5. Andy
ANDY
My palms are sweaty. I can’t remember the last time, as an adult, that my hands were sweaty for anything. Taking the state board for my cosmetology license? Child’s play compared to petitioning the courts for custody of my niece.
The thin cushion of the waiting room chair at the lawyer’s office is making my ass go numb, and the wait for the lawyer to be ready for our meeting is just giving my brain a playground for a billion outlandish scenarios to play out.
If you had told me nine years ago when I was cuddling my newborn baby niece, that I’d eventually be petitioning the court for custody of her, I’d have laughed. Alex was clean, one of her longer stints of sobriety, and I thought that she was recovering. Everything was good.
Until it wasn’t.
Now I’m sitting in a sterile law office feeling helpless. I don’t want to take Piper away from Alex, truly I don’t. But I also know that without change, nothing is going to get better. For Alex. For Piper. For me.
It’s up to Alex to change her life. And Piper deserves protection until that happens.
Despite evidence to the contrary, a small part of me hopes that Alex will figure it out, she’ll see that she has an amazing daughter and a sister that will support her until our dying breath if she could just …
“Ms. Donovan? He’s ready to see you now.”
I nearly jump out of my skin at the sudden noise of the admin’s voice but catch myself. Standing, I wipe my hands down my thighs to soak up some of the sweat.
For half a millisecond, I think about just walking out.
Walking out and then doing the same thing I do every time Alex gets herself into trouble again.
Taking care of Piper until Alex comes around with half-baked apologies and promises.
Or strong-arming her into treatment that I’ll end up paying for.
Something. Anything that wouldn’t derail her and Piper’s life.
And then I remember Pip’s terrified voice on the phone last night. No matter how much I don’t want to do this, I have to. For Piper.
She doesn’t deserve to grow up afraid of the next guy Alex is going to bring around. Or to wonder where her next meal is coming from or if her mom smoked all their money away again.
I push the office door open and step in before shutting it behind me. Mr. Rupert, one of the few attorneys that handle family cases in the county is buried in files. Literally. I can barely see his slightly balding head over the stacks of papers around him.
His desk looked the exact same the last time I was here, when this was all a what if. A what if I needed to petition the courts for custody. A what if Alex needed more help than I could provide. A what if she spiraled harder and I needed to step in.
What I’m about to do feels like a declaration of war, and that hurts.
His head pops up as he jots down a note on the open manilla folder in front of him before standing and holding his hand out to me.
“Andy. Thank you for coming in. Melinda said you’d be stopping by today. Sorry for the mess.” He waves his hand in an arc over the disaster on his desk. He said the same thing last time too.
“No problem. Did Melinda give you details? I’m not …” I twist my hands in front of me, squeezing tighter when they tremble.
A warm smile covers his lips. “Here, take a seat. Let me get you a bottle of water, and we can talk.”
I eye the two fully loaded chairs.
“I’ll get those.” He snaps up a stack of files from one chair and sets it on a file cabinet against the wall. Then he grabs a bottle of water from a fridge tucked away in one of his cabinets and hands it to me.
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” After taking a seat back behind his desk, he asks, “Why don’t you tell me what happened to make you want to move forward with the petition?”
“I want custody of my niece.” The story spills out of me. The more I talk, the faster the words come. The tighter I grasp the water bottle in my hand. Words claw up my throat, and by the time I’m up to current events, my voice is hoarse and my chest is tight.
“Andy.” His tone is professionally firm. “Take a minute. Drink some water. Take some deep breaths.”
I chug half the bottle of water before I come up for air.
“I can file the request for custody. That’s not a problem. We talked a little bit about that last time you were here. Did Melinda tell you anything about the process?”
I nod. “Some, but I still have questions.”
“Okay. What questions do you have?”
“I don’t want Alex to completely lose access to Piper. I just …” Tears clog my throat. The universe is going to strike me down for being a shitty sister and aunt for even thinking about filing for custody.
Mr. Rupert reaches toward me. “This isn’t an easy decision to make. Please don’t feel like you’re the first person to sit in that chair and be conflicted about petitioning for custody, because you’re not.”
