Chapter Fifteen
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
DRAVEN
D espite the chaos that just ensued in the clubhouse and the fact that I had to hold Maggie back from pulverizing Delilah, a gentle smile tugs at the corner of my mouth, knowing I’m going to be seeing the doc.
She texted me yesterday with my next appointment, which isn’t until Thursday evening. I’m not looking forward to another one-sided Q you know he wants you to stay here, but I can talk to him fo?—”
“That’s not what I mean. I’m not strong enough to be here, on this earth, without Fernando anymore.”
Her voice cracks toward the end of her dark confession as another sob wracks through her. I’m at a loss for what to say. I’m not cut out for this, at least not anymore. Not in the raw state I’m still trying to claw my way out of.
I used to be better at this. At handling other people’s shit. Like when Royce was going through it with Delilah after she moved out a few years ago. I was the levelheaded one who helped him figure his shit out.
Fuck. Now I’m really glad the doc is on her way.
“Listen, if my accident proved one thing to me, it’s that I’m not as ready to leave this planet as I originally thought. You’re going through a bad moment, but it will pass.”
Where the hell did that come from? It sounded like me but felt like it came from a stranger. Or from someone I used to know.
“It’ll be two years on Friday.” She swipes at the tears still running down her cheeks. “When will it pass? I don’t even know if I want it to pass. How is it fair that I just get to be here and he doesn’t? He was a much better person than I’ll ever be. It should have been me.”
“I don’t know how long your pain will last… It’s different for everyone. But you can’t think like that. I seem to remember someone telling me just the other day that threatening my own life is beyond stupid, or something to that effect.”
“Well, they’re dumb and don’t know what they’re talking about.” Maggie throws herself back onto the bed.
With a gentle laugh, I follow her, holding my arm out for her to curl into my side.
“I don’t know. She sounded pretty smart to me…”
Maggie looks at me and attempts a small, teary-eyed smile.
We lay in silence for a while before I feel my phone vibrate again. Tugging it from my pocket, I open my unread message.
Doc Caraway:
I’m here. I didn’t know if I should ring the bell or not.
Me:
No. Just come in and upstairs. We’re in Maggie’s room.
She doesn’t text back, but I hear the door open followed by light footsteps on the wooden stairs as the doc heads our way. She knows exactly where we are because she’s spent quite some time up here with Delilah.
“Who’s that?” Maggie sits up, and I follow her, my arm still around her tense shoulders. “I swear to god, if it’s Royce or Delilah, I’m going to jump out my window.”
“Woah … woah. It’s not.” I hear a soft knock on the door. “Come on in, Doc.”
“Draven, you didn’t.” Maggie pulls free from my hold.
But, when we both stand she makes like she’s trying to dart from the room.
I grab her shoulders and hold her in place. “Maggie, the doc has really been helping me the past couple days.” My eyes meet McKinsey’s over Maggie’s head, and I silently plead for her to step in quickly.
But Maggie stops fighting and faces me, breathing heavily with her arms crossed over her chest.
“I’m serious… Just talk to her. Even if it’s just for tonight. At least give her five minutes. For me? Please?”
I gingerly cup her cheeks as I raise my brows, urging her to give in.
“I really fucking hate you sometimes…” It’s Maggie’s version of acceptance. I wouldn’t have expected anything less from her.
“Thank you, Mags.” I kiss her on her forehead before walking past her.
My eyes meet the doc's, and her eyes flare before she blinks the intensity away. I pause for a brief moment, stuck between confusion and anticipation before closing the two of them in.
* * *
What did the fire in the doc’s eyes mean just before I left Maggie’s room?
I sit on the top step of the stairwell, pondering that thought for almost an hour—long after my ass falls asleep—before the door to Maggie’s room opens, and the doc steps out, turning off the light.
“How is she?” I stand and lean against the banister, giving the doc my full attention.
“She’s asleep.” McKinsey quietly closes the door behind her. “I think she’ll be okay. I told her to come see me if she thinks it will help. She didn’t seem to want to, but then she fell asleep. I left my card on top of her dresser in case she changes her mind.”
I nod, then the two of us stand here awkwardly for a second.
“Thank you … for coming out to see her at this hour. I was at a loss. As you know, I can’t keep my own shit together let alone someone else’s right now.”
“I don’t know…” she shrugs and tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “You’re good with her. You care about her.”
