Chapter Twenty-Three
I don’t know how I can do this.
I stand before Aiden’s building, at the security entrance, and I can’t even text him. My hand is gripped around my phone, but I’m unable to move. I feel sick.
Every time I think about flipping my phone over to text him, my hand begins to shake. His heart was cut open when Madison left him because she couldn’t live in his hockey world. I promised myself I wouldn’t put Aiden through that if he trusted me with his heart.
A huge lump forms in my throat. Yet here I am, another woman who is going to end things with him because of hockey.
But this time, I’m doing it to save the career he loves so much.
The sport he’s sacrificed so much for. I know Aiden will argue with me about it, but Ethan was not only blunt tonight.
He was truthful. We’ve been selling ourselves a fantasy in our weeks together.
Ethan made it abundantly clear that I will destroy Aiden’s career here in Miami if we continue to date.
Dad will never understand it or forgive his alternate captain for being so dishonest.
Dad will hate him, I think, blinking back tears. He’ll make him pay. He’ll get rid of him, no matter how irrational it is or what I have to say about it, and he’ll view Aiden with distrust.
A disappointment.
That will destroy Aiden more than anything else, more than his growing feelings for me. He’s worked so hard to be good. A good man. A good leader. A rule follower and an example. All of that will be ripped away from him.
I can’t let that happen. I won’t.
No matter what it does to my heart.
I stare at the door to his building for a long time, unable to move.
It’s a beautiful evening here in Florida, and a gentle breeze from the bay drifts across me, blowing my hair around.
I inhale the salty air and listen to the palm trees rustling overhead, the white Christmas lights wrapped around them reflected on the screen in my phone.
It’s a far cry from the day that iguana hit me in the head. From the day Aiden rushed to my side, that stricken look in his face as he tried to figure out what happened to me.
It was the look of a man who was falling in love with me.
But when I look at him tonight? I’m going to see the look of a man who will feel betrayed. Hurt.
And utterly destroyed by the knife I’m going to stick into his heart.
I’m going to lose Aiden, I think as anguish ripples through me. I’m going to lose the man I was falling in love with.
With trembling fingers, I finally manage to text him that I’m here.
He replies that he will let me in, and seconds later, the door clicks open.
I enter with a sense of dread gripping me from head to toe.
All I can hope for is that Aiden will understand that I’m doing this for him.
Because I know how much he values his reputation. I know how much he loves the game.
And I refuse to be the one thing to ruin everything for him.
My heart is hammering against my ribs as I enter the elevator. I keep trying to force the tears away, but I can’t. This is going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It rips me apart knowing how badly I’m going to hurt him.
It’s the one thing that is worse than the hurt I’m going to feel when this is done.
I have to give up Aiden. I have to give up the man I have this incredible connection with, this man who sees me and my talents and believes I can do things I had long put away in my heart.
He’s protective and thoughtful. I love his sense of humor, I love the sexual chemistry between us, I love how he’s always thinking of me.
He’s my person, I think. Except I’m the worst person for him.
The elevator opens, and I feel sick by the time I reach his door. I rest my forehead against it, which gives me a flash of Aiden pressing his forehead to mine as he likes to do. A sweet, intimate gesture that speaks volumes about how he feels about me.
How can I do this? How can I let him go?
I lift my head, the door blurring through my tears. You let someone go when it is the best thing for them. When you love them enough to do it.
I gasp as the feeling rips through me.
I love him.
I love his smile. The way he listens to me when I talk. How he brings me a matcha and shows me holiday lights. I love his kind soul and much he loves my chinchillas. How I feel alive in a way I’ve never known when he touches me.
That’s why I have to do this. I’ll do it because I love him that much.
I force myself to rap on the door, and within seconds I hear Milo barking and Aiden turning the lock. Bile rises in my throat. He opens the door, and as soon as I see him, his face dissolves through my tears.
Aiden is smiling, that shock of blondish-brown hair hanging down over his forehead, his hand gripping the door. He’s dressed casually in a navy T-shirt and gray sweatpants, his feet bare, the scent of soap lingering on his skin.
I fight back the nausea roiling my stomach. How can I do this? How can I break up with Aiden when all I want to do is love him?
The second his eyes meet mine, the smile vanishes from his face. The unique gray eyes I know so well instantly grow alarmed.
“Scarlett? What’s wrong?” Aiden asks urgently. He puts his hands on my arms, and I flinch from his touch.
Because this will be one of the last times I will ever have physical contact with him.
I can’t speak over the lump that has frozen in my throat. I don’t want to say the words I have to say. Aiden keeps one hand on me and uses his other to shut the door. Then he takes my face in his hands, caressing it, searching for answers.
“Aiden,” I finally force out, my voice wobbly, “we can’t do this.”
His brow creases in confusion. “We can’t do what, baby?”
I want to sob. I want to fist his T-shirt in my hands and hold on to him as he draws me into his body. I want to feel his warmth, his muscle, his affection.
But I can’t. I have to let all of this go.
“We can’t do us,” I say, tears streaming down my face. “I can’t do this to you.”
Aiden begins stroking my hair, which makes everything worse. He’s so patient. So kind. Right now, all he wants to do is soothe me.
“Scarlett, what are you talking about?” he asks.
“I can’t see you anymore. I’m going to ruin you, Aiden. And I won’t do that. I care about you too much to do that. So this has to be goodbye.”
Aiden’s hand freezes in my hair. His eyes grow desperate and confused, as if he hasn’t heard what I said correctly, and the color drains from his face.