Guilt greases the pit of my stomach and churns painfully.
“I just … I love Alex. She’s my sister. But she doesn’t make the best decisions. Especially when it comes to Piper.”
Mr. Rupert nods. “That’s fair. And from what you’ve told me, seems accurate. Melinda gave me some details, but not a lot. We’ll mostly be working with the state to remove Piper from your sister’s care. Melinda thought you had a strong case for it before—so I’m sure you still do.”
He shuffles paperwork on the desk, unearthing a manilla folder.
“Here’s what we need to do. The first step is to file a petition and summons for Alex.
This lets her know that she’s being sued for custody and gives her a chance to respond.
Since we already have the petition drafted from our last meeting, that process should go smoothly. ”
Even though I know better, the term sued leaves a sour taste in my mouth. It seems so harsh. I have to dig deep to stay seated and listen to Mr. Rupert as he outlines the steps of the case, the best case scenarios, the worst and everything in between.
“Piper is at school?” he asks.
I nod. I spent an hour braiding her hair into a crown this morning, packing her lunch, and dropping her off before rescheduling my clients for the first half of the day.
“Okay. Melinda filed for you to have temporary custody. She also sent the police over to Alex’s house last night to inform her. They took her into custody when they found drugs in the home.”
I nod dumbly. This isn’t the first time that I’ve left with Piper after a fight with Alex, nor is it the first time she’s been arrested for drug use. I don’t even know how to respond.
How did we get here? With me sitting in this lawyer’s office, prepared to take Piper away from my sister for her well-being.
How did we go from best friends, from pinky swearing to always be there for each other, to broken promises and lies? To neglect and indifference. To the anger and helplessness I’m feeling now.
“Andy?” Mr. Rupert holds a tissue out to me. I press a hand to my cheek and feel the wetness there. I didn’t even realize I was crying.
“Thank you.” I wipe at the tears, knowing that they’re not doing me a damn bit of good.
He wraps up the meeting telling me the next steps that he’s going to take, having me fill out paperwork, and setting our next appointment.
I step out into the October morning and drag the crisp fresh air into my lungs and hold my breath until my lungs are on the verge of exploding. The pressure in my head is drowning out the noise of my thoughts.
Guess I better go see Alex. Let her know what’s going on.
The worst part is I’m not even sure if she’ll care.
But I care. Too much for my own good sometimes.
Resigned, I climb into my Jeep and start the engine, mentally preparing for the additional headache I’m sure to have after I’m done talking to Alex.
For better or worse, I’m in it now.
Everette’s sheriff station is a large red brick building on the town square. I wish it wasn’t as familiar as it is.
I push open the door, and Betty, the receptionist, pops her head up, the vibrant green of her hair like a neon sign. Every month or so she comes into the salon and has me play with colors on her gray strands. She’s funky and fun but doesn’t take shit from anyone.
Her lips purse when she sees me.
For all her no nonsense attitude, she’s never given me a hard time for being Alex’s sister. Or treated me any different because I have a criminal for a sister.
“Andy. Here to see Alex?”
I nod. My throat is still tight from the tears I shed in the lawyer’s office.
“How’s Piper doing?” she asks, and the expression on her face softens at the mention of my niece.
I shrug. “She’s okay, I think. At school for the day.”
Betty nods, and I sign in on the visitor log. “If you guys need anything …”
“Thanks, Bett. I appreciate it. But we’ll be okay.”
Betty’s mouth opens but stalls for a second before she eventually says, “Wait here, a deputy will take you back.”
“Thanks.” Instead of sitting in the waiting chairs, I remain standing. A door behind the desks in the bullpen opens and Mike Johansen comes out of Harlan’s office.
“Andy.”
“Hey, Mike. How’s it going?”
“Same ole, same ole.”
He doesn’t ask me how I am, which is a small favor, and I nod.
“Come on, I’ll take you back.”
I follow him through the station to three cells at the back of the building.
