21. Andy
ANDY
Jedidah Calhoun is looking at me like I’m the most beautiful thing he’s ever beheld in his life.
And I’m addicted to it.
To him.
The heavy weight of him in my hand is imprinted on my mind. The memory locked away where I can hoard and cherish it for the rest of my life.
“Andy.” He bites out a curse, when I reach for him again.
Yes, I’m scared. Yes, this is a huge risk. Giving Jedd— us— a chance is the scariest thing I’ve done in my adult life. And yes, being naked in bed with him while his dick is two centimeters from my vagina is terrifying for me.
What if this ruins us?
What if everything changes?
What if I lose him?
Those thoughts have been running rampant in my mind since we agreed to get married.
But Jedd and I? We’re fun. We do everything with our whole chest, and we don’t apologize for it.
I lever myself up, pressing against him, greedy for the feel of him again. “Yes?” I ask pressing a kiss to the line of his jaw. The rasp of his beard against my lips is unbearably erotic.
His head falls back under my mouth, and I lean up, both of us on our knees and press closer to him while threading my hands through his hair.
My nipples rub his chest, sending unquenchable fire to my core. I scratch lightly at his scalp as I trail kisses down his neck before nipping at the tendon that leads to his shoulder.
Oh god. We’re actually doing this.
I actually get Jedd Calhoun all to myself.
My very greedy self.
“I don’t have anything,” he says on a groan.
It takes a few lust-addled seconds for my brain to understand his meaning.
I drop my head back to the pillow on a groan.
He would get me all worked up and not have anything.
But it’s not like this morning was planned. So he gets a pass.
Luckily for him, I’m prepared.
My hands dip down to cup his balls, and I lightly squeeze. Jedd’s hand flies to my wrist, pulling me away.
“I really will come all over you if you keep that up.” His eyes are squeezed shut, like he’s trying to think of something odious to stop his impending orgasm. But I want to see it. I want to see what he looks like when he’s lost to passion. Lost to anything and everything but me.
Leaning forward, I place a sucking kiss on his chest before grinning up at him.
“Condoms are in the nightstand,” I say, and nip at his skin.
“Thank fucking god.” He breathes out before lightly pushing me back to give himself more room.
He leans over and grabs a foil packet out of the top drawer of my nightstand. Ripping it open, he rolls it down his length and then settles between my thighs again. His forearms are braced on either side of my head when he moves in to kiss me again.
Once again the shocking revelation that we’re really doing this fills me with giddy delight.
And I can’t fucking wait.
Impatience simmers, making me want to yank Jedd where I need him.
His hand traces down my thigh before he grips my knee and hikes my leg to rest on his hip. The tip of him traces against my folds, and there’s a wrenching ache in my core. An emptiness that I want him to thrust into until we lose ourselves in each other.
“Jedd?” I nip at his lower lip ready to make my own demands of him.
“Yeah?”
“I’m going to bury you in fine grit glitter if you don’t get inside of me in the next three seconds.”
Fire ignites in his gaze as he stares down at me, and his eyebrow cocks up in what I assume is surprise.
A cocky smirk stretches his cheeks as he reaches down to notch the head of his cock at my entrance.
I lock eyes with him as he pushes forward. Pleasure shoots up my spine, and my head falls back at the pressure and stretch as he thrusts into me. There’s an ache there, one that I can’t ignore, that will drive me mad if left untended.
“Oh fuck,” he breathes out before dropping down and sucking my nipple into his mouth. I clench my inner muscles around him, relishing in the muffled curse he breathes against the side of my breast.
“Mischief,” he groans.
“Jedd,” I whimper, desperate for him to move. To thrust. To do something that doesn’t leave us in this limbo.
His hand scoops under my hips, lifting me higher, opening me wider so he can press forward.
The steady thump of my pulse hammers in my clit, and the friction of his movement sends my core pulsing around him. His balls press against the curve of my ass as he fills me completely, and I roll my hips to take more of him.
Finally.
The word is a shout in my head and an anthem in my heart.
For the first time in a long time, I feel whole.
“Godfuckingdammityoudrivemeinsane” Jedd says, as his hips shoot forward and he buries the last of himself inside of me.
My chest heaves at the impossible stretch. Goosebumps break out along my skin, and I wiggle to alleviate some of the pressure.
“Don’t. Fucking. Move.” Jedd’s eyes are shut tight, his jaw clenched so hard I fear for his molars.
Feminine power surges inside of me. He’s losing it. And I’m the reason. I lost the minuscule hold on my control long ago.
It’s good to have company in the struggle to hang on.
My hands run over the muscles in Jedd’s chest, and I shift my hips, pressing back against where he’s stilled to give himself time to recover some of his restraint.
But I don’t let him.
I move.
Shifting my hips, I pull back, sliding my core down his dick. Then I press a kiss to his mouth as I push my hips up, fucking him from the bottom as a gritty whimper leaves his mouth.
The hair on the back of my neck stands up at that sound.
I want more of it. I want his desperation cemented in my brain for the rest of my life.
“Can I have you?” I repeat the same question he asked me earlier. “Can I have the real, raw version of you that’s wanted me for years? No holding back. No denying what you want?” I punctuate the statement with a lick across his nipple.
