Chapter Nine
Aiden gazes down at me. I see nothing but heat and desperation in his unique gray eyes.
A desperation to kiss me.
Sheer panic seizes me. I want him to kiss me. I’ve never wanted anyone to kiss me in the way I want Aiden to kiss me.
But I can’t let him do this. I can’t put him in that position with the team.
Or with my dad.
No, no, no! I can’t let him do this. I can’t let him risk everything for me.
“I—this is wrong,” I blurt out. “We—we can’t do this, Aiden. We can’t.”
Aiden’s face falls, looking guilt-stricken now. He quickly takes a step back, giving me space. I physically ache when I see the pain and longing etched in his eyes.
“Scarlett, I’m so sorry,” he says, his voice full of regret. “I shouldn’t have asked you that. I know what you said. I should have respected that.”
My heart throbs inside my chest, and it hurts to breathe. I’m being crushed by my feelings for him, and that pain is about to swallow me whole.
All because I have to reject the one man who makes me feel alive.
Not for me. But for him.
“It’s not your fault,” I say quietly. “If my dad were any other person, this wouldn’t matter. But it does, Aiden.”
He looks away from me, and I hate that I’m hurting him. I hate that I’m hurting myself. I hate that if he played for another team or my dad coached a different one, we would be dating and seeing where this could go.
And the very worst part of it?
My heart tells me this would go somewhere I haven’t been before. And it’s someplace I can only go with him.
It’s too much for me to bear. I know this is crazy, as I’m just getting to know him, but my heart is speaking so loudly on this, my head is in agreement, and the chemistry between us tells me I’m right.
And it’s too hard to stand here and know I can never have him.
“I … I think it’s best that I go, Aiden. For both our sakes.”
“No. Please don’t,” he says. He reaches out to touch me, but then drops his arm, letting it hang by his side. “I can’t say ‘I’m sorry’ enough. I screwed up.”
“It’s okay,” I say, my voice wobbly. “You didn’t say anything that I didn’t feel. Or want. But I can’t.”
I grab my purse off the sofa and walk past him to the door.
I open it and step out into the hallway, and I can feel Aiden behind me.
It takes everything in me to turn around and face him.
He’s put his hand up against the door frame, and he’s gazing down at me with so much longing in his eyes, I can’t find the words to speak.
“I feel like this is goodbye,” Aiden says, his voice thick with regret.
I swallow down a sob. I can’t bring myself to tell him it is.
A silence falls between us, and something shifts in his expression. The guilt gives way to something else, but I don’t know what it is.
“Scarlett. My gut is screaming at me so loudly that it can’t be wrong,” Aiden says, his voice low and determined.
“It’s telling me you could be The One, Scarlett.
It’s telling me that I should risk everything for a chance with you.
Everything. But I can’t risk everything alone. You have to want to risk it, too.”
I suck in a breath, his words sending me reeling. He thinks I could be The One.
Just like I thought about him.
Aiden stares down at me. My heart practically explodes inside my chest. He hasn’t shut the door. Aiden hasn’t turned away from me.
If I walk away now, the door is shut forever. I know that.
Yet here he is, willing to throw everything to the wind for a chance to be with me. All because he’s listening to his heart.
Suddenly I know what I need to do. I’ve always been the good girl, the rule-abiding girl, the cautious girl. I know this is a risk I shouldn’t take. I know it.
But sometimes the wrong thing is the right thing to do. Maybe it’s time I take a chance on something I feel is right.
And listen to my own heart, too.
I stare up at him. His eyes still haven’t left mine. “Screw it,” I say, my voice wobbly. “Screw it.”
Then I move my hands to his face, draw his mouth toward mine, and kiss him. The second our lips touch, I feel a spark so strong, my knees nearly buckle.
Aiden’s arms tighten around me, and his mouth demands access to mine.
I open for him as I sink my hands into his hair, and Aiden’s tongue sweeps inside my mouth, hot and seeking.
He pulls my body tighter to his, and I shiver when I feel how hard and muscular he is.
His mouth is searing against mine, and I kiss him back with the same intensity.
God, this man knows how to kiss! I feel his facial stubble burn against my skin.
