Chapter Seven
CHAPTER SEVEN
JT
I ’m naked, in my bed, logging in to talk to FulfillingDominance.
My pulse is beating faster than normal, which is silly. I don’t know what it is about this man, how I can tell just from the short talks we’ve had that he will push all the right buttons for me. The simple scene we had together was more…well, fulfilling than with any of the men I’ve met with before. It’s all I’ve thought about since it happened. I’ve been buzzing with electricity all day long in anticipation of our chat tonight.
I click his profile, and a message pops up.
FulfillingDominance: Good evening, boy. How did it go after we ended our scene the other night?
Warmth fills my belly. Part of me thinks it’s overboard for him to ask that. It’s not as if we were even in the same room. He didn’t touch me or put me in subspace, something I’ve never experienced but have read a lot about, but the bigger part of me is… I don’t know how to put it into words. I like that it’s important to him that I’m okay. It makes me feel special.
CravingMore: Amazing, honestly. It’s nearly all I’ve thought about since. I slept incredibly well, got out of my head, and came harder than I ever had by myself.
FulfillingDominance: Hmm…only by yourself? Not at all? We’ll have to work on that next time.
Next time. A smile takes over my face.
CravingMore: I’m naked now, Sir, if you’d like to play.
Please, please, please say yes.
FulfillingDominance: Naked? Someone was optimistic. What if I want you clothed?
CravingMore: Then I’ll get dressed right now. I want to be good for you.
When I first started having submissive thoughts, I believed there was something weird about me for feeling like that, but now I don’t. I want to be a good boy for another man, and that’s just who I am, even if most people in my life—or hell, in the world—wouldn’t understand it. Why do they have to understand every part of me? They don’t. All that’s important is accepting those differences in others.
FulfillingDominance: I have a feeling you’re going to be trouble.
I grin again.
CravingMore: I’m not sure if I should be offended or proud… Honestly, it’s a little of both.
FulfillingDominance: You almost made me choke on my dessert.
CravingMore: In a good way, Sir?
FulfillingDominance: Yes, from chuckling and from hunger my treat can’t sate.
Trembles run the length of me, my skin flushing and blood heading to my groin.
CravingMore: Ugh…I want to sate your hunger. Please, will you make me come?
I watch, waiting for him to reply…one minute, two, three. The silence stretches out, making me wonder if I said or did something wrong. Maybe I ruined this. Maybe I’m the one who’s bad at it, and those other Doms didn’t do it for me because I don’t know what I’m doing.
My fingers twitch over the keyboard, but I’m not sure what to say. I don’t want to mess this up, to do the wrong thing. I’m sure he wants patience in a boy, and I want to show him I can do that.
FulfillingDominance: Sorry. I didn’t mean to leave you waiting. I had to take care of something.
I breathe out a sigh of relief, the tension slowly leaving my body, like air from a punctured balloon.
CravingMore: I was scared I had done something wrong.
FulfillingDominance: Scared?
CravingMore: Maybe that’s the wrong word, but nervous… I like this…what we’ve done and talking to you. It’s not like we really know each other or have done much, but it feels right…good. I don’t want to ruin it…don’t want to mess up.
FulfillingDominance: Is that typical for you? Fearing you’ll mess up? Or do the wrong thing?
Bits and pieces of my life flutter through my head. Disappointing my parents, losing my best friend when I came out and wondering if I should have stayed in the closet. Quitting lacrosse when I was good enough to have gotten a scholarship to a D1 college, and the way everyone told me it was selfish and wasting a good opportunity. Hell, even the dates I’ve been on or the men I’ve had scenes with where things weren’t what I needed, part of me wondered if I was the problem.
CravingMore: Yes…Jesus. How have I never realized that about myself? I have a fear of messing up and letting people down, yet…
FulfillingDominance: Yet?
CravingMore: I don’t change. I stay on my path. Does that make me an asshole?
FulfillingDominance: No, boy. It doesn’t. It means you know who you are and what you want, and you won’t sacrifice that. Those are good qualities to have.
CravingMore: How do you know when I haven’t even told you the situations?
FulfillingDominance: If you were here, that might have gotten you a spanking…but I guess you’re right in some ways. Call it intuition. But if we continue this and if we meet, I want you to always be honest with me if you feel that way. And if you do ever let me down, I’ll be honest with you and tell you why and how. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes, but that doesn’t mean we’re bad or that there’s something wrong with us.