I’ve always been good at playing with fire. Of dancing between risk and reward. Taking it right to the edge without falling over.
But I want to fall over with Jedd. I want to jump off this cliff together. Because we’re together now.
I reach up and run my thumb along his scruffy jaw. Jedd nips at the finger before turning those steely hazel eyes to mine.
“You sure?” he asks.
I tighten around him again instead of answering, and he shoves forward on a curse. He pulls back before thrusting into me harder and faster, the tightly held control gone.
And I revel in it. In him. In the pleasure he’s expertly bestowing upon me. Sweat beads at his hairline as he leans down to capture my mouth with his.
“Get there,” he demands, his breath teasing against my lips. His fingers find my nipple, and he pinches the flesh between his fingers to the point just shy of pain as his hips crash against mine and he throbs decadently inside of me.
“Oh fuck. Fuck.” The muscle in his jaw flexes, and the previous steady rhythm of his thrusts goes jerky as he finds his release. I sweep my hands up and down his back, pulling him closer as he rides out his pleasure.
He shudders against me one last time before his eyes open and he looks at me.
Puzzlement and frustration lurk in the depths of his gaze.
“I can’t orgasm from penetrative sex,” I whisper between us, feeling exposed.
I’ve had enough bed partners to know my body, and it’s something that I’ve come to accept.
But I don’t think I could take it if Jedd looked at me like men before have.
Like there’s something wrong with me. Like I’m defective.
He leans down and kisses me. The ache in my core is almost unbearable now that he’s no longer moving inside of me. Now that he’s no longer stoking the fire in my veins.
When he pulls back, he’s smiling softly at me. And that soft smile puts me on the defensive.
“Why are you smiling?”
His grin grows wider gaining a feral edge as he leans farther away while staying inside of me.
Then he reaches down and pinches my clit—hard.
My entire body jolts like I’ve been shot with a taser.
“What the fuck,” I exclaim on a groan. Jesus Christ on a crooked cross, that feels so fucking good.
“Stow the attitude. I was smiling because you confided in me.” He swipes his thumb across my clit. “Because you told me what you need. Because you trusted me.”
Each statement is punctuated with a pass of his thumb, and that’s when I realize he’s still hard inside of me.
“But … didn’t you?” I try to speak around the growing pleasure.
“I did. But Andy?” He pinches my clit again, and I see stars.
When it takes me a second to respond, his fingers stop.
Fuck. What was the question?
“Yeah?” I say when I can breathe again.
The weight of his hand lands on my breast.
“I’ve wanted you since I was a teenager.”
I can’t think when his fingers are pinching my clit and rolling my nipple.
He stops again. There’s some unspoken message between us, and I want to scream my frustration.
Usually, I take care of things. Giving that responsibility to Jedd, or more accurately—him taking control of my pleasure—is the most erotic thing of my life.
“What does that mean?” I say as I twitch and shudder in pleasure beneath him.
He pulls his hips back, his hands leaving me and building the frustration in my entire being while he removes the used condom and rolls on another one.
“It means that apparently anatomical norms don’t apply to us.”
He rolls to his back and tugs me on top of him. My legs spread wide, and he lifts me to fist his dick and place him at my center. I sink down, the new angle giving my clit the attention it needs.
Draping myself over this man in the most decadent way?
Yes, please.
“Ride me, Mischief.” He holds my hips, helping me find a steady rhythm.
The friction of him inside me and the pressure of my clit pressing against his pubic bone create shudders that shake me down to my bones.
His hands dance up to my breasts, and he cups the flesh before swiping his thumbs over the peaks. Pleasure crashes through me, unstoppable, and my hips start to move on their own.
“There you go. Good girl. Keep going.” The praise falls from his lips on a husky groan, and his head falls back to the pillow.
The stretched lines of muscle in his throat make my mouth water. I thrust against him faster as the pleasure climbs, until my heart pounds, seeking the drop off the cliff.
“Jedd,” I whimper when I’m so close, so high, I start to fear I won’t reach it. “I can’t.” I sob, every nerve ending in my body on fire.
“You can. You can take it. Take me.” He groans and thumbs my clit, leaving his finger at the center of us for me to rock against.
“Oh shit,” I whisper.
“Fuck.” He growls, his cock throbbing inside me again.
“You take me so fucking well. Now give me what I want. Come all over my cock, Andy. Now.” The absolute demand in his tone and the pressure building inside sends me over the edge.
My vision goes white, as swirls of pleasure detonate inside of me.
The orgasm hits me with the force of an atom bomb, curling me forward as my hips jerk against Jedd.
The second it starts to wane, his hands lock on my thighs, his knees slide up behind my ass, and he hammers into me. Once. Twice. Three times before his hips still and his fingers dig into me.
I collapse on his chest, my breath pumping out of me as I try to slow my heart.
Jesus. H. Christ. We did it. If it was possible, I’d be bathed in a well-pleasured glow right about now.
And now that we’re done—at least for now, because I definitely want more—the awkward nerves I expected to take over are gone.
Peace.
The steady contentment pumping through my veins right now is peace.
I lift up, resting my chin on Jedd’s chest, and the foothold I had my heart precariously balanced on slips.
Just a little.
As the sweat dries on our bodies and we snuggle deeper into the covers, getting lost in this new dynamic … I fall a little more in love with him.