Chapter 35
Ayla
My throat burns from talking and crying last night. I hardly slept. Although I didn’t bother Alani in the other room, when I see her this morning, I don’t think she got much sleep either.
Her eyes are as red and puffy as mine were when I looked in the mirror.
She confessed to feeling extremely guilty for talking to me the way she did, for not letting me explain, and for being so quick to judge.
For the first time in my life, I didn’t tell her it was okay.
I didn’t coddle her and lie that everyone would’ve acted the way she did.
I love my sister, and I think I’ve proven that by the things I’ve done to protect her.
I also deserve better than what I got from her.
With our parents’ deaths, we were put in an unimaginable position.
Not to sound like I have an overinflated ego, but I feel like I’ve done a pretty damn decent job in taking care of her to this point, most current situation notwithstanding.
She hands me a cup of coffee with a weak smile.
“I went down and got these from the lobby. Breakfast is already over.”
“Couldn’t eat right now if I wanted to,” I tell her, my inability to eat much a side effect of the amount we were given at the compound.
She watches me drink, chewing her lip the entire time.
“You made me swear last night that I’d tell you the truth. I think as a courtesy, you should do the same.” I set the cup of coffee down on the small kitchenette counter. “You look like you have something to say.”
“Are you going to hate me?”
I tilt my head, but I don’t answer immediately.
“Are you going to blame me for what happened to you?”
Tears I thought were long dried up burn the backs of my eyes once again.
I can’t count how many times I wished I didn’t have a sister at all.
It’s not that I wanted her gone. I just wished they didn’t have anyone to hold over my head.
There were so many times that I wanted to give up but couldn’t because of what it would mean for Alani.
I hated that I had to be strong for someone else, when there were days I would’ve rather been dead.
I also never imagined I’d be free of Cortez, and despite the threat he still poses, we’re both safe right now.
Our current reality always seemed like a fantasy, something I could dream about for decades that would never come to pass.
“I don’t hate you,” I tell her without going into detail.
Neither one of us can help nor change the roles we were given.
“What happens now?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know. I lost everything, my job, the apartment, all my belongings.”
“Any idea how much money you have in the bank?”
I shake my head. “One of the Cerberus people said that Cortez was depositing money into my account, but I don’t feel right taking it.”
“You’re joking right? Don’t you feel like you’re owed something?”
I have to look away from her, hoping she never feels the way I do. How can I tell her that accepting his money also feels like I’m accepting that I’m okay with what I did? That it makes me feel like almost anyone who hates their job does when they cash their checks.
But I also know that it would be ignorant, and nothing more than stupid pride, to just walk away from it. I have literally nothing and turning down money would be dumb.
“I don’t have ID,” I remind her.
Alani walks across the room, unzipping her purse. “I have ID and a bank card. You said to only use it for emergencies, and I’d consider this an emergency.”
I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders. I completely forgot that I added her to the account after we closed our parents’ after their deaths.
“There’s a branch only a few miles down the highway,” she says.
She walks back to me and hands over the debit card.
It feels like a peace offering, and it makes me wonder if she’s mad at me for doing what I did to protect her.
I’d no more blame her for what happened than I blame Nash for his part in it.
She hasn’t just come right out and reminded me that she never asked me to do all of it for her, but I’m pretty certain I’ve seen it in her eyes more than once.
“I understand too, if you need to pull money from my tuition fund to get back on your feet.”
I stand in front of my little sister, feeling very similar to the way I felt when she asked if she was going to be taken from me when our parents died.
I clasp both sides of her face, forcing her to look at me.
“I’ll make it work, Alani. You’re not getting out of college that easily.”
She gives me a weak smile that doesn’t reach her eyes, taking a step back and making it clear she doesn’t want to be touched.
I know deep inside that our relationship will never be the same. She was never thrilled when I gave her directions as a teen, and that didn’t suddenly change when our parents died and I became responsible for her.
