20. Hollywood
20
HOLLYWOOD
“W hat’s got you smiling like a stripper at a stiletto convention?” Leo narrowed his eyes while he ran a towel through his wet hair and limped into the living room.
I rubbed my mouth and read V’s message again.
Verona: Tonight, it’s my turn to fuck you. You better be ready.
After that came a picture of her huge purple dildo hanging from a strap on her wall. I’d marked yes, very much yes, to pegging, and if that was what she meant by fucking me, then I’d do whatever I could to dip out of work early. I’d been eating my fiber bars, and I’d gotten myself extra clean in preparation for this.
“Nothing,” I said, clicking my phone off so Leo couldn’t read it over my shoulder.
“Is it the girl?” He grinned and sat down on the other couch to sip his coffee and antagonize me.
“Yeah.” I couldn’t think about her without smiling, especially after what we’d done last night. It had been magical, making me question everything I’d ever felt for anyone, and it paled in comparison to this steady heat in my chest whenever she came up in conversation.
“Look at you,” he said, holding out his hand to gesture to all of me. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were in love.”
Everything in my brain came to a skidding halt. The train wheels squeaked, the brakes froze, the back end came rearing toward the front.
“What?” I balked. “Love? No, I’m not?—”
Wait ... am I?
I didn’t know. I’d never been in love with anyone before, certainly not an MC princess who would rather paddle my ass raw than admit to having mushy-gushy feelings for anyone in her life.
“Holy shit, you are.” Leo laughed and clapped, seeming to congratulate me. “Good for you, Hollywood.”
“No, it’s not like that.” Confused, I shook my head and touched the scar on my chest, the one that marked the time I’d saved her life.
“You and I share a life debt. You saved me, and I’ll never be able to repay you for that.”
“But, let’s say that it might be like that. How would I know?”
Leo raised his eyebrows. “You don’t know what it’s like to be in love?”
I shook my head.
He took a deep breath and leaned forward to put his elbows on his knees. “It’s like—” Leo clenched his eyes shut, seeming to reminisce about someone and covered his mouth with his palm. “It’s like your world revolves around them, like you’d do anything for them. You’d put your life on the line if it meant their happiness. It’s like a piece of you had been missing until you met them, and all of a sudden, the world makes sense.”
“Damn, Leo.” I blew out a breath at his words as the rightness of his sentiment settled in my gut. V had become everything to me. I’d gladly lay my entire world down for her in a way I wouldn’t for anyone else. Was that love? Was that being in love?
Because I’d admit I loved my brothers. I loved KC and Bear like family, and I’d kill for them. I’d step in front of a bullet for them any day. But for V—hell, I’d move mountains. I’d survive death and come back to haunt her. I never wanted to leave her ... ever. Was a few weeks enough to change our relationship dynamic?
“Were you ever in love?” I asked, running my palm over the back of my neck as heat snaked into my cheeks and down my chest.
Leo snorted out a breath and nodded. “Many times, my friend.”
“Really?” Could a person fall in love again and again over the course of their life? And if so, why had it only happened once for me? Was I in love before and didn’t know?
No.
This ache I had for V was unique to her.
Leo didn’t answer, just shook his head and smirked. “It’s been two weeks. Have you heard from my sister?”
I shrugged because I didn’t know. Leo didn’t have a phone or a way to contact the outside world. If Julia were going to accept our terms, she would have to go through Saint to do it.
“We’re regrouping tomorrow,” I said. “I’ll find out more then.”
Leo nodded, but my phone vibrated, distracting me. At the sight of the unavailable number, I got up and walked outside, reaching into my coat for my cigarettes so I could light one and inhale.
“Will you accept the call from Allegheny Correctional Facility?” said the robotic voice.
“I will.” I waited while the line connected me to my mother.
“Matty?” came her exhausted voice.
“Hiya, Momma.” It was good to hear from her, even if it had only been a few days. I’d transferred the money to her, like she’d asked, and if I knew my mother, this call would be about needing more. Jails were notoriously expensive, and she didn’t make shit at that slave-trade sewing job she had during the day. “How are you?”
“Oh, I’m good, my baby. How are you?” She coughed a wet sound like she needed a doctor.
“I’m okay,” I answered. “Are you sick? Do you have to go to the nurse?”
“No, it’s the flu going around. I’ll be fine.” She sniffed and coughed again. “Tell me about you. What are you doing these days?”
I told her about work and the Beacon reopening soon. “I’m seeing someone new.”
“Oh?” Momma laughed. “Who are they?”
