Chapter 29
Beatrix
The next morning,I’m in the kitchen prepping the cupcakes for Lizzy’s birthday. Cooper and Rob’s parents have taken off with Lizzy and the rest of the kids for the day, shopping and hitting up some of her favorite places in town before they come back here for dinner. Her grandparents are making her favorite meal, and I promised to make cupcakes for her. Cooper is still in bed, and Rob and his fiancée are having a leisurely breakfast, so I’m up whipping batter together while I preheat the oven and soften the butter for the frosting.
I’m already feeling better than yesterday, but my heart is still piecing together exactly how to feel in the wake of all these revelations. It’s not that I want Rob back or that I still have dreams about getting married anymore. It’s the fact that they got engaged so quickly when it had taken Rob well over a year to even discuss the topic with me. That he’d dragged his feet even after we said we wanted to get married. That no ring ever materialized, and arguments over that, among other things, led to us breaking up and then repairing things more than once.
I wasted so much time on a man who wasn’t sure about me. A man who ultimately didn’t want me, and I feel foolish for having done it. For having stood by hoping for something more. Something I was never going to get. Especially when I can see how easily he was able to commit to someone when he was sure. It makes me wonder whether I was part of the problem rather than it just being a difference between what we wanted in life—if the same problems will haunt me in future relationships too.
“Bea?” Rob’s voice stops me mid-stir, and I’m thankful that I’ve managed not to actually cry while thinking about all this because the last thing I want is him thinking I’m shedding any tears over him.
“Yep?” I glance back over my shoulder to let him know I heard him.
I heard the back door that leads down to the water open and shut a few minutes ago, and I thought maybe he and Carly had gone out for the day.
“Can we talk for a minute?”
Fuck.I do not want to talk, but I don’t want to look petulant either.
“Sure.” I stop the mixer and wipe my hands on my apron as I turn to him.
“I’m sorry about last night. It was a little spontaneous. She was excited. I was hoping to warn you first when I saw you here.”
“You don’t owe me a warning. We’ve been over for a while.”
“I know but… it’s awkward with you being here. I didn’t know Cooper was bringing you along.”
“Yes. I’m sorry he didn’t give you a warning. It’s been busy for us. I didn’t think about how awkward it could be when Lizzy asked me to come for her birthday. I just thought it would be fun to be at the lake house with her again.”
“Oh. Lizzy.” He smiles softly, and then it fades. “Yeah, she does love you. I didn’t mean you made it awkward, just that it was given everything. I hope you’re okay.” His concern grates on my nerves because it feels more like he’s probing to see if there’s any jealousy on my part under the surface.
“It’s fine, Rob. Truly. Happy for both of you.”
“Thanks…” He stares down at the floor, and I get the feeling something else is coming. “She doesn’t know about us. That we were together, and I don’t really want to explain. She thinks of you as Cooper’s girlfriend, and I’m fine with her believing that. I don’t want any drama with her being happy right now and Lizzy’s birthday, so I don’t want to explain. Do you think we could keep that between us?”
I blink. Keep several years of my life to myself. I suppose it’s possible, but more than a little difficult to constantly remember. Especially when I’m surrounded by people who only know me because we were together first.
“I already talked to my parents about it. We all agree it makes sense not to bring it up to keep the peace. For Lizzy.” Rob adds as though he’s trying to convince me.
“Okay,” I agree. “I don’t see why it would come up anyway.”
I mean, I’m not exactly dying to reveal to his fiancée that I’m the former girlfriend and all the extra awkwardness that would create. But something about the request cuts and irritates all at the same time. Just not enough for me to want to argue.
“Are you really?” Rob asks after a beat.
“Am I what really?”
“Involved with my brother.”
“I’ve been staying with him while I work for the Chaos for the summer. We’ve always been friendly.”
“Cooper’s friendly with a lot of people.”
I don’t miss the tone in his voice when he says it.
“I don’t really think it’s appropriate for us to discuss this.” I’m growing increasingly uncomfortable with the direction this is going. What Cooper and I have might not be what he and Carly have, but I still feel protective over it. The last thing I want is to be discussing the details of it with him.
