Chapter 36
Chapter Thirty-Six
Kendall
Seconds later, Jude was turning down my parents’ driveway and slowing to a stop to park. Travis was sound asleep in the backseat, so Jude cracked the windows, and we walked in together, hand in hand. Anxiety tumbled in my chest as we stepped inside my parents’ house.
“Honey!” my mom exclaimed. Her mostly silver hair was trimmed short, and her eyes twinkled as she pulled me into a big hug.
My dad, meanwhile, was seated at the kitchen table, sipping a cup of tea. “Hey, Kendall,” he said, standing to hug me before sitting back down.
“Is Blake here?” I asked.
My mom’s lips pressed together as she shook her head. “Not tonight.”
Anxiety tightened my nerves. I loved my parents. I did. That was always my refrain. But I knew when something was coming, and I could feel their tension ramp up the moment I asked about Blake. Jude reached for my hand again and gave it a squeeze.
“So good to see you, Jude,” my mom said brightly. Her eyes dipped down to our joined hands. “Are you…?”
“We’re together. We’re seeing each other now,” I said quickly.
My mom clasped her hands together, letting out a sigh. “Oh, that is so wonderful.”
Although Jude didn’t make a sound, I felt his silent chuckle in my soul. He’d always been tolerant with my parents, gracious and indulgent.
“I always felt like you two belonged together,” my mom said with a flourish. When I glanced toward my dad, he winked. “Anyway, let’s have some dinner.”
We got swept into dinner. My mom had made a stir-fry with marinated chicken and veggies. She’d even made a raspberry swirl cheesecake for dessert.
Jude glanced over as he finished his last bite. “Miranda, you always outdo yourself with dinner.”
“I do love to cook,” she said warmly.
We talked about everything and nothing during dinner, just a lot of mundane stuff, which was fine. Except I kept waiting for them to drop whatever it was they wanted to ask me.
I finally couldn’t take it anymore and cleared my throat. “What is it, Mom, Dad?”
“What do you mean?” my mom asked.
“Mom,” I warned, frustrated with her attempt to be vague.
“We had an argument with your brother,” my dad said flatly.
“An argument about what?” I pressed.
“He doesn’t appreciate our…” My dad paused, and my mom cut in, “Supervision.”
“Supervision?” I prompted.
“Maybe 'expectations' clarifies it better,” my dad offered.
“Well, what are the expectations? Blake’s on probation, and it’s not a joke,” I pointed out, my tone sharp. One of my hands was twisting together in my lap under the table. Jude reached for it and gave me a reassuring squeeze. I swallowed and took a breath.
“Well, that’s the rub. We don’t feel like we can do this,” my mother said.
“Do what?”
“We feel responsible for him,” she added.
I looked between them. “You’re not responsible for him. The only thing you’re responsible for is blowing off what happened to him, which was the first of many dominoes that led him to where he is now.”
My dad’s face pinched, a flicker of shame in his eyes. I wasn’t one to think shame was productive, but in this case, they’d let all of us down, and most especially my brother.
“Kendall,” my mom protested, her voice hushed.
“Mom, Blake was brutally assaulted. It was horrible, and everybody just swept it under the rug.”
My mom’s eyes went wide. “I didn’t do anything.”
Ignoring her comment, I pressed ahead, “So the part of his life that had been good for him, playing football, disappeared. Because why would he want to do that again? That’s where he was assaulted.
Nobody got charged. Nobody even got put in detention at school.
Blake dropped off the team, and life carried on.
He dealt with that by becoming the party boy in high school.
” I shrugged. “He might as well drink to forget. Everybody else pretended like it never happened.”
My mom looked stricken, and my dad’s eyes were pinned to the table. Jude squeezed my hand again.
“We didn’t mean—” my mom started.
“Mom, I get it. The world doesn’t like to deal with this stuff. One of the guys who was the ringleader in assaulting Blake and others has gone to jail repeatedly since then.”
“How do you know?” my mom asked.
“Because I looked it up. He lives in Anchorage. He’s got a rap sheet for one assault after another.
He’s a fucking asshole. The world doesn’t do anyone any favors when this stuff happens.
But he was the star on the football team, so the school wanted to look the other way, and you guys went along with it.
Blake paid the price, and I paid the price. ”
“Honey—” my mom cut in.
“Mom, I’m not saying my experience was Blake’s, but I’m the one who has to take care of everything. Starting in high school, I was the one Blake would call for help when he got too drunk to drive home. We’re just lucky he hasn’t gotten into harder drugs yet.”
“She’s right,” my dad said, his gaze rising from the table.
My mom glanced at him, wide-eyed. “Mark!”
“Kendall’s right,” he said, his voice clear. “I’m not saying this was an easy situation, but we didn’t push when the school didn’t do anything. Blake quit football, didn’t do any other sports, and started partying. He’s never stopped.”
My mom tried to blink her tears away, but she abruptly gave in, dropping her face into her hands as her shoulders shook with sobs.
The urge to comfort her was almost overwhelming, but Jude’s calm presence held me in place, in a healthy way.
I needed this boundary. I couldn’t fix this for them.
Trying to fix this for them certainly hadn’t helped my brother.
After a moment or two, my mom lifted her head and reached for a napkin to blow her nose.
My dad’s voice was gruff when he spoke. “We’re not sure what to do.”
“Well, what is it you wanted to talk to me about?” I finally asked.
“We were going to see if he could stay with you,” my mom said.
“Mom, no. I live in a studio apartment. I have a life!” I burst out.
“Blake actually has an apartment above your garage, so you don’t even have to deal with him in your house,” Jude pointed out, anger lacing his voice.
My mom’s mouth opened and closed before she cleared her throat. “Because we’re afraid he’s going to mess up again. He keeps leaving at night sometimes and—”
“And what?” I cut in. “I literally cannot be my brother’s keeper.
You think if he’s in a one-room apartment with me, he’s less likely to screw up?
You can’t keep expecting me to fix everything.
” I looked between my parents, almost in disbelief.
Part of me was relieved they finally acknowledged what had gone so wrong so many years ago.
“It became my job to be the parent while you guys just flaked out.” I waved a hand vaguely.
“I love you, and I know you love me and Blake. But you don’t want to do the hard stuff.
You want to do the easy part of parenting.
If Blake ends up in jail, then that’s where he ends up.
I can’t personally keep my brother sober.
You can’t just keep flaking out. I don’t think it’s your job either, but don’t dump this on me.
” I paused to take a breath. “I have to go.” I got up abruptly, and Jude stood with me.
“Kendall!” my mom called behind me.
I spun around, hurrying out. “I love you, but I’m not doing this anymore.”
I distantly heard Jude saying goodbye to my parents, and when my mom said, “Jude, I hope you understa—”
He cut her off. “I love Kendall. What she’s asking you to do for Blake is what should have been done a long time ago. Maybe you can’t fix the way you handled that, but you could try to do better now.”
Travis leapt up from his nap in the back when I opened the passenger door, and I let him out briefly to run around. He quickly did his business, while my gaze arced up to the apartment above the garage, the windows dark. I could only pray that Blake wasn’t out partying again.
Jude stopped at my side as Travis circled his legs. “You ready to go home?”
“Yeah,” I said, my voice hushed and frayed.
The inside of his truck was quiet as we drove, and for once, I didn’t dwell on that conversation with my parents. I just felt relieved that I didn’t have to explain how I felt to Jude because I knew he already understood.