31. Ivy
Ivy
I haven’t seen Hawke for a week. He’s tried, but I’ve kept myself busy drilling further into Makayla’s death.
Jared agreed to meet with me. The problem is, he’s in Ibiza until next week.
I tried to encourage him to come back sooner, but even my sultry sweetness didn’t work.
Apparently, he’s there on “business” and also trying to deal with his “grief.”
I tracked his movements in the days before the incident to make sure my hunch was correct and it was he who killed them.
I’ve looked into any regular meetings he’s had and his phone calls, but it’s all still a puzzle where the pieces aren’t quite lining up yet.
What I’m certain of is he wasn’t working on his own.
“I thought I might find you here,” Billie says from over my shoulder. I look back at her, blinking a few times, my eyes adjusting from staring at the bright screen in the dark room. She switches on the light, and I squint.
“That’s offensive,” I grumble as she looks me up and down.
“So is your unbrushed hair. You living as a mole rat now? I know how you can get hyper-fixated on things.” She takes a seat on my bed.
I run my hand over my hair, trying to remember when I last brushed it. She raises a brow at the takeout containers on the edge of my desk. “Glad I kept the key to the apartment so I could check up on you.”
“Just working on things,” I say as I close down the screens.
“I suppose if it’s keeping you out of mischief, I can’t complain.” She flops back on the mattress. I join her, lying down and staring at the ceiling. It’s kind of nice.
“I don’t even know what day it is,” I confess.
“It’s Thursday,” she replies and turns to face me. I mirror her movement. “You all right?” She tucks a piece of her long, honey-blonde hair behind her ear.
“Always,” I answer with a smile that doesn’t convince her of shit. I sigh. She and Hope have been so patient with me.
“Want to explain why Hawke has been at our house every night for a week, then?” she asks, and I roll my eyes.
“What has he said?” I growl.
“Nothing. I just know you two have been spending some time together. Want to explain why? You know it doesn’t bother any of us, right?”
“What doesn’t?”
“You know… You and Hawke.” She waggles her brows.
I laugh, enjoying the lightness of it, but sober at the reason we became close in the first place. I lick my lips and take a breath.
“I went out with a girlfriend one night, and, well, my drink was spiked,” I confess. Billie shoots upright, and I pull her back down quickly. “Nothing happened to me. Hawke came and got me, and well… dealt with it.”
Her eyebrows knit together. “Is this the guy in the hospital? He got lectured by his parents so badly for being impulsive and making it harder to clean up his mess.” A wave of guilt runs through me. “But I wondered if it had something to do with you.”
“What makes you say that?” I ask.
She gets herself comfortable again, the compassion rolling through her as she holds my hand. It reminds me of when we were children, building princess castles with blankets and pillows before Eli would come and destroy them, and Dutton would lecture him about ruining his sister’s perfect creation.
“Hawke’s always been particularly protective of you. And he didn’t tell anyone what it was about. I mean, come on, it’s Hawke. He’s bad at keeping secrets, and the only one who has the power to swear him to secrecy is probably you.”
“He did for Hope about her detective,” I point out. And she shuts that down with nothing but a stare. Okay, point taken. He’s bad with secrets.
“That explains why you haven’t been drinking and partying much lately. Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?”
“I wasn’t ready. I felt kind of selfish unloading this all on you after your recent events and…
I don’t know. I know nothing happened that night, but it was scary when the what-ifs played out in my mind, you know?
I can’t stop thinking about how many times I’ve let myself be stupid drunk.
I just never thought anything like that could happen to me. ”
Billie offers a small smile. “I’m glad Hawke was able to protect you, and I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”
I smile back at her because although we’re best friends, we can’t constantly be glued to one another. Only the fuckers involved, who think it’s okay to do this, are at fault.
“What made you decide to come over today?” I ask. “Shouldn’t you be at work?”
She rolls back over, staring up at the ceiling thoughtfully.
“I took the day off to come see you.” That’s huge for Billie because the girl will still be working even when she’s on her deathbed.
“I overheard Hawke and Ford having a heart-to-heart this morning. It was actually really sad, but it was a conversation they both needed to have. It made me miss you. You’re practically my sister, and I knew you were dealing with something, so I wanted to give you space until you were ready to talk to me about it.
But I realized sometimes we don’t always have tomorrow, you know?
As morbid as that sounds. I just needed to know right now that you’re okay. ”
Emotion bubbles to the forefront as I hold her hand again, and we lie there comfortably.
It’s like all of the lines of data and images I’ve been scanning and taking note of have quickly gone into the vault, giving me this space to breathe.
Sometimes, when I hyper-focus on a task, I lose myself for days, and it’s nice to know that there are people who accept that part of me, not just the fun, party version of me, and that they’re also on standby to pull me out.
“Thank you for checking up on me,” I say. “How are you after…”
“The getting poisoned, kidnapped, and watching my boyfriend almost die because of a crazy bitch?”
“Well, that’s one way to put it,” I say with a nervous laugh that brings a smile to her face.
“I wasn’t okay. I even went to therapy for a month for it.
The biggest obstacle for me is coming to terms with the fact that this is what Ford does for a living.
He’ll always be in danger, but I just have to trust that he’ll come back to me.
But it was the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced in my life.
Would not recommend.” She tries to laugh it off, but I can see the hurt and vulnerability there.
I couldn’t imagine anything worse than watching the person I love be hurt right in front of me. Hawke’s smiling face comes to mind, and I try to shove it away. It’s not fair how the moment I step out of my bubble on the computer, he’s who I think of.
“Thank you for telling me,” I say, rubbing my thumb against her knuckles. “Let’s not take so long next time to come to each other about things, okay?”
“That sounds like a good promise.”
My phone starts buzzing, and it lights up at the end of my bed. I grab it and see I have two missed calls from my mother, two from Billie, and twenty-six from Hawke.
Billie whistles as she looks over my shoulder. “The boy has it bad. I can’t believe you’re still in denial.”
I glare at her, and she puts up her hands. “I promise I won’t badger you about it, for now, if you just answer his call. I think today he really needs a friend.”
My eyebrows dip. “Is everything okay?”
She shrugs as she grabs her things. “If you want to know if he’s okay, ask him yourself. I’m going to go and check up on Hope. Make sure you wash your hair. You stink.”
“Rude!” I squawk, throwing a pillow at her, and she laughs as she leaves the room.
Fuck .
I’m torn about calling Hawke back. I haven’t answered any of his calls for a week, and these missed calls are only from the last two days.
I exhale as I head to the bathroom to brush my teeth, and when he answers, he’s so frantic I can hardly understand what’s happening. And my gut sinks for not having been there for him sooner.