“I promised you I wouldn’t hurt you,” I say, forcing myself to go on. “But I have to hurt you now, so I won’t hurt you later. Ethan has made that clear to me tonight. We’ve been so wrapped up in our feelings, we haven’t seen the truth.”
I keep waiting for Aiden to push me away. To drop his hand from my hair, to take a step back with disgust.
But to my surprise, he remains still. His hand remains in my hair, and his eyes stare down at me, questioning everything I’m saying. Not angry. Not hurt. But trying to understand.
“Did you tell Ethan about us?” he asks quietly.
I close my eyes as more tears fall. Aiden puts a hand on my face, his fingertips gently tracing them away. I open my eyes, and it hurts so much to look at him that I can barely breathe. A sob escapes my lips.
“Dad was talking about you and Wyatt helping me after my accident, and Ethan made some smart remark about you guys hitting on me, and my dad—” I stop, as I know this is going to hurt Aiden. “Dad said you would never do anything like that. You’re a leader and an alternate captain.”
Aiden flinches. The second I feel his hands tense against me, guilt rips me apart. How could I have put him in this position? I never should have flirted with him. Met him for coffee. Pursued anything with him.
Or fallen in love with him.
“Ethan could read it my expression, my anger and upset over what was being said about you. He cornered me about it,” I say, my words strained. “He asked me who I was hooking up with—you or Wyatt. I said I don’t do hookups, and he guessed I was seeing you. I couldn’t deny it.”
Aiden continues to caress the back of my head. I’m amazed he hasn’t ripped his hand away in disgust or anger.
“But Ethan is just like Dad,” I continue. “He—”
“So he thinks I’m trash,” Aiden interrupts. “And Coach will think I’m trash, too.”
I bite down on my lip and nod. Once again, I wait for Aiden’s hands to fall away from me.
But they don’t.
“Aiden,” I say, my voice wobbling, “this is why I can’t do this.
If Dad finds out, he’ll make your life hell.
I think he’ll trade you. Or he’ll rip that A off your chest and create a PR crisis for you.
You won’t be here in Miami, and he’ll make sure insiders know why you were traded. I can’t let that happen.”
“Wh—”
“I can’t let that happen!” I blurt out, interrupting him.
I put my hands on his face. “You will be a captain in this league one day. This is your dream. You’ve worked so hard.
Stayed on the right side of things, became a role model.
My dad admires you so much. Do you think I can continue to see you when I know what will happen?
I can’t destroy your dreams like this. I won’t.
“That’s why I’m here,” I continue, another sob breaking loose.
“I know Madison hurt you. I know I promised not to hurt you, but when I heard the things coming out of Ethan’s mouth, it was like a preview of what Dad would say.
How he would react. As much as this is destroying me, I have to tell you goodbye, Aiden.
I won’t be the one to ruin your career here in Miami.
You belong on this team. You deserve to wear that A on your chest with pride. And I’m going to make sure you do.”
I let my hands drop and move out of his grasp. Huge sobs rack my body, and I turn away from him, the tears streaming down my face. I spy a box of tissues on an end table and grab a wad of them, as my nose is running all over the place and I’m a complete mess.
Seconds go by. It seems like forever that I have my back to him, sobbing, but then I hear his voice, loud and clear.
“Is that what you think matters to me?” he asks sharply, his voice edged with anger. “Wearing the freaking A on my chest?”
I turn around, staring at Aiden through my tears. “Of course it matters. This is what you’ve wanted your whole life!”
Within a second, he’s closed the gap between us, his hands grasping my arms above my elbows, his eyes flashing with emotion. A startled gasp escapes my lips as his fingertips clasp tight around my arms and he jerks me closer to him.
“No. It did matter. But not anymore. Not after you.”
I stare at him, stunned.
“You’ve changed me, Scarlett. For most of my life, hockey was the only thing that mattered. Was. When I was with Madison, I wouldn’t dream of walking away from it, despite how my heart broke when she ended things because of it. I picked the game over her. I thought I would always feel that wa—”
“No!” I interject. “Aiden, you’re not thinking clearly. You—”
“I am thinking clearly!” he shouts at me. “Because with Madison, I couldn’t walk away from the game. For you? Not only could I, but I would. It’s not even a contest.”
Panic seizes me. No. Aiden isn’t thinking straight. I have to make him understand this. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“I know exactly what I’m saying,” Aiden snaps.
“I know when I saw you with those ridiculous feathers stuck to your cheek that I wanted to know you, even though it was dangerous. I know I started to have feelings when I had that cup of coffee with you. I know how much I think about you and want to hear your voice. How I can’t wait to see you again as soon as we part.
I know your taste and your touch, how your body feels with mine, and I can’t ever get it out of my mind.
And before you give me some bullshit about this being infatuation, it’s not.
I like you next to me in my car, drinking some God-awful matcha drink.
I like looking at Christmas lights with you.
I like when you’re next to me on the couch, and you drop your head on my shoulder, and I can smell the vanilla shampoo on your hair while we watch TV.
“I’ve never felt this way about anyone, and with you, I realize there’s so much more I want in my life than hockey,” Aiden continues, the words continuing to pour from his lips.
“I want you, Scarlett. If your dad wants to trade me? Fine. Let him. Or if he wants to rip the A off my chest? Great. I’ll make it easier and give it to him.
But the one thing I am NOT going to do is give you up. ”
Then his mouth crashes down onto mine.