Chapter Forty
CHAPTER FORTY
Facing the mirror, I decide I look like a giant serving of cotton candy. The light-pink sweater dress clings to and enhances my thirty-week bump, putting it out there for all to see with zero subtlety. When I turn to the side, it’s not much better. Celia picked this dress because I’m having a girl and because it’s “spring.” Obviously, she’s never spent spring in Denver. It is currently sleeting and should be dumping snow by evening.
“Maybe we should cancel,” I say. “The roads will be bad later, and I don’t want anyone risking their lives for this.”
Anton comes up behind me, placing his hands on my hips, then slowly running them over all of my abundant curves. “I’m in favor of that plan.” His lips trace along the side of my neck. “You look delicious—now take the dress off so I can eat you.”
I clench my thighs, shuddering under his touch. We already fucked first thing this morning—yes, I’m calling it that. I was bent over gripping the kitchen counter and actually came twice . If the two of us remember how to do anything besides sex after the baby is born, it will be a miracle. On some level, I know the situation has a lot to do with hormones, but considering where we started, I will never truly understand how this is my life .
Anton has my dress hiked halfway up my trembling thighs when we’re interrupted by a firm knock on our bedroom door. “Are you decent? Let me see!” my sister calls.
“Fuck,” Anton whispers in my ear. I let out an exasperated sigh.
“Almost ready!” I yell, smoothing my clothes back into place.
My husband gives Celia a polite nod as she enters, muttering to himself about checking the hors d’oeuvres.
She literally squeals when she sees me. “Oh my gosh, you look so cute!”
“That’s kind,” I say, curling my lip at the mirror. “I’m not sure how I’m supposed to keep getting bigger for ten more weeks. It doesn’t seem like my body can physically stretch much further.”
Celia titters a knowing, if slightly evil laugh. “Oh, it can, and it will.”
“That’s what they said in our birth class.” I sigh, then notice her arms are empty. “Where’s Gabriel?”
“With Grandma in the living room,” she says through her teeth. “I am trusting her to keep him alive for a few minutes, though I’m sure I’ll be paying for his therapy too, someday.”
“His too?” I try to catch her gaze in the mirror. “You doing okay?”
She examines my sleeve so closely she could probably count the fibers in the threads. “It’s nothing. Just the move has been hard, and Adam?—”
“Is Adam?” I say before I can stop myself.
She looks at me so sharply, I wince. But then she lets out a soft exhale. “Yeah.”
“Um... I’m sorry.” I have no idea what else to say. I may have a hard time breathing the same air as Dr. Adam, but she must love him. And I know too well how complicated marriage can get. “We’ve done therapy. Maybe it’ll help you guys.”
She snorts. “Oh, he won’t go. It’s just for me. But thanks. It is helping. And so is being here this weekend, actually.”
I laugh. “Well, I guess I should say thanks? If you hadn’t insisted on throwing me a baby shower, I probably wasn’t going to make time for one.”
“Nonsense. Every new mom should be celebrated.” She fusses with my hair, and for a moment, I fight a twinge of guilt. I skipped out on her baby shower before she had Gabriel. At the time, attending any event centered on my sister was easily the last thing I wanted to do. But I’m beginning to sense a shift between us, and now I sort of wish I’d been there for her. “By the way,” she adds, lowering her voice. “Please don’t mention anything I said about Adam to Mom.”
I catch her eye in the mirror, and I’m surprised to find her gazing back, steady and serious. “Sure. I—I won’t.”
I don’t need to ask why. But the look on her face makes me pause. My ever-confident, always-knows-how-to-proceed sister almost looks uncertain. Before I can decide whether to ask her about it, we’re interrupted by a distressed cry from down the hall. Celia disappears so fast, it’s all I can do to waddle after her, but once I finally make it to the living room, I can’t tell what’s going on. Celia is across the room, holding Gabriel protectively to her chest. Our mother is by the front window, arms folded over her World’s Greatest Grandma T-shirt. My husband is glaring at her, standing in front of Heartthrob, who just looks confused.
“I’m telling you, that beast bit my grandson. Get it out of this house now,” my mother says, pointing at my dog.
“ What? ” I rush toward Heartthrob, then pivot halfway there, looking at Celia, who’s inspecting her son limb by limb.
“He did nothing of the sort. I saw the whole thing,” Anton says firmly, though he shoots a worried glance at my sister and nephew.
I stand paralyzed between them. Heartthrob has never shown any sign of aggression toward children. He’s usually remarkably sweet and tolerant of them. But he’s a big, powerful dog. If something happened, if he was provoked, he could seriously hurt Gabriel and the consequences would be devastating.
Celia looks up from the eleven-month-old clinging to her chest, her face a mask of relief. “I don’t see a mark on him. Are you sure that’s what you saw, Mom?”
“Of course I am. That dog growled at my grandson,” our mother snarls.
“I thought you said he bit him?” Anton says.
Gabriel turns in Celia’s arms, looking at all the flustered adults around the room. When his eyes light on Heartthrob, he reaches out with both arms and a giant grin. “Woof!”
Heartthrob wags his tail.
