17. Don’t Let Me Spiral
I hold up my hair off my shoulders, admiring the dress. The black form-fitting lace is a bit dramatic for a wedding, but I figure if I’m going to go, then I might as well go with some flair. The only blessing in this shotgun wedding is that they’re at least waiting till after Valentine’s Day and it won’t be so cold. Granted, they are short on time with the whole growing belly thing.
Grabbing my phone, I snap a photo, then send it to Nick and Natalie for approval. I change back into my jeans and sweater and leave the rest of the dresses hanging as I make my way to the associate.
She smiles. “That the one then?”
I nod, handing over the garment. “Yeah, I think I just need some small alterations on the straps and waist.”
“Easy enough. Let me log this to your account and grab my tape. I’ll be right back,” she says.
As I’m waiting, I browse the racks of the small boutique. It’s been one of my favorite spots since high school. The place where Natalie and I always get our dresses for special occasions. I’m not surprised when a group of rambunctious girls come in giggling, the doorbell announcing their presence.
When I look up, all their smiles drop as I connect gazes with my sister. My heart skips a beat, a flush burning at my neck and up to my face. I’m not sure if it’s anger or embarrassment, a confliction of feelings swirling in my stomach.
I clear my throat. “I was just leaving soon. So…” Looking away, I wave them toward the center couches where large parties usually gather to watch dresses being tried on and then paraded in the shop.
A few of the girls make their way there, only her oldest friend staying by Amber’s side. She whispers something in her ear, and my sister shakes her head. With one more wary glance at me, she leaves us alone to join the rest of the party.
I raise an eyebrow, waiting for her to say something.
Amber bites her lip, her fingers twisting in front of her. There’s a hesitation in her eyes that prevents me from moving.
The associate greets my sister, telling her she’ll be with her in a moment. She glances between us while taking my measurements, probably confused about why we’re just staring at each other silently. I hand the associate my card when she goes to walk away, and tell her I’ll meet her at the register in a moment.
“Are you sorry?” I finally ask her.
Amber exhales, her body deflating like an uncooked cake. “Kind of.”
Her hand moves to her stomach, and it’s like a shot straight to my chest. I nod, biting my tongue till I taste metallic blood.
“Right. I mean, you won in the end, didn’t you? Got the man, the ring, and now the baby.” I can’t withhold the bitter animosity in my retort.
Amber flinches. “I– just… I didn’t do it because I hated you or anything.”
A laugh barks out of my throat. “Is that supposed to make me feel better?”
“No. I guess not,” she says, her eyebrows knitting together.
“Then why are we having this conversation?”
My sister stares at me, eyes watering. “It felt nice, you know? Him flirting with me, him inviting me to places, him giving me gifts. My whole life I was in your shadow, and it was invigorating to have his attention.”
I cross my arms, cocking my head at her. “How were you in my shadow? Mom always gave you the most attention, more than she ever gave Nick or me .”
“Because she didn’t need to,” Amber snaps. “You and Nick were just born perfect. Did everything right without even trying. Why do you think she put me in so many things? Because nothing ever stuck. I failed at everything.”
“So you steal my fiancé?” I don’t care to touch on her other comments. We could debate woe is me regarding our mother every day of the week, and nothing would ever come of it.
Amber shrugs. “It just happened, and then we couldn’t stop.”
A lump forms in my throat, and I shake my head. “You know what? It doesn’t even matter. Because neither of you have ever apologized, and I’m sick of waiting for one. And you know what hurts the most? I would have never done this to either of you.”
Leaving her standing there, I move to where the associate has been waiting patiently for me and check out. I make my way out of the shop without another glance back at her.
“She really said that?” Natalie asks.
I hand her the spoon and tub of Phish Food ice cream. Licking the chocolate off of my lips, I sigh. “Yup. Something blah blah in my shadow, blah blah he gave me attention.”
Natalie hands the goods back after her bite. “What a bitch.”
Pointing the spoon at her, I nod and then shrug. I take an extra bite of the ice cream as she slumps further onto the couch. “We should get revenge on her too. Something like ordering a bunch of pizzas and asking them to spell out mean things with the pepperoni.”
I scrunch my nose, giggling. “What? Why pizza?”
“I hear the smell of it can have a pregnant woman drooling with want or vomit.” She takes the ice cream from me, digging out a big bite.
“I think that would hurt my wallet more than her feelings.”
Natalie shrugs. “Imagine getting a free pizza and opening it to see WHORE written across it.”
“I did change the password on Netflix. The show we’d always watch together came back on the other day. I waited ten minutes before the premiere, and then kicked him off my account.”
We look at each other and break out in laughter. It’s been the petty things I’ve done that have filled me with the most satisfaction, knowing he’s probably wondering what happened. I lay my head on her shoulder, my smile dropping when I think of my sister again. “I wasn’t even initially mad at her, you know? Most of my anger is at Jared. But the longer she ignored me, the longer she didn’t even bother to reach out. The more my resentment grew.”
“Because she’s a coward. If you’re gonna betray someone, own up to it when you get caught. She ran and hid like it was all gonna go away,” my best friend says, then nudges where I’m resting on her. “Plus the best revenge is you showing up to her wedding hot as fuck when she’s probably gonna be all bloated.”
“Still think it’s a good idea to show up?” I ask, some insecurity about the idea making my doubts linger.
Natalie nods, holding up the spoon to feed me a bite of the cold goodness. “Duh. It shows you’ve moved on, that you’re better than them.”
“Or it shows I’m a desperate loser who can’t let go.”
She pushes me off her and grabs the lid to put an end to our ice cream sesh. Rolling her eyes, she stands and allows me to fall into the cushions.
“Are you looking for compliments, Jenica? You know, everyone thinks you’re too good for Jared.”
The doorbell cuts off my reply and we both freeze.
“Were you expecting anyone?”
“No,” I whisper, jumping off the couch and tiptoeing to the door. I peep through the hole, and my heart skips a beat. “Oh my god.”
“What?” Natalie hisses, trying to look for herself. The tub of ice cream still in her hand, I push her away.
“It’s Carson. Go put that away.”
“CARSON VITALE!” she screeches.
I drop my head against the door, tapping it once and grabbing the handle. “Way to be cool about it, Nat. Thank you.”
Opening the door, the smirk on his face tells me that he heard my best friend. I lick my lips and cross my arms. “Can I help you?”
Carson steps closer, causing my heart to pound harder in my chest. My blood coursing through my ears like a drum. “Was in the neighborhood. Wanted to see if we could… catch up again.”
My pussy clenches in want. He’s in dark slacks and a t-shirt tonight, a vast difference from his suit but still so incredibly hot that he doesn’t seem real.
“Again? When did you catch up the first time?” Natalie pries.
I turn to her. “If you leave right now so I can get fucked till I pass out, I will tell you every detail the next time we meet up.”
Her eyes widen and she’s out the door in the next second, pushing Carson to the side and taking my ice cream with her. He watches her run to her car, amused.
“Fucked till you pass out, huh?” he teases.
Opening my door wider, I smirk. “Not up for the challenge?”
Carson’s eyes darken, the uninhibited desire burning inside them making me squirm.