Chapter 28
Raya
My hand shakes as the sound of footsteps draws near. Nothing prepares me for the gasp that rushes out of my mouth when the door is tugged open. I lash out, the scalpel from Liam's first aid kit swiping through the air.
“Raya?” he asks, obviously astonished to see me crouched on the floor in the hidden room. He looks from me to the scalpel that’s still in my trembling hand. “Were you going to stab a federal agent?”
I can no longer hold back the sobs. Tears roll down my face in relief. I don't know why I hid. That's not true. I hid because I didn't want to leave. I hid because I didn't want him to get into trouble. It wouldn't be fair to punish him for the things he's done because I don't regret them.
Maybe I'm crazy. Anyone who heard the full details of everything that's happened, and then witnessed my reaction to knowing that people were coming to take me away, would call me insane. I feel a little crazy as I watch his eyes. The relief in them makes me sob harder.
“You're really here,” he says, as though he can't believe his eyes. He pulls me from the hole, the scalpel clinking on the floor.
I don't shy away from him. I don't think I would ever pull away from him ever again. He holds me to his chest, his breathing as erratic as mine is.
“I can't believe they didn't look in there,” he says.
“I can't either,” I say on a sob, burying my face into his neck.
His touch feels better than I ever could have imagined.
He pulls me back, but it's not to push me away.
Both of his big strong hands cup the sides of my face, his eyes darting between mine before assessing the rest of my body. “I'm not hurt,” I tell him.
He swallows, the edges of his eyes turning red as if he's fighting back tears himself. I hate that he feels like he can't do that in front of me. He presses his lips to mine, and it's nothing like the soft brush of lips, like out on the porch.
Somehow, despite the connection that we share, and the experiences we’ve had over the last month, the kiss isn't sexual.
It's grateful. It's full of surprise. It tastes like hope.
But what can I possibly hope for? There's no chance at riding off into the sunset with this man.
I can't just step out into the daylight and act like nothing happened.
There will be too many people with questions and I don't have the answers they're looking for. I'm not saying I don't ever want to go home, I just didn't want to be sent home like that. I didn't want to be dragged away or see him in handcuffs, see him suffer some sort of punishment.
The beginning of whatever this is, that has built between us over the last month, was rocky.
I was fearful. I was afraid. I was terrified of the unknown, but that's not surprising.
I've never been given the space or the opportunity to think or make choices on my own, and despite him taking so many choices from me, he was the first one to ever allow me any sort of power.
I moan at the first brush of his tongue against mine, clinging to him and pressing my body closer.
It's better than I ever could have imagined.
With the taste of him, the warmth of his skin against mine, my fear over everything that could happen, fades away.
I'm burned for this man. I want everything he has to offer.
I whine, the petulant sound erupting out of my throat when he pulls back.
His eyes stay on my mouth as he speaks. “You have no fucking idea how bad I want this, Raya, but it can't happen.”
I deflate, my shoulders slumping forward. He wanted me to be found.
“Don't look at me like that,” he demands, his voice once again full of the authority that has become so familiar in the last month. “I want anything and everything you're willing to give to me, but we can't do this right now. We have to get out of here.”
“I know how ridiculous that is. I know that whoever those men were that came into this house aren't going to give up that easily just because they didn't find me. Crimes aren't solved that way.”
“Why didn't you let them know you were here?” he asks, as if he can't believe it.
“I wasn't ready to leave,” I confess.
He kisses me again, the second one more tender and appreciative than the one before it.
He steps back again and I have to wonder if this is just another one of his games.
If he's going to make me beg for it, and I will.
My pride flew out the window a long time ago.
He's turned me into a woman that's willing to ask for what she wants.
He presses a finger to my lips before I can speak. “Not here,” he says.
His hands slide from my cheeks over to my shoulders until his fingers are tangled in mine. Without a word, he tugs me toward the door, pulling me along into the bedroom. I stand in the center of the room, watching as he pulls an empty bag from the closet and begins stuffing clothes in it.
“I have a go-bag already,” he explains. “We don't have time for me to pack yours as adequately but we can make do with what I have in mind.” He zips the bag up, his eyes darting to my feet. “Motherfucker,” he grunts.
“What's wrong?”
“I don't have any clothes or shoes for you.
And your feet are so fucking small, it's only gonna rub blisters on your feet if you try to wear a pair of mine.” He stands there for a long moment as if he's formulating a plan in his mind.
“I'll just have to carry you. It's a long distance but you weigh hardly anything.” He shoulders both bags and reaches out for my hand. Again, I take it without hesitation.
He doesn't tug me toward the front door, rather he heads right out of the bedroom, right back into the home gym. He crouches low into the hidden room and before long, the back panel is removed, revealing a dark hole.
“This tunnel was one of the reasons I bought the house,” he explains as he stands to his full height and notices me gaping in horror at the dark hole.
I shake my head and take a step back. “There's no way in hell, Liam.”
He doesn't smile like he normally does when a cuss word escapes my mouth. “This is the only way,” he explains. “I pulled three listening devices out of the house.. The feds aren't done with me. They aren’t satisfied with what they found and they took the bedsheets from this morning, Raya.”
This news makes me freeze. Those bedsheets are going to tell them everything they need to know.
They'll know that I was a willing participant.
And that part of me, that tiny little part that I shoved down, comes roaring back to life.
For a split second, I worry about my father finding out about my own depravity.
I could picture the look in my mother's eyes, the judgment I'd hear in her words. Going home isn't an option now.
It makes me wonder if this search for me would stop once they heard the news.
If they would just wash their hands completely of the entire situation.
They have to know I didn't leave willingly, but what kind of sick person enjoys the things that I did.
That voice in my head that has been telling me that I'm disgusting is louder now than ever.
But despite all of it, even if given a second chance to do it all over again, I think the outcome would be the same.
I think that I would still reach for his hand as he guided me into the hole.
“Are there bugs down here?” I ask, feeling silly. The words don't reflect the gravity of the situation. Liam must feel the same way because he laughs.
“I’m sure there are all sorts of things down here.”
I want to smack his chest and tell him that this isn't funny, but I don’t know if we’re there yet. I don't know that he would ever be the type of guy to be okay with me doing that to him.
“It's going to be fine,” he whispers in my ear. “Just get all the way through. The hole and the tunnel open up at the end.”
I shift to the side, my skin cold despite the warmth in the air.
“I’m afraid of enclosed spaces,” I confess.
“I will never let anything happen to you,” he says, giving my back a small push to urge me forward. “Once we get to the end of this part of the tunnel, I'll pick you up and carry you.”
It's enough to get me moving. I startle when the hole lights up. I turn around and glare at him and the flashlight he’s holding in his hand.
“Couldn't you have led with that?” I snap, irritated for how silly it was for me to be scared in the dark.
He's the monster. He told me once if there's anything to be afraid of, it's him. But as my eyes search his, fear is the very last thing that I feel, at least directed at him.
I fear getting caught. I fear getting confronted by other people wondering where I've been for a month. I fear that my explanation wouldn't be enough.
Father has too much power for things to just be okay. I pause at the end of the narrow hole, hearing Liam close the door to the hidden room before replacing the back panel. I know we'll never get to come back here and that saddens me more than it probably should.
The second he clears the hole he picks me up just like he promised. I don't hesitate to wrap my arms around his neck and press my nose into his skin. When he squeezes me, I hold him even tighter.