Chapter 13
Chapter Thirteen
Surah
A Month and a half later
Sometimes he looked at me like I was everything to him and I believed him.
Every touch told me that he loved me in a way he could never voice.
Mari wasn’t perfect and neither was I, shit we were both hot ass messes, but the fact that this thing fits the way it did was enough for me.
Things with us were electric and our bond was undeniable, as well as unbelievable.
Sometimes I questioned why it was so easy with us.
I mean sure I got shot and almost died, but even before that when we were both playing games he and I were magnetic.
It was like the moment he and I started taking this seriously, the world slowed down and the only people on this earth were he and I.
It was crazy because before him I never believed in this lovey dovey shit.
I didn’t believe in tangible or intangible love.
I believed that life was life and any people would always be people.
I guess that came from my father’s absence and my mother’s obsession with being married.
When I was growing up my mother always made it seem like marriage was the ultimate goal for a woman, like you weren’t whole unless you carried a niggas last name.
That irritated me and in turn made me resent the notion of ever needing somebody the way my mother needed my father as well as my two stepfathers.
I didn’t give a shit about my father; shit I had gotten this far without him.
Why would I need him now? However my mother’s second husband Otis was everything that I would’ve wanted in a father.
Too bad things with them didn’t last too long, and he moved to Minnesota.
I could only imagine what went wrong with them, but it wasn’t my business.
Their divorce didn’t stop Otis from being the father figure in my life then and definitely not now.
Speaking of, I probably needed to call and check in with him.
We hadn’t spoken since before I got shot.
Knowing my mother she didn’t even call the man to tell him. They didn’t exactly talk anymore.
Mari’s lips against my shoulder broke my train of thought. I didn’t realize I was standing in the middle of the kitchen staring into space until that moment. Blinking a few times I turned around and looked at him.
“What’s wrong? Are you having one of those moments?” He was referring to the intrusive memories I often got from that night.
“No, I was thinking about you … then my thoughts drifted to my stepfather. Then I was abou—“
“How the fuck did you go from thinking about your stepfather to thinking about me? You were one of them” He winked at me.
“No nigga. I was thinking about love and how before you I didn’t believe in it because of my mother's constant obsession with marriage and belonging to somebody. I did—"
“Doesn’t matter then because yo ass better be obsessed with belonging to me. Ob-fuckin-sessed. Get dressed though, I need to hit a mall.”
“That’s for sure not how you ask me if I want to go to the mall with you, Namari.”
“Since when do I ask you shit, wife? Just like you don’t ask me shit. You tell me and I tell you. Now get your fine ass dressed. Please.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at the please that followed his demand. He was something else … My something else.
About two hours later he and I finally made it out the door, and the entire time he was fussing because he claimed all of my clothes were either too tight or not covering enough.
Of course I had to remind him that the only way he picked out my clothes was if he bought them.
That was but a word to him because his only response was bet. I knew what that meant.
“When we get back, pack our bags for a night or so. We’re staying at my brother’s house tonight. He said something about some shit with Ommy that he had to tell me. You know I will be finished for the night after that drive. ”
I glanced over at him confused, before I nodded my head. “The baby.”
When he glanced over at me with wide eyes I realized that I said that just a bit too loud. Damn I fucked up their surprise. “What baby?”
“I didn’t say baby.” Now here my non lying ass was trying to fix it.
“Yes the fuck you did say baby. I heard you, now unless we’re having a baby which I know we ain’t because you got that shit in your arm. So them niggas are having a baby?”
I shook my head. “You can’t say anything, because I wasn’t supposed to say anything.”
“But you did fuck around and say something, right?” He chuckled seconds before his heavy ass hand landed on my thigh. “But I got you. I guess I could stand to act surprised when he tells me.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at the way he decided to put it. “Why do you have to be so difficult?”
“Man whatever. Lemme ask you something though.”
