18. Chapter 17
Chapter 17
Beth
T he first text I got from Doug was a request to reschedule and an apology for the late notice. The second said he he ran into some trouble with his assignment.
Trouble? What kind of trouble? Is he hurt?
My heart skipped a beat as a dozen scenarios flashed through my mind: none of them good.
Fear set in as I remembered how I felt the day I got that knock on the door.
The day the County Sherriff came to our home to tell me Phil was dead.
The day I lost the man I loved, the father of my unborn child.
The day my world turned upside down.
I took a few deep breaths to steady myself and wiped at the tears rolling down my cheek.
I didn’t like how it felt to worry about Doug, or how quickly it had brought back the heartache of that day.
Can I go through that again?
It felt like a boulder had been lifted off my chest when Doug said he was fine, but had to stay with his client.
Then, irrationally, I got mad. Anger was easier to deal with than fear.
He needs to start conversations, regardless of the format, with the fact that he was uninjured. His job was dangerous, so it was never a given.
A reality I understood all too well.
A little while later, Doug called sounding like he was in a wind tunnel.
“Where are you?” I shouted, thinking he probably wouldn’t be able to hear me otherwise.
“Sorry, all my windows are down.” There was a brief pause, while the noise lessened. “Better?”
“Yeah, thanks. How are you?”
“I’m good, but in desperate need of a shower.”
“How’s the client?” I knew he couldn’t give me any details, but he should be able to tell me if the kid was okay.
“He’s home with his parents.”
“Are you on your way home?”
“I am.” Pause. “I’m sorry, can I call you later? I need to roll my windows back down.”
I could only imagine what had happened for his truck to smell so bad. “Of course. Drive safe.”
I didn’t have a chance to give him a piece of my mind for making me worry. I’ll tell him when he calls back .
I looked over at Chase. He was engrossed in an animated dinosaur movie, some of his favorite plastic ones lined up beside him, completely oblivious to the fact his mom’s emotions had gone haywire in the last few minutes. Thank God for that.
“Chase, time to pick up and get ready for bed.”
“But my movie’s not done.”
“You can finish it tomorrow after dinner.” Bedtime was never easy with Chase. “Come on, pick up your crayons.”
“Okay, just let me finish this part.”
I sighed and counted to three so I could find some patience. “You have two minutes.”
Twenty minutes later Chase was asleep. He never wanted to go to bed, but almost always fell asleep before I finished reading his bedtime story.
I poured myself a glass of wine and turned on a rom-com. I didn’t have the emotional capacity for anything else. The opening credits had barely ended before my phone rang.
Doug sounded much better. After apologizing again, he told me he’d taken a long, scalding hot shower, and scheduled a deep clean for his truck’s interior.
“Thankfully, I can drop it off first thing in the morning.” Then he explained why he and his truck were in such desperate need of cleaning.
I remembered the stories Phil and John would tell about people vomiting or relieving themselves in their squad cars, and how awful it would smell until it could be detailed. Poor guy . We talked for a little while longer then rescheduled our plans for the following night.
“I’m sorry again for having to reschedule.”
“I totally understand.” I was disappointed but understood. It came with the territory when dating someone whose job was unpredictable.
Not to mention dangerous.
Did I really want to get involved with a man who risked his life to save others? Am I ready for the chaos that comes with his schedule, the risk that comes with his job ? Would it be fair to Chase? The rescheduled dates, the canceled plans, the missed holidays?
The freak storms that caused life-ending accidents?
Could I put Chase through that?
“Thanks for understanding, Beth. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“You’re welcome. Good night.”
I finished my wine and poured myself another glass. I barely paid attention to the movie as my mind kept pondering the reality of dating Doug. Before long, my mind drifted to his client. Doug hadn’t shared much, but he had mentioned the homeless camp, and the drug addiction. I couldn’t help thinking about how I’d feel, what I’d do, if Chase ended up in a situation like that. I’d love him and support him, of course, but would I be able to provide the tough love required to help him? Could I force him into rehab and therapy? I’d like to think I could, if that was what he needed, but I didn’t really know.
And I hope I never find out .
I finished my second glass of wine and debated pouring another. Drowning out the negative thoughts in a third glass didn’t sound like a bad idea.
Having a third glass in such a short period of time would leave me feeling like shit, so I decided against it. I’m not as young as I used to be .
After washing my glass, I re-corked the bottle and put it in the fridge. My mind wandered back to Doug’s client as I got ready for bed. As I turned off my light, I prayed to God Chase would never want, or feel the need, to use drugs.