Chapter 14Liem
14
Liem
The first time I heard Cody Desmond’s voice, the world started to turn a little differently.
When I finally laid eyes on him, a grand upheaval took place inside me, rearranging the way my heart beat and how I breathed.
But those instances paled in comparison to the catastrophe blanketing me at this very moment in time, on the first day of life as I knew it, with Cody’s hands on me, my arms looped around his neck, and the scent of cherries, coconut, and elated despair perfuming the air.
“ Cody ,” I prayed.
He ran his palms up my chest, and when he grazed my nipple piercings, I encountered heaven.
Then words rang in my memory like a dissonant bell, bringing me straight back to Earth.
“ I’m no good .”
I shuddered involuntarily, remembering the certainty in his broken voice.
No. This was hell.
My blazing arousal seemed content to burn, as did my hips as I rolled against him. His back was against the hard brick, the same brick that my knees dug into as I straddled him. I hardly registered the discomfort, though, and could only focus on where my body connected with his.
When his hips rose to meet mine, lightning ignited in my veins. “Dez—” I tried to say, but his thumb ghosted over my nipple again, and I only got out part of the name before I dropped my forehead to his and panted heavily. The sensations were so overwhelming that my chest boomed and my hearing crackled.
“ Fireworks,” Cody said into my neck and then skimmed his lips over the skin there, painting a path all the way up to my ear. “We’re in a fucking Disney movie.”
A boom that did not align with my heartbeat sounded, and I forced my eyes open just as a comet of red sparks painted the sky above us.
Unexpected laughter escaped me as I watched the sky. Embers faded and tendrils of smoke dissipated, only to be replaced by new colors, and I lost myself completely to the moment. Cody’s hands fell back to my hips, and he squeezed gently before snaking them underneath my shirt and flattening his palms against my lower back.
I locked eyes with him as boom after boom sounded, but none of the colors above could compare to his hazel gaze that was so close to melted caramel and just as rich.
His expression shifted to deep regret, and the words that had been hovering between us all night succumbed to gravity, and Cody voiced them. “I’m not ready, Liem.”
His hands flexed underneath my shirt, and I smiled sadly at him, though I willed the understanding—and the hope—to show there too.
His lips formed the words “I’m sorry,” and if I hadn’t been watching, they might’ve been too faint to understand.
I brushed my knuckles over his cheekbone, hoping beyond reason that it wouldn’t be too long before I could do so again. I rose onto my knees and took his face in my hands, heedless of the stinging pain of my palms that mirrored the one in my heart, and brushed my lips across his with the faintest touch. Not quite a kiss, but an intention.
“Everything will be okay,” I vowed against his lips.
His lips slightly parted, and he strained toward me as I pulled back. I wanted nothing more than to taste that fuller bottom lip, to taste all of him, but not now.
Not like this.
He blazed with fierce longing and then determination as his gaze volleyed between my mouth and my eyes. “I will make it okay, Liem,” he vowed.
I invited calm.
I invited patience.
And on my next breath, I moved to climb off his lap, but he clamped his hands on my hips and did the bulk of the work for me, lifting me easily. He looked so forlorn and so lost, and his body twitched almost violently when the next firework exploded across the sky. I moved to sit beside him on the step below and leaned against him, giving comfort as much as taking it.
He reached out and rested his hand on my thigh as he took a deep breath, squeezing tightly just above my knee. “Is this okay?”
“Always.”
He squeezed again as he watched the fireworks, and I watched his long, tanned fingers flex in time with each new color in the sky.
With my head resting against his bicep, I offered clarity of the next right thing to him. Something that Dad had preached to me and Vinh over the years of his sobriety. “The show still has a while to go, and the crowd will be less chaotic as they watch. Calmer. Let’s take a minute, and then we can make our way back to Bree and Vinh.”
He smoothed his hand up my thigh and whispered, “Okay.”
“Before you know it, you’ll be in bed, or on the couch, sound asleep. And then it’ll be tomorrow.”
His face was still tipped toward the sky as he asked, “What happens tomorrow?”
I turned my face into his shoulder and breathed him in, tucking his scent deep into my memory, and then I told him, “Another sunrise.”
He turned his gaze to me, a sad smile on his face as he touched his forehead to mine.
Four more explosions later, we parted. Cody gripped the iron rail as if he needed the support to rise and then gripped me above the elbow, hoisting me up along with him.
Cody’s scowl returned the moment we left the stairwell, and his body filled with tension as we picked our way through the crowd. When I made the slightest stumble over some abandoned beads, he glared at them and then wrapped his arm around me, pulling me flush to his side for the rest of the walk.
If only he could see the care he so easily gave.
The arm around me dropped right before Bree and Vinh came into view, snuggled up and leaned against the back of the RAV4, her back to his front and his arms encircling her.
She smiled when she saw us and elbowed Vinh, who had been watching her, the loving sight tightening my stomach even as my heart soared for them.
I’d all but forgotten my other pains until my brother’s keen gaze took me in and he visibly tensed as he demanded, “ What happened ?”
I glanced at Bree, who also looked concerned, then touched the bandages on my face and shrugged. “Just a little tumble.”
With a long-suffering sigh, he dropped his head to the top of Bree’s and murmured something to her, making her laugh, but then her gaze traveled to her best friend, and the sound died away. Cody walked over to his truck without a word and opened the driver’s side door, boldly ignoring her scrutinizing look.
She frowned at his back. “Cody?”
He turned his upper body toward her reluctantly. “Cher?”
Vinh released her, and she moved closer to Cody. “What happened?”
I walked over to Vinh, who quietly asked me the same question, but before I could voice my assurance, a breath between fireworks coincided with Cody’s deep rumble as he said, “I lost my fucking plate.”