“Andy. Thank god you’re here. You have to get me out of here.” My sister jumps up from a cot and hurries to the front of the cell.
“I’ll give you two a few minutes,” Johansen says and steps around the corner to the hall.
“Fucking pig.” Alex sneers at him before turning to me. “I don’t know how you could be friends with them.” But before I can say anything she continues. “Well at least you being friends with the sheriff and all his lackeys comes with some benefits. He gonna let me out?”
I didn’t even bother to ask if her bail was set yet. Does that make me a bad sister or is it the fact that I don’t really care?
“Unbelievable,” I say almost to myself.
“What?” Her expression arranges itself into the picture of innocence. One that I no longer believe as readily as I did in the past.
Anger starts to leak from the pressure cooker I stuffed my feelings in the night before.
“I said you’re unbelievable. The first thing you ask about is whether I’m getting you out of here?
Not a single question about your fucking daughter?
Who called me terrified last night, by the way.
No, instead of worrying about Piper you’re more concerned with getting out of the jail cell that your actions landed you in. ”
“Andy …”
I slash a hand through the air, done with this merry-go-round. Anger rises like a tide in my chest, and I can’t stop the wrath from escaping.
“No, Alex. Just no. You don’t give a shit about your daughter. It’s taken me so long to see it, and I’ll never forgive myself for that. Like I said last night, I’m done. You’re on your own.”
I swipe at the tears trickling down my face with a furious brush of my fingers.
“You want out of this cell? Then you need to get a lawyer or let the county appoint you one. Then you need to figure out how to pay your bail, because I’m done being your savior.”
Alex’s eyes go wide, and I realize that I’m yelling. The anger and frustration with my sister make my chest tight and my hands shake.
“Melinda placed Piper in my care. I’m going to file for custody since her being with you isn’t good for her.”
“Andy … you want to take Piper away from me?” Big, fat, glistening tears artfully pool in her eyes, but I don’t fall for them either. She perfected the art of fake crying back in high school and uses it ruthlessly when she’s not getting her way.
Shards of glass feel like they’re piercing my chest as I make myself say the rest.
“Maybe if you get clean and get a steady job you can have visitation or be a part of Piper’s life.
But not while you’re using. Not when you don’t have a job, and not while you bring strange men into your house with no regard for her safety.
Not until you figure out how to put your life back together or the courts make me give her back to you.
But be warned, I’ll fight like hell for that little girl.
Something you should have done a long time ago. ”
“So that’s it. You’re just done with me.” The earlier fake hurt and innocence is gone. Rage contorts her features. Am I such a pushover that she assumed I’d keep taking the emotional beating she dishes out every time she breaks a promise to me—to Piper?
More tears fall as I nod.
She scoffs and sneers. “So much for being there for me.”
Rage ignites inside me. “Fuck you, Alex. Fuck you for throwing that at me when you haven’t kept a single promise to me—or Piper—in years.
I’ve tried so hard, so fucking hard, to be there for you.
To help you. But you don’t care. Maybe it’s the drugs.
Maybe it’s your choices, who the fuck knows?
But it’s crystal clear that you don’t give a shit about Piper—or me.
So no, I won’t be there for you. Not anymore.
Not until you start showing up for yourself and Piper. ”
“Fine. I don’t need you. I don’t need anyone. You’re not shit, Andy. You’re not better than me. If you think I’ll just let you take my daughter, then you’ve got another think coming. I’ll fight. You want me to fight. Just watch.”
I turn, done with the conversation, and her ranting follows me as I walk away from my big sister. More tears spill out of my eyes, and I don’t bother trying to fight them back anymore.
Sadness settles in my heart, and I accept that sometimes you have to let go of the people who aren’t good for you. That protecting yourself and trying to be there for the people you love can be a double-edged sword hanging over a twisting tightrope, one thread from falling as you tiptoe.
I fell off the tightrope. Or the sword sheared it in half.
The only thing I know is that I can’t do it anymore. I can’t be there for Alex and keep Piper safe.
It’s me and Piper against the world now.