uh, working,” I say, though I’m not sure if he is or not.
“He’ll be back later,” Theo assures her, ruffling her blond hair. “You can play dominoes with him then.”
This answer satisfies her and she relaxes, though she still keeps me within view.
“I’m going to head back to the lodge,” Theo tells me. “If you get tired of babysitting, let me know and I’ll send the nanny over.”
“No,” me and Kaitlyn both say at once.
Theo frowns but nods. “Okay. See you soon, babe.”
He leans in and kisses my cheek near my mouth. Another wave of guilt washes over me. This time, I feel as though I’ve just cheated on Caius, which is ridiculous because we’re not really a couple.
But he saved you…
Theo leaves without another word and I’m alone with the young girl. We stare at each other in silence.
I have questions screaming at me, all of which I want answers to, but I ignore them all.
“You have dolls?” I ask, pointing at her bag. “Can I see them?”
Kaitlyn’s face brightens at the mention of her dolls. She nods, a smile tugging at her lips. “Can we play in the game room?”
My chest warms that she’s familiar with Caius’s home and knows it well enough to have a favorite spot to play. After she pulls off her outerwear and kicks off her snowy boots, I let her lead the way up the stairs. Once we’re settled on the floor, each of us on either side of the coffee table, inspecting her dolls, I ask a question that’s driving me crazy.
“Do you like your nanny?”
Her full-bodied shudder is the only answer I need.