38. Millie
Damn, I hated the zombie fog after a long nap. I always woke up more tired and groggy than when I had lain down. Lips in a frown, I shifted on the uncomfortable bed, the stiff sheets scraping against my skin.
Wait. I stilled. Something wasn’t right. Pinpointing what felt off, I narrowed it down to the stiff cotton against my bare ass.
I never slept naked, so why in the hell did it feel like I was?
Getting my eyelids to cooperate was more difficult than I expected. The thick lashes almost refused to separate, like they were glued together. Damn, how long a nap did I take? A bolt of panic spiked through me. Damn, what if I slept through a class? Movements frantic, I jerked and writhed on the bed, utterly confused and slightly scared.
“Millie.” I stilled at the voice seeming to hover over me. Breaths shallow, I focused on using my other senses. A steady beeping, muffled voices that sounded far away or behind thick walls. Then the smells hit me. Antiseptic, bleach, and something else I couldn’t name.
The high-pitched beeping increased as I again struggled on the bed. The urgency to force my eyes open made heat build beneath my skin and sweat to bead along my upper lip.
“Easy, babycakes. Easy.” A held breath rushed from my lungs, and I relaxed against the uncomfortable mattress.
Killian. He was here. And if he was here, then I was safe.
Blowing out a controlled breath, I licked my cracked lips. “Where am I?”
“Hospital. You’re okay, baby. You’re safe.”
“Well, yeah, because you’re right here.” I could’ve sworn I heard his breath catch. “Kill, why can’t I open my eyes?”
“Because you’ve been out for three days, Millie. Do you remember what happened? Why you’re here?”
I felt my brows furrow despite the ache that slight movement caused as I searched the dark recesses of my mind. Everything was blurry, my memories unclear, but the feelings weren’t. Fear, panic, and love all flickered in and out as I tried to piece together what emotion went where.
My hair rasped along the pillow as I turned toward Killian’s voice. Millimeter by millimeter, I forced my eyes open, only a little at a time, until finally, Killian’s blurry face filled my vision. His hand smoothed down the side of my head, coming to rest on my cheek.
“You don’t remember, do you?” he asked.
“Not really.”
“Do you want to?”
“Yes,” I rasped. “Tell me.”
Killian’s lips parted, but the door swinging open had him snapping them shut at the same moment he was out of the chair, and—wait. Was that a knife?
“Sir, you cannot have a knife in here.” I followed the trembling voice to a man in a white lab coat, with both hands raised in the air, one holding a clipboard.
“I dare you to try and take it from me. It’s been a while since I’ve?—”
“Kill,” I rasped, cutting him off.
His aqua eyes softened as he looked down at me. “Yeah, babycakes.”
“I think we should let the doctor do his thing.” I paused and licked my cracked lips, which reminded me of how long Killian said I’d been in the hospital. “You’ll be here. I’ll be safe.”
Slowly, the knife lowered and disappeared back to wherever Killian had it hidden. He nodded and motioned the very pale doctor deeper into the room.
“Sorry, Doc. I’m just a little on edge. You do your thing, and make sure my girl here is all good, now that she’s awake. But”—the doctor froze halfway to my bed—“if you do anything I don’t like, I will kill you. Slowly.”
The doctor’s Adam’s apple bobbed with a thick swallow.
A heavy weight settled over me, making my lids flutter closed.
Safe. I was safe.
Because I knew Killian wouldn’t allow any other outcome.
“Are you sure you’re ready?”I shot Killian a glare, making him toss his hands up in surrender. “You only woke up twelve hours ago and have been in and out since. Sorry for making sure you’re up to hearing all this.”
“I need to know, Kill. Please.”
After releasing a slow breath, Killian walked me through everything I didn’t remember from the night we kidnapped Karigan and I was shot. Some of what he said triggered a memory, others not so much. When he got to the part where I saved his life and possibly Karigan’s, his voice trembled, and the hand cupping my jaw tightened.
