Chapter 6
Beatrix
We meanderour way through the fairgrounds until we come to the row of carnival games, and Cooper’s face lights up as he turns back to Lizzy.
“Want me to win you something?”
“Dad.” She gives him an exasperated look. “I know you know I’m too old for toys.”
“It’s not a toy. It’s a memento. Sits on your shelf to remind you of the time Trixie was here, and we had fun.”
Lizzy looks up at me with a question in her eyes before giving her father a skeptical look.
“Well, if she doesn’t want one, I do,” I pipe in, turning to Cooper. I can tell he’s trying to hold on to the waning days of her childhood. The time when he’s the cool dad who plays football and not the annoying parent who doesn’t let her stay out late with the boy he doesn’t approve of.
“I can do that.” Cooper’s smile lights up, and he hurries over to the counter to lay down money for a chance at the prize. Lizzy and I follow after him, and she takes another bite of her shaved ice as we watch him ready himself for his shot at the stuffed animal. Lizzy lets out a little sigh. I know she’s impatient to catch up with her friends who aren’t quite here yet, but I wish I could tell her how someday she’ll wish she had more of this time with him. That not all kids get the kind of attention and time he gives her.
“You’re lucky, you know.” I look at Lizzy. “My dad would never play games like this for me.”
“I thought you said you went to lots of fairs.”
“We did, but he was always working when we went to them. Talking to his potential voters. It was mostly about photos and work. I wish we could have just walked around and rode the rides and played the games. Gotten him to relax and have some fun. But it was all business, and we were just there so he could get some pictures in with his family most of the time. Sometimes, one of his staff members would take me to grab a funnel cake or play a quick game before we had to be off to the next thing.”
“Well, that sucks.”
“Yeah. But hey. We’re here, and now I’ve got you two to let me do it. So thank you for letting me come with you.”
“I’m glad you came. He’s less annoying, and you get things he doesn’t.”
“Like lemon shakeups?” I rattle the ice in my cup and then take another long sip.
“That too.” Lizzy laughs.
“All right. Which one do you want?” Cooper looks back at me before pointing up to the wall of stuffed animals.
“Um. That one?” I point to a small teddy bear that’s dangling near the bottom.
“That’s it? No faith.” He shakes his head. “But all right.”
Lizzy and I stand patiently by while he plays through several rounds of the game, racking up points and spending tickets to win the prize. He refuses to stop at the small one and instead gets a bear that’s going to have to have its own seatbelt on the way home. I’m laughing when he hands it to me.
“Thank you. It’s adorable.” I grin back at the sweet little stitched smile on its face and straighten the Chaos tee he has on. One that’s so fitting despite the fact the fair employee didn’t seem to recognize Cooper in his baseball hat and aviators.
“Of course. Anything for you,” he answers. I look up, startled by the way he says it, and my heart flutters at the way he smiles in return.
The wink he gives me nearly sets me into a full-blown blush until I remind myself I’m here with him and his daughter. All of my heart palpitations and blushes need to be locked down. I’m praying he can’t see them on the surface. Because the last thing I need is to look like, after this short little visit, I’m already falling for another Rawlings brother—one who is objectively a good friend to me and ridiculously off-limits.
But half the time, I forget that he is a Rawlings brother. He’s sweet in so many of the ways his brother wasn’t. Thoughtful even when you don’t expect him to be. Always up for a good time and a laugh when Rob spent so much time brooding and complaining. Sometimes, it’s hard to believe they were raised under the same roof.
Then Cooper does little things like this, winning me a teddy bear at a fair. Winking at me before he turns to take us for more sugary sweet things to spoil us for the evening. Things that make me feel like I might still want a relationship with someone after all. If I found a guy like Cooper.
Not long afterwe win the Chaos teddy bear, we run into Lizzy’s friends— three guys and two girls who are definitely having the junior high equivalent of a date night minus their odd man out. As they drift off into the night, chatting and heading for one of the games, Cooper and I sit down at a small beer garden area after we grab some snacks.
“Please tell me that’s not what I think it is.” Cooper watches as Lizzy talks to guy number three, who I assume is the friend that Cooper is so wary of.
“A group date? Yeah, I think that’s what that is.” I smile at the way Lizzy’s face lights up even from this distance.
“They’re in junior high!” He protests the idea of it.
“That’s usually when kids start dating. Or at least thinking about it. Hand-holding. Movies. Things like that. Plus, it’s the summer before high school. Don’t you remember what that was like? Sneaking kisses with the guy you have a crush on. Cuddling at the movies. Some of my friends were getting to second base.” I look back at him before I dunk my pretzel in the mustard that’s threatening to overflow from the small white paper cup.