Rob makes a face I can’t quite read, but it clears a moment later, and he looks down at the bowl in front of me.
“Cupcakes?”
“Yes.” I’m happy to change the subject. I’d be even better if he’d go find Carly and leave me alone.
“You did always make the best.” Without asking, he dips his finger in the batter and takes some, grinning as he tastes it. “Can’t wait to have one later. Hitting the lake with Carly. See you at dinner.”
I glare at his back as he leaves the room. Even if I was sad over our breakup, I wouldn’t be after that. Rob has a way of doing the smallest things that irritate me to no end. Like putting his grubby hands in my batter. I dump it into the trash and go back to get the ingredients to start over, cleaning the measuring cups in the sink and pulling the eggs out again.
I mutter to myself as I do it, cursing the fact that I was ever stupid enough to date him or waste any of my life on him. That’s the part that still hurts. That I can’t have those years back to do something better with my life. Have some of the adventures I’m now trying to cram into one summer.
By the time I’ve got the cupcakes in the oven, waiting on the timer, I’m wondering why I came out here. This is Rawlings family time, and I’m not a Rawlings. As much as I want to celebrate with Lizzy and as much as I like being around Cooper, I’m an interloper. An interloper and now an accomplice to Rob not telling the truth to his fiancée. Something that makes me more uncomfortable the more I think about it too. This situation is exactly why it could never be anything else and is probably a good reason for me to clear out earlier altogether. I can probably get a flight back tonight. Give Lizzy her cupcakes and her present and then head off to go home. Get back to work.
When the timer for the cupcakes dings, I’m set on the idea. All I need to do is work out the details. I pull out the cupcakes from the oven and set them on the rack just before I hear the sound of bare feet padding along the floorboards. I look up to see a half-awake Cooper making his way into the kitchen. A lazy yawn is followed by the sweetest grin as he surveys the mess I’m making.
“I’m going to clean up.” I promise.
“And I’m going to help,” he answers, kissing the side of my cheek as he peers down at the cupcakes. “Morning, Trix.”
“Morning.” I offer a smile in return, but I’m distracted by how good he looks, by how good he makes me feel. By how attached I’ve gotten to having him around. It’s probably another sign that I need to be careful with my heart.
“Already busy in the kitchen so early? You know you’re supposed to be on vacation too, right?” He shakes his head as he opens the fridge to get some iced coffee.
“I was going to talk to you about that. I think I’m actually going to head back to Cincy.”
“What?” He turns abruptly, the container of cold brew still in his hand.
“I think Madison could use my help, and after everything, I still feel a bit awkward here, you know?”
He sets the coffee on the counter, and his brow wrinkles.
“Did he say something to you? If he did…” Cooper’s eyes harden with the question.
“No. I mean, yes? Sort of? He apologized for last night, but he asked me not to tell Carly that he and I used to date.”
“He asked you to lie?”
“A lie of omission, yes.”
“That’s fucked. She’s going to find out.”
“Yes, but I also don’t want to be a source of drama.”
“You’re not the drama. He is. Between not telling anyone he was engaged to the pregnancy. That’s a lot to keep from everyone.”
“Maybe she wanted to tell everyone in person. She didn’t know his ex-girlfriend would be here.”
“You’re too nice for your own good sometimes, Trix.”
“I just don’t want to cause trouble. Especially not for your parents. I think they feel awkward about everything, too, and they were obviously uncomfortable last night. I doubt Rob is happy I’m here, and if his fiancée knew, I know she wouldn’t be. It puts you and Lizzy in the middle, and it’s her birthday. I think I’m going to finish the cupcakes, say happy birthday to her, and catch a flight back.”
“Lizzy wants you here and so do I.”
“I know, but I don’t want to ruin her birthday. If someone slips and says something, and Carly finds out? Where if I’m not here there’s no reason to mention me. I can give her her present and cupcakes when she gets back this afternoon and catch a ride to the airport after.”
“If you don’t want to be here, I won’t force you to stay. I don’t want you to be unhappy or feel awkward.”
“It’s awkward for you too.”
“Why?”