“I thought I lost you. I’m so sorry, Millie, so fucking sorry.”
Maybe it was the effects of the meds or the brain bruise, but I couldn’t figure out what he was actually apologizing for. Instead of asking, I twisted to kiss the inside of his palm.
“How is she?” I asked, hoping to erase the devastation from his face. I hated him looking so… not my Killian.
“She’s doing okay. The doctors cleared her fairly quickly. They ran bloodwork the second she got to the hospital, and they found remnants of light sedatives in her system. I asked her why she was so coherent that night instead of blitzed out, and she said you talking with her that day made her question everything. That night, she pretended to swallow the so-called vitamins they forced her to take with dinner and spit them out in the toilet.”
“Smart girl,” I murmured.
“Her aunt came and picked her up yesterday. Karigan wanted to say goodbye, but…”
I nodded, wincing at the movement. “I understand. I’m sure she was ready to get as far away from this place as possible. What else?”
“Carrie Culler got out and is somewhere safe from that asshole Davis. It only took a few hours after the chaos we caused for the Atlanta FBI office to send a handful of agents to the compound to start an official investigation and clean up our mess. Unfortunately, that gave the sheriff time to get away with the files. When they showed up at her place, it was empty, but the agency froze her assets and have the entire country searching for her.”
My fingers picked at a loose thread. “And Gary Paul?” I hated the way his name struck fear through me.
“Dead. Shot almost the same second you were.”
“Were you the one who did it?” My heart sank for Killian. Another guilt mark that I knew he would wear.
“Hunter, actually. He was half a second too late to prevent you from getting shot, which he feels terrible about. Don’t worry, I told him you liked black roses and bouquets of penis straws.” My huffed laugh turned into a groan. “The gunshot wound was just a graze. It was the head injury that caused all the issues. The doctors don’t believe there will be lasting damage but want you to take it easy for a while. No stress, no heroics.”
A corner of my lips pulled up in a half smile. “I’m not the hero, you are.”
Killian leaned in close, brushing his nose against mine. “You are to me, to Karigan, to all those people who are free from Pastor Paul’s reach. Now,” sitting up straight, he shot me a hesitant look. “Do you need a nap, getting a little sleepy-peepy after story time, or are you up for another visitor?”
I checked in with myself before responding. Sure, my thoughts were slower, my memory spotty, and my body ached in places I didn’t know could ache, but overall, I was okay. As I shimmied up the bed, Killian stuffed a few pillows behind my back for support.
“Don’t freak out,” he said, walking to the door. “Everything is going to be okay.”
“All right,” I drawled and pulled the scratchy white blanket until it tucked under my armpits.
After sticking his head out into the hall, Killian stepped back, allowing an older man, who looked eerily similar to Killian, into the room. I did a double-take. The same dirty-blond hair, though the older man’s hair was sprinkled with gray streaks. Square jaw, an inch taller than Killian, but there was no denying the resemblance.
“Dr. Anderson.” His deep voice rolled through the room, making me want to sit up a little straighter. “Danny Cooper.” At the end of my bed, he paused and shoved both hands into the side pockets of his slacks.
My gaze flicked to Killian, who waggled his brows. “My dad.”
A sharp breath hissed through my teeth, and I shrank into the bed, hoping it would swallow me whole while a flicker of anger burned in my chest, knowing this man was the reason Killian went into the CIA, why we were ripped apart.
“Ah, I see your wheels turning. Smart, just like he said.” He nodded over his shoulder to his son. “I know you need your rest, but after being berated by my son, I knew I needed to get my ass to Georgia to apologize to you in person.”
My jaw dropped. “Apologize?”
He nodded and ran a hand through his hair, the movement so familiar I couldn’t help but grin.
“I made a decision, a lot of poor decisions, regarding my son. What I thought was best for him actually wasn’t. I realize now the devastating grief I felt over losing my wife,” he cleared his throat and glanced at the ceiling, “twisted me into a man I didn’t recognize. I’ve worked the past few years trying to make it up to my son, but now I need to do the same with you.”