“Yeah.” Smiling, I look toward Maggie’s door.
“That’s good, Draven. Maybe you guys can help one another through the grief you’re both feeling.”
Her statement seems innocent enough at first, but then I remember her telling me it helps to have someone to fuck away the pain.
Well, she didn’t use quite the same phrase, but the intent was there.
Like she’s trying to find me someone else to latch on to so I don’t do it to her.
“Oh… No, no, no…” I laugh uncomfortably and shake my head, moving my finger back-and-forth from my chest to the door. “It’s so not like that between Maggie and me. She’s like my kid sister. Jesus, the last thing this group needs is more inter-familial relations. We’re still barely surviving Royce and Delilah.”
The doc’s shoulders fall slightly, but then I notice the almost microscopic lift at the corners of her lips and I think what I just thought was a sign of defeat was actually relief. It’s a lot like how she appeared the other day when I told her I wasn’t looking for a significant other.
I think back to yesterday afternoon, when she seemed satisfied that I had somewhere to be so I would leave her house.
I’m no therapist, but before my mom got sick, I was pretty good at reading others. And what I’m reading from the doc right now is that she’s as confused about her feelings for me as I am about her.
The desire to help her figure out which of her feelings she should give into is strong.
“Anyway, do you want some water or something?”
“Yes, please. Water sounds great after all that talking.”
“Sure thing, Doc.” Call me McKinsey … Her request from yesterday taunts me. “Follow me.”
I look back at her a couple times, she gnaws at her lip as though she’s afraid she’s going to run into someone else. The kitchen is empty when we get there, thankfully. I’m assuming Royce and Delilah left as soon as I got Maggie out of here. The others have obviously cleared off to their own spaces too.
I grab a glass from the cabinet, fill it with water, then hand it over.
“Thank you.” Her eyes don’t meet mine as she accepts the glass.
I lean back against the counter before folding my arms and crossing my feet at the ankles.
“So is there anything I should be worried about?” My eyes lift to the ceiling, signaling to the doc that I’m referring to Maggie. “She was saying some pretty dark shit right before you got here. I just need to know if I have to put her on suicide watch or not.”
My eyes are glued to her sexy mouth as she finishes her water and then licks a droplet from her lower lip.
Holy. Fucking. Hell.
I close my eyes to keep her from seeing the want I know must be glowing in them.
“Well, you know what I talk about with my patients is confidential?—”
“Oh, come on, Doc.” I blink lazily at her and pull my bottom lip through my teeth. “I know you haven’t forgotten that we operate a little differently than your usual patients.”
I wish I could say this was all part of my plan to fuck with her. To really try to make her decide how she truly feels about me.
But the desire running through me… The lip biting…
It’s not intentional.
It’s happening naturally.
Whether I want it to or not.
What the fuck?
I’m flirting like I never have before, and I’m barely batting an eye. I don’t even have to think about it. There’s something about her that makes it so easy to forget whatever the fuck I’m dealing with and just … be.
“Wha-” Her voice gets caught in her throat forcing her to clear it, and a sly smile spreads across my face. “What I was going to say is, what I talk about with my patients is confidential, but I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”
When my only response is a cock of my eyebrow, she sighs and elaborates.
“She told me she has had suicidal thoughts before, but it’s more like an outpouring of emotion than a true desire of hers. I’d check in with her, though, make sure she’s not exhibiting any odd behavior.”
The doc takes another drink as she threads a lock of hair between her fingers. I swear, she’s getting revenge for the fuck-me eyes I just threw her way.
Fuck.
I want to lose myself in the scent of her shampoo.
Or in the taste of her pussy… Straight from the source this time.
“Maybe try to talk her into coming to see me. But in my professional opinion, I didn’t see any glaring warning signs while talking to her. She’s just in the middle of a low point, but she’s looking forward to being on the other side of it—her words.”
I nod because I’m afraid if I open my mouth, all the words I know I can’t say to her will come flooding out of it.
“Anyway. What about Delilah? Do you know if she’s waiting on me?”
I grip the back of my neck, still scared I’m going to stick my foot in my mouth when it opens.
“Uh-no. No, I think Royce is probably seeing to it that she’s okay.”
There, that’s a safe way to say he’s likely banging the shit out of her until she forgets all about the fight without having to bring up sex to the doc.