“I don’t want Lizzy doing anything like I did. I’m not ready for her to date. I’m not ready for hand-holding, let alone any base rounding. Do you know what kind of assholes are out there these days? It’s not like when we were kids and all innocent.” Cooper’s brow furrows as he watches them drift off around some booths and down the path.
“Oh, I don’t know how innocent we were. I had a pretty tame upbringing, but then I had Xander for a brother, and well… I wouldn’t call that influence innocent. His friends and the girls they all brought around were very um… educational.” I laugh.
“Really? I’d always pictured young Trixie as a super straitlaced good girl. Was that not the case?” He smirks at me.
“Uh… I don’t know. More innocent than most, I think. I was pretty na?ve. But Xander definitely wasn’t, and he rubbed off on me a lot. At least, being in his orbit meant I was exposed to things I wouldn’t have been otherwise. If my parents had a say in it, anyway. They didn’t even want me to date until I was nearly in college. Meanwhile, Xander was… well, Xander. I’m guessing you weren’t all that different from him.”
“Maybe.” He shrugs, but his lips quiver in a half smile before he changes the subject. “So tonight… That guy. Are you going on another date with him?” His focus suddenly snaps back to me, and I shift uncomfortably.
Cooper and Rob aren’t the closest of brothers. I saw more than one strained moment between them over the years. Enough to know there was tension between them I didn’t fully understand. Rob didn’t discuss it, and I didn’t press for more. It was the story of our relationship. But I still don’t know if I want Cooper to know the ins and outs of my dating life—or the lack thereof. I’d rather Rob have as little information as possible about me because, given the current state of my very chaotic life, I’d rather he not know what a mess it is.
“I’m not going to say anything to him, you know,” he adds when I hesitate to answer, and I feel some relief. I trust Cooper enough to believe him.
“Yes. Well, sort of? I’m done with dating. Trying this whole hooking up via an app thing instead.” I take a sip of my lemonade, and apparently, that’s more information than Cooper wants because a look of surprise flashes over his face before he covers it.
“Oh. Is that what I interrupted? No wonder he was pissed then,” he says as he breaks off a piece of the pretzel we’re sharing, his eyes darting off into the distance as he slips it into his mouth.
“Well, I mean… it was kind of a screening situation. I guess?” I feel awkward explaining this. “It feels weird to be back in the dating/hookup pool, and I’m still figuring out what I want. I just know I don’t want a relationship.”
“No?” His brow is furrowed as he looks over me.
“Is it that surprising?”
“I mean… not to bring him up again, but yeah. A little. You seemed like the relationship type. You guys were headed for permanent, weren’t you?”
“I thought so, but I don’t think your brother was.”
“So he ruined it for you for good?”
“No. He was just… what he was.” I shrug. “I’m not in the right place for a relationship right now. I don’t know where I’ll be living in a year. Maybe even in a few months. Right now, it’s in a hotel, which is good for hookups if my neighbors are any indication, but it doesn’t really make me relationship material. Plus, I don’t know what I want now, you know?”
“Yeah. I used to feel the same way.”
“Used to? Are you dating now?” I raise an eyebrow because, while I don’t exactly know his reputation the way Wren and Madison had described it, I know he’s been perpetually single. In all the years I met up with his family, Cooper never brought a woman home for a holiday or the yearly summer trip to the lake house.
“Not yet. But I’m finally ready to give the dating thing a try.” He grins and grabs a fried Oreo, popping it in his mouth like it’s a tiny, little morsel.
“You think?” It’s my turn to ask vague, probing questions. Because I’m curious about the Cooper who dates, and even more curious about what it could mean for his image reform.
He nods and smiles as he finishes chewing, takes a sip of the Coke he ordered, and wipes his hands on a napkin.
“Yeah. Lizzy’s getting older, and it just feels right. I don’t want it to always feel like a frat house when she’s not there either.”
“I mean, I don’t think you have to date someone to change that.”
“No, but I think… I’m getting older too. If I was going to have more kids or if I want my wife to know Lizzy, better sooner than later, right? Time’s probably running out on that front.”
I freeze up at the mention of kids. I have no idea if Rob ever told Cooper or anyone else in his family the real catalyst in our breakup: the fact that we couldn’t have them, and I wanted to adopt, and he didn’t. It had been the final straw on a mounting list of problems. But I can’t imagine Cooper bringing it up so casually in front of me if he had.
“I suppose so. But I still think you should do it because you want the relationship. That it’s something you want for yourself, not because it’s something other people want for you or something you should do for Lizzy.”