“You know why.” I give him a meaningful look.
“Because you like fucking me better?” he asks bluntly, and my eyes dart to the door even though I know no one is home to hear.
“I don’t think he needs to hear that.”
“Why not? I’ll tell him. I wish he’d ask. I’d fucking love to tell him.”
“He already asked about us.”
“What did you say?”
“I dodged the specifics and just said you’ve been letting me stay with you, and he knows you and I have always been friendly.”
“You don’t want him to know details then?” Cooper sounds like he doesn’t love the idea.
“I don’t want to cause any drama when your parents just found out that they’re going to be getting a grandchild and planning a wedding. It’s a family vacation, and I don’t belong here.” I don’t care if Rob knows. Honestly, I might be with Cooper on wishing he had details. I just don’t want the fall out if Rob loses his temper.
“Fuck that. You’re family to me and Lizzy. You belong here.”
“It’s fine, Coop. It’s just there’s a lot going on here, and I don’t want anything to ruin Lizzy’s birthday.”
“I don’t want to ruin her birthday either. You leaving… she wouldn’t want that. We can all be adults about everything for a few days. Don’t run off.” Cooper takes an insistent tone.
“I’m not running off.”
“You’re allowed to be upset about the engagement and the baby, Trix.”
“What?” I stop short and look up at him. “You think that’s what this is about? He and I have been over for a long time.”
“But they haven’t been together very long. After everything he put you through. What you told me last night and then seeing them like that. No one’s going to judge you for being upset. Least of all me.”
“I’m not upset about Rob. I don’t have regrets there. We didn’t make sense. If he’s happy now and ready for things he wasn’t before, good for them. I’m happy for them. I just wish I could have the time back I wasted on him. The time I spent trying to make the two of us work, trying to compromise when it was never going to work out. You’re smart not to date seriously. If you really think you want to now, just be careful who you invest your time in.” I want to kill any ideas Cooper has about me still pining over Rob, because the only man I could even imagine wanting anything with right now is the one standing in front of me. I just worry that he might not want anything more than what we have.
“The two of you together might have been a mistake, but I don’t think the time you spent with him was a waste. I wouldn’t have you in my life if you hadn’t been with him. And I hate what he did to you, the way he made you doubt yourself, the way he made you cry. But that I got to know you? That Lizzy got to find someone she likes so much when she’s so shy most of the time? I’m so fucking grateful for that. I’m sure that makes me a selfish bastard because I only got all the good parts, and you had to suffer through the bad ones. I’m sorry for that, but it’s the truth.”
Tears prick at my eyes and my heart tumbles on his confession. Hope blooms in my chest, and I don’t know whether to nurture it or stomp it out.
“I’m grateful for you and Lizzy too. That part wasn’t a waste at all. I just know that all of this has to come to an end soon, too, and this trip feels like a window into a life I don’t belong in. That I’m playing at being part of this family when I’m not.”
“Whatever happens, you’re always part of this family, Trix. My parents adore you. They’re going to accept whoever Rob picks because he’s the youngest, and he can do no wrong. But they love you. They wanted to see you two get married. They were thrilled when they heard you were coming. Fuck, I think they were hoping you might play homewrecker to his new relationship. Any awkwardness you felt last night was because they’re not fans of that whole thing—not because you’re here. You and Lizzy always have your thing. And as far as you and me…” Cooper’s chest rises with a deep breath, and then his eyes lift to meet mine, a seriousness there I’ve only seen when he’s worried or nervous. “This ends when you want it to end. I’m in for as long as you’ll let me.”
“Because flour stains and jam hands turn you on?” I laugh as I try to wipe the jam I’ve just noticed on my finger on the apron I’m wearing. Awkwardly trying to distract myself because when he talks to me like this, I fall to pieces. All I can think about is how much I want him, and how someway, somehow, there has to be a version of us where it doesn’t end badly.
“Yes, honestly, because it reminds me of you playing that list in my kitchen.” He gives me a teasing grin.
“Oh god. Don’t remind me.”
“Why not?” He tilts my chin up and kisses me softly. “It’s not like I can forget. Best day of my life.”