She knew I was pansexual, and she didn’t care. While she was in prison, she’d had a few girlfriends of her own, even so much as married a woman named Daisy a year ago. Who had time for bigotry when there were so many people in the world worthy of love?
“Would you believe me if I said it was Verona?” I chuckled out a disbelieving sound. “I think ... I think I’m in love with her, Momma.”
“Matty,” she said, her voice surprisingly light and joyous. “That’s so wonderful to hear. Isn’t Bear’s little sister called Verona?”
“Yeah, it’s her,” I said. “How do I know if I’m in love?”
She sighed and hacked again, clearing her throat and sniffling before continuing. “I didn’t think I could love anyone except you and Troy, God rest his soul.” Troy had been Trojan’s name before he joined the SRMC. The only person who ever called him that was our mother. “Not until I met Daisy here at Allegheny.”
“You weren’t in love with our father?”
“No, baby,” she said. “And your stepfather?—”
“Don’t mention him,” I cut in. “Don’t talk about him ... not on this line.” All the phone calls at the prison were recorded, and if she even so much as breathed his name, the DA would be on her ass for more information to use against her. “How do you know you love Daisy?”
“You just know, Matty.” There was a wistfulness to her voice I hadn’t heard before, maybe not since I was a kid. “It’s in your heart when you think about them. It’s in your eyes when you see them. There’s no greater feeling in the world than being in love.”
My eyes burned and I shut them to blink back the tears forming at the corners. I knew it, just like Momma was saying. It was new and fresh and delicate, but my affection and abiding love for Verona Montgomery went deeper than the sex we claimed it to be. She was my first thought when I woke up and the last face I wanted to see before I went to sleep. Maybe it wouldn’t last forever like those sappy rom-coms (which I secretly loved), but it was something and that was a start. Even if she didn’t feel the same way about me, I was proud of myself for experiencing it at all. If I had kept walking down the path I’d been treading two years ago, I would have never gotten the opportunity to be a part of something so amazing. She never would have given me the time of day, and honestly, I never would have wanted her to.
“Thank you,” I said. “That makes sense.”
“Of course,” she said. “I know being in the pen means I can’t be there for you the way you need, but I’m still your momma. I always will be. I’m always here for you.”
I coughed back a sob and nodded, even though she couldn’t see me.
“Do you need money?” I asked. “I transferred some a few days ago, but I can always send more.”
“No, baby,” she answered, kindness in her tone. “I just wanted to hear your voice. I miss you so much.”
“I miss you, too,” I said.
We talked about Trojan’s memory for a few moments, laughing about when we were younger and we’d spent the winters in that tiny trailer in the shittiest part of town. We didn’t have much, but we had each other, and that felt like enough to my childhood self. At the end of the call, I promised to come visit her soon and she promised to call me in a few days.
“Bring Verona with you,” she said, “when you visit. I’d like to meet the girl that has my boy talking like this.”
“I will,” I said. “I love you.”
“I love you,” came her tender reply.
When we hung up, I finished my cigarette and flicked it into the ashtray, ruminating about when I’d actually be able to make the three-hour drive up to see her. It had been too long, but I didn’t get much free time these days. That was no excuse. She was my mother, the one who had taken a life sentence for me when I’d made the worst mistake of my life. If I were to do some of Alba’s psycho-therapy shit on myself, I might admit she was the reason I threw myself in front of so many bullets, why I considered myself so indebted to the club.
What was my life compared to V’s? What was my life compared to Bear’s or KC’s?
Nothing. Insignificant. And if I had to die knowing they could live, well, that was still the easiest choice I’d ever make.
By the time I got to the garage, Bear and KC already had the music blasting and a few cars up on the lifts for tire rotations. Selene and Thor flirted with each other in the office, their marriage fresh off the press so they still had that honeymoon gleam in their eyes. I said good morning and made my way to the mechanic’s bay, ignoring the skeptical way Bear watched me as I moved.
“You have a good night?” KC asked. “How’s your hand?”
I flexed my right fist, giving him a nonchalant shrug. “I’ve done worse.”
“Uh-huh,” Bear said, tossing his oily rag over his shoulder before putting his palms on his hips and eyeing me from my toes to my head and back down again. “And what about my sister?”
I raised my eyebrows and matched his stance, recognizing both a taunt and a tease in Bear’s tone. “What about her?”
“Are you fucking V or what, man?” Bear grabbed a tire iron from his mechanic’s chest and swung it around before landing the business end in his other fist.
