Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
Jude
So, how long are you planning to avoid me?
I knew my question was a challenge, a dare, really. But damn it, Kendall had been avoiding me for a week. I’d told myself I needed to give her space, but my impatience was chafing.
Kendall’s eyes were wide as she stared at me.
The sunlight fell through the windows high on the barn wall, catching in her curls and lacing them with glittering gold.
She cleared her throat. She stood before me, a pitchfork in hand, hay on her overalls, and a pair of battered leather boots.
I had no doubt she smelled like horses and goats, and perhaps even chickens.
And yet, all I wanted was to wrap her in my arms and kiss her all over again.
I was trying to keep my cool, yet all the while my pulse thrummed rapidly as my heart kicked up a riot in my chest. I saw her shoulders rise with a breath, taking in that she was wearing a fitted T-shirt under her overalls. Of course, now I knew what she felt like pressed against me.
I gave myself a mental shake. She opened her mouth, and I knew she was going to argue the point, but she surprised me.
After a moment, she rolled her eyes. “I don’t know, this long?”
“I know I blew things up with that kiss, but a whole week was more than enough,” I pointed out.
Her eyes widened slightly. She was chewing the inside of one of her cheeks, a nervous habit. I knew all her nervous habits. Chewing the inside of her cheeks, twisting her fingers, rubbing the hem of her sleeves, or twisting her curls around her fingers over and over again.
Fuck me. I didn’t just have a crush on Kendall. I was in love with her, and I didn’t know what the hell to do about it.
She let out a wondering laugh, as if she couldn’t believe herself, or us, or this situation.
“I’m embarrassed,” she added.
Her honesty reminded me of all the reasons why I trusted her so completely.
“I can’t believe I told you that.”
“Oh, so it’s not the kiss?” I surprised myself by asking.
Her cheeks flushed pink as she blew out a breath. She idly dragged the pitchfork through the hay before stepping out of the stall, sliding past me to cross over to the wall where there was a row of hooks. She hung up the pitchfork and removed her leather gloves as she turned to face me.
“Well, it is the kiss and, uh, me—” She cleared her throat.
“Telling me you’re a virgin,” I offered helpfully.
Her flush went from pink to red. “Jude!” she yelped.
If the weight of that detail hadn’t been pressing so heavily in my thoughts for the last seven days, seven hours, and for all I knew, seven minutes at this point, I would have been able to chuckle at her embarrassment.
Not because I wanted her to be embarrassed, but because there was no point in it.
She didn’t need to be embarrassed, except I was downright obsessed over that detail.
How had she gotten to thirty as a virgin? How?
And yet, I thought I knew how. She dated here and there, but not much.
She was the glue that held the logistics of her family together.
Her brother and his antics were always rumbling in the background, while her parents were mostly checked out.
They were loving, but mildly neglectful, happy to let Kendall be the parent for all of them.
That didn’t leave much room for relationships and dating.
“Have you really wanted to kiss me? For a long time?” she surprised me by asking.
It was my turn to steel myself and take a breath, letting it out in a gust. I stuffed one hand in my pocket and ran the other through my hair before clasping the back of my neck. “Yeah.”
Her eyes widened.
“What? You didn’t believe me?”
She wrinkled her nose, lifting one shoulder in a small shrug.
“I mean, it wasn’t that I thought you were lying. I guess it’s hard to believe that anybody would have wanted to kiss me for years. I’m not exactly—”
I narrowed my eyes, dropping my hand from my neck. “Kendall, you’re beautiful.”
She looked down at her hay-covered, dusty overalls and her tank top, blinking as she looked up at me. “I’m kind of a tomboy.”
I was honestly befuddled. “Kendall, you’re gorgeous. Trust me.”
“I doubt you’re privy to the thoughts of other men,” she said, raising a skeptical brow.
“Maybe not specifically, but you’re sexy. Trust me on this. I know the way men’s minds work. We’re pretty simple. We see a pair of gorgeous big brown eyes, those wild curls, and your curves…” Just saying these things out loud made my body tighten in anticipation. “And, well, I want you.”
She blinked again. “Oh.”
“But that’s not why I wanted to kiss you. You are beautiful. And yes, I’ve noticed all those things about you. But—” I stuffed both hands in my pockets now, scuffing the toe of my boot along the ground. “I’ve been half in love with you for years. More than half.”
Her brows flew upward, her eyes round. “What?” she breathed.
“Have I ever been serious with anyone? Think about it.”
“I guess not,” she said slowly.
“I never told you this, but every single woman I dated casually told me that it was obvious I was in love with you and that I should get a clue.”
