Chapter 8 #2
I was having a long ass day and it seemed like this motherfucker was only getting longer.
Not only did this nigga Gunz agree to an extension on some niggas behalf a while back without telling me, but he also tried to go up against Lucil.
This nigga Gunz was creating unnecessary problems even though he was no longer a part of my organization.
It seemed like he was trying to fuck with my money.
At this point I was dodging my aunt because I was seconds from putting a bullet into her only son.
Shit, right now that was the only favor I had for her.
My phone began to ring, breaking up my thoughts. I glanced down and it was Santi. I hadn’t heard from her in a minute, because nine times out of ten she and her man were on good terms.
Santi had always been my type, but she had a nigga and only really fucked with me when they were on bad terms. I didn’t have a problem with that at all. It just meant I didn’t have to deal with all that extra heat.
“What’s good, baby girl?” I envisioned her thick pecan thighs as I closed my eyes allowing them to rest from my long ass day.
“You in your office?”
“Is the sky blue?” I asked sarcastically.
She giggled. “It is, but the last few times I came by you were indisposed.”
“I’m up here. Slide on through.”
“Lucky for you I’m downstairs. I’ll be up in a few.” She hung up the phone a few seconds later leaving me to stare into the distance.
When she made it upstairs no talking needed to be done. She knew what she came here for, so it was what it was. Before I knew it she had nakedly assumed the very position meant to please niggas like me.
I had a hunger inside of me that shorty in front of me couldn’t serve.
I had felt home, but this wasn’t it. I was in complete fucking denial because I kept trying myself and feeling unfulfilled right after.
Omyia had fucked me up and no matter how much I tried to keep this shit casual with us I knew that we had crossed lines charted into unknown territory.
I mean I was literally fucked because even now while I plowed into Santi from behind, I was flooded of thoughts of her.
Omyia owned me, but I couldn’t admit this shit didn’t feel good.
Santi showed up at the right time when a nigga needed to blow off some steam and sometimes, I needed that.
Even though this was nine times outta ten her getting back at her nigga, I still needed that type of spiritic shit.
Just when I felt my shit coming and my strokes started to lose coordination I looked up and saw her face. Not Santi, but Omyia. She was standing in the doorway with a horrified expression on her face. We locked eyes for a moment right before she dropped the bags in her hands and stormed away. Fuck!
My brother mugged the fuck out of me while he sat across from me eating his breakfast. The last few days I haven't had much of an appetite. I was spending too much time in my head and avoiding all that right before my eyes.
“The fuck did we come out here to eat for if all you were gonna do is daydream?”
“Nigga, I’m not daydreaming. I’m thinking.”
He shook his head. “About what? How bad you fucked up.”
I nodded my head in irritation. I kept thinking about how she just left. “I fucked up.”
“Royally, but you can fix that shit.” He said that without any worry at all like he knew something that I didn’t.
“And how do you know that?”
“Because you can. You just gotta say the right thing and for once get out of your head.”
“What do you mean get out of my head?”
“You know exactly what I mean. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see how you feel about Ommy, but for some reason you’re in denial.”
“It isn’t that. I just don’t wanna complicate what I have with her.”
“And how did that work out for you? Things seem mighty complicated if you ask me, big brother.”
“Complicated as fuck. I didn’t know she was coming through. As a matter of fact I didn’t even know Santi was coming through. All of that caught me completely by surprise.”
“I hear what you’re saying, but I bet you a G Santi went home and fixed shit with her nigga but look where your ass is. Got you walking around here with yo’ pockets inside out and a wrinkled up V-neck.”
I couldn’t help but laugh, because it had only been two days and I felt that shit. I felt the disconnect. The last time I felt anything this strong my mother left.
“You’re laughing, but I’m dead serious. You look bad. Like really bad. As a matter of fact nigga you look like you stank.”
“Aight, aight. I hear you, but it wasn’t that long ago that you looked like this laid up on my fucking couch.”
“You right, but I had to get my shit together and get over that disappearing act from your weak ass mammy. On some real shit, I had to realize that Surah isn’t our mama.
She ain’t gonna up and leave me if I give her my heart.
