Chapter 26
Chapter Twenty-Six
Jude
My heart felt cracked open. There was a thrum of need, a fierce desire, for Kendall beating like a drum inside my body. And yet, coming here tonight reminded me she was always my touchstone.
She had been ever since we’d become friends. She was the one I turned to, to share everything, good, bad, or mundane. Even though we never explicitly spoke about it, I knew I was that to her as well.
Of course, my family was just as close, but it was different.
The messy tangle around Lincoln, and all of us missing him and hurting on his behalf, was almost too heavy to try to process with them.
But I could do that with Kendall, just the way she could talk with me about what was happening with her brother.
As we walked across the room with her fingers lacing with mine, being with her felt like the most natural thing. Maybe we should have felt self-conscious, but I didn’t even feel a hint of that.
Kendall paused in front of the mirror and shook her head as she reached up to pull the elastic from her hair. Her curls fell in a tumble, along with a few pieces of hay caught in them. She glanced over at me, a giggle slipping out.
I felt that sound in my soul. I was stuck for a moment, caught in a riptide of emotion and memories.
She started undressing, kicking her jeans off, tossing her shirt on the floor.
All the while, I was remembering the sound of her giggle at so many different times—back in high school when she was younger, in college, and now.
Over the years, I must have heard a thousand giggles, her cheeks always plumping up with her smile, and those freckles that I wanted to count.
“Jude,” she said, as she reached in to turn on the shower.
My eyes locked on her. Somehow, I’d drifted so far into a series of memories that I hadn’t even noticed she was completely naked. She gestured toward me, sweeping her hand up and down. “Are you going to shower in your clothes?” I almost choked.
Obviously, this was not the first time I’d seen her bare. But like this, just standing in the bathroom, as she reached her hand in to see if the water was warm, something about it felt so right. These were the moments I wanted to cherish with her, day in and day out.
“Because I’m getting in,” she added with a sly grin.
She stepped into the shower. I was tearing my clothes off, practically racing to catch up. I was already aroused, even though I hadn’t even been thinking about her that way. I took a breath, telling myself to slow my roll.
Once I was in the shower, Kendall leaning her head back under the water, and the sight of her skin pink from the steam undid me, my knees practically buckling.
She lifted her head, her lips curling in a smile. “There you are.”
I actually had to marshal myself, reminding myself to breathe.
Once again, the emotion of it slammed into me.
She reached for the bar of soap, quickly rubbing it between her hands before starting to slide it over her body.
Fuck me. The sight of bubbles rolling over her skin as the water ran down was going to kill me.
“Fuck, Kendall,” I finally managed, bringing myself into the moment.
“What?” She bit her lip as she looked at me, her lashes spiky from the water.
I stepped under the water raining down, and leaned my head back. I couldn’t even really manage to keep myself from getting aroused. I simply accepted my fate.
Her palm landed on my chest as she slid the soap bar over my skin. I dragged my eyes open and slapped my palm over hers, holding it in place. “I’m going to need a minute.”
“Is that all it’s going to take?” she teased.
I shook my head. “You’re going to kill me, Kendall.”
She bit her lip and pressed a kiss on the underside of my jaw. I snagged the soap, quickly soaping myself to take care of the basics. We stood under the water as we rinsed off.
Kendall blinked up at me. “I need to wash my hair.”
“Please do,” I said, because I could have just stood here for the rest of my life.
I watched as she shampooed and rinsed her hair. My hands slid down her sides as I sucked a nipple, teasing one and then the other. She let out a little sigh when I smoothed my hand over her belly before I delved between her thighs. She gasped, “Jude!” as I teased her, finding her wet and slick.
We were kissing, and the water was running down over us. My length swelled and hardened. I finally had to break away from her sweet mouth because if I didn’t, I was going to take her right here against the shower wall. I reached around her and turned the water off.
As we toweled off, it was hard not to touch her. When we walked out to the main area of her small apartment, I snagged the condom I’d tucked in my wallet before I left the house.
Once we got out into the kitchen area, Kendall asked, “Do you want to eat now or get dressed?”
It would’ve been a challenge, but I could have handled waiting. “Do you?” I countered.
She shook her head, her damp curls swinging, and she giggled again. Somehow, we made our way into the small alcove where her bed was between kisses and a few stumbles. I tossed the condom up by the pillows and rested my hands beside her hips on the mattress.
Her tongue darted out to swipe across her bottom lip. I felt as if she’d reached into my chest and literally held onto my heart.
“I want this to be good for you.”
She lifted her chin slightly, her lips curling at the corners. She took a quick breath and let it out before saying, “Okay.”
“You need to tell me what you want,” I began.
“If you want to stop at any point, you just say so,” she said.
