Chapter 4
Raya
Waking up feeling weighed down isn't new for me.
Usually when this happens, I blame the pace of the day before.
I blame the tasks I had to accomplish in a short amount of time.
I blame being tired.
I blame being unhappy.
Today is no different, only it takes longer for clarity to come back to me.
I never get enough rest, but right now is worse than I’ve ever felt. My throat is dry and scratchy as if I spent hours breathing with my mouth hanging open, but I can quickly tell it isn’t an allergy or sinus issue.
I groan, my head throbbing as I roll it on the pillow.
Is this a hangover? If it is, why would anyone ever drink a second time?
I have enough misery in my life. I would never welcome feeling this way.
I feel just off, like I'm not myself today.
But it can't be a hangover. Although I've never had one, I hardly drank last night.
I'm only allowed one glass of champagne at any particular event, and I didn't even drink the one I had in my hand last night. Jackson took it from me and set it aside on the table on our way up to the beach.
I squeeze my eyes tighter, trying to recall what could have happened to leave me waking up feeling so terrible.
I don't remember anything past the phone call Jackson took before walking away.
I try a full body assessment, starting at my feet. I can still feel sand between my toes, but that doesn't make sense.
I wouldn't have gone to bed dirty, covered in the beach.
Mornings on the campaign trail are always hectic.
We always have breakfast planned, and last night was no different.
The Smiths were on the schedule this morning.
Meeting with potential donors the morning after makes them feel important, and it also gives my parents the opportunity to either get a donation they were unable to secure the night before or attempt to increase the donation made.
Flexing my calf muscles, I test them for soreness.
When I sense someone else in the room, I open my eyes to complete darkness.
Nothing makes sense right now. There's no light filtering in from outside which is strange.
It's nearly impossible for a hotel to keep all the lights out, especially lights in the city, and there are plenty of lights in South Padre.
Even in my room facing the beach there were lights our first night here.
“Hello,” I say into the darkness. “What's happening?”
Maybe a storm knocked out the power.
Maybe that's the reason why it's so dark.
I can't see city lights because there are no city lights.
I try to brush my hair off my face. My heart races, a pounding beat inside of my chest when I realize my hands are tied down.
This is a dream.
It has to be a dream, right?
People don't wake up feeling hungover, tied to a bed, but as I blink into the darkness, the reality doesn't change.
I don't wake up.
This is reality.
Not a nightmare.
“Wh-What's going on?” I stammer, my throat scratchy and raw, as if I've spent hours screaming or crying.
A bedside table lamp turns on and futilely I try to escape, but my restraints won't allow it.
A man stands beside the bed in an unfamiliar room, and all I can manage in this moment is blinking up at him.
It's a nice room. The king-sized bed isn't overpowering because of the spacious interior.
I have no idea why my brain wants to focus on such trivial things when it's clear that I'm in danger.
I don't know what to do. I don't know how to react or respond in a way that will make this a positive outcome for me.
I've never read a news story where someone was taken and the abductor later on was just like ha ha, I'm kidding, before letting the person go.
My chin trembles as I try not to think about the possibilities of the things that this man could do to me.
I don't want to consider if death would be better than the other things I could suffer at his hands.
As a woman, I know there's a litany of things that he could do to me, to my mind, to my body, that would make me wish I were dead.
I struggle for calmness, all the while trying to assess the situation and determine how he needs me to react for this to have the best outcome.
It doesn't stop me from flinching when he sits beside me on the bed, the mattress dipping under the weight of him.
There’s no way I can hide the fact that I’m terrified, but as I watch his face, he doesn’t seem to be thrilled at my fear. He doesn’t seem… anything.
His face is calm, but I still cringe, terrified even more when he lifts his hand and brushes my hair off my face.
He doesn't smile.
He doesn't placate me with soft words.
He doesn’t threaten me nor ask anything of me.
I don't know what any of this means. I wasn’t trained for situations like this. My parents never let me out of their sight, or the sight of my bodyguards, long enough for something like this to happen.
Maybe he’s an obsessed fan of my father. That’s what I have to think right now because the alternative would be catastrophic. If this man took me to hurt my father, things are not going to end well for me.
“Hi,” I whisper to him, my voice trembling.
He doesn't say anything, and that scares me more than if he were yelling in my face.
He seems familiar, but I'm unable to place him.
I see so many people. I meet so many people.
Every day there's a new face in my life.
Years ago, I had the ability to remember everyone I crossed paths with, but as time went on, those numbers grew exponentially.
My brain just couldn't handle storing all that information any longer.
“Do I know you?” I whisper, but he doesn't answer.
He just stares down at me like I'm a science experiment or a bug. It’s as if he's curious about my existence.
“Have we met?”
His lips form a flat line, the first sign of any emotion from him as he continues to stare at me. At first I think he doesn't like the questions, and then it hits me.
He doesn't like the fact that I don't know who he is.
I'm good at assessing people, and it's clear that this man is irritated.
He fully expects me to be able to place him, and I try. I dig deep. I run through the many faces I see on a daily basis, and I have to swallow to prevent a gasp from escaping my lips.
The surf shop. This is the man that tried to engage me in conversation while I was at the beach earlier.
The interaction lasted less than thirty seconds, and yet somehow, he thinks that gives him a right to take me, to have me.
I dig a little deeper into my memory, thinking back further, considering that maybe that was the first time I saw him but not the first time he saw me.
I can't recall a single other moment in time where I would have seen him.
He looks different now.
He's not some bro jock in swim trunks without a shirt on, thinking he’s going to score some girl.
The golden skin of his throat peeks out of the dress shirt he has unbuttoned at the collar.
His hair is no longer windswept like it was at the surf shop.
He looks respectable.
He doesn't look like a beach bum.
He's even more handsome now than he was the first time I saw him.
I would have engaged this man in conversation if I weren't who I was, if I were allowed to date freely, if my entire life wasn't under a microscope.
I would have chatted back with him at the surf shop if every interaction I've ever had didn't affect my father and his political career.
I would have given this guy the time of day.
But as I watch him, I realize none of that matters now.
Any explanation I could come up with won't work on this man.
He has a plan, a goal, and I don't know that there's anything I can do to knock that off course.
I have to do something.
I can't just lie here tied to a bed and allow myself to be victimized further by him.
So I do the only thing I can, I smile.
Kill them with kindness.
Isn't that the saying?
Isn't that what you do when someone is mistreating you? Isn’t it supposed to make them reconsider the pain they’re causing?
My smile doesn't garner the same reaction it normally does.
He doesn't grin back.
He reads me like an open book.
He knows I'm being fake, and a tear strikes down my cheek when I realize that I'm not going to be able to fake my way out of this situation.