I narrowed my eyes on his weapon before glancing at KC, who hid his obvious smile behind his fingers. Like anytime I fought with Bear, KC wouldn’t get involved, but he’d certainly enjoy watching. V said she wasn’t ready for anyone to know about this, but after last night, how could we still keep it a secret? Hell, Bear already knew. Ru suspected. Anyone with eyes could tell there was something more going on. I knew I should have kept my mouth shut, but I’d just realized I was in love with her. I was ready to scream it from the rooftops.
“What if I am?” I said. “You gonna beat my face in?” I nodded toward the long metal rod before reaching over to grab one of his socket wrenches, the ones he specifically told me to stop using.
“I might have something to say about it.” Bear stepped closer, his cheeks turning scarlet, the tips of his ears matching.
“Shouldn’t you be concerned with your own upcoming nuptials?” I took a step back, giving Bear room to advance while also making sure I had an escape route just in case this got physical. I had about an inch on the brother, but he was bulkier through the chest. We’d been wrestling and giving each other shit since we were teenagers. I didn’t take any of his threats seriously. Of course, I’d also never fucked his little sister before, which could change things.
“Don’t make this about me.” Bear pointed at me with the tire iron, raising his eyebrows up his forehead. “If I find out you’re dicking her around like you do with your club slu?—”
“Don’t talk about them like that,” I cut in, holding the wrench up like a makeshift sword. “It makes you sound like a slut-shaming prick. No wonder no one wants to fuck you.”
“Hey!” Bear smacked the wrench away with his free hand, batting at me with the iron. I jumped out of the way just in time to miss the blow. “I get laid.”
“Yeah,” KC cut in with a chuckle. “Bear gets laid ... sometimes ... like two years ago.”
“Fuck off, KC!” Bear and I both shouted at the same time, making him hold up his hands and take a step away from us.
“I’m not dicking her around,” I said. “I care about her. She cares about me.”
Bear narrowed his eyes and furrowed his brows, shifting his stance like the very idea was outrageous. “What do you mean?”
“We’re together, Bear. Like ... actually for real together.” Or, at least, that was what I assumed. We hadn’t put a label on this and it was still new, but we were exclusive. One of these days, I’d take her on a legitimate date, like a real boyfriend.
Bear looked even more confused.
“What do you mean?” he asked again.
Honestly, I understood I’d been a manwhore back in the day, but this shit was insulting. I’d never treated any of my partners with disrespect. They all knew what they were getting into at the beginning. It was the reason everyone still liked me, despite what we might have done in between the sheets.
“I care about your sister, man.” I smacked his tire iron away with the wrench. “I’d never hurt her. Never. If I’m fucking her, it’s because she likes it. And brother ...” I blew out an obnoxious whistle. “She likes it. A lot.”
Okay, maybe I didn’t need to add that last little bit on there, but it had the effect I wanted. Bear’s face got even more blushed, that classic Montgomery temper rising to the forefront.
“That’s it.” He threw down the tire iron and took off after me. I, of course, already knew what was coming, so I beat-fucking-feet to the exit, throwing open the door so I could race out behind the garage, dodging and weaving through the antique cars Thor said he’d get around to restoring one of these days. “You’re a dead man, Hollywood!”
I laughed as loud as I could, showing him I knew he was joking and I wasn’t scared of his empty threats. I had longer legs than him, but I was heavier. He caught up to me in an embarrassing amount of time, tackling me to the ground so he could wrap an arm around my neck and put me in a headlock. I elbowed him in the sides, not hard enough to hurt him, just enough to make him groan and let me go.
When he did, we lay in the grass and stared up at the bright blue sky, breathing down the race out here.
“You treat her right or I’ll fucking kill you,” Bear finally said, looking at me.
I smiled and nodded. “She’ll beat you to it, brother.”
He hummed in agreement before pushing to his feet, turning, and holding a hand out for me. I took it and let him pull me upright. He patted my shoulder and nodded.
“What about you?” I asked, raising my eyebrows as we walked back inside. “What did your old man say about Julia Caputi?”
Bear sighed and ran his hands back through his hair. “We’re still discussing it.”
“Seems like there isn’t much choice.” I reached into my pockets for my cigarettes, taking one out to give to Bear before biting one between my teeth to light it. “If you don’t do this, Leo isn’t going to partner with us. We might as well kill him.”
“Yeah, I know. I just ...” He shook his head and inhaled deep on the smoke. “I thought when I got married, it would be because I loved the person. Not because the club needed me to do it to secure an alliance.”
“That motherfucking crown weighs a ton, doesn’t it?” This time, I gave Bear the pat of support.