Chapter 16 #4
He laughed. “Per yo’ message That ain’t the only thing you miss.” The smirk on his face was panty wetting because all I could think about was what he did with those lips. I had to keep those visions at bay though, because there were thousands of miles between us at this point.
“Don’t rub it in. But the fact that yeen said it back has me a little concerned.”
“It shouldn’t because I’ve never had a problem telling you how I felt and what I wanted from you. You’re just the one dodging any and everything I say.”
I couldn’t argue with him there. He was right. “I thought I told you we were starting over. I’m trying.”
“Bet. I do miss you though. You, lil’ mama and those bomb ass milkshakes.”
“So, it’s just the milkshakes?” I joked.
“Probably.” He winked. “Since we’re gonna see where this goes I wanna keep it a buck with you. Prove my therapist wrong and shit. Shorty says I’m unable to be open and emotionally unavailable.”
“Your therapist, Knoxx? When did you get one of those?” I was completely thrown for a loop.
“Recently. Ion tell her shit, but it’s nice to have a motherfucker listen to me sometimes when I feel like my thoughts are too dar—”
“She has to go.” I couldn’t catch myself before those words left my lips.
“What do you mean?” he looked confused.
“If this is me and you then I don’t want another woman being your comfortable space. I want all of you, dark thoughts, and all.”
“Are you sure about that?”
Tucking my bottom lip beneath the top row of my teeth I nodded my head. I wanted to tell myself I was rushing into this, but I wasn’t. It was about time.
“Aight, bet. One more thing though.”
I tilted my head forward and raised my eyebrows ready for him to speak. Something told me to brace myself.
“I may or may not have a baby on the way by my dumb ass ex.”
“What do you mean may or may not?” I was ready to catch a whole flight. “Like a whole baby, Knoxx?”
“Before you overthink I wasn’t sleeping with her while I was messing with you. The shit happened before, and now she got me chasing her all over kingdom-com to at least b—”
“Stop chasing her. You’ll find out when she has it.”
He and I talked for hours before falling asleep on one another. It was cute because I hadn't fallen asleep on the phone with anybody since like high school. Now I had an even bigger reason as to why I needed to go home.
Days Later
“And when did you neutralize the threat?” I glared from my brother to my father. Like what the fuck was the point of me coming all the way here for them to have already handled things. I’ve been here an entire month with no action but enough forced ass family time for a lifetime.
“This morning papa had a meeting with the family responsible for everything. They paid dearly.” My brother smirked as if he was proud of himself.
I shook my head, before attempting to walk away and go find my child. My father’s voice stopped me when he heavily said my name. “Lunarius.”
I turned around and faced him. “Yes.”
“I know it is your prerogative to go back to Chicago, but please know that we’re your family. Regardless of everything that transpired in the past. You are my daughter and your daughter is my granddaughter. I love you regardless of anything, my daughter.”
I nodded my head, before shocking myself when I replied.
“I love you too.” Silence filled the room before I decided to go find my child.
She loved spending time with her family and especially my mother even though I paid her ass no attention.
I hated this for my daughter because now that it was time for me to return home I felt like I was snatching her away from the love she had here.
At first I was apprehensive about even allowing them into her space because I was afraid of them letting her down.
I had to remind myself that she wasn’t me and I wasn’t her.
She was a child and she was unaware of the things that loomed in adulthood.
I swore that I would protect her from those things for as long as I lived, but I couldn’t keep her away from them.
I couldn’t rob her of familial love no matter how much faith I’d lost in it.
The only problem is ever since my conversation with Rue I’d been thinking more and more about my mother. I wasn’t on some train of forgiveness or even thinking about forgetting, but something had to give, and I knew I had to talk to her.
When I turned the corner into the living room I spotted my daughter sitting on the floor playing with the cotton dolls that my mother had bought her and my niece when we first arrived.
It was a sweet gesture. Well, it wasn’t a gesture.
She was their grandmother and this was what they did.
This was what grandparents were supposed to do.
They were supposed to spoil their grandchildren no matter what.
It took a lot for me to step back and allow my daughter’s relationship with my parents to be just hers.
My own problems couldn’t become hers. I wouldn’t let them no matter what.
“Luna, can I speak with you for a moment?” The sound of my mother’s voice broke my train of thought.
I looked up and she was standing in front of me with an expression I couldn’t read on her face.
Who was I kidding? I hadn't been able to read my mother’s expressions since I stopped caring enough to try.
Nodding my head I followed her into the kitchen and watched her walk in the direction of the tea pot.
“I know I have gravely failed you. When I should’ve protected you, I abandoned you in a moment when you probably needed me most. Now you don’t need anyone, especially not me and as proud of you as I am I live in constant regret.
” Finally she turned around and looked at me and for the first time I saw everything she was feeling. “I know you hate me but…”
As if my body had a mind of its own I was moving in her direction, then before I could stop myself I was hugging her as tight as I could.
Without words I was physically there in her arms telling her that it would be okay.
I couldn’t bring myself to verbally tell her that I forgave her because I didn’t.
Not yet at least, but I didn’t carry hate in my heart.
I was just too disappointed and hurt by their actions.
“You are like me, but don’t be like me. be better than me, Luna.”