This will be no different. Only our relationship is now tainted with what she saw on that tape and the details she insisted I give her last night while explaining what happened.
“I’m going to get changed and then we can head to the bank,” she says, making a hasty exit from the living area of the suite Cerberus provided us.
It takes thirty minutes before I see her again, and she looks no more accepting of the information she now has than she did before. I want to ask her about Donavan, but she’s turned every question back on me.
I don’t know how many times I’ve heard we’re not talking about me right now.
Legacy steps to the side when I pull open the door.
“Could we get a ride to the bank?”
He nods and tells me that he’ll let one of the guys in the lobby know we’re coming.
I feel helpless once again. The fact that I have nothing hits me hard in the elevator ride down. No car, no apartment, no fucking hope.
One of the other guys, wearing that same leather vest, walks toward us, but my attention is on the man trying to stand from the small sofa in the lobby.
Nash.
He gives me a little wave as if he’s feeling awkward and is unsure about how I’ll feel that he’s there.
“Ayla,” my sister hisses when I start to walk in his direction.
I told her everything because she demanded that of me.
I didn’t skip the parts about what Nash was forced to do or what I was forced to do with him.
She told me last night that she felt like it wasn’t right for me to be getting help from him, but she has no idea what we went through.
She knows the details. She heard it all from me, but experiencing it firsthand is completely different from just hearing about it.
The air thickens the distance between us. The Cerberus member who was walking in our direction looks back at Nash and stops in his tracks. It’s as if he knows he’s going to waste his time if he approaches me.
How many times will I let him slip away? How many times in my life will I feel the same sort of unexplainable connection that I feel with him? The thought of watching him walk away even once more makes my heart seize in my chest.
“I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” he says as he stops a foot in front of me.
He doesn’t make excuses for being here. He doesn’t lie and say it’s a coincidence that we’re both here. He knew this is where I ended up last night. He’s here for me and me alone.
“Alani is on my bank account, so we’re going to go get some money.”
“It’s good that you have her,” he says, reminding me that not all is lost. My reason for fighting as hard as I have is safe, and none of the material shit matters.
“Can you give us a ride?”
He takes a step to the side, the move letting me know that he has no problem getting us to the bank.
Alani silently follows us out of the hotel, and I’m grateful that she doesn’t voice her opinion for the very first time in her life. She’s normally a very vocal person.
It doesn’t keep her from huffing in irritation, but I’ll take the win where I can get it.
“Weren’t we going to ride with one of those leather-wearing guys?” Alani asks, as the front doors slide open so we can leave the hotel.
“They’re going to stop showing up for you if you keep leaving them high and dry,” Nash says, but his tone is more joking than anything.
I’m not under the illusion that Cerberus was there for either me or Alani last night. It just so happens that Donavan’s crazy ass abducted people close to them. It was happenstance more than anything.
“That motherfucker,” my sister spits, her path changing as she spots someone across the parking lot.
“What the hell? Alani, where are you going?” I yell at her back.
“Donavan is over there,” Nash explains, but he clasps my arm, keeping me from moving when Alani goes to the passenger side of his truck. She pulls open the door and climbs inside like the psychopath didn’t abduct her the night before and tie her to a damn chair.
I can’t hear what’s being said between the two of them but Alani is screaming at the man, her hands animated as she yells. Donavan turns his head, only a few words on his lips.
Alani reaches across the cab of the truck and slaps him right across the face, hard enough to turn his head.
Terror fills my blood as I watch. Donavan tightens his jaw muscles and looks straight ahead. He doesn’t hit her back or grip a handful of her hair.
I stand there waiting for Alani to get out of his truck, but she stubbornly crosses her arms over her chest.
“She’s fine,” Nash assures me, holding my hand and guiding me to his truck on the other side of the parking lot.
I’m questioning whether she is or not, but when Donavan pulls out of the parking lot, he drives it straight to the bank.