His hands move up to my hair, tangling in it as his tongue continues to war with mine.
I feel sexy and beautiful and wanted by the way he’s kissing me.
But there’s more to it. There’s emotion in Aiden’s kiss.
The fear of never being with me. The frustration of ignoring feelings and chemistry to follow unspoken rules.
The excitement of getting what he wanted—and thought he might never have.
All of this is expressed with his fierce kiss. His body is trembling against mine, and my own emotions swirl as my hands continue to grasp his wavy hair.
This is so much more than a kiss.
Because right now my heart tells me this is everything.
Without moving his mouth from mine, Aiden pulls me back inside his apartment, shutting the door and pinning me to it.
Now his hands are on my face, back in my hair, and I move mine to his arms, gripping them as I grow breathless.
Aiden groans against my mouth, and it’s the sexiest sound I’ve ever heard.
I kiss him harder, pressing my body closer to his, and finally Aiden tears his mouth away from mine. We’re both gasping for air, and he lowers his tall frame down so he can press his forehead against mine in a move that is gentle and sweet.
I was seconds away from walking away from all of this.
From walking away from him.
I close my eyes and put my hands on his face, wanting to memorize how it feels underneath my fingertips. I hear him breathing and feel it caressing my skin. I feel tears prick my eyes. I relish all of this. All of these feelings, the intimacy, the way he touched me.
And I want to be vulnerable with him right now.
“Aiden?”
“Yeah?”
“That kiss meant everything to me.”
“Me, too.” Aiden brushes a gentle kiss on my forehead. He stands back upright, gazing down at me with so much affection in his eyes, happiness radiates right through me.
“Thank you for helping me take the risk,” I say.
“I couldn’t let you walk out the door without knowing how I feel,” Aiden says, lifting one hand to my hair and gently smoothing it out.
“I’m so glad you were brave enough to do that,” I say, smiling up at him.
He smiles back. “Me, too.” Then a thinking expression passes over his face. “I want to pull you into my lap and kiss you for hours. But I need to eat.”
I laugh and put my fingertips over his lips, which are swollen from our kisses. “I will happily sit in your lap and kiss you for hours after you refuel,” I declare. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“You’re not, are you?” Aiden asks, almost as if he doesn’t believe it.
“I’m not. I’ve taken the leap to see where this will go. And Aiden?”
“Yeah?”
“I have no regrets,” I reassure him.
Aiden dips his head and brushes his lips against mine. “Neither do I.”
* * *
I don’t want to leave.
I’m lying on top of Aiden on the sofa, and we’ve been making out for hours. I know I need to go. I have work tomorrow morning. He has practice. But now that I’m here, my cheek pressed against his chest, his arm holding me tight as the other hand caresses my hair while we talk and laugh?
How could I have ever doubted taking this risk?
“I need to go home soon,” I murmur into his T-shirt.
Aiden groans. “No, you don’t.” He kisses the top of my head, his strong arms tightening around me. “You need to stay right here.”
Swoon. I love that he loves this time as much as I do. We didn’t have sex tonight. We didn’t even take off any clothing.
Yet it was intimate and passionate and has caused real feelings to grow within me for this man.
I think it’s because Aiden was happy to just make out. Kissing me meant as much to him as it did to me. As did talking and continuing to get to know me.
“I don’t want to leave, but I have to go. Real Miami pays me to do stuff for them, you know. I also heard you get paid to play hockey, so you kind of need to show up for practice.”
“Ten more minutes,” Aiden says. He reaches for his watch and sets an alarm. “When this goes off, I’ll let you go. Against my will, of course.”
I love that he doesn’t want me to go home.
“We need to talk about how we’re going to handle this,” he says.
I think of the Miami Manatees and my dad, and my joy dissipates. How can something that makes both of us so happy be considered so wrong?
But I know why. Coaching moves that favor Aiden would be suspect. There would always be a cloud of suspicion over him. What would his teammates think? The team is built on trust—and Aiden is an alternate captain. Would my dad trust him knowing he went behind his back and approached his daughter?