“Sir, you don’t?—”
He held up a hand, cutting me off. “I do. Which is why I’m here. I knew how my son felt about you, and I still forced him into a career, a life, he never wanted but what I thought was best for him. As an employee for a certain agency, you’re alone, never in one place long enough to settle down. Never able to build a life that might cripple you if it were ripped away. It’s also a known fact that anyone close to us is a weakness that will be exploited to keep us in line by our own government or revenge for our many enemies. Even though my son is out of that line of work, he was very good at what he did. Disabling trafficking rings, shutting down drug cartels, hell, even upending governments are only a few of his successes.”
Jaw still slack, I turned my gaping face to Killian, who winked.
“What he’s done won’t go away. There will always be those who want revenge. We’ve done our best to hide him in plain sight, cover his tracks so no one knows exactly who our best asset was. So far, nothing has happened, but that doesn’t mean it can’t or won’t, which was why I urged him not to reach out to you, even after he left that agency. Two days ago, he called to tell me everything that happened and that he had zero plans to let you go again.”
The breath I held whooshed from my lungs with a relieved sigh. “Good. Because I’m not letting him.”
“Damn, you’re perfect,” Killian muttered. In two long strides, he was at my bedside, brushing hair off my forehead in sweet, reassuring strokes.
“I will continue to do what I can from the sidelines, since I also left that agency. But I still have connections to ensure your safety and his. It’s the least I can do for what I put you both through, taking him away that night.”
The guilt written on his face had me holding out my hand to him. A look of shock flicked across his features as his palm met mine.
“I forgive you,” I rasped. “And thank you for coming and apologizing in person.”
He cleared his throat and wiped at his eyes. “I had another reason for coming.” Light blue eyes flicked to the other side of my bed. I followed his stare, only to gasp at the small, pale blue box resting in Killian’s open palm.
“Kill?” My voice trembled. “What’s going on?”
He lowered onto one knee beside the bed. Tears rimmed his aqua eyes and slowly leaked out of the corners.
“I love you, my Millie. I’ve always loved you. From the time you were my Velma to now, not a day has gone by when I haven’t thought about you, wanted to see you, to hear your laugh, and to see your smile. There has never been anyone else for me, and there never will be. The last week, pretending to be your husband, made me realize just how badly I wanted to make it true. Be my wife. Be mine forever.”
I blinked past my own tears. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a tissue dangling in the air, and I gratefully took it to wipe my running nose. The creak of the box as it opened sounded like a jet engine. My eyes widened, and a gasp escaped as I took in the sparkling ring that sat on the tiny pillow, a massive round diamond surrounded by tiny sapphires. It was beautiful and perfect.
“It was my mother’s,” Killian rasped and glanced at his father before looking back at me. “I know she would’ve wanted you to have it. Say yes, my Millie. Please, please be mine.”
So many questions filled through my mind, whirling to where I felt dizzy.
Where would we live?
What would he do for work?
What would I do for work?
Did he want kids?
Did I want kids?
Could we get a dog?
But as I stared into Killian’s patient aqua eyes, I knew none of those questions or answers mattered as long as I had him. Together, we’d figure it all out. It would be difficult, but all the best things in life were worth fighting and working for.
Sucking in a deep breath, I bit my lower lip to stop it from trembling.
“Yes,” I rasped. Killian’s eyes widened. “Nothing could stop me from being yours. I always have been.”
A giggle escaped when he leapt off the floor and folded over the bedrail, wrapping his arms around me. Despite the discomfort, I relaxed into his hold and wrapped my own arms around his back, squeezing him even tighter.
Mine.
This amazing, slightly broken, brilliant man was mine. Forever. No matter what came for us, we’d be ready, together.
For ten years, I’d dreamed of this moment.
Somehow, it was even more perfect than I ever imagined.