Kendall blinked rapidly before she took a quick breath and started chewing the inside of her cheek again.
“I don’t want to ruin our friendship,” I added hurriedly. “I have no idea how you feel. None.”
“I don’t want to ruin our friendship either.” Her voice was a little hoarse. Her brow crinkled, and she shifted on her feet.
I closed the distance between us in a few strides, reaching for her hand. “We’re not going to ruin our friendship, Kendall. It’s not going to happen. If—” I began before she shook her head quickly, her curls bouncing in her ponytail.
“You don’t have to apologize for the kiss. I wanted to kiss you. I have for years.”
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Three separate heartbeats, the aftermath of each echoing like a gong in my body.
“What do we do now?” she asked.
I fell completely silent for a few beats, dumbstruck at the reality facing me.
“What do you want to do now?” I finally managed.
I idly stroked my thumb along the inside of her wrist. When I saw the worry flickering in her eyes, I wanted to pull her into my arms and hold her close and promise her everything would be okay. Because it had to be.
To me, Kendall was as important as family. She was family in my heart. Except for the fact that I wanted her naked and gasping underneath me.
“I’m not sure. I mean, I want—” She sighed.
“Kiss me,” she suddenly said, her words loud and with a force to them. She lifted her chin, her eyes burning into mine.
With Kendall asking me to kiss her, there was only one option. I took a step closer, savoring the soft give of her curves against me. The air around us felt electrified as if sparks were shimmering in it.
She smelled like hay. Maybe a hint of horses. I was distantly distracted for a moment by the sound of Travis and his distinct three-legged gait as he ran out of the barn.
I slid one arm around her waist, releasing her hand to lift mine and palm her cheek, curling my hand into a loose fist as I trailed my knuckles along her skin. “Are you sure you want me to kiss you?”
She cleared her throat before nodding. And then, fuck me, her lips parted and her tongue darted out to glide over her bottom lip. Sweet fucking hell. The sight of that was deeply arousing and sent lightning sizzling through me.
I held her gaze as I slowly dipped my head and brought my mouth to hers.
Our kiss started with one brushing touch after another.
My hand slid down, unfurling as my thumb coasted over the wild beat of her pulse.
She let out this soft sigh. I felt the sound like a vibration through my entire body, all the way to my bones.
I fit my mouth over hers and gave in, just let that need wash over me and through me. Her lips were plump and welcoming. I laid claim to her mouth. Our kiss became open and messy.
I couldn’t get enough of her. I breathed her in, savoring every moment. The way she let out these little sounds in her throat. The way she arched up into me. The way her tongue was bold and teasing. She carried hints of shyness, as if she wasn’t sure it was okay to be this bold.
I let out a growl as my grip around her waist tightened. I slid my hand down over her bottom. And, oh, what a sweet curve it was, plump and round. I let myself nudge toward her. My arousal was thick and hard. I had years of bottled-up need and emotion for her.
I’d been downright pining for her. I was so accustomed to ignoring the feeling that giving in to it was like opening the floodgates. All of it poured out into this one kiss.
By the time we broke apart to breathe, my hand was tangled in her hair, and I was clinging to her. Her lips were kiss-swollen, her mouth parted, and her eyes wide as she stared up at me.
“Jude,” she breathed.
I couldn’t even speak. I was so overcome by this moment.
Travis, who’d disappeared for most of this, came barreling back into the barn, letting out yips and breaking through the moment, which was probably for the best, because I couldn’t even think.
My knees were weak, and I wanted to lift her into my arms and take her right here and now against the barn wall, for fuck’s sake.
I eased my hold on her and slowly stepped back, unlacing my fingers from her curls and reluctantly letting go of her bottom.
Kendall looked bereft. Considering that’s how I felt, it was a relief to know I wasn’t alone.
“Jude,” she repeated, her voice clear this time.
“What is it, sweetheart?”
She blinked.
“Can you do me a favor?”
“Anything,” I said without thinking, because I would do anything for her.
“Can we—” She blushed again, clearing her throat. She hesitated, uncertainty flickering in her eyes.
“Can we what?” I pressed.
She took a quick breath. “Let’s do the whole thing. Not just a kiss. I don’t want to be a virgin, and I’m half in love with you too, so we could just do it right now.”
“Now?” I sputtered, scrambling to wrap my brain around Kendall’s request, which, if I understood her, was for her to lose her virginity right here and now in the barn.
I shook my head decisively.
“No?” she squeaked.
“Not “no” completely. Just not here in the barn.”
“Well, then let’s go.” She reached for my hand as I stood there staring at her like an idiot.