Anton and I look at each other and exhale.
He turns back to my mom. “So, he didn’t bite the baby, and you’re just not going to mention the part where Gabriel pulled himself up on the coffee table and was grabbing for your water glass before Heartthrob distracted him?” he asks. “Or did you not see any of that because you were too busy staring at your phone?”
She huffs, turning to me. “Lydia, you have to be careful. Men never truly know what’s going on.”
Anton snorts. “Maybe Heartthrob was growling at you .”
She curls her lip, but as she starts to reply, there’s a knock at the front door. Anton goes to answer it, clearly glad for the distraction, while Celia leans over to show Gabriel how to pet Heartthrob gently. I sigh and start the baby shower playlist she sent me last night. She actually compiled 200 songs with the word “baby” in the title.
“Hello! Congratulations!” Marisol says, stepping inside with Paloma, who rushes over to give me a hug.
I lean down to squeeze her back and she touches my belly with wide eyes. “Whoa. Big baby!”
I laugh. “Almost as big as you.”
Heartthrob strolls over and licks her cheek, making her giggle. My mom grunts and heads for the kitchen.
From there, we greet a procession of guests. Tomás comes with his husband Julian, each of them bearing pink gift bags. They’re followed by Seth, carrying a gorgeous basket of pink flowers. Then Charlotte, who hands me a card with a wistful smile. Scarlet shows up with Alicia and a handful of the Pooches crew, followed by Henry, a couple of my favorite long-time clients, and finally Caprice, who hands a wrapped gift to Anton, then greets me with a giant hug.
“Hey there, beautiful mama,” she says in my ear.
“Thanks for being here,” I say.
“Are you kidding? It’s the first party for Lydia Junior!” She winks. “But also, your mom, sister, and husband all in the same space? I wouldn’t miss this for the world. ”
I glance toward the kitchen. “You have no idea.”
Once everyone’s arrived, things become sort of a blur. But Celia runs everything so efficiently, I don’t stress about it. Anton and my mom form a truce long enough to set out food buffet-style in the dining room. We play some very stupid, but lighthearted games. And because this is Colorado where weather forecasts are an inside joke, the sun eventually peeks out, allowing people to spill out of our cramped bungalow into the backyard. Celia even convinces our mom to make herself useful recording the gifts and who they’re from as I open packages. Which keeps her so busy, she doesn’t have time to offer commentary.
Finally, after all the blankets and toys and little outfits are unwrapped, I sit up and smile at all the people gathered to help us celebrate the start of our little family.
“Thank you all so much for coming,” I say, drawing everyone’s attention. “It means so much to us. We’re excited for all of you to meet our little girl.”
I get a swift kick to the upper right side of my belly, as if she’s trying to punctuate her presence.
“Do you two have any names picked out?” Charlotte asks, looking curious.
“I still like Eileen,” my mom says, which is her own middle name. I can feel Anton roll his eyes.
“Sorry, Mom, not on the short list. We’re still debating.”
We actually settled on a name yesterday, but decided to keep it between us until she’s born.
“How long until we can put her to work with the dogs?” Henry asks, and everyone laughs, but there’s a subtle anxiety to his tone. He has asked me almost daily if we should hire someone to help out while I’m gone.
“I do expect her to be a regular around the Pooches,” I say, looking up at my husband and raising my brows. He gives my hand a light squeeze and nods. “But actually, Anton’s decided to try out being a stay-at-home dad for a while.”
There is an audible gasp from my mother, but if she makes any proclamations, I don’t hear them over the chorus of encouragement and congratulations, the loudest of which comes from Caprice .
“Way to go, Mr. Mom!”
Anton actually blushes a little, but when Seth claps him on the back, his smile lights up the room.
Henry comes over, telling us several times what a great idea he thinks it is, and what a cool dad Anton will be, until I finally have to make excuses to slip away to the bathroom. But as I reenter the hall after washing my hands, I hear Caprice’s voice coming from our almost-finished nursery.
“Hey, girl. How’re you doing?”
“Oh, pretty good, all things considered.” I recognize Marisol’s reply, though she sounds a little stiff. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”
“That makes two of us.” Caprice chuckles. “Listen, I just want to thank you again. I know things haven’t been easy since?—”
“I don’t regret it.”
I bite my lip. It was not my intent to eavesdrop, so I decide to just walk by before hearing anything else. But as I do, Paloma spots me from her seat on the floor, surrounded by a pile of board books.
“Cake time?” she asks in her high, hopeful, two-year-old voice.
I pause at the door and smile. “How did you know?”
Marisol snickers. “She thinks she gets dessert every time she sees you.”
“Sounds like a perfect friendship to me.” I wink at Paloma.
Caprice makes a hasty move for the door, giving my shoulder a squeeze. “Love what you guys have done in here, Lyd. I’m going to grab some food.” She clears her throat. “Nice to meet you, Marisol.”
Marisol nods but doesn’t say anything, and I stand there after Caprice leaves, trying to decide if I should say something. I’ve wanted to approach Marisol about Unmatched ever since she told me her ex-husband was outed in Caprice’s article. I didn’t realize they’d actually worked together.
