9. Hawke
Hawke
E ven as Ford tried to act all calm and collected earlier, the moment he walked out of the house, I knew something was off.
I always know. Now, my heart is pounding rapidly, adrenaline is coursing through my veins, and I have a live update of his car as Ivy tracks him for me. It’s come to a dead stop.
I don’t know why, but I’m feeling a sense of impending doom, and it has me sliding all over the dirt roads, if that’s even what they can be considered.
They’re more like trails that lead me out into the middle of fucking nowhere.
I end up at an ominous location that can only mean one thing—something underhanded is going on.
Ford tells me everything. We do everything together. But I’m totally in the dark about whatever situation he’s walked into here.
I bring my car to a screeching halt when I spot his car. There’s another vehicle that I don’t recognize parked nearby. I send a photo of the license plate to Ivy to have her trace it for me, but I don’t even need her response when a woman runs frantically toward me.
I raise my gun in her direction. I’ve never killed a woman and never will. It’s a rule, Ford, and I never break. We might be street rats, violent good-for-nothings that were sharpened into weapons, but we do have some standards.
She seems surprised to see me, but then her expression changes to one of calculation. “Well, well. I didn’t think you’d get here so soon.”
My brow furrows. I’ve seen her somewhere before, but I can’t recall where. Was it a job Ford and I had? She doesn’t look sane, and there’s a crackle of energy around her that I don’t particularly like.
“Where is he?” I demand. I know she has something to do with all of this.
“Dead,” she says with wide eyes and a cruel smile.
Everything stops. All sound. My breathing. Comprehension.
My brother… my twin. My everything.
Dead.
No, that can’t be right. My mind begins to spiral as graphic images assault my brain. We’ve killed so many people together… Ford is invincible. I’m meant to protect him. We protect each other… We…
The woman whips out a gun and points it at me. I want her to take me out. If there’s no him, what’s the point of me being here? But he wouldn’t be taken out so easily… I won’t believe it.
My finger pulls the trigger at the same time hers does. Two shots. Only one that hits its mark.
I can hear my heart pounding after the ringing of the shots fades. Blood seeps from a hole between her brows, and the force of the bullet hitting her has her reeling backward.
I know, right in this moment, I can never come back from this. I feel my demons invade me. It was only ever men we hurt. Cruel men, unhinged men, and sometimes innocent men. But never women or children… Never…
But now…
I want to take it back, but I can’t.
My feet move before rational thought kicks back in.
The woman might be dead, but she’s taken something from me.
Something I can’t get back and don’t entirely understand.
I’m running in the direction she came from, searching for my brother, ignoring the crippling reality that I’ve well and truly become a monster.
And not one I can embrace. An ugly, disgusting thing that once vowed never to hurt something as precious as a woman.
I couldn’t save my mother… even when I resented her the most. But I would never hurt her… Never…
I can hardly breathe by the time I stumble across the doors built into the middle of a grass plain. My harrowing thoughts focus again. My brother. Ford. Please don’t be dead.
I throw open the door, my gun aimed at the gloom beyond, only to find a fumbling Billie trying to drag my brother’s dead weight up the stairs.
Everything stops once again.
I can’t… He can’t…
“Little Tornado,” I rasp, a part of me jumping into action while the majority can’t keep up with what’s happening. I grab for my brother, who’s bleeding from his leg and is a sickly, pale color.
I bury all of my demons, doing everything I can to bring my brother back. I’m willing to sell my soul to the devil in exchange for his life. If he’s not here, what purpose do I have? He’s the good one. The reliable one. The likable one.
I carry him across the field, Billie stumbling behind me…
And then I’m haunted by the woman’s eyes—wide and empty. Lifeless.
Her eyes stare at me… haunting me… drowning me…
Killing me slowly.
I’m sucked into a void like quicksand, claws grabbing and dragging me down for what feels like eternity.
I bolt upright with a gasp. I’m panting harshly as I realize I’m in my brother’s home, in his spare room designated for me. Sweat glistens on my chest, and the blankets have been thrown off the bed. I run my hands through my hair, trying to swallow despite my parched mouth.
I close my eyes again, pinching the bridge of my nose, trying to push away the imagery of the dead woman staring back at me. It’s been months since the incident, but lately, these nightmares have worsened.
I roll out of bed and throw on a loose shirt.
Checking the time on my phone, I see it’s three in the morning.
It’s too early, but I decide to go to my local gym.
It’s the only place that makes me feel sane.
I have my own gym set up at home, but for some reason, since the nightmares, I’ve been going to a twenty-four-hour one I found.
When I open the bedroom door, a soft meow has me tilting my head down. Felix, a black cat the size of my hand with bright green eyes, stares up at me.
I can’t blame him for begging me for food before Ford and Billie wake up. I eat as much as I can, too, so I always spoil him with an extra serving they don’t know about. I flick on the kitchen light and then give him a serving of food before I grab a protein bar out of the cupboard for myself.
Fuck.
That dream won’t stop haunting me. And though I know my brother isn’t happy about how often I sleep here now, especially on the first night Billie has officially moved in, I can’t help it.
I thought here, of all places, would bring me peace.
But my demons have followed me to the one place I thought would be safe.
Being close to my brother was always the one thing that brought me peace.
But even I don’t deserve that now, it seems.
I scratch Felix behind the ear. “Don’t bring in too many mice for Billie. She might actually make you an indoor cat,” I warn him quietly. He’s too preoccupied by his food to acknowledge me. Fuck, it’s bad if even the cat won’t pay me any attention.
I leave the house, focused on the gym. I like being around people. Ford and I only had each other for a long time, and when we were on our own, trying to survive on the streets, we were overlooked. But now I’ve made myself so imposing in size that no one will ever overlook me again.
More importantly, I don’t want to be by myself. I fucking hate it. Especially with these demons in my head.