I dropped my head, letting out a disbelieving breath. I lifted my gaze and locked my eyes with hers. “Kendall, there’s no universe where I’m going to want to stop any of this, at all, ever.”
“You don’t know that,” she insisted. “What if I’m terrible in bed?”
“Impossible,” I said flatly.
She tipped her head to the side. “That’s not impossible. I’m not that experienced.”
“We’ve already been there, done that. It’s not about experience. It’s about the way I feel when I’m with you. I’ve kissed you enough, touched you enough that I know it will be amazing.”
“Okay,” she said doubtfully.
I reached for her hand, bringing it to my length where my arousal glistened at the tip.
There was no doubt this was going to be an exercise in restraint for me because I wanted this to be good for her.
Her eyes widened slightly, and she curled her palm around my length.
I almost choked when she slid her thumb over the pre-cum and brought her hand to her mouth to lick it off.
“Fuck. Kendall,” I groaned.
“That’s the point,” she teased.
“Oh, sweetheart,” I murmured.
The next few moments were a jumble as I brought my mouth to hers. Our kiss was hot and open, and I fell into it. It was like being thrown into a bonfire, sparks leaping into the sky, the heat of it spiraling out of control.
I teased her nipples again, pressing her knees apart, the sight of her glistening, swollen pink core nearly undoing me. I eased two fingers in before I brought my mouth to her sex as her hips rocked up toward my mouth. I meant to take it slow, but she was on edge already and came in a noisy burst.
Moments later, after more languid kisses, I stretched her out over the bed. When her eyes met mine, uncertainty gripped me. “Kendall, I don’t know if—”
She shook her head. “It’s not going to hurt. Technically, I’m just a man virgin. I’ve used a vibrator.” Her tone was practical, as if she were discussing kitchen appliances.
I nearly choked. The thought of Kendall, my Kendall, using a vibrator was enough to push me over the edge.
I clung to my control, the thread of it frayed to the point of unraveling. I needed this to be good for Kendall. She didn’t help matters, arching against me as she dusted kisses along the side of my neck and murmuring, “Hurry, hurry.”
“Kendall,” I warned.
She giggled, and, fuck me, that sound undid me every time. I rose up on an elbow, sliding my palm down over the soft curve of her belly. “No, we’re not hurrying.” I rolled my eyes, finding my footing with sarcasm.
Her smile was sly, and yet, I saw hints of uncertainty flickering in her eyes. “What is it?” I pressed.
She started to shake her head, but I cut in, “Kendall, I know you.”
She pressed her lips together, letting out a small sigh. “If we’re about to screw up our friendship, well, we’re past that. And, I just…” Pausing, she cleared her throat. “I just want us to be okay.”
The enormity of what was happening slammed into me.
This was Kendall, my best friend. I deeply understood her uncertainty because my feelings were no longer a crush that I kept to myself.
Acting on how I felt was so much more than everything that had led us to this point.
I slid my palm up lightly, cupping her cheek and tracing my thumb along her jawline.
“I know. We are kind of past that point, but I also think it’s going to be okay.” Even though I didn’t want to say this, even though it ran against the emotions racing through me like wind blowing leaves wild, I did. “If you want to change your mind at any point, all you have to do is tell me.”
Kendall rolled her eyes and pursed her lips. “Are you serious?”
“Yes, I’m serious,” I pressed. “What if it’s not a good idea?”
“Well, it’s too late for us to think that,” she pointed out sharply. “Absolutely too late.” Her gaze softened as she whispered, “Jude…”
With the emotion reverberating in her voice, she might as well have grabbed my heart in her hands. This woman owned me, and she didn’t even know it. I honestly didn’t think she would ever be able to understand how much she meant to me.
She leaned up to kiss me again. Even though we were bare naked, tangled together, this kiss was pure emotion.
Her tongue twined lazily with mine, and all the while, my heart rolled with an echoing drumbeat. When we broke apart, we stared at each other for a long moment. Kendall arched again, stretching almost like a cat as she flexed against me. “Now, will you hurry?”
The lightning intensity of this moment was threaded within all of my feelings for her.
The lightness, the vulnerability, the depth, all of it tangled together with my eyes boring into hers.
I shifted my weight, quickly taking care of the condom before rolling over her and resting my hips in the cradle of hers.
“Are you sure?” I asked as I felt the slick kiss of her against me.
“Absolutely,” she whispered.
She rocked her hips up. On the heels of a breath, I slowly filled her. I felt her tense slightly, but it was subtle, a barely-there sensation before she relaxed. Once I was seated fully inside of her, I dragged my eyes open.
As her gaze met mine, I could feel the beat of her heart against mine. A sense of rightness settled inside, as if I’d come home. The physical fusion of our connection represented more than I could’ve imagined.