Chapter 36
Gio turns away from me as he finishes his story of the girl in the picture.
And I find myself at a loss for words. My heart is heavy as I imagine the torment that poor girl endured.
Unspeakable is certainly the word for it.
Like me, she was a child when she was taken.
And, while I know I experienced a different kind of captivity, a different kind of torture, I feel so connected to her.
And that saddens me even more. She didn’t deserve what happened to her, just like I didn’t deserve what happened to me.
We were both victims of men’s cruel obsessions.
Perhaps it’s taken me until this very moment to accept that.
Hearing a story like mine and never once blaming Cara allows me to find grace for myself.
And it explains why Gio is the way he is, how he knows just how to speak to me, touch me, heal me.
He’s seen the horrors of men. And, while he knows how to wield his own sword of brutality, the things he’s endured have granted him a softness that I need, that the world needs.
And yet he blames himself for all the things he can’t control.
Something I’m familiar with and yet, something we both need to release.
With tears in my eyes, I lean forward and take his hand. For the first time, his skin is cool to the touch, and he refuses to look at me. Is he ashamed? Not just of what he perceives as his failure, but of the other things he shared?
I’d be lying if I said his story hasn’t left me with questions.
Why do the Amatos need so much protection?
Perhaps more than protection, they need and have soldiers.
Gio is a soldier defending against both present and possible threats.
And it’s not just protecting the family.
He’s employed by their corporation. He protects their entities.
What kind of business rewards you with the kinds of enemies who will kidnap, rape, torture, and murder a teenage girl?
That’s not business. That’s personal, criminal.
This sounds like the Mafia romance Gio and I read.
Regardless of my questions and the answers I know Gio can’t give me, all that is important to me in this moment is Gio and giving him the kindness and support he’s given me time and time again. “Please look at me,” I whisper, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.
Gio takes a deep breath, wipes his eyes, and obliges my request. “Thank you,” I say as his amber eyes meet mine.
Though, usually my place of solace, they now appear empty.
Gio, still cold to the touch, looks different and feels different.
He said before me he was dim, quiet, and depressed. I see that shadow from his past now.
To soothe him, I pull his hand to my lips and kiss his knuckles softly.
“Don’t disappear on me, Gio. I understand the permanent mark loss, grief, and trauma leaves on us.
It leaves its essence seeped into our very being—a scar on our heart, sometimes our flesh, and a shadow lurking behind us, just waiting until the darkness is so great it consumes us.
In those moments of darkness, we feel there is no difference between us and our shadow, which represents the worst of us, the worst crimes committed against us, or the worst pain we’ve endured.
But then the sun comes back out and we realize we are more than our darkness, more than our shadow, more than our past, and more than our pain.
All of this is to say that what happened to Cara wasn’t your fault.
But, even if it was, you are more than that singular moment in time.
You are strong, smart, kind, generous, successful, thoughtful, and so much more.
Most of all, you are the person who has single-handedly breathed new life into my bones.
You once said I was a light. But Gio, you’re mine.
You are my sunshine, the one who chases away my darkness and reminds me I am more too. ”
As my feelings pour out of me without hesitation, my heartbeat quickens, and my arms feel jittery.
I know there must be something shady if not illegal about the Amato’s business.
And Gio has admitted to doing heinous things, torturing and killing people for Christ’s sake.
I shouldn’t be surprised, given how easily he killed those men the night we met.
But that night, he was protecting me. Something tells me that’s all he’s ever done is protect the ones he loves.
What he’s told me doesn’t change anything for me.
Right now, I just feel lucky to be loved by him.
Right now, I just want to be the one to love him.
“You are not—we are not—responsible for the horrific actions of others, nor could we have prepared for or prevented every threat. We’re only human, Gio.
Even a man as extraordinary as you is only human.
So, please, if you can, let go of your guilt and shame.
It was never yours to carry. And Cara, she is just as much yours as she is Sophia and Alister’s.
You deserve to grieve her too. And you deserve to move forward too. ”
I give Gio’s hand another squeeze and then release it so that I can reposition myself on his lap.
I stand and lower myself, straddling him.
