Chapter 29 #2
Darcy presses her lips into a flat line and lowers her eyes to my chest where her palms now rest. I squeeze her hips gently. I don’t enjoy seeing her like this, especially if it has anything to do with me. “Talk to me, angel.”
“It’s just…” Darcy starts, lifting her eyes to mine.
She pauses as our gaze locks. I lift one hand from her hip to her cheek and caress her in a way she seems to like, or at least not dislike.
“It’s that. It’s the way you look at me, the way you touch me.
There are a thousand words hidden behind your amber eyes and in the way your fingers soothe me, and I just wish I knew what they were.
” Her brows furrow with confusion and her shoulders hunch with desperation.
“No one has ever looked at me the way you do. No one has ever treated or touched me the way you do. And I want to ask why. I want to ask why you truly gave me this job. I want to ask…” With tears in her eyes, Darcy stops herself.
She takes several deep breaths as her body shakes, not unlike when those men had her cornered.
Is she having a panic attack? Because of me?
The sight of her riddled with such emotion makes my throat raw.
“Darcy.” All I can say is her name as I wrap my arms around her and pull her down onto my chest. She crashes into me, and I hold her tight, too tight.
But she’s shaking so intensely I feel it’s the only thing I can do to keep her grounded.
“It’s okay,” I whisper against her neck as she cries into my chest. “It’s okay.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I crossed a line, if I made you uncomfortable, if I—”
“Don’t. Don’t be sorry. Don’t apologize for making me feel special, cared for, important. It’s the first time I’ve ever felt those things and I’m sad because I don’t want to lose it. But I don’t even know if it’s real or if I’m ready for it.”
Darcy sits up then, and she looks at me with an innocence and a yearning that breaks my heart.
“I want to ask you to give me new memories to replace the bad ones, to kiss me, to—” She shakes her head, her eyes drifting off to the side of the bed.
“But I’m scared, scared to ruin things, complicate things. ”
When her attention returns to me, she’s no longer crying or shaking.
Her fragility has been replaced with a stoicism, almost as if she’s found the truth inside herself, reconciled her emotions without me.
And, yet, as she speaks, the only thing that is certain is her confliction.
“My feelings, desires, don’t even make sense to me.
How could they possibly make sense to you?
But, most of all, I’m worried it’s all in my head, that you’re just being nice and I’m being delusional in thinking that for a single second you could—”
“Love you,” I say, cutting her off. Those two words steal Darcy’s voice, leaving her mouth agape and her body frozen atop of me.
I’m not sure what she’s thinking or feeling.
Did I say too much? Did I say just enough?
Regardless, it’s the truth. “Don’t worry, Darcy.
” I take her hands in mine. “I know you’re not ready to hear that I love you or feel it, receive it, reciprocate it.
It’s too soon, which is the only reason I haven’t said it, why I haven’t advanced things in all the ways I want to. ”
I squeeze her hands as I continue to hold them.
I want to make sure she’s still listening and not drifted somewhere dark in her mind.
As she looks at our hands and then back at me, I know she’s with me.
And it’s then, with both of us full of an unexplainable desire and a need to be loved, that I move my hand to the back of her neck and pull her toward me, not stopping until her lips meet mine.
As Darcy and I share our first kiss, I gather every ounce of self-control left inside me and use it to be gentle.
I slowly move my lips against hers while my fingers drift from the back of her neck into her luscious curls.
I kiss her as if she is my life source—unrelenting, leaving both of our lips raw.
I kiss her so, partly because I’ve craved this moment for so long and partly because I know it’ll be awhile before it happens again.
When I finally break our kiss, emotions war inside me.
I’m happy that it finally happened and sad that it’s over.
What’s worse is that now the emptiness I feel in the waiting period will be even greater.
But as my heart bursts in my chest with an explosion of hope, I know the pain and the patience will be worth it.
With Darcy’s face still just inches from mine, I take hold of her with both hands and command all her attention as I finally confess my feelings to her.
“I knew the moment I saw you that there was something special about you, Darcy, a light in you I desperately craved for myself. And, I’ve been worried about ruining things too, of scaring you away, of making you feel uncomfortable being here.
But you’re not delusional to think that I care for you, Darcy.
As far as I’m concerned, you’re mine. And I’m just waiting for the day that I can be yours.
So, when you’re ready to accept my love and all that comes with it, just know I’ll be ready to give it to you.
Until then, we can still make new memories—sweet ones—like cooking together, dancing at a wedding, having heartfelt conversations, playing chess, reading romance novels in bed.
All those things are more than enough for me while you heal.
In fact, the truth is, the time we spend together is just as healing for me as I hope it is for you. ”
Darcy’s lips quiver and her eyes fill with fresh tears. Though, I sense these are not tears of sadness. I allow my thumb to move from her cheek to her lip. My touch steadies her just as she grounds me.
“I’m used to being alone. I’m used to the quiet.
It’s nice to not have to live in silence and solitude anymore.
It’s nice living with you and Delilah.” With that, Darcy smiles and lets out a laugh that also sounds like a cry.
It’s as if her walls are finally cracking.
Much like flowers maneuver their way through rigid concrete, hope blooms in her eyes.
“This doesn’t make sense,” she says, though her smile doesn’t leave her. I brush a loose curl behind her ear.
“Matters of the heart rarely do.” I glance at her lips once more, wondering if I dare go in for another kiss. Something tells me the next time I taste her, I won’t be able to stop.
She sits up straight, still straddling me. “Well, in the name of healing, I think it’s time I tell you the story of me and Delilah’s dad.”
I sigh, my body stiffening. “Delilah’s dad, how vaguely put.”
“I won’t say his name, Gio. After what happened tonight with those guards, not to mention what occurred the night we met, I know you’ll unleash holy hell on him if you know who to search for.
And I’m not sure I can stomach being responsible for that, regardless of what he did to me.
Besides, my past is mine. He is a part of my story.
I don’t want him to be a part of ours. I don’t want my future tainted by him. ”
I nod, resting my hands on her thighs. Darcy may not can stomach what I’d do to him, but can I stomach letting him live?
I’m not sure. But if Darcy is finally ready to open up, I won’t push her or argue with her.
I’m sure this is hard enough already. With resolve, I say, “I understand and I’m listening. ”