Chapter Twenty-Two
Jude
I was rushing when my phone began vibrating in my pocket, and I tapped to answer it without even looking at the screen.
“Hey, hey!” my brother said.
“Lincoln?”
My brother’s chuckle reverberated through the line, and I felt that sound like the reverberation of a bell in my heart. Linc and I had always been close.
“What’s up, man?” I asked, stopping in the hallway where I’d been working.
“Not much.”
“You’re calling me,” I pointed out dryly, eliciting another soft laugh from Lincoln.
“Okay, so I am. How are things?”
“Generally, or more specifically?” I began walking again, poking my head through the doorways of one room after another and clocking that all had the outlet covers on. Talk about tedious.
“Okay, more specifically, how are things at Heartfire Falls?” he asked.
“They’re good. I’m not saying this to pressure you, but you’d love how it looks.”
“Yeah?” Linc prompted.
“Yeah, for sure. It looks awesome, and we already have a waitlist. But then, what else is new?”
Lincoln was quiet for a beat before replying, “Well, I’m coming home.”
“When?”
“I’m hoping soon. I promised the crew here in Fairbanks I’d finish out the season. Once that’s over, I’ll be there.”
“Have you talked to Mom or anybody else in the family? I can’t be your only option for sharing news.”
I could hear the grin in his voice. “Excellent point. I’m going to call everybody. Mom’s next on my list. I figured I’d start with you so I could check the temperature.”
“Temperature? Look, man…” I paused, and emotion rushed through me briefly. That was the thing about grief, it came in bursts sometimes. The piercing pain came and went fast. Between our father dying a year before the fire and then Bree dying from the fire, it had been a lot. For all of us.
While I struggled with my feelings about being the unfortunate one to go looking for our dad and finding him collapsed from an unexpected and massive heart attack while I was in high school, Lincoln had carried Bree out of the fire.
We both bore scars. To this day, he felt like he should have moved faster, that somehow it would’ve made a difference.
He’d gone back into the burning resort to find her.
Our family didn’t speak of it, though. It was a void in conversation.
No one wanted to hurt him or upset him. If he hadn’t gone back in, we wouldn’t have Tommy.
Initially, after the fire, we’d all been in varying degrees of shock.
We’d stayed temporarily downtown before we rushed to fix up the space above the barn and crammed ourselves in there.
At the time of the fire, only Bree and Haven had graduated from high school.
After the rest of us finished school, we started scattering.
I kept thinking things would change for Lincoln.
All of us had been volunteer firefighters as kids because our dad had been a firefighter.
Volunteering in middle school meant mostly cleaning the local fire station.
We were all trained hotshots, but Lincoln was the only one who made it a full-time gig.
He stayed away from Heartfire Falls, only coming back to visit a few times a year.
If he actually came home to stay, it would mean the world to our mom.
On the list of things I didn’t want to screw up, I didn’t want to pressure my brother.
He and I had managed to stay close, and I treaded that line carefully.
He was mostly mad at the world and himself, even though that didn’t make a lick of sense.
It had felt like being home was almost a physical pain for him.
“I need to know when you’re gonna call Mom. Not because I’m pressuring you, but because that way I’ll know when the coast is clear,” I explained.
My brother’s soft laugh filtered through the call. “I’m doing better,” was all he said to that.
“What does better mean, and what are you talking about?”
“I’m feeling a little more okay. I’ve, uh, been seeing a therapist.”
“Oh, yeah?” I kept my tone cautiously neutral.
“I had a bit of a meltdown. Well, not really a meltdown, but I helped out with a local fire here. When we had to rescue somebody, I kind of fell apart. My superintendent pointed out that maybe there was a reason for that.” I could hear my brother’s wry chuckle through the line, and I didn’t even realize I’d been holding my breath until I heard that sound.
“Maybe he’s not wrong,” I offered carefully.
“He’s definitely not wrong. It’s never going to be perfect to come home.”
“It was never perfect before,” I pointed out.
Lincoln chuckled again. “No, it wasn’t. Life’s an asshole, huh?”
“Sometimes.”
“Anyway, I’m coming home, and I’m staying.” His voice was clear and firm.
“Seriously?” I pressed. Even though I was standing by myself in the hallway, my mouth dropped open. I’d started to doubt he ever would.
“Yeah, dude. Maybe I’ve been running from my own demons, but Heartfire Falls is home. Always has been, always will be. I miss you guys, even cranky Haven.”
A laugh rustled in my throat. “He hasn’t been so cranky ever since he and Elsa got together.”
“Do you guys have a room saved for me?” he teased.
A bark of a laugh came out at that. “Of course. Which one do you want?”
“Honestly, I’ll take whatever.”
Yet again, the moment felt heavy. We had lost it all, or so it had felt like for a while there. I cleared my throat. “Look, not to be weird, but it’s meant a lot to all of us to rebuild this place, and I think it’ll mean a lot to you. Bree would’ve loved it.”
“I’m sure she would have,” he said.
I hadn’t intended it as such, but that passing comment about our sister, and the fact that he could even reply to it instead of skipping past as if she’d never existed, spoke volumes for where my brother was these days.
“So, Haven and Elsa are still doing well?” Linc asked next.
“They’re doing amazing,” I said.
“I’m still giving Haven shit for being such a sappy guy, but I’m really happy for him. Speaking of love, what’s up with you and Kendall? Have you fessed up to her that she’s not just your best friend?”
“Lincoln,” I warned.
But Lincoln knew how I felt. He always had. “Don’t wait until it’s too late, Jude. I know how much she means to you, and it’s obvious how much you mean to her. It’s not a one-way street.”
“I’m working on it,” was all I offered. Maybe what was happening with Kendall and me wasn’t a big secret, but I wasn’t ready to tell the whole world about it.
“Mom will be so happy about that,” he teased.
“Lincoln,” I warned again.
His laughter was laced with a sly tone. “I know, I know. I won’t give you any more hell about Kendall, but tell her I said hey. Since you asked, I’ll plan to call Mom later tonight, and then word will spread among the family. It’ll be fine, right?”
“Of course, it will. Seriously, Lincoln, we all miss you.” My words were heartfelt. “We really do. If you wanted to stay away forever, I’d understand, but I know how much you love this place.”
“I do.” His voice was low and solemn.
“Call me if you ever need to talk in the meantime,” I said.
“Love you, man,” he replied.
As I was replying, “Love you, brother,” the line clicked dead, and my heart twisted. I knew enough about the messiness of grief to realize I couldn’t fix it for Lincoln, but it didn’t change the fact that I wanted to.
I was jogging down the stairs when I heard my mother’s voice and realized Lincoln must have called her right away.
I let out a sigh of relief. This had been hard on all of us, but it had been brutally hard on our mom.
I wanted nothing more than for her to feel better.
She would love for Lincoln to be here full-time.
But more than that, I knew what she wanted was for him to find some peace.
I detoured toward the kitchen, where she stood with her palm pressed to her chest, a beaming smile on her face with tears glittering in her eyes. I squeezed her shoulders. “Love you, Mom.”
She caught my eye, mouthing, “Lincoln’s coming home.”
Just as I was leaving to go see Kendall a few minutes later, my mom stepped out on the porch. “Will you be here for dinner?” she asked.
“I’m grabbing dinner with Kendall.” Easy enough answer, nothing unusual about it. No one, especially my mom, needed to know I was nearly breathless to see Kendall.
“I’m glad Lincoln’s coming home,” she called.
“Me too, Mom. Love you,” I added.