“I think we keep this time to ourselves,” I say slowly. “Then if we decide it’s serious, we can prove to my dad—and the team—this isn’t just a fling.”
“Okay,” Aiden says. “So we’re going to have to be careful.”
UGH, this part makes me queasy. I don’t want to lie to my family, but I don’t have a choice.
It’s another risk I’m willing to take.
“Yes,” I agree.
“I’m going to put you in my phone under a different contact, and you should do this same. I don’t want anyone seeing your name on my screen and connecting the dots,” Aiden says.
“Who am I going to be?” I ask, curious.
“Hm. I need to think on this.” Aiden falls silent for a moment. “What’s your middle name?”
“Claire,” I say.
“You’re going to be Claire in my phone. I was going to say Sandwich Cookie. Technically you said you were in your chocolate candy-cane sandwich crémes era, but that’s too long. And Sandwich Cookie is something that people would notice if they looked at my screen.”
My queasiness is replaced by butterflies and one single thought: The biggest mistake I could have made tonight would have been to walk away from this man.
The name he selected shows that he not only listens when I talk, but he remembers things I say.
And it means something to him.
“I like that,” I say. “I would have called you Cuban Coffee. It was one of the things that stood out in your gift basket, but like you said, that’s way too weird.”
“You did pay attention, didn’t you?”
Oh, if he only knew how much I’ve been paying attention!
“What’s your middle name?” I ask.
“Brooks.”
Aiden Brooks. I like his name.
And oh, how I like him.
“Okay, you’ll be Brooks.”
“We’re not going to be able to go out in public,” Aiden says, and I hear in his voice how much he dislikes that aspect of it. “It’s going to be a lot of sneaking into your place or mine.”
“I don’t care,” I say firmly, turning to look up at him. “As long as I get to be with you, I don’t care.”
His mouth finds mine for another kiss, but this time, it’s slow and sweet. After he kisses me, he runs his index finger over my lower lip. “There’s something incredibly hot about seeing how swollen your lips are,” he says. “And knowing I made them that way.”
I swear to God, Aiden Wentworth is the hottest man I’ve ever known.
He clears his throat. “I fly out on Tuesday for Orlando, and then I’m home until Saturday. After that, I’m not home until the day before Thanksgiving.”
I smile up at him. “It’s okay. I understand the lifestyle.”
And I do. For some hockey partners, the transition is rough. They’re gone a lot. But I grew up in a hockey family, and I’m used to the schedule.
Aiden traveling and being gone is going to feel completely different, though.
I know I’ll miss him.
“Is it too much that I’d like to see you tomorrow night?” he asks.
My heart does a happy dance. “Nope, it’s not.”
The alarm on his watch goes off, and it’s definitely time for me to go. I push myself to a sitting position, and he does, too. Milo sits up from his dog bed on the floor, cocking his head to one side at the sound of the watch alarm.
“Do you want to come to my place tomorrow?” I ask. “I can make dinner, and you can meet my chinchillas.”
It’s the cutest thing ever to see how Aiden’s face lights up at the prospect of meeting Mochi and Matcha.
“Yeah, I want to do that,” he says.
Aiden stands up, then extends his hand to me. I put my hand in his and he pulls me up but doesn’t let me go. I retrieve my purse and take out my keys, and Aiden begins to follow me out the door. I put my hand on his chest to stop him.
“No, what if somebody sees us?” I ask.
“I don’t think anybody is going to be seeing us on a Sunday night at two in the morning. And I’m not letting you walk to your car by yourself.”
He escorts me all the way to my car in the garage, and once I’m behind the wheel, he shuts the door. I turn on the engine and lower the window.
“Thank you for tonight,” I say. “And thank you for taking a risk.”
“The risk,” he says slowly, “was worth everything.”
My heartbeat quickens as he repeats my words back to me. We say good night, and Aiden doesn’t leave the garage after I’ve pulled out of my parking spot. Even as I drive out, I glance in my rearview mirror, and he’s stayed put, watching me drive away.
He’s protective.
No. Not just protective. He’s everything.
And if things get serious between us?
I will do everything in my power to protect Aiden from the consequences of choosing to date me.
If only I knew how.