Chapter 33
Beatrix
I watchCooper storm back into the house, clearly pissed. Even once he’s gone, the energy of his presence is still electric, still surrounding Rob and me as we stand out here in the late summer humidity. A frog croaks noisily in the distance, and heat lightning dashes across the sky before he says anything.
“He’ll only hurt you. He’ll play whoever he has to to get what he wants out of you, and then when you need him, he’ll be nowhere to be found.”
“Sounds familiar.” I fold my arms over my chest.
Rob’s jaw goes slack, and his eyes turn down, a deep sigh coming out of him.
“I fucked up a lot. I know that. I know you hate me for a lot of things, and I’m sure this week didn’t help. But I do still care about you, Bea. I still want to see you happy.”
“I don’t hate you. I learned a lot about myself and what I want in the future. I’m a little confused about your current situation given what you told me about kids that aren’t yours, but it’s also none of my business.”
His shoulders sag, and he tries to roll them back again like he’s aware he’s wilting under this pressure.
“I started seeing her shortly after we broke up. She said and did all the right things.”
It stings a little. The idea that she was capable of filling desires of his that I never could. But then I feel the same way, so I can’t exactly blame him.
“So does Cooper.”
“Which is why I’m trying to warn you.” There’s a sincerity in his eyes. Enough that I don’t doubt that he thinks he’s being the white knight right now, but I don’t need or want it.
“I don’t need any warnings. I know who Cooper is. He’s not some guy I met at a bar.”
“Who are you right now? Because that? Out here with him? That’s not you. The Bea I knew—”
“The Bea you knew isn’t the Bea standing here now. She’s gone. No one stays the same forever, you of all people should know that.”
“That’s who you are now? Letting some guy finger fuck you in public?”
I hold my breath and bite my tongue for full seconds before I respond. I know it’s jealousy making him lash out. I don’t have the patience for it, but I also don’t want to stoop to his level.
“We were in a private backyard under covers. But yes. This is who I am now. Someone who enjoys things in the moment and doesn’t apologize for getting what she wants.”
“My brother,” he says bitterly.
“Yes. I want your brother. I enjoy every second I’m with him, and he makes me happy.”
“So what, you wanted him when we were together too?”
“I wanted you until you wanted me to be less. Then I found someone who wanted me exactly the way I am.” I shrug.
Rob makes a scoffing sound and shakes his head.
“He only wants more until he realizes where that ends. What you really want, and who he is? It doesn’t work. He’s not that guy, Bea. He’s the guy who leaves you in the morning and fucks the next girl that night. He sure as fuck won’t be able to deal with your family.”
“He’s already met my family, and he did just fine.”
Rob’s smile sharpens. “I’m sure your dad loved him.”
“My dad likes him well enough. Cooper did an apology tour that wasn’t his to make thanks to sharing your last name.”
I see Rob’s jaw tick, and he shakes his head, staring off into the distance.
“I know you’re mad, Bea.”
“I’m not mad. I’m tired. Standing outside in the middle of the night because you two are fighting like children.”
“I just want him to stay away from you.”
“It’s not your decision to make. Go back inside to your fiancée, Rob.” I turn to go inside, and his arm darts out, grabbing mine.
“Bea, please. I fucked up. I hurt you. I know all of this with Carly is hurting you, and I hate it. I can’t fix those things, but I can stop you from getting hurt again if you’ll just listen to me. I know you see a family with him. A future with him. But if he couldn’t do it for Lizzy’s mom, there’s no way he can do it for anyone else. He loved her and couldn’t make it work. There’s a reason he’s never had a real relationship since, and I don’t want you to get hurt again. You deserve a good guy. One who treats you right. One who can make up for all the shit I fucked up. I don’t want to see you alone, Bea. I just don’t want to see you with him.”
“I can take care of myself. Focus on you and your own future, Rob. Make sure you’re making the right decisions for yourself because asking the rest of us to lie for you to your fiancée seems like a problem that should have all of your attention right now. She seems like a very sweet person, and I’d hate to watch her end up hurt too.”
“Fine. Fuck him if you have to then. But don’t fall in love with him.”
I want to laugh at the audacity of him giving me permission and telling me what not to do—particularly when it’s a thing I couldn’t help if I wanted to.
“It’s too late.”
I open the sliding door and slip back inside, pulling it shut behind me but not locking it as I watch Rob turn on his heel and walk toward the boat dock. The house is dark and quiet, and I’m hoping that means everyone else missed the show. I only discovered it when I went to find Cooper after he didn’t return with drinks.
I head to our room now and knock softly before I open the door a crack. I can’t see much in the dim light, but I can tell he’s sprawled out over the bed. His feet crossed at the end closest to me.
“Coop?” I whisper.
“Yeah.” It’s a low, flat response. My stomach takes a soft roll on the anxiety I feel swirl there.
I step inside and close the door behind me, walking toward the bed.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“Are you really?”
“As good as I can be.”
I sit down on the edge of the bed, and it sinks a little under my weight. I reach over and touch his shoulder and look at him through the darkness. The moonlight is just enough to hit the highlights of his brow and cheeks. The man is beautiful even when he’s grumpy.
“I hope that wasn’t about me.”
“He wants you back. He’s doing the math to figure out how he can make that happen,” Cooper grouches.
“He doesn’t want me back.”
“He does. Surprised he didn’t get on his knees and beg the second I went back in the house.”
“I think he loves Carly in his own way. Maybe he has some regrets about me. But he doesn’t want me back, Cooper.”
“Do you want him back?”
“Absolutely not.”
“You sure? Because you stayed out there with him.”
“He was bleeding, and you obviously hit him. I was just trying to figure out what was going on.”
“Yeah, well he fucking deserved it. For talking shit about my daughter. He’s lucky his jaw’s still attached.”
“He’s an asshole for saying anything about Lizzy. I can’t believe he would do that. He loves her, and it’s such a low blow.”
Cooper groans and runs a hand over his face.
“I… might have done a little bragging. Maybe a little taunting too.”
“I figured he wasn’t completely lying about that. I mean… what we did outside. It was asking for trouble.”
“But it was hot as fuck.” I can see him grin even in the dim light, and it’s infectious. I shake my head despite myself.
“It’s probably given him a complex.” I glance toward our door, half worried he’ll come back in and lecture one of us some more.
“That and then some based on what he said to me.” Cooper’s amused tone returns, and he relaxes for a moment before he grows serious again. “What did he say to you?”
“Nothing I didn’t already know.”
My heart hurts staring at Cooper because I know this might end soon. It’ll end badly if we keep dragging it out like this, and I desperately want us—maybe even need us—to stay friends after it’s all over. I care about him and Lizzy too much to imagine anything else. As long as I still have them in my life, I can be happy with with memories of this summer. Or at least it’s what I keep telling myself.
“I care about you a lot, Trix. I would never ever hurt you. You know that, right?”
“I know. You’ve been nothing but good to me. You’ve gone above and beyond, and I’m so grateful for you. That I’ve had you this summer to confide in and help me deal with all the craziness. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”
“No fucking way would I let you do that alone.” He wraps his hand around my wrist and pulls me down next to him. I put my arms around him and rest my head against his chest.
“I don’t know what he said to you that rattled you that much, but he just wanted to hurt you. Even he doesn’t mean it. You know that, right?”
“Oh, I’m pretty sure he meant some of it. But he’s still my brother at the end of the day.”
“Don’t ever let him tell you you’re anything but good, Rawlings.”
Cooper kisses the top of my head.
“I know. I have you to convince me of that.”