All the while, Gio watches me with blank eyes and parted lips.
His body feels rigid as I sit on him and wrap my arms around his neck, so rigid I don’t pull him in for the hug I had planned.
Does he not want me on him right now? Does he need space?
Did I say something wrong? Confusion contorts my features as I examine him.
It’s then that his stoic expression cracks and more tears pour from him.
Gio wraps his arms around me and pulls me so tightly against him our bodies seem to melt together.
I’m not sure where he begins and I end, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Gio buries his face into the plush fabric of my robe while I nuzzle my head in the crook of his neck, fighting back my own tears at the sight of him breaking.
As emotion rips through him, tearing him from the inside out, he is quiet.
Yet, I feel every slice of his pain in the way his body shakes against mine and in the cool sensation his tears leave on my skin, soaking through the fabric of my robe.
Giving in to my own emotions, I rub his back softly.
And the two of us hold each other in silence, shedding tears for those we love and those we’ve lost, even if only a version of ourselves.
Gio loosens his grip and lifts his head from my shoulder. “I thought you were going to run away. I thought once you saw the real me, this would all end.”
I shake my head and place my hand on Gio’s cheek, wiping away his tears as he’s done for me too many times to count.
“I see you, Gio Moretti. And there is nowhere else I’d rather be.
” I kiss him. Is this the first time I’ve initiated a kiss?
Hmm, somehow that makes it taste sweeter.
Pulling back, I say, “I said it once and I’ll say it again—I don’t want to leave.
I do, however, want to show you something. ”
In his expression and in his touch, I see Gio return to me, breaking free from his shadow.
His lips lift into a smile and his eyes look like home as he nods and offers me his hand.
I take it and it is warm. I lead him from the couch out into the garden until the lemon tree Delilah and I planted just this morning comes into view.
Immediately upon seeing it, Gio squeezes my hand and lifts it to kiss my knuckles just as I did his.
We both know the significance of the tree.
For Gio, it represents family and love, a tie to his childhood.
Now, maybe it can represent a new love and a fresh start for us both.
Standing before it, I take Gio’s hands in mine and profess my vows.
“I’ve never been in love, Gio. All I know of it is what I’ve learned from being a mother.
By that definition, love is kind, supportive, nurturing, protective, unyielding, patient, and given without expectations.
That is what I offer you. That, and a willingness to learn you and all that makes you feel the most loved. ”
Gio closes his eyes and takes a deep breath as my words reach him.
His body seems to relax and the wheels constantly spinning behind his eyes seem to stall.
I step toward him. Instantly, we adjust so that his arms wrap around me.
His hands rest on my lower back while I place mine on his chest. I’ve never felt safer than I do when I’m in his arms. With him is my favorite place to be.
That acknowledgment has me, once again, fighting tears.
I often compare my life of late to a fairytale because it doesn’t feel real.
It doesn’t feel real that only months ago I was living in constant fear and torment, hopeless, and held captive.
Now, I have a man who loves me, protects me, and provides for me.
I have a beautiful home, a safe place to raise my daughter, and a smile that grows by the day.
I once loathed being indebted to Gio Moretti.
From the beginning, he offered me things I could never repay.
And, yet now, I offer him all the remaining days of my life and all the love I have left to give, not because I owe him, but because I love him.
As Gio opens his eyes, I complete my confession, my vow.
“You once said you wanted to know my darkness. Well, I want to know yours too. And you said you want to take care of me. Well, you deserve to be taken care of too. So, let’s take care of each other.
And, while we may still have moments of beautiful silence, there will be no more solitude or shame for either of us.
I guess what I’m saying is, I’m ready to turn the page. I’m ready for our chapter.”
As soon as the words cross my lips, Gio crashes his into mine. With a kiss, our vows are sealed. And, though I’m wearing nothing but a white robe with a sexy surprise underneath, this moment feels more like a wedding than my actual one. This is real. This is right. This is love.
As Gio breaks our kiss, I look up at him, desperate for more. He then says, “Oh, it’s going to be more than one chapter, my angel. I want the rest of your story to be intertwined with mine. And, as far as love goes, I think you know more of it than you give yourself credit for.”