I lean back against the headboard, the worry balloon completely deflated now, and just like that, the stress ebbs. Which is strange because my parents don’t hold back from telling me when they aren’t happy with something I’ve done, and all it does is piss me off, but I need it from him.
CravingMore: Thank you, Sir. I would like that very much…and I’d also like more with you…to meet up sometime or video chat? Is that something you would allow?
I hold my breath. The indicator that he’s typing shows, so I know he’s not leaving me hanging this time.
FulfillingDominance: Not tonight. In fact, I’d like you to get dressed for me. Tonight, we just talk. We’ll continue this way for a little while, and maybe have another scene here, but I don’t do face shots or videos. It’s important to protect yourself online, and I would like you to do the same. You don’t know me, and once your face is out there, you can’t take that back.
I roll my eyes, slightly frustrated. I get what he’s saying, but in this day and age, does it really matter?
FulfillingDominance: You’re disappointed.
CravingMore: Yes, Sir.
Is he a mind reader or what?
FulfillingDominance: But you’ll obey because it’s what I wish for you to do…and you want to be a good boy for me. I’m only looking out for you.
Ugh. Why are my insides melting? Why do I want some random man to take care of me like that? Even when it’s completely annoying and ridiculous.
CravingMore: Yes, Sir. I want to do as you say. I’ll get dressed now…even if I don’t want to.
FulfillingDominance: You can’t see my face, but know I’m smiling.
Damned if that doesn’t make me smile too.
*
“So you’re still talking with the creepy guy who won’t show his face?” Reggie asks as we walk along the trail at Dorothea Dix Park. This isn’t the first time we’ve had this conversation. It’s been about a month since my one and only scene with Sir, yet we’ve continued to meet up about four nights a week.
“He’s not creepy. He’s…nice.” Really nice. I like talking to him in ways I wouldn’t have foreseen. In the beginning, I was just looking for someone to dominate me, and while that’s totally what I still want—and it’s not like I expect or want a relationship with Sir—I do enjoy our conversations. He has a sense of humor, and he seems to think I’m funny too.
“What’s his name again?” Reggie asks, and I shake my head.
“He’s protective online and wants the same for me, which is sweet. I like feeling taken care of in that way, like he wants what’s best for me, and…well, also just because he likes to be the boss of me, and he knows it drives me crazy not to see him.” I chuckle, looking out at the green space of the rolling hills and trees around us. I can’t pretend I don’t want to know more about Sir, that I wouldn’t love to know what he looks like, but the satisfaction I get in doing as he says, letting him make the rules, eases that need.
“Yeah…I don’t know. I feel like he has something to hide. Everyone sends photos. Everyone video chats. If he won’t do anything like that, he’s not who he says he is—or wants to chop you up in little pieces and bury you in his backyard.”
I nudge Reggie’s arm. “You’re being dramatic.”
“And you never are?”
He’s got me there. “I like him, Reg. Not like Oh my God, I love him , but I like talking to him and how he makes me feel… I really want to meet him.”
He sighs, and I get it. He’s being a good friend and looking out for me, but somehow, I just know Sir is on the level. I feel it in my bones, and I’m not the type of guy to usually think things like that. Feel it in my bones? I mean, what the fuck even is that?
“I just don’t want you to get hurt. You sit in that room, talking to him like he’s your boyfriend. I’ve never seen you get attached to someone like this, and I hate that it’s with someone you don’t really know anything about.”
In some ways he’s right. While it feels like Sir and I talk about everything, like I’ve let him in on parts of me no one else knows or sees—and I do think he does the same with me—we don’t talk about anything too personal. I know he’s not married and never has been. I know he has no children. I know he likes to read and watches foreign movies and works out, but I don’t know where he works, his name, or the nitty-gritty details of his day-to-day life. He doesn’t know any of that about me either.
Jesus… Maybe there’s a reason we don’t talk about those things. Maybe he does have something to hide.
“I’ll talk to him again about meeting…or at least video chatting. Will that make you feel better?”
“Take your pepper spray and leave your location on so I can find you. If I have to go kick some old man’s ass, I will.”
We laugh together.
“He’s not old .” As soon as I say it, I realize he’s never told me his age. What if I’m being catfished and none of this is what I’m hoping it could be?