I glanced in his direction all ears for what was coming next. Knowing Namari it was about to be something slick, so I had to brace myself.
“When are you going to give me a baby?”
I nearly choked on the saliva in my mouth before I stared in his direction. “Um excuse me?”
“You heard what I asked. I mean you just did all that dramatic shit, so you had to hear me right?”
I shook my head. “You want a baby? A kid. An infant. Something that depends on you and I? Are you serious?”
“As a fucking heartbeat. I ain’t saying you gotta gimme one right now or no shit like that, but I do want one.”
“Well, since you said not right now I’m fine with that.
When the time is right I’ll give you a baby.
” Something told me that statement would come back and bite me in the ass one day.
All I could hope was that it wasn’t soon.
I wanted everything but a baby right now.
My life had literally flashed before my eyes a few months ago, and I realized that I wasn’t doing enough.
Though my life was good, I wanted more… shit I needed more because there was so much more life out there than what I’d experienced.
“Just promise me we’ll travel and experience more before we settle into trying to make a baby and acting like Chicago is all there is to life. ”
“I told you to plan the trips and we could go whenever outreach ready, but you’re the motherfucker who decided to take on a whole bunch of projects as soon as you were able.
Shit, if I could take pictures I’d rather be snapping shit like the pyramids and not these ugly ass broads looking like apes doing maternity shoots.
“Namari!”
“What? I’m just saying love.”
He was so damn rude at times. Like I really don’t think somebody with thin skin could ever take him, because she really didn’t care what came out of his mouth.
It just came out and he never seemed to realize how offensive some of the shit he said was.
He was damn near oblivious, but I also knew he didn’t care.
Either way he was my man, my man, my man.
“I think you want me to fuck you in this dressing room.” Namari’s voice made me turn around and look at him.
He had gotten everything he needed, so now we were in Nordstrom and I was trying on a few pieces that I liked.
Instead of sitting outside while I tried everything on, he made sure he sat on the sofa in the corner of the room.
Though most of the time he was on the phone I could feel his eyes on me the entire time.
Now that he was off the phone I could feel a little more than that.
He was on something else which meant I needed to hurry up and be done before I got very X-rated in here.
“I definitely don’t don’t know what you’re talking about. But unzip me and let me get dressed so we can pay and go.”
“Now you wanna pay and go.” He laughed.
“Yeah, because you’re trying to fuck in these people’s establishment.” I walked over to him and turned my back to him so that he could unzip me. It only took him a second before he slapped my ass and I walked out of his immediate space.
“Nah that’s you keep on getting naked in front of me like everything about you don’t have me ready to bust a couple moves.”
“Even with my scars?” I’ll admit the three bullet wound marks on my abdomen and side made me feel self-conscious sometimes.
I don’t know why because they were proof that I had gone through some shit, but also they were proof that I had almost lost my life.
They were scars that I’d likely wear for the rest of my life.
“C’mere.”
It took me a minute, but I finally walked over to him when I had my jeans back on. He pulled me into his lap, before leaning into me and kissing my shoulder. “Even with the scars that I don’t pay no fucking attention to this is all you. Err’thing about me is all you.”
I just peered down at him, because this moment right here was what I was talking about.
Namari was the only man with the ability to look at me like I meant the world to him and I believed him.
Mommy issues and all this man owned my soul with just one look.
God had the audacity to give me this man during my ho phase… Now look at me all in love and shit.
An abrupt knock at the door broke my thought and nearly made me jump from his lap. “Is everything good here?” The nosy ass sales lady who made it a habit of following us through her store made her presence outside the door known.
“Hell yeah, why the fuck wouldn’t it be? Y’all motherfuckers take your jobs way too fucking seriously.” Namari’s voice boomed as I stood from his lap and went back to getting dressed.
It didn’t take long for me to finish getting fully dressed to leave. Once we exited the dressing room I sat everything on the counter and went to go in my bag, but he stopped me. “I got it, baby mama.”
“Namari.”