I didn’t mean for it to come out quite so soapbox-y, and I can feel him studying me intently. Hear his cogs turn as he takes in what I’ve said.
“That what you and my brother were? Something society told you you should do by a certain age?”
“No.” I shake my head, laughing. “We were the opposite of that. My parents hate that I’m involved with football and sports at all. My dad nearly died when he found out I was dating a football player.”
“Your parents not much for sports?”
“No. Well, my mom is mostly just content for us to do whatever we want to do as long as we’re happy, but my dad hates the fact Xander plays. Although I think he’s secretly proud of him, he can’t stand that I’m involved in it at all. Thinks my talent’s being wasted on ‘children’s games’ when I could be making a difference in the world.” I hold up the air quotes.
“What does he want you to be doing?” Cooper frowns but doesn’t say anything bad about my father.
“Politics. Like him. He wants Xander to follow in his footsteps and me to do PR in his world. Ever since Rob and I called it quits, it’s all he talks about. He’s… well, it’s an open secret he wants to run for president, and he’s hoping my brother will be done with football and take up where he left off in the Senate. He wants me to run the campaign for my brother and wants me to get my feet wet by working on his team now.”
“But you don’t want to?” Cooper probes further. I’m surprised he’s this interested in my family’s political machinations.
“No. Not really. I mean, if Xander asked me to, I would do it for him. But being back in my dad’s world means being back around all the people I grew up with. All the money and politics and backroom dealing. I don’t think I have the stomach for it.”
“But you have the stomach for guys with massive egos and brand deals and all the team politics?” He gives me a look, and I can tell he’s teasing.
“I mean, fair point, but it’s not the same. I make my own way here. With Madison’s help. I’m sure our last names give us an advantage, but it’s not the same way it would be in politics with my dad. There, Xavier means something else entirely.”
“Much better in this world where it means don’t piss Xander off if you don’t want to end up face down in the turf.”
We both laugh, and I shake my head.
“Be nice. He’s been better since Harper. He’s like a different guy, honestly. Mellowed out and happier. It’s been good to see the change in him.”
“Yeah, I still get why your dad thinks he’d make a good politician though.” Cooper grins. “Very cutthroat.”
“True…” I take another small sip of my lemonade, hitting the end where the sugar’s settled and it’s extra sweet. “I’m sorry for dumping all that on you. I doubt you wanted to know it all. I’m just at a bit of a crossroads. I didn’t really want to admit that. But I guess it’s not easy to hide either.”
“I’m happy to listen, Trixie. I asked.” He gives me a small smile. “So what are you doing here then? Hoping you can stay and work with Madison, or do you have other plans?”
“We had a whole plan out in Colorado, and it fell through. We’re working on Plan B, but we both need to work while we wait. She found this gig. She didn’t exactly plan on it being Quentin, but it’s work for both of us while we figure out what to do next.”
“What was the plan that fell through?”
“We were going to start a PR resort for athletes. A place to help them work on their image and get away from everything while they do it. We had investors and a place up in the mountains on a gorgeous piece of land. That fell apart thanks to wildfires, droughts, and some interpersonal politics, so now we’re looking for a new spot and new investors.”
“You mean I can go to a resort while you work on me?” He laughs. “Sign me up. I could use more time in the pool. I don’t get enough in my own.”
“Yes, well… someday, hopefully, if this works out. I’m just not sure if it will…” I trail off because, seeing how Madison and Quentin interact, I have my doubts about whether she’ll be ready to leave this place. I’m fairly certain Quentin’s plan is to do anything he can to get her to stay.
“Well, if you need an investor, tell me where to sign.”
“I barely told you anything about the place,” I scoff.
“You’re smart and driven. So is Madison. That’s all I really need to know.” He shrugs. “Plus, like I said, if it means I get to make resort visits while you all reform my image, I’m in.”
I study his face for a moment and smile as I watch him break his second fried Oreo in half and eat part of it.
“So you’re deciding to seriously date then? Is that why you want the image makeover?”
“Part of it. That and the fact that I know my days playing football are waning. That I have to think about what’s next, and my reputation may not help me in the next chapter.”
“Your reputation here doesn’t match the Cooper I know. Why is that?”
He stops mid-bite, and his brow furrows.
“I do my best to be on for Lizzy. Be the good dad. Give her the kind of home environment my parents gave me growing up. Then I guess when she’s not around, I revert to my old habits. Didn’t really have the motivation to do things differently.”
“Well, that’s fair. It makes a big difference. What happened that makes you want to change?” I’m curious from the perspective of wanting to help him in a professional capacity, but I’m also curious as his friend.