But then Paloma starts begging for cake, and Marisol scoops the books off the floor, asking her to put them away. “I hope you don’t mind Paloma helping herself to your library. She’s obsessed with Moo, Baa, La La La! ”
“Not at all.” I shake my head. “No one else is here to read them yet. ”
She looks around the gray and white room with a warm glow. “Your nursery looks amazing. I’m so happy for you, Lydia.”
“Thanks, me too,” I say, though my stomach gives a nervous flip at the thought of the space being occupied soon. “The decor was mostly Anton, but I’m responsible for the dog accents,” I say, gesturing to a silhouette print of an Akita on the wall.
“Of course.” She chuckles. “Your husband is adorable. I love that he’s excited to stay home.”
“I am too,” I say, letting out a long breath. “I don’t think I could do it. I still don’t know how I’m going to balance everything with his help.”
“I won’t sugarcoat. It’s a lot.” She looks at Paloma, who is studiously shoving books in the crib, on the changing table, and the chair. “But your little girl will be worth it.”
Paloma turns to us empty-handed and claps. “All done!”
“Good job helping!” Marisol says, collecting the books again and putting them back on the shelf where they go. “ You earned some cake.”
In the dining room, I find Anton in a white apron, serving up pieces of pink polka-dot chocolate cake, looking like a sexy domestic god. When he sees me, he smiles and accidentally smears filling on his cheek. I can’t resist. I close in on him, laying a kiss directly on the chocolate, subtly swiping it off with my tongue.
“Can a pregnant lady get some dessert?” I ask.
“Are you suggesting I didn’t serve you enough this morning?” Anton whispers, slipping one hand down to squeeze my ass.
My face immediately heats and he shoots me a merciless smirk. I run my hand over his bicep, a tingle already starting up between my legs. “There are way too many people in our house right now.”
He bites my earlobe. “Agreed.”
“Ahem.” Celia clears her throat politely. “Gabe is starting to get a little cranky, so I’m going to take him and Mom back to the hotel.”
I glance at the smiling and babbling baby on her hip. Then over her shoulder at our mother, who’s scowling at her phone.
“Thanks for arranging everything, Celia,” Anton says. “This was nice.”
“You could have a second career in baby shower planning,” I say as she leans in for an awkward hug around my belly .
“I’ll think about that,” she says quietly. “Though I might return to coaching after all.” I tilt my head, but she turns away to grab her diaper bag. “Our flight leaves early in the morning, but give me a call sometime. I want to stay up to date on my niece.”
By the time everyone else leaves, I’m so wiped out, I have to wave goodbye from the living room couch. Marisol made a hasty exit with a melting down Paloma, and Caprice took off when the last of my staff trickled out. Seth is the last to leave.
“So, we’ll see you for dinner Sunday?” Anton says as he opens the front door. “I mean, I thought we could do like weekly family dinners. So it’s a standing invite.”
“Sure. I’m not about to turn down a free meal.” Seth grins, then peeks over at me. “Congrats, Lyd. Great party.”
“Thanks for coming,” I say, kicking off my flats. “And for not hooking up with any of my employees.”
Seth laughs. “Not to say I wasn’t tempted... some of those groomers are cuties. But actually, I’ve got a date tonight.”
Anton and I exchange a look.
“Like, with someone you’ve met?” I ask stupidly.
Seth actually looks a little shy. “You could say that.”
“Well, bring her with you some Sunday,” I say.
Anton walks him out, and Heartthrob comes to lay his head in my lap, looking just as exhausted as I feel. I rub the fuzzy tips of his ears, enjoying the silence until Anton comes back in and slumps next to me.
“At least there’s so much food we won’t have to eat out all week,” he says.
“Good, cause I’m never moving again.”
He pulls my feet into his lap and rubs them until I moan.
“Oh wow. If I wasn’t so tired right now, I would kiss you.”
“Here. I’ll do it for you.” He leans in, hovering close until his lips brush mine and my heart does a little flutter. I close my eyes and sigh. But when he pulls back, I grab his hand, looking straight into his eyes.
“I—I don’t feel totally ready,” I say, my voice coming out small.
“She’s not coming tomorrow. We’ve got a little more time,” he says gently. “But if it helps, I don’t feel ready either.”
I press my lips together and nod. As uncertain as I still feel about what lies ahead, I know now—I want this. And it does feel like we’re doing it together.
“Some things are definitely about to change.” Anton moves my hand and rests it against his chest, then mirrors the gesture, placing his own palm above my heart. “But what you and I have—that won’t be one of them.”
I go still, absorbing the warmth of his touch, grounding myself in the steady, regular beats of our hearts—until a firm kick to my ribcage makes me gasp.
“Ouch!”
Suppressing a smile, Anton moves his hand to my stomach. I guide him over to the side where she’s making her presence known, and he chuckles, tapping my belly lightly in response to the little thumps. “Ten more weeks and it’ll be my turn to hold her.”
“I’d be okay with eight or nine.”
He laughs, then squeezes in behind me on the couch so he’s snug against my body. “Guess I’ll just have to hold you both till then.”