I’ll admit it I got mommy issues, now what the fuck is your excuse?
” The expression housed on his face let me know that he was serious.
“Man, I don’t know. Maybe I don’t know what I want…”
“You say that, but I see it in your eyes you know what and who you want. If you ain’t ready to take that step, then just say that shit. Just don’t be out here ready to go ape when you see her out here happy with another nigga.”
“See, now why would you say that shit. I don’t want those fucking visuals.” I screwed up my face.
“Because you needed to hear that. You’re fucking up, but we both know another nigga won’t.
Another nigga will know what the fuck he wants and voice that shit.
What you think those niggas be standing at the gas station ready to pump gas for?
Niggas be lurking and praying an egg head nigga like yourself gets it wrong. ”
I looked at him for a while taking in everything he’d just said. He was right, but that didn’t negate the fact that I had still fucked up. I had absolutely no clue how I would even begin to fix this. Could I even fix this?
Ommy
My heart hurt and it shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have been sitting in the backroom of my shop giving myself pep talks about how I’d get through this day.
The situation-ship between North and I was just what it was, right?
We had amazing sex and spent way too much time together.
That should’ve been it, but instead here I was trying to hold back the feelings that had surfaced.
This was my fucking fault. I shouldn’t have showed up to his office to surprise him with lunch.
Shit, it goes back way deeper than that.
I should’ve never agreed to explore this with him, or maybe I should but I should’ve kept the boundaries.
No spending a night or even meeting my baby.
I shouldn’t have given him parts of me that you only give people you’re just dating.
Apparently, I had been out of the game for too long because all this shit was new to me.
Wait though, there was no justification on what I walked in on though.
He had just left my bed hours before. How?
That was none of my business, I think but the image was stuck in my head.
The woman was bent over his desk while he plowed into her from the back.
He was enjoying her after enjoying me all this morning.
What the fuck?
Get a grip Omyia, you’re not a weak bitch. Or are you?
They said self-talk was the only way to get over things, but that wasn’t even working. I had fouled up royally and needed to fix this. I needed to fix myself.
“Hey, Omyia. North is on the phone.” Surah’s voice sang from the front. My cousin had been extremely happy these days and I loved that for her.
Tell him to go fuck himself. “I’m not here.”
“She just left. Call her cell.” Surah’s voice came closer to me.
When I looked up from my phone she was standing near my desk with a frown.
“What’s wrong, Omyia?”
“Nothing. I just need some time to think.”
She peered at me for a while before she seemed to accept my answer. With a nod she left me to my lonely. I needed that.
I sat in silence for all of ten minutes, before my phone began to ring. I expected it to be North but seeing that it was my father worried me. He never called me when I was at work.
“Dad?” I answered quickly.
“Hey, baby girl I brought Ssiah to the hospital. He was burning up a few hours ago and something didn’t seem right, so I brought him to the emergency room. He’s got a really bad fever, we’re at Grady.”
The moment he said my baby was sick I was on my feet headed for my purse. When I had everything in my hands, I assured him I was on the way and headed out.
“Surah just close the store up at the end of yours and Niema’s shift. My dad took Ssiah into Grady. He’s in the ER.”
“Okay. Call me when you find out what’s up. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
I heard her, but I couldn’t respond. I needed to get to my baby.
I needed to be near him and feel his little body.
Knowing that my baby was sick, and I wasn’t there was enough to break my entire soul.
On the drive there I saw that Knoxx was calling.
I immediately answered, assuming he was calling about Ssiah.
“Yeah Knoxx.”
“Where are you, shorty?” he asked. His tone was serious.
“On my way to Ssiah, what’s wrong?” His voice didn’t sound right.
“Argus is dead.”
The moment he said those words my brain began to fog.
Something in me wasn’t processing that and I don’t remember anything else said afterward.
All I remember was the moment I laid eyes on my baby.
My father was seated in the chair near his bed, he stood for me to sit when I walked in.
That wasn’t close enough for me, I needed to be near my son.
He was not only sick but had lost his father.
He didn’t even know that the last time he laid eyes on Argus was truly the last time he’d ever see him.